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Monthly Archives: August 2006

I’m Too Sexy


is it just me or have clubs in Trinidad gotten out of hand? Or is it the people that they put at the door that just drive you bonkers? I just don’t know but i do however resent being told how to dress or what to wear by individuals that won’t even make my " If I was the Last man on Earth, i would…" List.  I really don’t mean to go off on a rant here but Friday night made me remember why I chose to stay at home like the old man that i am and not go out to subject myself to idiots that seem to run amok when the sun goes down.
 
Case in point. My friend Dana wanted to go to ZEN ( local nightclub) on Friday to celebrate her birthday. I hemmed and hawed about being out that late but in the end i drugged myself up and went (I had the cold for the sensitive among us). Now let me tell you this….I don’t dress up. i wear a shirt five days a week and even that is too much. So to put me in a shirt when it is not mandatory, I get hives. i mean my body literally doesn’t want to have a shirt on. However, despite detesting shirts, i have enough clothing to well…um..look damn good when i go out. So I know that wherever i go i am appropriately dressed that entry to me will enver be denied (unless the club is racist).  But I digress…
 
We arrive at ZEN and proceed to the VIP entrance area where Dana has already ensured our names are on the list. We are all paying to enter and a hungry girl behind the lectern -type furniture, turns to myself and says the following:
 
Skinny Girl: Just for your information in the future, we do not allow jerseys or PoloT-Shirts in the VIP Area.
I look around to see who she is talking to because it could not be me. But there is no one else.  Let the insult begin
ME: THIS is NOT a Jersey. This is Kenneth Cole.
Skinny Girl: Well the information is for the future.
Me: And I’ll come in this again. This is Kenneth Cole. Who are you wearing?
Skinny Girl: (silence)
 
At this time, one of the other girl standing behind the lectern grabs my arm and places the VIP band on it. I stare at the hungry waif-like thing and vow that she will pay for insulting me.  How dare she look upon me, a fine specimen of a man and judge me because  she doesn’t know who i am. I mean…hmmp… Well  i kind of do that pre-judging sort of thing myself but my comments are kept internally until I assess the situation before me.  Guess she was in her zone of security.  OK OK i must admit my rant with the girl was kind of gay but in this metro world,  it is acceptable. Don’t you think??? Aww who cares what you think
 
One thing I have learnt in life it is that, the rich don’t "dress up", they wear stylish but comfortable clothing because they honestly can’t be bothered to be out in a club looking like a million dollars. (Well only if it is the club of a famous celebrity etc and even then the attire is almsot the same because they are getting in on their name and nothing else). ZEN belongs to nobody witihin that category because even if the owner of ZEN went to these places he may have to shell out loads of cash to be even on "The List" and I am sure he still won’t make it without connections. 
 
The Fact is……I never had to dress up to go to any club in London or Germany and I refuse to do it here. I honestly won’t wear trainers but please i am not pimping out to go to a club near where prostitutes ply their trade both inside and outside. They need to come again.
 
Anyway, when we get upstairs and sit to drink a bottle of Merlot in toast to Dana’s Birthday , I see a guy pass by in a "Westport" T-shirt. For those who don’t know, "Westport " is a brand equivalent to those you will find in WAL-MART or something a little cheaper than that. Cheap and semi-stylish. Plus his jersey was short sleeved while mine was long sleeved. Then  i spot a muscle man also in a short sleeved jersey and to make matters worse, his had a print on it (well it said FCUK) but still a print. I realise then that this girl at the front was just picking her battles. Sigh…in a different time, i would have bought her a drink and accidently spat in it, but since Karma is a bitch, I don’t do that anymore. 
 
Overall, the night wasn’t that bad. The club played good music and surprisingly i  knew the stuff "the youths" were listening to…LOL.  Oh and i saw Rihanna looking tasty as ever at the club. She was in Trinidad for a concert with her and John Legend. Apparently she lacked charisma on stage during the concert. (WHOA…What a Shocker there!!!).  She still looked really good though but since i have no desire to "make" jail for hitting on a minor, i opted out. 
 
Dana had a ball and I left them about 2pm when the cold medicine wore off and I started sneezing again. A good time was had by all. I will go again but it won’t be anytime soon.
 
BTW: I wasn’t wearing Kenneth Cole. I was wearing GAP.  Ha Ha Ha Ha Go Figure……….
 
