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Monthly Archives: January 2007

You Learn


This excerpt is taken from a spam email someone sent me. I thought that i would share it given it’s nature and the fact that alot of the things stated in it, i believe in on some level.  ENJOY!!!

As I’ve Matured

 

1.      I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in… ( Still waiting for this one to kick in)

2.      I’ve learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets. (Preaching to the choir here)

3.      I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just fools.( Choir here)

4.      I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. (Guilty)

5.      I’ve learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. (Nuff Said!!)

6.      I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.(And probably have an STD too)

7.      I’ve learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8.      I’ve learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off. (err still learning this one)

9.      I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things. (So true….hard lesson to learn though)

10.  I’ve learned that ex’s are like fungus, they just keep coming back. (Well no one I’ve kissed ever fights me again, so i understand their dilemma)

11.  I’ve learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity. (Yuh know…. i not calling names here)

12.  I’ve learned that I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy it. (The other voices agree)

13.  I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. (or unless we have a trust fund)

14.  I’ve learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. (Choir preaching again)

15.   I’ve learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

16.    I’’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the rear are permanent. (Here’s to the permanent ones……STEUPS!!!!!)

 

 
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Posted by on January 31, 2007 in Uncategorized

 

Thank You


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!
 
I just wanted everyone to know that today passed incident free and this time there were no selfish women trying to make it about their emotions instead of my birth celebration. I saw friends and family but kept to myself mainly. The year hasn’t been the happiest  one for me so far so to just even get through today and not be stressed was a really good thing.
 
So here’s to me turning  34 and not caring about my age but just being thankful that I am alive, in good health and that I have some amazing friends worldwide that sometimes i wish were all back home or just nearer to me.
 
Thanks for your love and support. Hopefully this year I won’t have to start buying "Just for Men" hair dye. LOL
 
THANK YOU. DANKE SEHR. MERCI BEAUCOUP. MUCHAS GRACIAS. MUITO OBRIGADO.
 
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Posted by on January 28, 2007 in Uncategorized

 

I’m Gonna Be Strong


 In everything that happens to me, I would like to believe that GOD is at work in my life and he trying to send a clear message to me. Particualrly this rounds. After the blown tires, the non-functioning cell phone among other incidents, I am of the opinion that a change is required in my life. NO, no no i ‘m not trying to go all Dr. Phil-esque on you but jeez man January so far has been a serious source of stress and deep awakenings that are testing me to the core. I thought my self-esteem etc was in tact but WHOA NELLY….I need to reflect again.

I think the event that sealed it for me was last Friday night when i made an appearance on my friend’s TV show on Gayelle called "Dreevay Prime Cuts". The topic was on Sex at Carnival and I was being my usual informative self when all of a sudden i started to be attacked. I was asked the question: "If someone approached me during carnival for sex. How would I feel?" My honest answer was that I would feel flattered and that it would be a mini ego-boost that someone wants to sleep with me. I also pointed out that i would not even consider the offer but it is nice to have someone pay such a compliment to you even though they are doing it to satisfy their needs. Remember i said a "mini ego boost". Well After my reply i was attacked from two people who never really ever experienced carnival and who said that I was insecure and that I need to wake up because insecurity is not an attractive trait.

I was puzzled. My answer wasn’t that i would sleep with the person but that it would be a temporary boost to self esteem. I responded by telling the two individuals that unless they grew up in perfect homes, we all have insecurities but we also have a brain to figure out what people want from us. Did that stop them? No.  They launched into the fact that the reason i am alone is that i am not a confident person. WHAT??? Me not a confident person???? I sighed and made them aware that confidence is relative  and all depends on your feelings towards a particular individual  etc. One person may see you as confident while based on the same conversation another may not.  

I was then told that my comment has to do with indifference and nothing to do with confidence. Hmmmmm I felt my walls of defense go up as my brain told itself that we were under attack.  As I about to launch a scathing attack on the two subjects that deemed me inferior to their moralistic ways, a small voice told me to be mindful that i was on live TV.  

Instead i just told both individuals that they were entitled to their opinions no matter how wrong they were. At that point we went to a break and the host was excited as he thought that this was one of the best shows he had done on a serious topic. Me?? I was fuming. Ready to burst a blood vessel. Given the limited time frame after the break he did not want me to respond so i did not get a chance to put the demons in their place. My small remedy for that move? ..Silence….I did not speak at all.  Some caller sent a text message telling me that I need to fix inside before i can be confident on the outside……Hear nah if I had known that woman’s number i would tell her to stop reading the damn Mills & Boon and get a real job. On air, however I just looked at the camera when the text was read and said….."Yeah. Whatever" 

For the first time in a long time i actually felt defeated. I felt as if all my work on me and my accomplishments came to naught as I came across (in my mind) as a loser. For the rest of that night i just couldn’t shake the feeling that the reason for my lack of relationship ha to do with my confidence level. it is amazing how in a weak moment we can allow the opinions of people that don’t matter to affect us to the core. My confidence level was shot that night and no matter how i tried to pick myself up (insert binge eating here), it never worked.

