Gee Whiz, it’s Christmas????

27 Dec

Hmmph why do I even bother? Every year around Christmas time I say that i am not spending too much money on these cronies who don’t appreciate anything you do for them yet demand a present and every year i seem to spend too much. This year however too much wasn’t as bad as previous years. Actually, in my quest to buy presents for everyone (immediate family only…I don’t buy gifts for cousins, wives, husbands, girlfriends/boyfriends..etc) I found myself purchasing alot of stuff for me.  Of course i don’t need half of the stuff I bought but hey…it’s for me….LOL

I would just appreciate if everyone would be more adult about their spending and their overall demeanor at Christmas time. Take for example Christmas eve morning at Hi-Lo St Augustine.

My mother asks that I purchase 3 Rotisserie Chickens for her in lieu of Turkey (which no one can stand after the first few hours of eating it). So i walk into the crowded supermarket (why everyone is still grocery sopping at this point is beyond me) and head to the back to pick up the items. I get there and take a look at the birds they have for sale and realize that despite the fact that the chickens are all different sizes, they are all the same price. (TSK TSK Shame on you Hi-Lo). Anyway after grumbling for five seconds about the pigeon meat they want me to buy for $36.99 I find some good sized ones and try to leave. This lady grabs one of the chicken containers out of my hand and says: "Let me see nah?" Being the gentleman my mother raised me to be I let her examine the container with the chicken. Then it dawns on me that she is putting it in her shopping cart. (this woman must be going mad!!!). So I politely say:

ME: Excuse me but that is mine.

Lady: But I wanted it.

Me: Well there are other chickens here, you can have anyone of those.

Lady: But I asked you to see this one.

Me: Well you saw it and liked but it is mine. Now let go of it.

Lady: No, I want this one

(Right now my blood is boiling as I cannot understand what the hell is going on over this chicken)

Me: Lady, I have no time for your foolishness. Let go of my blasted chicken and go pick your own. (All Said in Full Voice)

Lady: (lets go of container and sucks her teeth). hmmmph this is what young people coming to?

Me: (spinning around). Yuh try to teef meh chicken and now u think i have no manners? Fire Bun you yes!!!

Now, I normally don’t speak in such a manner but obviously my attempts at proper English were alluding her sensibilities. I made my way to the cashier quickly only to find another long line.

This was a problem as I am in the "1 to 10 items" line and I’m seeing people with shopping carts in the line with obviously more than ten items. After the "Chicken lady" episode earlier, I recognize that this injustice must stop. While waiting in the line I see one of the Hi-Lo floor managers and asked her politely if she can remove the people with more than ten items in the line. She says that I should be charitable since everyone is trying to get home. i quickly point out that those with less than 10 items are looking to get home and the two ladies with the shopping carts are keeping us back. (At this point, the two ladies with the large shopping cart turn around) I get loads of support from my fellow "less than 10 item" holders and the woman walks over to the ladies and asks them to move. As they leave the line, I get the evil stare but i pay it no mind since my good deed for the day has just been done. With them out of the way, the line speeds up and i am out of Hi-Lo and on my way to an Ice Cream Parlour to find Sour Sop ice cream for my mother.

I Love my mother. She is a dear woman to me and in many ways we are alike (which scares me sometimes but not so much that I have to go into therapy for it) but why she want sour sop ice cream of all things during this mad period is beyond me. Didn’t she know that she would have wanted this ice cream three days ago? now begins my hunt for ice cream. 

After stopping at a few places and discovering that they were either sold out of it (you mean there are more people that like sour sop than my mom? Ewww) and just didn’t have any ice cream at all, i gave up and decided to go to the Big Tru Valu Supermarket in Trincity Mall and see if they has any substitutes that she might like. There was no way i was heading back to HiLo. Those ladies might be waiting for me in the car park to cut me or something.

I find Butter Pecan (which i know she likes) and Coconut ice cream there and head to the same express line so as to avoid any long period of time in the Supermarket. Well these people were better organised with the lines and despite their length, they were moving. Too bad i was stuck in front of this woman who had two hams in a "shopping cart" behind me and kept jamming the cart into my butt whenever i moved a step forward. There was no apology from the woman whenever she did this and since I was trying to be civil, when it happened I would turn around and just go "Oops" but she smiled at me and continued to do it.  I text my friend Rhonda and asked her what should i do in this situation. She advised me to take the jamming as it was Christmas. Jeez again with these Christmas reasons for putting up with rubbish.

Me: Excuse me but your cart keeps hitting me whenever i try to move forward. Can you please be mindful of it when pushing it again?

Cart Lady: Well if you would move up faster i wouldn’t have to push you.

Me: Excuse Me????

Cart Lady: You heard me well.

Me: You ain’t see I up under this man ass right now?? I sure he thinks i trying to feel him up since I am so close.

Cart Lady: Well he need to move up as well and tell his wife to come out of the line she taking up space.

 At this point I called on the Lord for Strength and Patience as i was about to make a jail here.

Me: Hear nah, if you hit me with that cart one more time, I will pelt the two hams in the cart at your head. Maybe then you will get some sense.

Cart Lady: Sense i have more sense than you. I am sure I am making more money than you.

Me: Lady whoring is not a job. So you makes no money.

Well who tell me say that? She start to cuss black is white at me and i just turned around and waited calmly in the line. i was hoping that she would hit me with the cart again but no such luck. She called me all sorts of things that not even I will print but in the end, she calmed herself down. The line moved up and i got out. When i was leaving with my bags i turned to her and smiled and said "Merry Christmas". She let out one long steups and told me to go and have sex with myself. Don’t see how that is possible but i just replied: "Jesus loves you too"

There are no more incidents to report for Christmas as everything went smoothly. i avoided most of my family and slept for the better part of the day. When the neighbourhood children started to descend on my mom’s house later that afternoon, i was packed and on my way to Diego Martin. Ahhh Christmas is getting better.

Strangely enough while I was there and the children were eating cake on the porch, one of them kept commenting that she was choking. Apparently this was her attempt at asking for something to drink. She said it like four times and when i couldn’t bear to hear it anymore. i walked outside and told her to either swallow spit or just sit there and choke. She shut up after that.  Sigh…..Children and I have such a bond……sigh…….

I went to a Wedding on Boxing Day in Tobago and that was really cool. Woke up at 5am, got to the airport by 6am, flight left at 7am and the Wedding as at 10am. Before the ceremony even started I dozed off like six times on account of the open air and breezy nature of the place where the wedding was held. Nothing much happened at the wedding except for the Preacher going on about the groom learning to drive his car properly and ensuring that all passengers get to the same destination at the same time. I know pappy could not have been making sexual references in the wedding so my mind did not go there.

So here I am at work on Dec 27th and so wishing that I was home right now.

I hope that your Christmas was enjoyable. Take care for now.

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Posted by on December 27, 2006 in Uncategorized


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