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Monthly Archives: April 2006

Come Undone


I came to the realisation yesterday thay I am an angry black man. Yes yes I know you are shocked at that but in my world, everything seems to disturb me in some form or fashion. I seem to have an opinion, viewpoint or rant on every topic imaginable and most of them sound as if I am angry or just borderline pissed off.
 
Why do I say this now? Well yesterday I went on a long rant about a stupid female co-worker and her unsubtle attempts at climbing the corporate ladder at the office. I kept saying all through it that I didn’t have a problem with her but here I am talking about her to a group of fellow co-workers.  The old adage that if you talk about something alot, it is bothering you, despite claims to the contrary.  She was riding my second to last nerve in stirrups.
 
So in the face of my rant yesterday, it dawned on me that I need to stop being so angry about certain things. I need to stop letting people get the better of  me. I am no longer baited by others into commenting on topics, now i just volunteer and go off with my "Eva Peron" type speech on my psuedo-balcony.
 
So here is to finding peace and comfort in not commenting on everything and everyone. I promise myself that i will not get an ulcer by trying to hold it in but I will try to find a proper channel in which to express my frustration. The root cause of my frustration has to do with the fact that there are too many thing fighting to control MY universe and it seems that I am losing my grip on the core of my being.
 
So in an effort to let some steam out, here are brief comments on a few topics that I know i need to get off my chest.
 
WOMEN: Stop trying to control me. For goodness sake, your life is in a mess and you want to control mine? Get a Life!!! Stop watching Desperate Housewives. Try "The  L Word" and gain a better perspective on your life. If you do not have a degree or demonstate some measure of a spine, please don’t come knocking on my door. You reallythink all those Self Help books do any good when you don’t believe in yourself.
 
SPORTS: Don’t hate them all but my goodness please don’t speak to me on the game last night. I could care less who played or even the score much less the players’ names (call me if there is/was a fight at the game). If it’s cricket you are trying to speak to me about, forget it. I will not hear a word you say. Silly Mid-on is not a word you would ever hear coming from me.
 
MARRIAGE: Don’t care for it and don’t think I will ever do it. See my rant and women and understand why I tihnk I may adopt or even just send money to a Guatamalan child courtesy Muffy Tepperman at Weemawee High School.  The rate of divorce and spiralling rise of selfishness in people has forced me to reconsider the improtance of marriage over say property and financial stability.
 
PRETTY PEOPLE: Your looks are only for a season, so find your sugar daddy/mommy quickly and stay out of my way. Real people are trying to do actual work here. Don’t bat your eyes at me and expect me to help you out. Try offering sex, I may be more receptive.
 
UNAATRACTIVE PEOPLE: Know your place and station in life. You need to develop a proper functioning personality. Having an attitude doesn"t fit the package and results in others going into hysterical fits of laughter when you try to be snobby or condescending. LOL How stupid can people be?
 
STUPID PEOPLE: I don’t have the time nor the energy to elaborate.
 
TO the Man who screamed at me from his car for allegedly giving him a bad drive and who got even more upset when i refused to shout back at him, I hope you never put your baby in the front seat of your car ever again especially when trying to maneuver through cars on the highway. SHAME ON YOU.  (His ire made me realsie that it made no sense to shout back at him but to analyse the situation and point out his flaws). Road Rage is for chumps.
 
 
Have a good day everyone.
 
BTW, My diet begins May 1st. So be prepared for that.
 
 
 
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Posted by on April 28, 2006 in Uncategorized

 

Celebrity Babies and My Paranoia


I find it passing strange that there has been somewhat of a surge in baby making in Hollywood these days. Chief among these strange events is the fact that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes just had a baby girl and that Brad and Angleina’s own is due in May. How coincidental that these babies are being born so close together.
 
