The reason for my title has to do with the fact that in most of the profound or cathartic periods of my life, there has always been a Janet Jackson song to go along with it or to soothe the savage beast of over-analysis. Let me give you some examples:
Let’s Wait Awhile (Control -1986):
Hmmm I wonder why that song. Let’s just say she wasn’t ready to be my girlfriend at the time. No, it had nothing to do with sex, she just preferred to be friends (steups..my apparent curse during part of my teenage years).
Someday Is Tonight (Rhythm Nation 1814 – 1989):
It finally happened. I lost my virginity in not the most romantic of situations but it was good all the same.She cried after it and said that she was happy. Of course that freaked me out at first…er actually it still freaks me out, but it was a really nice time.
Again (Janet -1993):
The person I would have considered as the prime and only candidate for “Soul Mate” status arrives back in Trinidad on vacation with her Husband and baby in tow. Cue animation sequence with a hammer striking my ego and heart. Tried talking to her on the phone , just to say “hi” and her husband came on and blocked me. Then I see them at Club cocnuts a few nights later and I was all torn up inside. I handled it well though. I don’t think anybody noticed or even realised that at the time I still harboured strong feelings for her. Sigh…This song from the album “Janet” hit the spot and was on rotation for months.
Everytime (Velvet Rope -1997) & Special
This song just summarised my feelings at that point since my lack of relationship prospects were jsut getting me down. Dating is so overrated and gets really tired after a while.
Better Days (All for You – 2000)
My rebuilding process. I was emerging out of the doldrums and becoming a more confident and bolder person.. plus sentimental crap was still mving me at the time. Plus I kept on with this anthem when i moved to Germany for the Lion King. It was great.
Well since then other events have occured but none that warranted a Janet song. Hmmm then came this weekend.
Venue: CIC ALL Inclusive Fete
Place: St. Mary’s College Courtyard
Event: My “Soul Mate” (well former) greets me unexpectedly.
Hear nah, if i had a weak heart, that would have been the end of me. She greeted me with the words, “you are supposed to be in aruba”. I laughed at it. Apparently she had to come to Trinidad suddenly to see an ailing relative. I saw her and didn’t know what to say. I just kept repeating the words “It is great to see you.. wow”.
Well that went on for awhile and so for another hour and a half we sat talking about her family, her life in Canada and about my life since then. During the conversation, I kept thinking of a song to describe this feeling or to make sense of the event. The only blinking song that came to mind was so inappropriate and nonsensical. Deja Vu by Dionne Warrick was first at bat and it just wasn’t leaving my brain. Nothing esle seemed to come to me. (Great now that crappy Dionne Warrick song is back in my head). Before entering the party, i was listening to Heather Headley’s New CD in the car (It’s good but can get monotonous) and her CD only fit my recent experience with S, so i was at a loss once again.
As the night wore on i gave up trying to find a song and just enjoyed the Fete. I left her with some of her old school chums from University of Waterloo and went on having a good time. It was most obvious that we (her and I) are at different life stages – She hosts Children’s Bible Games with her husband, while the last time i went to church..hmm well let’s not get into that. I was a bit jealous of her. Jealous of her happiness and obvious glow. She was settled, in a happy mariage and had the most adorable children (Yes she had pics of everyone on her Ipod Nano). As for me, well, I was still searching. I however do not knock in anyway my accomplishments to date but i always wonder….
“Take me back in time maybe I can forget. Turn a Different Corner….”
Going down memory lane can be a bitch but after all it is the past and we need to move on. I didn’t try anything on her nor did I have the inkling to. She also looked non-chalant about meeting me anyway. It was obvious that we grew up and for the most part, I think that a friendship is all that is left. Not a close one but a respectful one. She will always be someone dear to my heart but the feelings of yore are no longer there.
Great another song pops into my head (more appropriate than Dionne Warrick)
“Though you’re someone in this world that I’ll always choose to love.
From now on you’re only someone that I used to love“
Wow, Natalie Cole hit the spot ,but jeez how old is this song?
So Janet, if you are reading this, I really needed a song to express the strange feeling a seeing an old love after a long time and the added emotion of knowing that things have changed. I await the new album to address this discrepancy and to fill the void that resulted in the musical soundtrack of my life.