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WEEK 29 – ESTEBAN’S WEEK IN SONG

WEEK 29 – ESTEBAN’S WEEK IN SONG

  1. SUPERSTITION: I don’t get the 9 Nights thing and why you gotta put a candle or two in the road in front my house. Are you lighting the dead’s way to where? My house?
  2. DO YOU THINK I’M SEXY?: The answer is always “Yes” especially when in a crowd of women even when you think differently. #savealife #mine 
  3. STEAL MY SUNSHINE: My attempt to go to the beach every day this week but ….
  4. RAIN: How my week off can be summed up in song….
  5. SABOTAGE: Uber driver telling me he is cancelling the trip as he can’t find my house when he is right in front of it but visibly has another passenger in his car.
  6. ALL I REALLY WANT: The winning Lotto Numbers and probably a good and reliable mason.
  7. DESPACITO: Must I hear this song EVERYWHERE I go???
  8. OUTSIDE: When you really need to pee but the house is locked up and you feel it coming down and the keys are in the car.
  9. THAT’S WHAT I LIKE: Song makes me dance especially after seeing the video when I know I’m that black guy with very little coordination and rhythm.
  10. LAND OF CONFUSION: When you are leaving “Stumblin” at 1:30am on a Thursday, but people still coming into the spot. Don’t you people have work in the Morning? 
  11. FOOL OF ME: Assuming I can wake up one morning and decide to take a flight to Tobago for the day… 
  12. JAMMETTE: Seeing Trouble in the road while driving home and seeing her try to beat you back to house. #bringoutthejammetteiname
  13. CONFESSIONS: I miss travelling by maxi taxi and all those passenger/driver conversations . #saidmenever #noeh
  14. MADNESS: A Hotel Taxi Driver telling me that it costs $180 to go from Movietowne POS to Diego Martin and trying to explain to my why paying this cost is better than using UBER, DROP or A regular taxi.
  15. INSANE IN THE BRAIN: I agreed to go to another cooler fete band launch. #savemefrommyself
 
 

WEEK 28–THE TROUBLE WITH ESTEBAN

WEEK 28–THE TROUBLE WITH ESTEBAN

  1. If you heard loud rumblings and slight disturbance in the atmosphere last Friday, that was me at the Auto Body shop losing my religion and salvation waiting on my car.
  2. I am uncomfortable with any kind of flirting taking place between two people at a Doctor’s Office far less in the Emergency Room of a Hospital. #justnasty #keepyourgermstoyourself
  3. The ants have adjusted to the frequency of those Pricesmart Insect/Rodent Repellant pulse gadgets. They are crawling around like they own the joint. Back to using BOP!
  4. Ever sat still and realized that a nose hair was growing beyond it designated zone of acceptability? No? Oh Ok! Me neither. *walks away slowly*
  5. I’ve found 4 dead cockroaches in my house over these last few days. All near to a toilet. Maybe I do need that purge…..
  6. Had A Burger King Double Whopper on Monday and was totally underwhelmed. Guess the 12 month abstinence from it worked wonders.
  7. I’m driving my car once again and its feels like home. I applaud all those who have to travel as I am no longer about that life!
  8. I have an issue with Toyota vehicles that I just can’t quite figure out. I think it may be a suppressed memory from childhood that I can’t access as yet.
  9. I’ve realized I have very few pictures with other people on Facebook, so when that Friend Anniversary thing comes up, it looks like I stalk most of the people on my friends list. Relax!!  I only want to drink the bathwater of maybe one or five of you. NOT! Just two of you, I think. (Okay, its definitely not in the double figures as most are married)
  10. As a rhythmically challenged black man, I need to stop watching “So You Think You Can Dance”. I get these false impressions every time that I am capable of mimicking their movement when I know I will look as if I’m fighting with my limbs.
  11. Looking at old pictures of myself and wondering why I didn’t think I was attractive when I was younger.
  12. I think I have to do a video on Crix and their inconsistent and odd-numbered packs of their “cracker”. It getting out of hand now and obviously they don’t care about this middle class user of their product.
  13. I was accosted on Thursday for calling Diamond Vale a Retirement Community. I’m still trying to figure out how was the statement incorrect.
  14. QUESTION: What do you do when a married woman is hella flirting with you?
    ANSWER: Do you have written permission from your husband that absolves me from a random cuttass if I flirt back? No? Then may I suggest you find another black man to share the Express front page with when a murder occurs?
  15. FRUSTRACTION (NEW WORD)– Frustrating Satisfaction : Giving a room full of people the solution to a problem within the first 2 minutes of a meeting , watching them argue against it for an hour and then agree with you at the end.
 
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Posted by on July 14, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

WEEK 27–ESTEBAN’S SQUINT!