Hmmmm Let me spout some of my conspiracy theories on these two events:
 
  • Could Tom/Katie’s baby be the offspring of L. Ron Hubbard’s?
  • Yes, he is dead ,but many Scientologists  believe that he may return in some form or another and what a better way to do it than to have Scientology’s biggest advocate, impregnate his soon-to-be wife with the sperm of the Great Leader.  Wow I should be writing for the Enquirer
  • One only know how he didn’t manage to impregnate Nicole Kidman but does so in a heartbeat with Katie Holmes.  Hmmmm could the rumors be true? Could Tom be a one minute man? LOL What did you think i was going to say?
  • So Katie converted to scientology months before the baby’s birth and she and Tom have been engaged for less than a year.Is this not strange to anyone else? Can we say freaky?
  • Could the baby be the birth of a new society/movement/world order?

And in that vein:

  • Is Brad & Angelina’s Baby really the Messiah? No not the real one but almost perfect?
  • When the hottest people on the planet mate, don’t you expect that at birth the Heaven’s will open up and annouce its arrival?
  • How strange it is that the baby is being born in Namibia under the protection of lions. Hmmmm can we say Messiah?
  • If not the Messiah then he/she should be a prime candidate for leader of a new cult or religious sect (as they prefer to be called). You know like the the Dalai Lama kind of organisation.
  • Will the two children be in a war for power (TomKat & Brangelina’s that is)?
  • Shouldn’t Brangelina’s child be the Perfect Being? Will he save us all from another Tom Cruise movie?

Any thoughts on my theories……………

 
 
 
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Posted by on April 19, 2006 in Entertainment

 

Arbitrary Jottings


  • Why is there no Low-Fat Barra for "Doubles" Lovers? A Niche market not being exploed
  • On asking my father his thoughts on seeing my play, his response?  "Theatre is Theatre" –
  • Why did I ever waste so much time in my life listening to the opinions of an obvious idiot? "Steups"
  • Is it too late to divorce family? Ignoring them is still not enough. A Restraining Order would say "I care"
  • Apart from my whoring ways, and propensity towards laziness, am I really related to this person?
  • No I don’t need therapy for this.
  • Why is it that my car can never stay clean for more than a day?
  • Is it because I said that I won’t get attached to it? My heart will always belong to PBD 5029 My Navy Blue Honda Civic.
  • How cool was the intro music to Spike Lee’s "Inside Man"?
  • At least this movie was miles better than "She Hate Me"
  • What is so speical about Richard’s "Shark & Bake" that people drive miles for it?
  • How come "Doubles" is not available in Maracas? Everything else is.
  • How bad is MTV programming these days? Date My Mom? Call to Greatness? Yo Momma? Parental Control?????
  • Why was "Flavor of Love" on VH1 my secret guilty pleasure for its run?
  • When am I going to see a new episode of Grey’s Anatomy? This is ridiculous now.
  • Is it me or is CSI Miami bordering on ricdiculous now? Why is Horatio Cane such a good cop but stuck working in the Crime Lab? Why would anybody be afraid of a nerd working in a sicence lab?
  • Youtube.com is a great website. Watch the MADtv clip of Whitney singing the National Anthem?
  • Saw The Trinidad Production of Jesus Christ Superstar.  Boy, Jesus needed help with those high notes. Divine Intevention was more like it.
  • Do you think if I concentrate hard enough,the guy that is babbling over my cubicle will disappear?
  • Do I really want to hear his views on gay people when he wears flat front pants and a voice higher than my sisters’ ? Hmmmm Metrosexual my ass……
  • To the woman in the ugly coloured  Mazda who cut me off in traffic this morning…….sigh………..God Bless You.
  • SERENITY NOW!!!!!!!
  • When will my Rocket get here?
 
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Posted by on April 18, 2006 in Uncategorized

 

You Don’t Know Me?


A friend from Germany sent me this and I thought that it would make sense to blog it and therefore never have to forward it again to all and sundry.  Here goes…………….
 