I am however of the opinion that my lack of confidence/relationship or love has more to do with:

1) My pickiness (not really but my friends will say that i have impossible standards..I really don’t..i just want a connection that’s all)

2) The tendency for most women to try and control my every move as soon as we form some kind bond.(Find another person to control)

3) My lack of interest in finding someone.

In this life, we meet all sorts of individuals, gay, straight, bi-sexual, freak, baby making machine, abused, abandoned, demented, bi-polar, OCD riddled….look you just meet all sorts of people. The goal most people want you to fulfill is to find someone out of this mix and make it work. Jeez, are they serious? I already have my luggage plus the carry-on, if i add yours i am going to have to pay overweight. 

My goal (as it has always been) is to find according to Alanis Morissette " Someone else to catch this drift". Bernie Taupin put it best when he said that he wants someone that won’t break him down and bend him in. In other words, don’t try to change me. I know who I am. If you can’t work with it well,  I’m sure there is someone else out there willing to put up with your shit. 

So am i lacking in confidence? Probably, but not  to any large extent. Yes, yes i go gaga over someone new and may even let them walk all over me for a brief period. Notice it is a brief period as tolerance levels change when i realize they think that they have an extra court jester to amuse them. I’m not the gruffest or even toughest person but i make no excuses for the way I treat people. It is the same way I expect to be treated. With RESPECT.  When did it start that unless someone ignores us or play games with us that they are the best candidate for us?  

I’m guessing that when things come too easily, we reject it as being not worth it. I highly doubt it.  

Anyway, all of this is to say the I am not changing me to fit anyone else. All alterations will be taken under advisement.  

I’m still wounded from the experience because it left me questioning what have I been doing wrong for the past 33 years? In the end, i know I have done alot of right things and to the ones that can criticize yet their lives are in worse shape than mine…..GOOD LUCK!!!! 

I just can’t understand how being nice to people can be perceived as lacking in confidence. Actually I can and it all has ot do withthe other party and their perception of what kind of "door mat" they think you are. People are soo messed up.

God Bless You……. 

Oh did I tell you that i gave up cursing for the new year as well. I will leave the expletives to my sailor mouth friend Stacey.

 BTTW:
I’m writing this and still recovering from overeating at a Fete the night before……Right now Pepto-Bismol is my new best friend.
 
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Posted by on January 22, 2007 in Uncategorized

 

Bad Day


Had a Bad Day? Well hmmmm I had a weird first week of January 2007.

 

After proclaiming in my blog that I will "ENJOY" 2007 and all the stuff I have to do in it, up comes Week 1 of 2007 and makes me wonder if God is teaching me a lesson or do I still have bad karma waiting to strike. But I kept saying no…I have been really good last year and I truly did not offend or insult or belittle anyone during the year (well those that didn’t deserve it). I just couldn’t understand the reasoning behind the following events that occurred.

 

Tuesday January 2:

The first day of worka nd I’m all pumped and ready for it. i am even singing loudly in the car going to work and having a grand old time. Then as i get into Port of Spain, all I hear is Pfooossssssst followed by ssssssssssssssssssssssss. Would you believe that a tire has blown? I am determined not to get out  in the middle of town to fix it and since i was not too far from the Bank’s parking lot I decided to ride the tire til then. Of course, every passerby needed to tell me that my tyre was flat but strangely enough no one offered to help (not even the homeless or the insane).  So I get to the parking lot and the Bank’s Car Park attendant comes to me and asks if i need help changing the tyre. I smile at this and say yes (after all i am in full work clothes and I really didn’t want to get too sweaty).  So as I began to take all the stuff out for the tyre change, the car park attendant suddenly says that he can’t bend as he has a bad back. (So what the hell you here for then? I say to myself).

Would you believe he just stands there while I change the tyre and is even giving me directions as to what to do? I was on the verge of cussing but it is a new year and love must be spread all around. Now anybody that has a European car know that it takes almost an hour to change the bloody tyre since you have to find the wheel lock, pull out the spare (that comes with its own nuts) and crank up the heavy car with a jack that was obviously designed to be used by muscle men. It is easy to say I was sweating like a whore at a Church revival.

 

A co-worker passed by and saw what was going on and he also added commentary to my tyre change without even offering any assistance. (Trinis are a gem). In the end I was wet, my hands were extremely dirty and I hadn’t had breakfast yet so I was not in a very good mood. I contemplated going back home but I opted to suck it up and go to work and make the most of the day.