WEEK 27–ESTEBAN’S SQUINT!

  1. Week 27 and still not a Lotto winner. Off to work I go. Jesus, it seems you are really insistent on me working hard for everything I have? #patienceisvirtue
  2. If you are over 35 and you are telling me you going Wi-Fi silent, it means you have no data plan. At your age? Come now! #imjudgingyouopenly #judgeing #judgedread #postpaid #stopbeingcheap
  3. Cleaned the oven this weekend and realized that those oven cleaner fumes are potent. Think I knocked out for a five minutes on the floor of the kitchen.
  4. When you go drinking on a Saturday night and after your 3rd drink you stop because (a) your tolerance level is low (b) People started to look cute and (c) you started to feel chatty. Should’ve had Malta instead. #lightweight
  5. Dear Massy Stores, I don’t opt to pay your higher prices on food stuff so that I could pack my own groceries and tote it all to the car. Get your act together! #massystores #lazy
  6. So one part Heineken Beer and two parts Coke = Green Sands. Let’s see….Attempt Number 9 – when did I finish the Coke? I think I have an alcohol problem. Thanks eh Gerard Morton!
  7. .Nitpicking causes me to shut down. If I have reviewed something thoroughly and someone asks for cosmetic changes, I don’t do it. I’m over the document and have moved on.
  8. I’m ignoring the disrespectful people who asking how did Trouble do for SEA. She is doing SEA next year people!!
  9. While I try to stay out of politics, all I want to say is: Shouldn’t a Deputy Political Leader of a Party know better or understand the importance of Protocol?
  10. I find it rude and offensive when my main and back up toilets in the office are in use by other people. I’ve spent too much time gathering data on their locations in relation to my bowel movements for BOTH to be occupied at the SAME time. People are so insensitive!
  11. Is it a local conspiracy that if you order Beef on a pizza from ANY pizza place, they are so stingy with it that you have to search for the meat on the pizza like search for some politicians’ integrity? What going on? Why you doing it?
  12. I think I officially gave up on the Facebook Tests after they told me that I was 100% Indian and that my calling is to be a Pastor. Umm not even if I can recite Kanchan and Babla ultimate song “Kuch Gadbad Hai” and “Robobobo Shatai “with the best of them means this stuff is true.
  13. TRUTH: I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I kinda still don’t know but I fell into certain fields that gave me opportunities beyond my reach.
  14. So KFC’s Smoke N Fire Chicken may not be spicy going in but coming out the other end…..Well Let’s just say I asked/pleaded for Divine Intervention.
  15. This is the end of the first week of July and TN AUTO still does not have my car ready. I am thinking of Legal Action at this point. No one is this slow intentionally!
 
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Posted by on July 7, 2017 in Emotions, Food, Humor, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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WEEK 26 – ESTEBAN AND THE JETS!


  1. I’m always amazed when people compare a dining experience at Bootleggers to that of TGIF or Ruby Tuesday. I always correct them that the latter are dining experiences and the former is an institutionalized form of torture.
  2. Every morning I get up just to see if my yard has been destroyed by those two dogs. Somedays are better than others.
  3. I always get confused when my neighbour goes from blasting gospel music when she is cleaning her car to blasting “dancehall” afterwards. I don’t think she or her husband haven’t heard a new song since 2000.
  4. Had some Curry Goat on Monday and believed I tasted “stay home” in it. It was way too good to be a normal pot of curry.
  5. Someone messaged me that her family was going to “Sellebea” for the long weekend. I fought every fibre of my being not respond to this and therefore I had to go lie down as I had a headache.
  6. I applaud business people at every turn especially those who provide food to the masses like me who are culinary impaired; but $45 per pound of CHINESE FOOD and it’s not inclusive of Crispy Skin Pork!!! MADNESS! #robsomebodyelse #notmymoney #
  7. Either my feed is highly sanitized or my friends need to cleanse their friends’ list. Nobody in my FB feed mad to talk about boycott. How they eating?
  8. My actual list of friends are like my grandmother’s teeth: few and far between. #leffmeh #leavemealone #friendbookfull
  9. I think an Uber driver on Tuesday night tried a fast one on me to earn more money by missing my turn off and feigning ignorance. Yuh can’t play ignorant when the “kiss meh ass” Waze map next to you recalculating. He got 1 star rating with one stink comment afterwards.
  10. The reason I haven’t been renting a car all this time is because (a) they not cheap, (b) every week is a new story with TN Auto #dreamsellers and  (c) I’m cheap.
  11. Spent Wednesday with an auditorium full of primary and secondary children and realized that teaching is truly a higher calling. So many personalities being coordinated by one person and you can’t strangle or lay healing hands on them. #notforme #iwouldmakeahjailalready #trueheroes #highercalling #wedaymoments #weday #wemovement
  12. It’s not that I’m not serious about my weight loss and healthy living; I’m just trying to decide if I want to be a light snack or a healthy main course instead of just being an “All You Can Eat”/ “Buffet” Special. #dietchallenges
  13. I still don’t get people who have to try and sample EVERY item in these “Food by the Pound” estalbishments. Jesus! Yuh here almost everyday, move faster! Picking up one piece of fried plantain or 3 grains of macaroni salad makes sense to you? #needtothintheherd #patienceneeded #hungrymanissues
  14. KARMA??? – Was told on Thursday that a car would be made available to me until my vehicle is ready. The only car available for use….. A WINGROAD! #GODhasasenseofhumor #jesuslaughinghard #imnotamused
 

