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It Hurts Like Hell

18 May

Holy Paul Keens Douglas, Olivia Newton John and any other three named celebrity!!!
 
I AM IN PAIN!!!!
 
My arms are in pain, my legs hurt and yet still there is no pain in my abdominal region. I have been working on that harder than any other part of my body. Why is that? I have  once again discovered new muscle tissue in areas I thought none existed and yet these bloody abs feel no pain or tension whatsoever.
 
So I must confess that this week has so far been a good week for me. Exercisewise that is.  I have been to the gym everyday since Monday and I even played tennis on Tuesday evening after my gym workout. So I feel good about this measure of a routine. However (you knew it was coming), I am cut from the impatient cloth and therefore I think that if i am sweating more than usual, then some signs of weight loss should show. How crazy is that?? Is it really??? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No signs whatsoever of my impending hotness factor reaching to any level higher than it is right now (low digits on the 1 -10 scale).
 
I have watched episodes of "The Biggest Loser", "Celebrity Fit Club" and all those diet commercials and I know that within the space of one week there can be some measure of improvement. Nothing.  In those reality based shows, the male contestants always lose alot of weight in the first week.  Me?? Not One ASS!! I have been chomping down on Quaker Oats every night to ensure that my meals at night are sensible and not heavy in the least. Still Nothing.
 
Now I like quaker oats but how long can a person eat this and not wonder if they are preparing for some kind of war-time rationing.  I would have opted for soup instead but that is a sure-fire way of opening up my already extra-large appetite. How big is my appetite? Well let me tell you a story.
 
Picture this! Sicily…no Laventille 1991! I am at my grandmother’s home and she is baking bread (My granny can bake up a storm, but then again who in the Caribbean can’t say the same about their grannies?). Anyway, I see one of the loaves she has just extracted from the oven and it looks like heaven. I say to her that I am in the mood to eat that entire loaf. She looks at me and tells me to go ahead. I then fill it with cheese, lettuce and pepper sauce and proceed to eat the entire thing.  Fifteen minutes later, it is done, I am full and my grandmother stares at me in shock and then picks up the phone and calls my mother. I assume she is going to abuse my mother for not feeding me properly but instead i hear her mention that I may need "a good cleaning out" and that she has never seen anyone eat an entire loaf that she has made and not even break out in a sweat. Further comments about the possible tapeworm inside of me and the fact that she now prefers to clothe me than feed me follow on for awhile. All in all she was pleased at my appetite and started calling me "Lambkin" (This was the name of an old boyfriend of hers in St. Vincent who ate three smoked breadfruits in one sitting and then proceeded to look for more food).   I could never figure out why she was so shocked as I had stated my intention of eating the entire loaf and my appetite is well-known throughout my family. I guess she underestimated me.  Did I mention that I was really skinny back then? Time is a cruel master.
 
Anyway, I digress..this was just meant to show how big an appetite I have or can have and why it takes so much will power not to munch down on more food at night.  I know that all of it is for the greater good so I am making a huge effort at it.  Will Power, don’t fail me now!!!
 
I haven’t weighed myself since my first blog commencing the start of the diet (Well actually I have, but the scale was just lying at the time. Plus it was a gym scale which one can never trust as it has been either abused by fat people or adjusted by management to make you stay longer at their establishment. Yes, it is a conspiracy.)
 
Later on today I will visit a sports store and use one of their scales. Those I know these scales haven’t been altered for personal gain. Yes yes I am cheap so sue me.
 
BTW: Bengay and Absorbing Junior..WASTE OF TIME. Aleve and Ponstand (500Mg) – MY NEW BEST FRIENDS.
 
 
Laters for now………………
 
1 Comment

Posted by on May 18, 2006 in Uncategorized

 

One response to “It Hurts Like Hell

  1. Matthew

    May 19, 2006 at 05:03

    Not everyone looks good skinny remember that…so don\’t put too much pressure on yourself…..will be in bados next month…pop over…

     

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