Monthly Archives: December 2006

Gee Whiz, it’s Christmas????

Hmmph why do I even bother? Every year around Christmas time I say that i am not spending too much money on these cronies who don’t appreciate anything you do for them yet demand a present and every year i seem to spend too much. This year however too much wasn’t as bad as previous years. Actually, in my quest to buy presents for everyone (immediate family only…I don’t buy gifts for cousins, wives, husbands, girlfriends/boyfriends..etc) I found myself purchasing alot of stuff for me.  Of course i don’t need half of the stuff I bought but hey…it’s for me….LOL

I would just appreciate if everyone would be more adult about their spending and their overall demeanor at Christmas time. Take for example Christmas eve morning at Hi-Lo St Augustine.

My mother asks that I purchase 3 Rotisserie Chickens for her in lieu of Turkey (which no one can stand after the first few hours of eating it). So i walk into the crowded supermarket (why everyone is still grocery sopping at this point is beyond me) and head to the back to pick up the items. I get there and take a look at the birds they have for sale and realize that despite the fact that the chickens are all different sizes, they are all the same price. (TSK TSK Shame on you Hi-Lo). Anyway after grumbling for five seconds about the pigeon meat they want me to buy for $36.99 I find some good sized ones and try to leave. This lady grabs one of the chicken containers out of my hand and says: "Let me see nah?" Being the gentleman my mother raised me to be I let her examine the container with the chicken. Then it dawns on me that she is putting it in her shopping cart. (this woman must be going mad!!!). So I politely say:

ME: Excuse me but that is mine.

Lady: But I wanted it.

Me: Well there are other chickens here, you can have anyone of those.

Lady: But I asked you to see this one.

Me: Well you saw it and liked but it is mine. Now let go of it.

Lady: No, I want this one

(Right now my blood is boiling as I cannot understand what the hell is going on over this chicken)

Me: Lady, I have no time for your foolishness. Let go of my blasted chicken and go pick your own. (All Said in Full Voice)

Lady: (lets go of container and sucks her teeth). hmmmph this is what young people coming to?

Me: (spinning around). Yuh try to teef meh chicken and now u think i have no manners? Fire Bun you yes!!!

Now, I normally don’t speak in such a manner but obviously my attempts at proper English were alluding her sensibilities. I made my way to the cashier quickly only to find another long line.

This was a problem as I am in the "1 to 10 items" line and I’m seeing people with shopping carts in the line with obviously more than ten items. After the "Chicken lady" episode earlier, I recognize that this injustice must stop. While waiting in the line I see one of the Hi-Lo floor managers and asked her politely if she can remove the people with more than ten items in the line. She says that I should be charitable since everyone is trying to get home. i quickly point out that those with less than 10 items are looking to get home and the two ladies with the shopping carts are keeping us back. (At this point, the two ladies with the large shopping cart turn around) I get loads of support from my fellow "less than 10 item" holders and the woman walks over to the ladies and asks them to move. As they leave the line, I get the evil stare but i pay it no mind since my good deed for the day has just been done. With them out of the way, the line speeds up and i am out of Hi-Lo and on my way to an Ice Cream Parlour to find Sour Sop ice cream for my mother.

I Love my mother. She is a dear woman to me and in many ways we are alike (which scares me sometimes but not so much that I have to go into therapy for it) but why she want sour sop ice cream of all things during this mad period is beyond me. Didn’t she know that she would have wanted this ice cream three days ago? now begins my hunt for ice cream. 

After stopping at a few places and discovering that they were either sold out of it (you mean there are more people that like sour sop than my mom? Ewww) and just didn’t have any ice cream at all, i gave up and decided to go to the Big Tru Valu Supermarket in Trincity Mall and see if they has any substitutes that she might like. There was no way i was heading back to HiLo. Those ladies might be waiting for me in the car park to cut me or something.

I find Butter Pecan (which i know she likes) and Coconut ice cream there and head to the same express line so as to avoid any long period of time in the Supermarket. Well these people were better organised with the lines and despite their length, they were moving. Too bad i was stuck in front of this woman who had two hams in a "shopping cart" behind me and kept jamming the cart into my butt whenever i moved a step forward. There was no apology from the woman whenever she did this and since I was trying to be civil, when it happened I would turn around and just go "Oops" but she smiled at me and continued to do it.  I text my friend Rhonda and asked her what should i do in this situation. She advised me to take the jamming as it was Christmas. Jeez again with these Christmas reasons for putting up with rubbish.

