I was accosted in public about a week ago by a young lady who had a problem with my blogs and the fact that I seem to paint a picture that all women are deranged and that I am just a hopeless soul, who gets tangled up in their “web of crazy”.
I immediately corrected her and let her know that in each instance of crazy that I had the opportunity to stop the progression of events, but my desire to have fun in my life seems to override this default setting.
“Then maybe you should write about YOUR instances of craziness towards women!”
I said I’d think about.
HOW DARE SHE!
How dare she assume I have crazy moments? How dare she ask to me paint a less than stellar picture of myself into cyberspace for everyone to judge?
Then I remembered: “Oh yeah I don’t care what most people think of me”
There was a time when people’s opinions mattered and I always found myself in some kind of quandary. I was always trying to figure out how I am going to please these people or how I was going to make their opinions of me correct. But like a fart, that desire passed and boy was it a stinker coming out! Anyway, that for another therapy session blog!…
So I thought about my moments of non-clarity. My moments when I either took a leap and fell on my ass or when I had leave of my senses and just went with my flow.
Here are two stories for your amusement::
DRIVE BY – A LOVE STORY
Picture this! St Augustine, 1999! I am “dating” this girl for a few months but we have not made it official. Well in my mind its official as I was spending enough time calling, texting and hanging out to consider this “serious”. In hindsight, I may have jumped the gun.
Anyway, there came a point in time when all of sudden she wasn’t returning my calls as frequently as before and she made a habit of cancelling our outings at the last minute. I sought counsel from friends. A “female” friend, she suggested that I sit and have a talk with her and sort stuff out, while a male friend suggested that I play Private Investigator and get to the bottom of the matter. Can you guess which advice I used?
So I had made plans for us to double date with another couple to go see a play at the Central Bank auditorium. And while all week she was “gung ho” with the idea, three hours before the date , she calls and cancels and says that she isn’t feeling well.
Guess what I did?
- I left her alone for the night so she could rest
- I got medication for her and dropped it off
- I went to the play without her
- I did something irrational
If your answer was A,B or C, then I suggest you stop reading. If your answer was D, then read on.
I borrowed a friend’s car and parked at the top of her street around 6pm. Her car was parked outside so I knew that she had intentions of going back out. I just wanted to know where and with whom.
At 7:12pm, a green Nissan Sentra pulled up and a guy honked his horn and 3-5 minutes later, she emerged and got into the car and they drove off.
I drove behind them straight to Arima where they parked and started to walk to Windsor Cinema holding hands.(Who goes to Cinema in Arima?”
“My first impulse was to run up on you and do a Rambo.
Whip out the jammy and flat-blast both of you…..
So instead, I chilled. That’s right I chilled”
When they were on the same side with the Cinema, I drove up and honked my horn and called out to her. She turned around, saw me and strangely enough he looked stunned but not her..
“Hey, I’m glad I saw you! I won’t be able to make the lime tomorrow. So just let everybody know ok?
“Yeah. Uh huh” she replied in a quivering voice.
And I drove off. (to around the corner).
As soon I was sure that they were safely inside, I punctured one of his tyres and went to get back my car.
I spent the night shaking. Not in fear but from the rush of everything that I did.
No one called me about the car tyre and she and I never spoke after that. Well I never responded to her calls.
So this is my confession of cowardice!!
Facebook and Instagram has made it extremely easy to stalk people from afar without fear of being detected. The only thing you need to be cognizant of:
If you ever meet them in real life: PRETEND YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THEM.
So what if you are on their page constantly and now know their siblings and parents’ names or the name of their best friend… KEEP IT TOO YOURSELF.
I have a two people in my life that I secretly refer to as “The Registry”. Reason being: all I have to do is given them a name, school attended or a picture and I can get a brief history of the person. The age of the internet has seriously diminished their usefulness but like a Public library, I think they have found creative ways to still be relevant in these times.
Anyway, back to story.
HI5 was all the rage and there she was…sly smile, discreet photos with family members and friends. There was nothing flamboyant or untoward about her. She just looked beautiful. She looked like someone who could get my Bank PIN.
I sent a friend request and it was ignored. Of course it would be, she did not know me from Adam, but I had a plan. An ill-conceived plan but a plan no less
“The Registry” came up with where she worked and it happened to be in “Town” and not too far from my office. Good Start.
So one day I found myself leaving my desk and taking a walk in her office’s direction. I ended up inside but could not get beyond the Receptionist. No problem. Minor set back. I called her desk from my phone and realised she was on lunch. So I sat on the Promenade and waited til she would pass back.
While sitting there and looking around at everyone passing by, then it suddenly hit me:
WHAT DE ASS YUH DOING?
Nothing… I’m just taking a breather!
GO BACK TO WORK IDIOT! YUH KNOW THIS IS STALKING RIGHT??
No it isn’t. I’m just waiting to catch a glance of someone I like.
WHOM YOU DON’T KNOW!
Yeah but it’s not like if I’m gonna walk up to her now or anything.
NO SERIOUSLY! GO BACK TO WORK!
In a minute. I just wanna see her in person…..
WOULD JESUS APPROVE OF THIS?
And with that realization, I got up and walked back to work. I looked around slowly to see if I would see her but no such luck.
Two years later, I’m at a friend’s wedding and there she is sitting a couple tables away , with no visible signs of having a date. I avoid eye contact for most of the night.
Heading to the bar a little later, we bounce up there. (I was at the bar first eh)
I turn to her:
(I go silent again)
Umm where do I know your face from?
Umm I sent you a friend request on Hi5 like two years ago but you ignored it.
No I don’t think that’s it! (confused look on her face).
(I laugh nervously and loudly then I stand there in silence wishing for an epileptic seizure to save me from putting my foot in my mouth)
Oh I remember, you are on that show on Gayelle!….
Oh yeah ( dies a little inside) Kinda.
The bald head guy is really sexy! I would love to meet him.
Oh ok.. well you all might bounce up since you go hiking a lot.(and then I change the foot in my mouth)
How do you know that?
Sorry someone is calling me. I’ll be right back.
Hear nah! I left that wedding faster than a vagrant with a valid BBQ ticket or Usain in an Olympic 100 metre dash. I just prayed that she spoke to no one at the wedding about our conversation.
There are many more stories, some worse, but most are mild. In the course of my life, I have gone through some serious learning periods. All in all, I just wanted to show that we all have our crazy moments. Most of us learn from them and grow, some just wallow in it for eternity.
I pride myself on learning from my mistakes.
“I’m a little more careful
Perhaps it shows.
But if I lose the high,
at least I’m spared the lows..”