I know, I know that I make too many claims on being dysfunctional or in some form or fashion make reference to my inadequacies or neuroses but I am beginning to think that the problem with my life is actually ME… YEAH RIGHT!!!!
You know the old saying, "If it looks like a duck, walks and acts like a duck then it probably is a duck" , well I am beginning to think that I may be duck.
You see my problem is..sigh…that i keep attracting the wrong type of women to me. The ones that seem to latch on and assume leadership roles seem to possess the innate ability to make me either claustrophobic or just plain scared.
Over the past few years (more like ten of them), I have dated up a storm, mothers (MILF), daughters, older women, and the occasional mothers with two and three children (That one was scary). For the most part, many of these women were really nice and some even taught me a thing or two about life and for that i am really appreciative. Then there are those that felt it was their mission from God (or Xenu if you are a Scientologist) to either make me over or just plain control me at every junction.
Now I must admit that I can be a tad annoying at times and for some women that is just no fun and therefore an indication that i need to grow up. Tsk Tsk, not my problem. Despite this little annoyance factor I am a really nice guy and capable of being devoted and making that special someone the center (or close to center) of my universe. (BTW idol worship only works for a while. Deities grow tired of being adored if the worshipper doesn’t spice it up). However, I cannot understand why I keep attracting women that seem to want to control me. It is bordering on insanity now.
Take this recent example. A girl from the office with saw me at an All-inlcusive Fete during the Carnival season and suddenly viewed me in a different light after that. TRANSLATION: She saw me with a woman at the Fete and saw my babe potential. Plus, I looked really good that day (good enough to eat actually). Anyway, since then she has been trying to befriend me and to a certain extent I have befriended her (along with the other people she works with).
The situation changed when all of a sudden she started sending me email messages over the intranet. You know the ones:
"Hi ,How are You?
"How Was Your Day?"
"Have A Nice Day"
" Try Not to think of me too much today"
Well I responded to each of these with great sarcasm or in some instances not at all. First of all, I despise people who ask me how my day was, as i have aboslutely no interest in discussing my day at work nor do I care to hear about yours unless something really funny happened. Just get to the point of your questioning.
Secondly, try not to email me too much with non-sensical statements or coy phrases as I will become very vague in my responses. Most people hope that coyness will yield positive results (dream on). In the midst of all the emails, she is getting frustrated as to my lack of committment to answering specific questions. In truth and in fact, she had failed to ask a specific question. Open ended questions are always at the mercy of the interpreter and not the writer.
Anyway to make a long story short, she started expressing her discomfort at my lack of specificity not only to me, but to other co-workers (Bad Move). Then I made the mistake of inviting her to my play (which she saw and never commented on my performance, but we won’t get into that) and from then on she assumed that the invite meant that I was interested in her. I had made it clear from the beginning that I was not interested in having a "Thing" at the office and that my feelings for her weren’t that strong to warrant me even considering to take the chance. (Do you think it was my use of the word "strong" that got her attention?). She claimed she understood and respected my decision. TRANSLATION: She thinks I am full of shit and don’t know what I want.
True to form, the next day she calls me and asks me if i want to skive off work and take a trip to Maracas or maybe go to a movie later. Huh? Huh? Did i miss something? Wasn’t I clear before on my stance? She is not the "liberated woman I can have sex and it is no big deal if we dont talk- type". What is her story?
I told her that it was not possible and that I was extremely busy. (She knew that I was involved in a play after work so what was she thinking?). She said that maybe we could do it this weekend. Obviously I am speaking in German and not realising it.
In the end (it still isn’t finished) she started making more demands on my time and would constantly text me. I started not answering her texts and even her calls to me in work or on my mobile. If that doesn’t give her the hint…nothing will.
Yes, I would admit that the above story may seem as if I was leading someone on but if you pester me enough about my life and work schedule I am going have to find a way to shut you up without offending you. So I normally cave in an invite you to something non-threatening in my eyes. TRANSLATION: Open Area, Multiple Escape Routes. Separate Cars.
BTW: I try not to hurt anyones feeling as I remember what it was like to be hurt when I was in High School and in love with anything that batted their eyes at me.
Now I blame myself for everything at this point because if I had nipped it in the bud by telling her I was not interested this would not have happened but because I prefer to put myself through torture than hurt someone else’s feelings, I find myself in the midst of shit all the time.
I am at the age where when I see someone, I know whether this is going to be a relationship or a "shag". In most instances, I see "shag" and nothing else. I have heard too many stories from the old and young that point to the fact that "when you see THE ONE , you will know". I see many people but never THE ONE. Women no longer move me to swoon over them or even chase them unless there is that "IT" factor. I can’t describe it but it is a drive inside of them that just drives me wild. It has to do with havng a brain and knowing how to use it for something other than scheming.
I have met a few women like this in my life and they always make me feel like a bumbling idiot when around them. My fumblings have gotten better with age but they are just such forces of nature that I find myself in awe at their beauty and overall confidence factor. Plus they don’t play games.There are two women I have met in my life that fit this profile to a "T". Suzanne and Ayana (A Doctor and A Barrister). A smile comes to mind when I see them. Alas, they are both in relationships and blissfully happy in them. Then again, if I were to be with anyone of them, would i grow to dislike them or would i them become the doting boyfriend that they walk all over? WHO CARES!!!
I know what I want and what I don’t care for. I just need to be more assertive in my dismissal of unworthy candidates without being too harsh.
Now let me go and say my affirmations…
– No Day but Today
– No One I’ve Kissed Ever Fights Me Again
– If You’re On My List. It’s Just A Question of When
– I’m Big Boned, Not Fat
– I Love Me
– They Will ALL Bow