Me: Excuse me but your cart keeps hitting me whenever i try to move forward. Can you please be mindful of it when pushing it again?

Cart Lady: Well if you would move up faster i wouldn’t have to push you.

Me: Excuse Me????

Cart Lady: You heard me well.

Me: You ain’t see I up under this man ass right now?? I sure he thinks i trying to feel him up since I am so close.

Cart Lady: Well he need to move up as well and tell his wife to come out of the line she taking up space.

 At this point I called on the Lord for Strength and Patience as i was about to make a jail here.

Me: Hear nah, if you hit me with that cart one more time, I will pelt the two hams in the cart at your head. Maybe then you will get some sense.

Cart Lady: Sense i have more sense than you. I am sure I am making more money than you.

Me: Lady whoring is not a job. So you makes no money.

Well who tell me say that? She start to cuss black is white at me and i just turned around and waited calmly in the line. i was hoping that she would hit me with the cart again but no such luck. She called me all sorts of things that not even I will print but in the end, she calmed herself down. The line moved up and i got out. When i was leaving with my bags i turned to her and smiled and said "Merry Christmas". She let out one long steups and told me to go and have sex with myself. Don’t see how that is possible but i just replied: "Jesus loves you too"

There are no more incidents to report for Christmas as everything went smoothly. i avoided most of my family and slept for the better part of the day. When the neighbourhood children started to descend on my mom’s house later that afternoon, i was packed and on my way to Diego Martin. Ahhh Christmas is getting better.

Strangely enough while I was there and the children were eating cake on the porch, one of them kept commenting that she was choking. Apparently this was her attempt at asking for something to drink. She said it like four times and when i couldn’t bear to hear it anymore. i walked outside and told her to either swallow spit or just sit there and choke. She shut up after that.  Sigh…..Children and I have such a bond……sigh…….

I went to a Wedding on Boxing Day in Tobago and that was really cool. Woke up at 5am, got to the airport by 6am, flight left at 7am and the Wedding as at 10am. Before the ceremony even started I dozed off like six times on account of the open air and breezy nature of the place where the wedding was held. Nothing much happened at the wedding except for the Preacher going on about the groom learning to drive his car properly and ensuring that all passengers get to the same destination at the same time. I know pappy could not have been making sexual references in the wedding so my mind did not go there.

So here I am at work on Dec 27th and so wishing that I was home right now.

I hope that your Christmas was enjoyable. Take care for now.

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Posted by on December 27, 2006 in Uncategorized


All I Want for Christmas Is……

Now I don’t want alot for Christmas. But there’s just one thing I need. I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. All I want for Christmas is……….hmmmmmm

LOL! Well I honestly don’t know what I want for Christmas and even if I do say it, people may find it selfish. Christmas pasts have always been a period of mixed emotions for me. It runs the gamut. From me hating every damn decoration I see, to me wanting a Christmas miracle to happen for anyone I meet. The latter happens when I watch too much Christmas TV Movies and Specials and trust me it is not a pretty sight when I’m in a real Yuletide mood.

As a child Christmas was always filled with some measure of wonderment and loads and loads of chores. Why do people in the Caribbean wait until this month to buy every can of paint, scrubbing brush and carpet cleaner they can find and inflict it on children while they go to work? My Christmas vacations were usually spent cleaning a few houses in the neighborhood. No I wasn’t the village maid but when children got together they helped each other out on their chores etc. Too bad I was always too tired to complete mine and since my mom didn’t like people in the house..Well that meant i was left to do it on my own. My older brother would help but he would suddenly get a sneezing fit and well that meant he would retire to his room with his trusty handkerchief (to blow his nose) and a pile of comics to keep him entertained. Yes, yes, yes….boy was I slow on the game back then. Strangely enough, I didn’t mind the work. I would put on the Jim Reeves Christmas Album (why this is a hit in the Caribbean I will never know) and work along to it. When the Christmas Polka came on, I would dance like an idiot and by then all the chores seemed not to matter. Another song that always perked me up during these times was some number called "Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas". I can’t remember who sang it (Carla something blah blah blah) but I would rock out to it and hold my own concert in the house.  

