LOL! Well I honestly don’t know what I want for Christmas and even if I do say it, people may find it selfish. Christmas pasts have always been a period of mixed emotions for me. It runs the gamut. From me hating every damn decoration I see, to me wanting a Christmas miracle to happen for anyone I meet. The latter happens when I watch too much Christmas TV Movies and Specials and trust me it is not a pretty sight when I’m in a real Yuletide mood.
As a child Christmas was always filled with some measure of wonderment and loads and loads of chores. Why do people in the Caribbean wait until this month to buy every can of paint, scrubbing brush and carpet cleaner they can find and inflict it on children while they go to work? My Christmas vacations were usually spent cleaning a few houses in the neighborhood. No I wasn’t the village maid but when children got together they helped each other out on their chores etc. Too bad I was always too tired to complete mine and since my mom didn’t like people in the house..Well that meant i was left to do it on my own. My older brother would help but he would suddenly get a sneezing fit and well that meant he would retire to his room with his trusty handkerchief (to blow his nose) and a pile of comics to keep him entertained. Yes, yes, yes….boy was I slow on the game back then. Strangely enough, I didn’t mind the work. I would put on the Jim Reeves Christmas Album (why this is a hit in the Caribbean I will never know) and work along to it. When the Christmas Polka came on, I would dance like an idiot and by then all the chores seemed not to matter. Another song that always perked me up during these times was some number called "Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas". I can’t remember who sang it (Carla something blah blah blah) but I would rock out to it and hold my own concert in the house.
Sigh…those were the days… Now as I get older. Christmas doesn’t hold that much significance for me. I just see it as the time when the "gimme gimme gang" come out and make their presence known in a big way. Take for example this. A member of my family (who shall remain nameless) sent me an email telling me that I may have an email in my junk box on what they want for Christmas. Confused? I was too. I didn’t understand why they just didn’t send the link directly. Anyway, On the checking out the website I discover that it doesn’t seem that secure and I wasn’t about to put my credit card information to purchase something for US$50 and end up being charged for a purchase in Guatemala or something later on. So I tell the individual that I don’t trust the web site so I don’t think that they can get what they wanted. I get a text from said party.
Family Member:"Oh Ok No problem. I’ll take a DVD Player then."
My Response: You getting ridiculous. I look like your father. You must be high on something.
Now I don’t mind people telling me what they want for Christmas. It’s everybody’s right to have their wish list broadcast to the masses in the hope that someone would hear. But that seemed like an order and not a request. I was livid for a while after that. It is one thing to ask for a gift and then another thing to demand one and put a nice big price tag on it. Right now I see a bright future ahead for that family member. NO PRESENT WHATSOEVER!!!!! But a Bright future. The nerve of some people. What ever happened to being humble and polite and accepting what you get? Well I kind of never prescribed to that theory either as I never was happy with what I got.
I remember one year my older brother got clothing galore. I mean some were hand-me downs from an uncle but they were in excellent condition and the majority were brand new. What did Stefan get???? Let me just say that my brother was 16 at the time and I was 13. Stefan got …sigh…sigh…two pitiful novels and underwear. The underwear didn’t upset me at all, but the books did. I finished reading those two books by Boxing Day and then I was bored all over again. I remember my mother seeing my face when I unwrapped my presents and then saw what my brother got. She said nothing at that time but when she saw that my sunny disposition was replaced with sulking and utter disgust throughout the day, she decided she needed to act.
She pulled me aside and told me how I was an ungrateful selfish little wretch and that I needed to be thankful for all of the blessings I had and stop the stupid moping. Of course she also threatened me with bodily harm if my attitude did not change, so it did (well whenever she was around or in a 2 mile radius). Since then I don’t think Christmas has ever been the same for me. I did get more presents that year from other family members but my brother cleaned up that year. Was I selfish? I don’t think so. I was disappointed as any child would be but I don’t think selfish is a word that should describe me. That Christmas still haunts me today and it is the reason why I don’t expect anything from anyone nor do I even bother to look into someone’s eyes when I give them a present. If I ever saw the same look I had for that Christmas in their eyes, I think I would die.
Anyway, onwards to this year where I foresee no one getting a thing. The musical that I was supposed to be in has been postponed (AGAIN) to April 2007 so that removes any excess cash I was hoping to get for this season to splurge on anyone. My apartment is in need of a little sprucing and in general ,things are so expensive. How come no one wants a dolly or a toy gun anymore? Why is it that Nintendo, DVD players, ipods and Laptops are taking over? Hmmm even Hallmark cards are getting so expensive now that I think they are a gift within themselves.
So I don’t know about everyone else but I think I am going to sit this Christmas out. The songs, the food and even the atmosphere are not moving me to be jolly at all. Granted that I may possess a tad cynical disposition but I have an open heart that is ready to welcome those who dare try and find it. (What?? You thought the passageway to it would be clear? Steups……Must everything be easy for you?)
So this is my story. I do wish everyone reading my blog a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope that your season is joyous and filled with precious moments that will touch your heart and keep you loving through out the year. (Whoa!! I almost brought up something there after I wrote that….)
So to answer anyone who wants to know what I want for Christmas??? I want…….love. Not the mushy kind. I want a love that won’t break down or fence me in. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. You like that one eh……..NOPE…I’ll never tell….