 
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Posted by on August 28, 2006 in Uncategorized

 

Can I Get A *?%& ……..


So, in another so-called adventure of mine to the Mall (West Mall) on Saturday, I encountered what seemed to be the best customer service person/store attendant in the entire world. No not really. Just another one of these humans put here to try my patience and make me want to campaign feverishly for the passing of a law limiting the breeding patterns of certain individuals…. I am so full in agreement with any law that requires people to take a test before they procreate. I am not saying that the Sales Clerk should not have been born (or am I?). No . I am just pointing out that she should not be allowed to multiply on this earth.  I may be being a tad bit (just a teeeny weenie bit) extreme on this one but the sheer audacity of this creature had me baffled.
 
I am in Bluegrass (buying clothing that I will not wear and eventually have buyers remorse on and return) in the T-Shirt section. I notice that colour and size selections are limited and so i turn ot the nearest attendant (who looks as if she doesn’t work there) and ask in a calm and rational manner,
 
Me: Do you have more of these items in store room?
Attendant: Eh eh
Me: Excuse Me?
Attendant: (Sighs and shakes her head)
 
Not remember that this is BLUEGRASS we are in. The same BLUEGRASS that makes your heart race when you see the price they charge for Levis or Dockers. Well i was a little shocked and bothered by her abrupt response but decide that this idiot will not affect me today. So I continue shopping and gathering stuff and i actually accumulated a nice pile (All by Myself).  I head to the Cashier and she asks me if anyone helped me.
 
Me: No. No one helped.
The cashier then shouts across the store
Cashier: Aiesha is this your sale?
Aiesha: Yeah Yeah Da is mine.
Me: No it is not her sale. She did not help me
Cashier: So why you moving so?
Me: I am sorry but helping me is not someone going "eh eh" and then rushing off to another customer.
Cashier: Well she say she help you
Me: Lady, she did not help me
Cashier: OK OK..( turns and shouts) Aiesha de man say yuh ent help him.
Aiesha: Steups…Wha de hell!! I help him. I was just trying to help more than one customer
Me: No you were looking to see who will give you the bigger sale
Cashier: Eh We doh move so in here
Me: This is pointless. I helped myself and despite this onslaught I am still buying the clothes. Please go ahead and ring up the items.
Cashier: Alright Alright.
Aiesha (from across the store): Ah getting de sale?
Me and the Cashier ( in unison): NO!!
Aiesha: Steups (about five seconds long)
Cashier: Yuh real wicked yuh know
Me: she did not help me.
 
Meanwhile Aiesha is in the back has just started making noise and mumbling about my lack of generosity with colorful words that I am sure she has trouble spelling.
 
Me: Hmmm and I thought this was a Christian store.
Cashier: Eh eh Doh go dey
Me: Go Where???  She is not acting christian like right now. Plus this is not the first time I am in the store and she has done this.
Cashier: Well let me apologise for that right now. (turns to Aiesha) Girl like de man know yuh. He say this is not the first time you do this to him.
 
And trust me it wasn’t.
 
Me (grinning like a Cheshire Cat): OK
 
I leave the store a bit uneasy as I know that for the next two to five minutes or more (I hope), I will be the topic of conversation. I know that some (many I hope) derogatory remarks will be made about my persona etc but i just love the fact that they will be talking about me.  ME ME ME ALL ME Heh heh heh heh heh. (Was that over the top? I can never tell!)
 
Apart from this little incident, I had a good weekend. 
 
I picked up my little sister and her boyfriend from some skateboarding show at midnight on Saturday and strangely enough he decided to inform me that he no longer works for Hi-Lo Supermarket but as a Draughtsman for the Tunapuna Regional Corporation.  I congratulated him on same and wondered why he felt a need to tell me this. (Damn you blog and his ability to read).  Anyway, he lives in Cocorite (which is like on my way home) and my sister lives in Arouca, so he says he will take a ride with me to drop my sis home and then I can drop him off on my way back ot my apartment. NO problem. Sounds fair.  Fifteen minutes into the drive home, his phone rings and some woman starts shouting at the other end. He then hands my sister the phone and she answers the person in the affirmative and hangs up. 
 