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WEEK 25 – ESTEBAN’S LONG WALK HOME!


  1. There are some days that I have the memory of Dory for activities done within the last 20 -30 minutes, but possess vivid recall for something that happened 10 years ago. SMH!
  2. It’s now over six weeks since the Auto body shop has had all the parts to fix my car delivered and I still don’t have it. I will NEVER EVER recommend TN Auto Body Shop to even my worst enemy. Or maybe I will…… #godistryingtotellmesomething #speaklord #patienceistrulyavirtue #theyoverdoingit
  3. Painted the Burglarproof in the porch on Saturday morning and while people were passing I was just praying for someone to offer to paint it for me. No such luck #reallazy #dontliketopaint #notmyskill
  4. There is a One restaurant in Woodbrook on this Island where the manager was a real asshole to me but because all his workers are illegal immigrants who give good service, I will not say anything.
  5. Why, during the midst of the storm, around midnight did I make curry mango?
  6. Did you know in the Naps Cookbook, curry mango is referred to as Mango Talkarie? #themoreyouknow
  7. It only dawned on me on Wednesday morning that I had not left my house in 3 days. Monday and Tuesday I did not even venture into the yard. #hermitmodeactivated #winteriscoming #bunkerlife
  8. Life is wonderful as long as you have Cheese Paste!
  9. Is it that sofas being sold in Furniture stores in T&T are supposed to look like fabric design vomit?
  10. I swear that all this travelling and fun Shawn Wong is having is just upsetting my spirit! Stay home and suffer like the rest of us nah!
  11. I’ve found two dead chickens in my yard but yet still all other creatures seem to get a free pass. Guess I’m covered if chickens try to take over the world
  12. There comes a point in time when you digging in your pocket for money to pay the taxi driver borders on you trying to feel me up in smart. #cuteyeactivated #sweetcussin321
  13. So the maxi taxi driver that used to wait for me has opted to pass me straight on the road even if he isn’t full. Guess he is using another route now. #feelinghurtiguess #whamtoheboy
  14. Been having serious bouts of insomnia over the past few weeks. It’s amazing what these two dogs do when they think no one is watching. Like Trouble egging Heff on to move bricks so she can go roaming in the street.
  15. TMI: I was shaving while having a shower and realized that I need to pee. Should I rush out the shower and get water all over the bathroom or just do it here? I mopped the bathroom after I changed my clothes. #noeh #notdoingit
 
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Posted by on June 23, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, Uncategorized

 