 
Four Jobs I Have Had In My Life:
  1. Camp Counsellor (13-15 Age Group)
  2. Technology Support Officer at UWI
  3. Graphic Artist for Goodwear Industries
  4. Sales person at the Regent Street Apple Store

Four Movies I Would Watch Over and Over:

  1. Dick Tracy
  2. The Mummy
  3. The Color Purple
  4. Chicago

Four Places I Have Lived:

  1. Trinidad & Tobago
  2. Barbados
  3. Hamburg, Germany
  4. London, England

Four TV Shows I Love To Watch:

  1. CSI
  2. Grey’s Anatomy
  3. Will & Grace
  4. Little Britain

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation:

  1. Sao Paulo, Brazil
  2. New York City, USA
  3. Geneva, Switzerland
  4. Amsterdam, The Netherlands

Four Websites I Visit Daily

  1. Amazon
  2. Hotmail
  3. Yahoo
  4. Hi5

Four Of My Favourite Foods:

  1. Peanut Butter
  2. Italian (Pasta Dishes)
  3. Indian Cuisine (Roti etc)
  4. West Indian (Creole Food)

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now

  1. My Bed
  2. New York City
  3. London
  4. Syndey, Australia

Four Songs That Have Touched Your Life

  1. These Are The Days – Jamie Cullum
  2. Fool Of Me – Meshell Ndegeocello
  3. Waiting (Reprise) – George Michael
  4. I Want Love – Elton John

 

Yes, I know that this was sappy etc, but i thought it a cool list. The problem actually was finding only four of certain things to place on the list and knowing that in my mind that they are in particular order. For example, the Songs that have touched my life was a really hard one. It is easy to find songs that either remind you of painful experiences (tortured soul that I am) or happy times. I chose to a certain extent , songs that brought about moments of enlightenment.  For the record, George Michael will always be my favorite artist of all time, jsut because he made the Listen Without Prejudice Vol.1 Album. Anybody who has a problem with that can…well…take it to the Lord in prayer. ‘Cause i really don’t care.

 

Overall, this list is still a bit premature for me at the age of 33, because I think that my journey is not yet complete.Right now, I am only limited by my fears and my imagination in terms of the journey ahead. Here’s to hoping that more of my dreams do come true and that my fears continue to subside.

 

SEE YA AROUND…….

 
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Posted by on April 12, 2006 in Uncategorized

 

Oh Father


In writing this blog, two quotes come to mind:
" The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry" – To A Mouse by Robert Burns
" The road to hell is paved with good intentions" – Anonymous
 
My reason for submitting these quotes? Well err err hmmmm. *Sigh*. I made a right mess of my lenten penance. While I must say that I lasted more than a month with my "No Meat" penance, the others all went to "pot" at one point or another.
 
The "No Sex" rule didn’t even make it past the second week of March. Due to difficult circumstances…., the exegencies of the situation…….."Steups". I just had no self control. What was I doing  to put myself in such a situation? Flirting, that is what. When will I ever learn that flirting doesn’t help the situation at all. It is even worse when there are little or no feelings for the person and therefore you end up feeling a whole pang of guilt as a result.  The weird thing is that I went to the person to find out some info and well…well i started flirting thinking that the info would be easily obtained without much effort. Alas, they had more gumption than I expected. "Never underestimate your opponent even if you regard them as being intellectually inferior". Needlessto say, even though there was no sex or any foreplay (lol the faint of heart stop reading now), I compromised way too much and guess what??? The info wasn’t worth the sacrifice. Duped like a fool and the other party was satisfied. Hmmm seems like God punished me immediately for my transgression. Alas the foolish girl tried again with more "allegedly good information" but it wasn’t happening again. Not for all the Peanut Butter in the world. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice. shame on me. 
 
Of course, let me not leave you with the impression that that incident was theonly trangression. There were others after that, but with willing parites on both sides. However, the feeling of guilt never subsided. It just came back in full force and sometimes stronger whenever my head cleared. LOL
 
The No CD rule.SIGH.  April 5th 2006 was a really bad day and I was just itching to spend some money. Lo and behold, Prince’s new CD "3121" was available. I approached the CD store and never looked back. Surprisingly, the CD is brilliant and nothing has happened so far in the way of penance for my immediate transgression.  A valuable lesson was learnt however. I learnt that that i can go a month or more without purchasing CDs and that there are healthier ways to spend my money (or not spend it as the case may be). I saved money for the month of March so for that I am proud of myself. Of Course, my little brother is getting married at the end of April so there goes the savings….( I will ignore the urge to talk on the subject of marriage and the fact that it is happening to everyone but me.)
 
