- She’s hot.
- She’s REALLY HOT
- I wanted to look cool in my pre-" I should be somebody’s daddy by now" phase
Anyway, I arrived at the function to realise that most of the people my age were there withtheir kids and spouses etc and indoors ,while the birthday girl and her friends (from the neighbourhood and old classmates) were on the outside. I should have taken my cue from the layout and stayed indoors.
Let me just inform you that the party was titled "Mardi Gras" (Yes Mardi Gras in April) and i found myself wearing beads as soon as I walked in. This part was the least bit disturbing. It is the announcement that everyone had to write their names on a piece of paper because there would be games later on that I found offense with.
WHAT? Games?? No one told me that there would be games!!! Games??? Oh where did I park my car? Shit!!! Four other cars are blocking mine!! WHO can I call to plot an escape. Alas no one came to mind and in some pre-pubescent desire to feel part of the crew I put my name into a hat.
Now the object of the name thing is that someone picks a name out of a hat and then gives that person a name for the prest of the night. Here are a few names given to some of the guests..:
My friend Niall was called Tall Dark And… (a guy picked his name and gave him that…..nial was stressing because of it..LOL
Let’s See: Queeny, Short Stuff, Short Man (for some Tall guy there) , Drunk, Thick Sauce and Chinese Laundry.
Then there was my name. i laughed at Niall’s name and found it hilarious for all of ten minutes until another guy picked my name and he desired to call me………..
BUILT LIKE A TRUCK.
Now I don’t know how to understand his choice of name. Is it because I am a rather stocky and strong looking guy? Or is it because i am a porker and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Plus what the hell was on his mind that he came up with that one? I was disheartened, but apparently it provided no end of amusement for everyone around me. I got some stares and snickers in the process but i held my head up high and wore my name tag with pride.
That was not the end. There was a game of "Pass the Chain" (A grown up version of Musicla Chairs if you ask me) which provided no end of amusement at people’s attempts to remove this particular chain from their necks which already had beads (entry present into the party). To my dismay, I did not win. I was knocked outearly on a technicality. The Russian judge thought my form was a bit off and penalised me. (SIDE NOTE: She drank Jose Cuervo for a rest of the night thinking it was Absolute – She was not driving).
At the thought of haivng to go through another game i found a way to meet each of the drivers that were blocking me and i got them to move their cars in an effort to help me go get the birthday girl’s present. (Yeah right…. like i bought her anything). I told the host that i had an early tennis match that i needed to attend (didn’t even budge for tennis the next day) and made my escape.
Today, everyone is referring to me a TONKA inlieu of my "built like a Truck" sobriquet. Whoppeee, this is going to be an exciting day (insert sarcasm here) !!!