Tarzan Boy

31 Jul

It is the belief that each person is blessed with certain attributes that make them unique and which helps them to be able to survive certain events that they will encounter in their journey through life. I, however seem to like to push these limits.
I like to think of myself as an all-round individual. I pride myself on being able to adapt to different situations and survive within all environments. Over this weekend, I realised that I am just fooling myself. Let me explain:
SITUATION ONE: My Big FAT Semi-Blind Date
Now those who know me well, know that I don’t like surprises. It’s just not my thing. The unknown doesn’t scare me but I prefer to get some kind of advance notice so that I can condition my psyche to expect the unexpected within the realm of my imagination (Yes it sounds weird but trust me, in my little world it works).
Anyway, I was talking with a female co-worker earlier that week and she asked me if I wouldn’t mind being “set-up” with someone. Not having anything really to do I nodded. She then asked the question that signalled my only chance of escape.  “So do you have a type?”  To which I replied, “Nah, I just like my women intelligent and with a drive to succeed”.  Now relax, i wasn’t trying to enter a beauty pagent or anything, I just didn’t want to hurt my co-worker’s feelings since describing what wasn’t my type would involve describing her to a certain extent. So I agreed to meet with her and her friend on Friday evening at “Jenny’s On the Boulevard”.
I arrive there on Friday and  I see three women: My friend and two other ladies. They both look cute but let’s just say that they were more my brother’s type than mine.(Tony, I am sure you know what I mean…lol).  I sit with them and start talking non-stop as i usually do when nervous. I focus my attention on one of them as the only hint of anything i was given was that the girl worked for RBTT (my employers). So this one had on her uniform so  figured it was her. She was by far the more attractive of the two and witihn the realm of possibility. Alas, my blind date was her, it was the one sitting next to me who was decidly shy and was trying to impress me by not eating very light.
NOTE: A healthy appetite in a woman is a good thing. Don’t starve yourself for a man. If you know you can gulf down a dozen steamed wantons in a sitting. Do it!! Picking at the two in your plate is not endearing. Nor does it let me know that you are capable of digesting a meal.
Realising that they were letting me prattle on for hours while they laughed etc, I decided that my comedy special needed to end. So i told them that i needed to leave to pick up my little sister from Indian Bay (now we all know this event happened last week). My co-worker called later to find out what i thought of her friend and the event. I told her that her friend hardly spoke and therefore i couldn’t make a decision. She texted me back and said “So what am i going to do about it?”.  WHAT??? WHAT??? We are not in high school. I am not going to do anything about it. If you are over thirty and incapable of being acting like an adult, then I  can’t help you. I replied by saying that I felt no spark and so I won’t be bothering with anything.  She replied and said that she understood and then said that her friends thought that i was exactly the type of man for her. HUH??? HUH?? SHE MAD????  I did not reply and plan to avoid her over the next week at the office.
Again i say, ” I DON’T like SURPRISES!!!!
Moral of Story: Yuh look for it
 Nature is not my thing. Concrete is.. The mere insinuation of going on a nature trail/hike/watch/event or whatever you want to call it, gets the standard response, “Nah i’m washing my hair that day”. I don’t mean to be mean but cuts, bruises, the chance of snakes and mud are just not items on my agenda.  So when a friend of mine told me that he was organising a “Face Your Fear” event to “Three Pools” , i declined it right off the bat. My fear is being stuck on George Street, Port of Spain at midnight without a car or any sign of transport in sight.  Alas, after much prompting and wanting everyone who was going not to think that I wasn’t a Manly Man, i accepted the offer.
What ensued was a two hour long trip to Blanchiseusse and a short 15 minute hike to the area. (Fifteen Minute Hike??  Cool, this i can do…Thank you Jesus). However no one told me that to access the three pools one had to swim through them.
I can swim. i have taken courses at La Joya and was judged “Best in Class” for technique and ability to adapt under pressure. No problem. i can handle this. Now i must say that when we started the hike the river was really low but during the day the level started to rise. (No one noticed this but me). So here i am climbing and swimming my way all over the place and feeling rather special. Then it happened.
Now “Three Pools” as the name implies is just a river flowing down to three different levels and therefore the path where the water falls from each level is deep. I was feeling really good about the events. I even Jumped off a high rock in one of the pools and felt good about “facing my fears”.  Then a guy named Keron asked for some assistance since he had digi-cam in his hand and the water level was a bit too much for him considering he was a bit shorter than i was. I offered to help and managed to retrieve the camera from him only then to slip on a rock while trying tfind my balance and then be pushed by the current into the second of the three pools. The camera went under briefly as Keron managed to yank it from me in time but I wasn’t so lucky. I went under the water and when I resurfaced, i was in panic mode as i had struggled to come up during the drop below. i trying to find a nearby rock or branch to hold onto but everything was slippery. I tried getting myself to relax but it was to no avail.  I  felt as if I was going to drown and it seemed to be happening. Thankfully, another soul was nearby and guided me to the edge of that pool where it was shallow. I caught my breath and was relieved to be alive. Atthe time, Ididn’t care about anything else.  Then when I look at the final pool we had to cross, the damn thing had swollen and looked nothing like what we had crossed earlier.
I began to think “Great, I’m caught in a bad hiking situation and it only took us 15 minutes to get to this spot. How lame is that?”  Earlier in the Hike I had made a joke and asked everyone, “If this were a horror movie who do you think would be the first to die?  They all responded, “The darkest one”. BUT BUT that was me???  Could they have been right about me so early?
After my near drowning experience i was not in a hurry to get back into the water so guess what? Stefan decided to play spiderman or Tom Cruise in MI:2 and climb along the slippery rocks to get to safety. I took off my shoes, placed them around my neck and stuck my foot and hands in every crack and crevice i could find.  It took me a little while to cross but I did it without a scratch on me.  Mind you, fear is a highly motivating factor and i don’t think i would ever be able to repeat that move. Ever. 
Well if I am writing this, it means that we got back safely but I am still a bit shook up over the events. I feel bad about getting the digi-cam wet and about looking like a right”git” for not being able to swim properly and therefore almost causing a incident on a simple hike. Needless to say i don’t think i will be invited back to another one of those and i don’t think i am really interested in going again. I think the Discovery Channel and National Geographic was invented for people like me who wish to see the outdoors just not experience it.
I know some of you are thinking, WOW what a wuss!!!. Well yeah you’re right.  I think I am more traumatised over me looking like the helpless fool than actually drowning. Did I mention that there were women on the trip and that none of them needed help? Well one did, but she couldn’t swim, so she stayed back.  Yup…a right “git” am I.
BTW: if the camera works, you may see my humiliation on Gayelle TV sometime this week. It will be on a programme called Dreevay.  If God is kind to me, then the tape will not show and I will be saved from local humiliation.
Moral of the Story: Concrete Good, Nature Bad!!!
Ah well, we can’t win em all.  so how was your weekend?
1 Comment

Posted by on July 31, 2006 in Relationships


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One response to “Tarzan Boy

  1. Matthew

    August 4, 2006 at 04:04

    What do you think about pitching a series for a black male Bridget Jones???!!! Any recommendations for a lead actor? Someone with acting and life experience…..
    The Hike sounded great…maybe you can post the footage that showed on tv…


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