The NO MEAT rule. 
Well this was scheduled to bomb within a week of starting, but surprisingly i mastered it to some extent and was able to last without meat for over 30 days. I even made others around me aware of my goal and many were supportive. Some lamented that I won’t lose a pound and more likely that I would increase in size as a result of my rule.  I am happy to say that 8 pounds were lost in the first few weeks of my rule and they have stayed off so far.  Last week Saturday, I went to Patraj and was about to order a Vegetable Buss-Up-Shot, when a voice inside told me that "no self respecting trini would be eating veggies alone when a Beef Buss-Up-Shot would hit the spot".  So, I  obliged.
 
The only reason that I gave in had to do with my state of mind at the time. I have been working very long hours this past month (with both Work and the Play).  My energy levels have not been sustainable for some time and I find myself constantly irritable.  I would snap at the wind if it blew too hard. Given these factors, I reasoned that if i had some meat in my diet again that my energy levels would be resorted and my disposition would improve.  RESULT? Nothing….absolutely nothing…(but the beef tasted REAL good).  Who would have thought that the reason for my sagging energy levels and high degree of irritability was due to a lack of rest? Hmmm  it just didn’t dawn on me that this could be the reason. Guess I heard what i wanted to hear.
 
Since then, meat has featured very infrequently into my diet and I think that I will therefore limit my intake of same to weekends.  Honestly, my farts no longer smell and doing stuff in the toilet..well..let’s just say that the "Six Second Air Freshener  Spray Rule" is no longer applied.  (And thanks goodness for that, those Air Neutralizers were proving to be really expensive).
 
All in all, this lenten period has been very much an eye-opener in terms of my ability to have some "Self Control". While in the final analysis, i couldn’t maintain it like Jesus did in the desert. I still believe that the sacrifices made proved my ability to commit to a cause  and that i am willing to change my habits once I have made up my mind.
 
So since this period of abstinence was a moderate success, i will begin a new quest at the end of this lenten period. I will endeavor to lose 20 pounds in two months without the use of supplements and any drugs like Hydroxycut.
 
Is that laughing I hear? Are you really laughing at me? Steups..Do I look as if I care?
 
So what if you know that I detest exercise and that i consider gyms to be the playground of the intellectually challenged. I have tennis and once the play is over, I will try and run on occasion. I just need to find a healthy way to increase my cardio-vascular levels. You just wait and see.
 
I will therefore prempt each blog update with a weight check. So I will give my weight on the issuance of my next blog entry. No it won’t be in two weeks time.  I am not as scared as telling others my weight as i used to be. So what if i am a little chubby, no harm done.  Plus the two bastards who told me over this weekend that my stomach looks cuddly are going to die a slow death.  I do not have a big stomach…Bastards…….
 
Breathe…Breathe…. WoooSaaaH WooooSaaah.
 
There all better.
 
 
 
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Posted by on April 10, 2006 in Uncategorized

 

The Trouble With…………….


I know, I know  that I make too many claims on being dysfunctional or in some form or fashion make reference to my inadequacies or neuroses but I am beginning to think that the problem with my life is actually ME… YEAH RIGHT!!!!
 
You know the old saying, "If it looks like a duck, walks and acts like a duck then it probably is a duck" , well I am beginning to think that I may be duck.
 
You see my problem is..sigh…that i keep attracting the wrong type of women to me. The ones that seem to latch on and assume leadership roles  seem to possess the innate ability to make me either claustrophobic or just plain scared. 
 
Over the past few years (more like ten of them), I have dated up a storm, mothers (MILF), daughters, older women, and the occasional mothers with two and three children (That one was scary). For the most part, many of these women were really nice and some even taught me a thing or two about life and for that i am really appreciative. Then there are those that felt it was their mission from God (or Xenu if you are a Scientologist) to either make me over or just plain control me at every junction.
 