WEEK 24 – ESTEBAN IS FROM MARS


  1. I think the 30 minute wait for a roti at Don’s should be declared a criminal offence. You must know your daily traffic and volumes by now to fix this problem! But OOOOH the roti tasted GOOD!
  2. Saw the video from Mad Cobra’s “Flex” in a taxi on Saturday night. The driver had a tablet built into his Nissan Sentra dashboard for passenger viewing. I had forgotten how boring that video was.
  3. Had two people, on separate occasions, point out afterwards that the respective cashiers were flirting with me. While I’m so oblivious to most flirting episodes directed me; in hindsight,  I realised that my food orders  on both occasions didn’t reflect any ounce of favoritism. #theywerejustbeingpolite #imeasylikesundaymorning #iputoutforfood
  4. So Trouble has been bullying Heff since his arrival. On Sunday night, they had a fight (Instigated by Trouble, of course) and lo and behold Heff pinned Trouble to the ground briefly and she was in shock. I gave Heff the biggest hug and rub belly for that move. #proudpapa #saynotobullies
  5. Apparently Maxi Drivers don’t take too kindly when you go into another Maxi when they were apparently waiting for you. It’s only been a few weeks, why this man assuming a special friendship? It’s only $5 we are exchanging daily and mild small talk.
  6. I think I bring out the crazy in people. It may be dormant but somehow interacting with me activates this “tick”.
  7. The shock and awe when you realise the Award Winning Actor from 12 Years A Slave, & Doctor Strange (Mordo) – Chiwetel Ejiofor played the Drag Queen Lola in the Movie Kinky Boots.
  8. I’m not gaining weight, however over this week, two of my work trousers ripped in the back. I’m guessing that fitted trouser look is not for me.
  9. Sat in the front passenger seat of a Left Hand Drive Taxi and a Traffic Police officer in St James shouted at me to get off my phone. I stared at him and said “ Do you see a steering wheel near me?”. He tried to give me a “bounce” to try to diffuse the situation.
  10. Benetton staff no longer insult me about not having my size when I go shopping there. This development confuses my low self-esteem. Any recommendations for clothing store that insults their customers?
  11. I was challenged by someone (based on my Sports’ post) to “quit my bitching and man up”. Strange though, since he is the one in Family Court for Child Maintenance.
  12. Saw a woman moisturizing her leg outside the entrance of Rituals St Clair with the Jergens bottle on the table who told me to mind my business as I passed. “Oh so sorry, didn’t realise this was your bedroom!” She let out one scandalous laugh. I wasn’t moved to join in.
  13. People have been asking me if I’m willing to adopt another dog. As a single parent, I cannot afford another one especially since Trouble needs to see a Psychologist and Heff needs to be enrolled in a Sports Camp or gym (that dog lazy!!!).
  14. Little Caesar’s Pizza in Valsayn isn’t bad at all. Wings are cheaper and bigger than those you get at …………….. The pizza is ready in less than 10 mins and it’s not as oily as ……………… or as rubbery as.………… (fill in the gaps)
  15. My PS3 has given me the yellow light of death after 6 years of faithful use. No flowers by request. Monetary donations will accepted and will be forwarded to its favorite charity. ME!!!
 
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Posted by on June 16, 2017 in Emotions, Fitness, Food, Humor, Movies, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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WEEK 23- ESTEBAN IN JUNE


  1. I never knew Mangoes belonged to the list of Laxative Foods. Overdosed on Mangoes on Saturday and was wondering why I was going to the toilet so frequently.
  2. Walked into The St Ann’s Catholic Church on Sunday Morning around 9:30am and walked back out promptly and waited until I saw my hue entering said church. I felt slightly unsafe before. #paranoidmuch #fixmejesus #lordhearus #getout
  3. Haven’t been to a Catholic Mass in over a decade. Seems like they changed up some words as I normally am spot on with the responses during Mass.
  4. Was told I was wrong for letting my dogs acquire the taste for mangoes. “The last thing I need is to be competing with my dogs for any mango that drops from the tree in my yard” uttered Cindy Theroulde. #noshame
  5. SUPPRESSED MEMORY FLASHBACK: Opting not to Travel home with Schoolmates because “Fat Kathy” From Arima Senior Sec was loud and always had something disparaging to tell me and when I answered her back she always wanted to fight with me. I guess it’s decades now that I’m angering people to the point of violence
  6. Maybe I fell asleep the two times I saw Wonder Woman, but to me, it was just okay. It wasn’t brilliant or awesome. Well if compared to other DC movies, then it’s a home run but to me it was “Thor” level good. Plus I got upset every time Steve Trevor put his hand to the back of Diana as if to steer her in a direction.
  7. But Robin Wright/Claire Underwood as Antiope was “LIFE”!
  8. There must be at least a 30 minute cooling off period before one begins work when one has used public transportation. One cannot just jump into work after enduring such an ordeal. You have to refocus your chi, after being around so many different forces.
  9. Facebook must know I don’t like people as I never get these Friend Anniversary notices beyond the ones other people post.
  10. Took a walk last night to clear my head (still car-less) and ended up by KFC St. Lucien Road. I dug in my pockets and realized I only had enough for a Kids Pack. I got no toy with my meal. Sigh….
  11. Saw a picture of Crispy Skin Pork on Damian LukPat Photograpghy’s Instagram page and all of a sudden Foreigner’s “I Wanna Know What Love Is” started to play in my head.
  12. QUESTION OF THE WEEK: How come people always willing to let you take a “Cheat Day” from your diet but will crucify you for a “Cheat Day” from your spouse? Wouldn’t both scenarios hurt you in the long run?
  13. If I call an UBER, I don’t expect them to be asking me what is the best route to get to my house or even hint to me that they are not familiar with Port Of Spain. That is a Red Flag for me jump out your car and go get a Maxi.
  14. While I appreciate the Maxi Taxi driver that sometimes waits for me on mornings, I don’t need him insisting that I sit in the front seat so he could have a lively debate. It happened the first few times but its still the morning and I’m not accustomed to speaking to anyone til 9am.
  15. House of Cards has made me a serious cynic when watching American Politics. I don’t believe anything anymore.
 
 

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