Sigh…those were the days… Now as I get older. Christmas doesn’t hold that much significance for me. I just see it as the time when the "gimme gimme gang" come out and make their presence known in a big way. Take for example this. A member of my family (who shall remain nameless) sent me an email telling me that I may have an email in my junk box on what they want for Christmas. Confused? I was too. I didn’t understand why they just didn’t send the link directly. Anyway, On the checking out the website I discover that it doesn’t seem that secure and I wasn’t about to put my credit card information to purchase something for US$50 and end up being charged  for a purchase in Guatemala or something later on.  So I tell the individual that I don’t trust the web site so I don’t think that they can get what they wanted. I get a text from said party. 

Family Member:"Oh Ok No problem. I’ll take a DVD Player then." 

My Response: You getting ridiculous. I look like your father. You must be high on something. 

Now I don’t mind people telling me what they want for Christmas. It’s everybody’s right to have their wish list broadcast to the masses in the hope that someone would hear. But that seemed like an order and not a request. I was livid for a while after that. It is one thing to ask for a gift and then another thing to demand one and put a nice big price tag on it. Right now I see a bright future ahead for that family member. NO PRESENT WHATSOEVER!!!!! But a Bright future.  The nerve of some people. What ever happened to being humble and polite and accepting what you get? Well I kind of never prescribed to that theory either as I never was happy with what I got.  

I remember one year my older brother got clothing galore. I mean some were hand-me downs from an uncle but they were in excellent condition and the majority were brand new. What did Stefan get???? Let me just say that my brother was 16 at the time and I was 13. Stefan got …sigh…sigh…two pitiful novels and underwear. The underwear didn’t upset me at all, but the books did. I finished reading those two books by Boxing Day and then I was bored all over again. I remember my mother seeing my face when I unwrapped my presents and then saw what my brother got. She said nothing at that time but when she saw that my sunny disposition was replaced with sulking and utter disgust throughout the day, she decided she needed to act.  

She pulled me aside and told me how I was an ungrateful selfish little wretch and that I needed to be thankful for all of the blessings I had and stop the stupid moping.  Of course she also threatened me with bodily harm if my attitude did not change, so it did (well whenever she was around or in a 2 mile radius). Since then I don’t think Christmas has ever been the same for me. I did get more presents that year from other family members but my brother cleaned up that year. Was I selfish? I don’t think so. I was disappointed as any child would be but I don’t think selfish is a word that should describe me.  That Christmas still haunts me today and it is the reason why I don’t expect anything from anyone nor do I even bother to look into someone’s eyes when I give them a present. If I ever saw the same look I had for that Christmas in their eyes, I think I would die. 

Anyway, onwards to this year where I foresee no one getting a thing. The musical that I was supposed to be in has been postponed (AGAIN) to April 2007 so that removes any excess cash I was hoping to get for this season to splurge on anyone.  My apartment is in need of a little sprucing and in general ,things are so expensive. How come no one wants a dolly or a toy gun anymore? Why is it that Nintendo, DVD players, ipods and Laptops are taking over? Hmmm even Hallmark cards are getting so expensive now that I think they are a gift within themselves.  

So I don’t know about everyone else but I think I am going to sit this Christmas out.  The songs, the food and even the atmosphere are not moving me to be jolly at all. Granted that I may possess a tad cynical disposition but I have an open heart that is ready to welcome those who dare try and find it. (What?? You thought the passageway to it would be clear? Steups……Must everything be easy for you?) 

So this is my story. I do wish everyone reading my blog a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope that your season is joyous and filled with precious moments that will touch your heart and keep you loving through out the year.  (Whoa!! I almost brought up something there after I wrote that….) 

So to answer anyone who wants to know what I want for Christmas??? I want…….love. Not the mushy kind.  I want a love that won’t break down or fence me in. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. You like that one eh……..NOPE…I’ll never tell….

Frohe Weinachten (German)
Joyeux Noel (French)
Bonne Natale( Italian)
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Posted by on December 14, 2006 in Uncategorized