Then I am told that Richard (that’s his name) mother wants him home NOW and that she doesn’t want him driving to Arouca. I don’t know the relationship between this boy and his mother nor do i care to know, but she was putting me out of my way at this point. Without batting an eyelash i turn the car around and dropped him home (while secretly praying to see this woman to give her some of my thoughts from that famous Gospel (you know…The Gospel According To Stefan).  Alas she was not outside when i dropped him off. So i let that one go and sped up the road while my sister chatted to the boy on the phone. Go figure.
 
I got home eventually after 2pm and settled in for a good night’s rest when the heard my landlady’s pompeck army rise up in a big uproar. I assumed someone strange was nearby so I crept to the living room and looked outside. What I saw then confused me.
 
Here was another pompeck, on the other side of the gate, apparently talking to one of my landlady’s dogs. The pompeck on the other side, barked then once and all the other dogs stopped. This was a bit disturbing to me but none the less i continues to peek. They were there for another minute or so and then the dog seemed to look up in my direction and then it turned and left.  Hmmmmm
 
Now on any other day I would not spout my conspiracy theories (Yeah Right), but just as I believe that the influx of Venezuelans into Trinidad is not purely coincidental, nor is the number of expats moving here, I also believe that pompecks are mobilizing to take over Diamond Vale.  No  Joke.  While heading to work this morning, I saw five pompecks on the main avenue walking together with the same one i saw that night leading the way. I made sure I didn’t make eye contact, so that they continued to assume I am another foolish human.  I dont want me to be wiped out before I can warn the masses.
 
Hmmm Like the anticipated Chavez invasion of Trinidad that I foresee, I am also going to get ready for the day these dogs kill a few humans and try to take over a house or two.  You just never know and you can never be too careful.
 
Other than that, my weekend was cool. Going to return a pair of puma sneakers I bought on Saturday. Don’t know what possessed me to buy it in the first place. Probably that "33 1/3% off" sign that kept calling me along with the fact that i own alot of puma t-shirts but not a sneaker. (My broad foot told me why this time.)
 
Oh well until another neurotic moment occurs or when the reclamation of Trinidad by Venezuela is underway,  I will see you on the flip side.
 
 
 ONE MORE POINT
BUY BUY BUY!!!
The IDLEWILD SOUNDTRACK BY OUTKAST
 
It is an amazing CD. This coming from someone who doesn’t care for rap but will tolerate hip-hop. 
The standout tracks  are:
 
  1. Hollywood Divorce
  2. Call The Law
  3. Makes No Sense At All
  4. In Your Dreams
  5. Morris Brown

But overall the CD is great and I can’t wait for the movie. If you liked Lackawanna Blues then this is right up your alley.

 
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Posted by on August 21, 2006 in Uncategorized

 

Me


I want to thank everyone for the positive feedback I got on my poem. While many thought it was wrought with pain, the thing is…when it was written the assocaited pain had been dead for at least two years. LOL  A particular incident put the lyrics in my head and it just seemed to flow. Nothng has everflowed so easily.  I guess it was something that needed to come out of me.  Overall, the feeling has been great. Out of all the insecurities that can plague you on a day to day basis, somethings stick to you and some just seemed to slide off.
 
This week I had my friend Stacey (My Muse, My BESTEST FRIEND and Liming Partner) scold me for not believing in my abilities and for doubting the fact that I am the master of my own destiny. (Yes, Stacey can come across as one of those self help gurus). Anyway, She made me do a list on myself. It came from this website: http://www.life-with-confidence.com/deal-with-frustration.html.  The Website talked about doing a list on :
1. What I Don’t Like About Myself
2. What I am Grateful for
 
 
Needless to say One side was infintely longer than the other, but in the end I began to realise that the things i am insecure about are some of things i am grateful for. This is because some of my insecurities have shped me into someone that at most times i admire. It is within this vein that the song below came into my head. It is a classic song from Sesame Street and as most of those songs do, they try and put a smile on your face and make you believe in yourself. So here is my song for the hour.
 
It is entitled "Me"
 
 ME
 
Me! Everything I am is me!

The best thing I can be is

Me in my mirror

Me in my bed!

Me in the pictures I make in my head

Oh me!

What a thing to be is me

Utterly delicous!

And since there’s no choice I am sure I and me agree!

There’s nobody better, smarter, nicer, sweeter …

Don’t you see … than me!!