Now I must admit that I can be a tad annoying at times and for some women that is just no fun and therefore an indication that i need to grow up.  Tsk Tsk, not my problem. Despite this little annoyance factor I am a really nice guy and capable of being devoted and making that special someone the center (or close to center) of my universe. (BTW idol worship only works for a while. Deities grow tired of being adored if the worshipper doesn’t spice it up).  However, I cannot understand why I keep attracting women that seem to want to control me. It is bordering on insanity now.
 
Take this recent example. A girl from the office with saw me at an All-inlcusive Fete during the Carnival season and suddenly viewed me in a different light after that. TRANSLATION: She saw me with a woman at the Fete and saw my babe potential. Plus, I looked really good that day (good enough to eat actually).  Anyway, since then she has been trying to befriend me and to a certain extent I have befriended her (along with the other people she works with). 
 
The situation changed when all of a sudden she started sending me email messages over the intranet. You know the ones:
"Hi ,How are You?  
"How Was Your Day?"
"Have A Nice Day"
" Try Not to think of me too much today"  
 
Well I responded to each of these with great sarcasm or in some instances not at all. First of all, I despise people who ask me how my day was, as i have aboslutely no interest in discussing my day at work nor do I care to hear about yours unless something really funny happened. Just get to the point of your questioning.
Secondly, try not to email me too much with non-sensical statements or coy phrases as I will become very vague in my responses. Most people hope that coyness will yield positive results (dream on). In the midst of all the emails, she is getting frustrated as to my lack of committment to answering specific questions. In truth and in fact, she had failed to ask a specific question. Open ended questions are always at the mercy of the interpreter and not the writer.
 
Anyway to make a long story short, she started expressing her discomfort at my lack of specificity not only to me, but to other co-workers (Bad Move). Then I made the mistake of inviting her to my play (which she saw and never commented on my performance, but we won’t get into that) and from then on she assumed that the invite meant that I was interested in her.  I had made it clear from the beginning that I was not interested in having a "Thing" at the office and that my feelings for her weren’t that strong to warrant me even considering to take the chance. (Do you think it was my use of the word "strong" that got her attention?). She claimed she understood and respected my decision. TRANSLATION: She thinks I am full  of shit and don’t know what I want. 
 
True to form, the next day she calls me and asks me if i want to skive off work and take a trip to Maracas or maybe go to a movie later. Huh? Huh? Did i miss something? Wasn’t I clear before on my stance? She is not the "liberated woman I can have sex  and it is no big deal if we dont talk- type".  What is her story?
 
I told her that it was not possible and that I was extremely busy. (She knew that I was involved in a  play after work so what was she thinking?). She said that maybe we could do it this weekend. Obviously I am speaking in German and not realising it.
 
In the end (it still isn’t finished) she started making more demands on my time and would constantly text me. I started not answering her texts and even her calls to me in work or on my mobile.  If that doesn’t give her the hint…nothing will. 
 
Yes, I would admit that the above story may seem as if I was leading someone on but if you pester me enough about my life and work schedule I am going have to find a way to shut you up without offending you. So I normally cave in an invite you to something non-threatening in my eyes. TRANSLATION: Open Area, Multiple Escape Routes. Separate Cars.
 
BTW: I try not to hurt anyones feeling as I remember what it was like to be hurt when I was in High School and in love with anything that batted their eyes at me.
 
Now I blame myself for everything at this point because if I had nipped it in the bud by telling her I was not interested this would not have happened but because I prefer to put myself through torture than hurt someone else’s feelings, I find myself in the midst of shit all the time.   
 
I am at the age where when I see someone, I know whether this is going to be a relationship or a "shag". In most instances, I see "shag" and nothing else.  I have heard too many stories from the old and young that point to the fact that "when you see THE ONE , you will know".  I see many people but never THE ONE. Women no longer move me to swoon over them or even chase them unless there is that "IT" factor. I can’t describe it but it is a drive inside of them that just drives me wild. It has to do with havng a brain and knowing how to use it for something other than scheming.
 
I have met a few women like this in my life and they always make me feel like a bumbling idiot when around them. My fumblings have gotten better with age but they are just such forces of nature that I find myself in awe at their beauty and overall confidence factor. Plus they don’t play games.There are two women I have met in my life that fit this profile to a "T".  Suzanne and Ayana (A Doctor and A Barrister). A smile comes to mind when I see them.  Alas, they are both in relationships and blissfully happy in them. Then again, if I were to be with anyone of them, would i grow to dislike them or would i them become the doting boyfriend that they walk all over? WHO CARES!!!
 
Final Thoughts:
I know what I want and what I don’t care for. I just need to be more assertive in my dismissal of unworthy candidates without being too harsh. 
 
Now let me go and say my affirmations…
– No Day but Today
– No One I’ve Kissed Ever Fights Me Again
– If You’re On My List. It’s Just A Question of When
– I’m Big Boned, Not Fat
– I Love Me
– They Will ALL Bow
 
See Ya…….
 
 
 
 
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Posted by on April 5, 2006 in Uncategorized

 

Tonka


Given that for the past few weeks I have been busy with the play, i have not had much time to socialise at all with friends or even enemies. Of course I had to pick a Birthday party to try my hand at socialising. This weekend was the 21st Birthday of a female employee in the Merchant Bank. Why did I attend the party of a teenie bopper? Well …
  1. She’s hot.
  2. She’s REALLY HOT
  3. I wanted to look cool in my pre-" I should be somebody’s daddy by now" phase

Anyway, I arrived at the function to realise that most of the people my age were there withtheir kids and spouses etc and indoors ,while the birthday girl and her friends (from the neighbourhood and old classmates) were on the outside.  I should have taken my cue from the layout and stayed indoors.

 

Let me just inform you that the party was titled "Mardi Gras" (Yes Mardi Gras in April) and i found myself wearing beads as soon as I walked in.  This part was the least bit disturbing.  It is the announcement that everyone had to write their names on a piece of paper because there would be games later on that I found offense with.

WHAT? Games?? No one told me that there would be games!!! Games??? Oh where did I park my car?  Shit!!! Four other cars are blocking mine!!  WHO can I call to plot an escape.  Alas no one came to mind and in some pre-pubescent desire to feel part of the crew I put my name into a hat.

 

Now the object of the name thing is that someone picks a name out of a hat and then gives that person a name for the prest of the night. Here are a few names given to some of the guests..:

My friend Niall was called Tall Dark And… (a guy picked his name and gave him that…..nial was stressing because of it..LOL

Let’s See: Queeny, Short Stuff, Short Man (for some Tall guy there) , Drunk, Thick Sauce and Chinese Laundry.

 

Then there was my name. i laughed at Niall’s name and found it hilarious for all of ten minutes until another guy picked my name and he desired to call me………..

BUILT LIKE A TRUCK.

Now I don’t know how to understand his choice of name. Is it because I am a rather stocky and strong looking guy? Or is it because i am a porker and he didn’t want to  hurt my feelings. Plus what the hell was on his mind that he came up with that one?  I was disheartened, but apparently it provided no end of amusement for everyone around me. I got some stares and snickers in the process but i held my head up high and wore my name tag with pride.

 

That was not the end. There was a game of "Pass the Chain" (A grown up version of Musicla Chairs if you ask me) which provided no end of amusement at people’s attempts to remove this particular chain from their necks which already had beads (entry present into the party).  To my dismay, I did not win. I was knocked outearly on a technicality.  The Russian judge thought my form was a bit off and penalised me. (SIDE NOTE: She drank Jose Cuervo for a rest of the night thinking it was Absolute – She was not driving).

 

At the thought of haivng to go through another game i found a way to meet each of the drivers that were blocking me and i got them to move their cars in an effort to help me go get the birthday girl’s present. (Yeah right…. like i bought her anything). I told the host that i had an early tennis match that i needed to attend (didn’t even budge for tennis the next day) and made my escape.

 

Today, everyone is referring to me a TONKA inlieu of my "built like a Truck" sobriquet.  Whoppeee, this is going to be an exciting day (insert sarcasm here) !!!

 
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Posted by on April 3, 2006 in Uncategorized