 ———————————————————————
 
 
Don’t you agree?
 
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Posted by on August 17, 2006 in Uncategorized

 

All At Sea


I am taking a chance here. i have never considered myself an artist or much less even a poet or any form or fashion. I remember writing a poem in High School about a Rabbit (never had one) and getting an “A” on it. How I got the “A”, I will never know. The poem sucked big time and rhymed at every turn. School Teachers are so kind when they want to be.
 
However in the course of my life, i have met many people and few have encouraged me to be expressive in writing as much as my friend  William “Byrd” Wilkins.  He wrote poetry and did performance pieces with such raw power and voracity that after any of his readings I would rush home and try my hand at writing but it always seemed infantile and dare i say…trite. He told me once to let the writing pour out. He said that the cliched words and phrases would pour out initially and then the real you would be displayed.  It is mind-blowing to me how such an artistic force as “Byrd” is wasn’t more successful but then again, everyone has their season and his I am sure his is approaching soon.
 
So today, I throw caution to the wind and present a poem. It’s not anything great but I am proud of it because it took me a long while to get to the place where writing down my thoughts, emotions etc didn’t involve me feeling less powerful or in any measure of a vulnerable state. I think the poem sucks but then again i have written others that i can only use as toilet paper.  This poem is not about anyone in particular, just an amalgamation of experiences. And anyone who thinks differently….hmmmm it’s not who you think it is….LOL  Hopefully, you like it.   So here I go….caution to the wind….sigh….self exposed…sigh….all at sea…
 
 

Intervention ————–
 
This is my attempt at talking
My biggest attempt at speech
My bold attempt at expression
All my barriers are in breach
This is my attempt at control
Warring factions are all I see
This is my attempt at a love song
Only because you confuse me
 
 
This is my wish for sanity
A wish on the scale of world peace
This is a wish for intervention
For medication that brings calm and release
This is a wish for explanation
Why do the voices not cease?
This is my wish for a love song
To calm this rambling beast.
 
 
Someone please explain my paranoia
Why can’t I seem to think straight?
Hourly thoughts of you are the norm now
Yet my existence to you is a point of debate
My friends say I’m in love. How?
An emotional state that is totally not deliberate
So this is my attempt at a love song
Please help this baffled one clear the slate.
 
 
I’ve given up trying to understand you
Or the many parlour tricks you display
My heart and mind loved the illusions
Yet all it felt was hurt and continual dismay
I know that you made no promises
My deception was all self-inflicted
So I attempt to write a love song
To explain why I am so addicted
 
 
Bridge:
My thoughts are clearer
My heart is right
You’ve lost some of the power
I gave you in my life
We’ll never be friends
Never be lovers
But here’s what BITCH!!
You’ve lost
The Perfect Stalker!!!
 
 
This is my attempt at venting
My biggest attempt at release
My initial attempt at expression
Was confused, misguided and weak
This is my attempt at closure
Of forgiving the fool that ran after thee
This was my attempt at a love song
I know my worth, finally
 
———————————
……How bout that?
 
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Posted by on August 8, 2006 in Music, Poetry, Relationships

 

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Man In The Mirror


So yesterday on Dreevay (Gayelle TV) they showed the hike that i went on and all i have to say is that …."the camera adds ten pounds".
In my case, the camera added much more than i cared to know about myself. In watching the footage i kept looking at the person who was supposed to be me and just not recognising them. I knew what i wore on the day and I can recall certain instances that were shown but to look at myself from that angle (or any camera angle) just wasn’t flattering.  First, i realised that I need to lose more weight and also that i look rather clumsy in my form. I looked like a black shrek who was totally uncoordinated and who seemed only to be on the hike as an enforcer.
 
I know that one can be highly critical of ones appearance, but i just didn’t like any angle of me that was presented. Anyone seeing the show would think that the guy in the red T-shirt didn’t look too bright and I would concur.  It was a sad day for me. The episode was funny but it acted as a wake up call in my frustrated efforts to get slimmer.  Even the space betwen my teeth that i normally consider cute looked like a gaping hole where an actual tooth resided. Alas, age what a terrible friend you are sometimes…..
 
Sigh….Does anyone know the number for Jenny Craig? If not her then someone call Nicole Richie for me.
 
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Posted by on August 2, 2006 in Uncategorized