 

The day never got better nor did it get any worse. It just hovered over me and made simple operations difficult. I spoke to the Managing Director of the Merchant Bank that day and told him of the bad morning I had. His response: “At least no one in your family is dying of cancer or something so it’s all relative”.

 

Sigh……no sympathy from anyone. Hmmph I wonder when was the last time I’m sure he had to change a tyre?

 

Wednesday January 3:

I won’t get into specifics but I was unable to get the tyre repaired on yesterday and when I went to  get it done, I was told that I needed a new tyre as the old one could not be fixed. Jeez, that meant I would have to buy 4 brand new tyres as the tyres were due for changing in about a month. This meant the expenditure of $4000 that I had not planned on spending for the month of January which we all know is the most difficult time of month with regards to cash flow.. Not a good day

 

Thursday January 4:

My Motorola Razr cell phone’s screen goes blank. The phone is still operational otherwise but I can’t read text messages nor can I know who is calling me. My attempts to find a place to repair it yielded individuals giving an estimated repair time of 4 to 5 days or the classic one “I cyah fix this, yuh go need to get a new phone. We have these for sale over here”.

 

In the end I bought a $250 Nokia phone to get me through this period while the phone is repaired. Another unforeseen expense. The phone costs $250 to repair and it only started to work well again on Sunday.

 

Friday January 5:

I ask three friends to accompany me to an Irish Pub called J. Malone’s to celebrate the end of a bad work week. I just needed to have non-stressful people around who would not ask me anything about my bad day but just appreciate my love for a burger this pub makes. The J. Malone Burger is wickedly tasty and my mouth is watering just thinking about it.  One friend was being dodgy about his estimated time of arrival to the event but as I have learnt with people, you just ignore them. If they turn up they turn up. He turns up with two girls on his arm and says that he just met them.

 

Out loud I smile and welcome them to the table but internally I wanted to cuss the boy as I really wasn’t in a mood to be sociable to two obviously daft young ladies who kept giggling at everything that was said. But I promised to be nice and make jokes with them.

 

Then it happens, my friend who brought the two girls disappears for ten minutes on returning ends up spilling his drink on one of the girls and my feet get wet in the process. He then disappears for another ten minutes while I am left to entertain these girls.  All this time my burger hasn’t arrived so my blood sugar level is low.

 

When I enquire as to the readiness of my burger, I am told that they are out of burgers. I smile. My friend returns with one more young lady and I see the faces of the other two change immediately. I look at my other two friends and we arrive at the same decision right then and there.

 

I excuse myself and go to the bathroom to clean off jeans from the drink while my other two friends pay the tab and then we exit without the guy being aware that we left.  I ended up in Ruby Tuesday eating Honey Barbecue Chicken tenders and hating every minute of it.

 

We all parted ways not too long after and I went home and slept as I needed this week to end.

 

Nothing bad happened on the weekend as I stayed in for most of it.

 

So how was your first week of the New Year?

 
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Posted by on January 8, 2007 in Uncategorized

 

ENJOY……………


This is my only resolution for 2007. I try not to do resolutions for the New Year as i fail miserably at them, but I must say that 2006 was a really interesting year and my desire to lose weight was to some extent actually achieved. Yup I did lose some weight and as a result i feel really good. While my clothing may fit a bit differently, I still however don’t  have a six pack, but then again…."if wishes were horses, beggars might ride".
 
 
As I remember 2006, I can only smile. For the first time in a long time the year wasn’t filled with lots of disappointment.  I encountered loads of strange people along the way, recorded my experiences in most cases and hopefully made alot of people laugh and break the monotony of their lives. New Music was discovered, i acted in a play, had a small scene in a TV movie and rehearsed one to death that never came off. Hmmm it really was that bad.  I remember fondly going on a hike that aired on TV and that made me look like Shrek’s dark brother; Going a  Performance piece that still  creeps me out when I think about it and even travelling to different countries. All in all, Life was good to me depsite my ranting all through the year.
 
A long time ago I came up with this concept that my life is a big TV show where the producers, writers and directors dictate my fate and that of the characters in my show. So there would be those with recurring roles, guest spots and new characters. Of course for some periods my show has abysmal ratngs due to me being very boring but then sometimes I can beat back or rival the best dramatic or comedy series on Television. The only input I think I have in the show is its soundtrack. I seem to find or stumble on some interesting music all thru the year. My friend Matthew introduces me to some as well but then again I think he has a rival show in another country so I won’t give his show much airtime (unless it is a cross over episode).
 
As I look back on 2006, my show has introduced new characters, gotten rid of some and changed my storylines. I changed jobs internally within the bank i work for and totally took myself out of my comfort zone.  I even tried my hand at dating or actually being set up on blind dates. (Of course, we will not have a repeat of those in 2007). At the end of it, I have made some new friends, strengthened some friendships and gotten rid of those that I either didn’t care for or in one instant I was gotten rid of. LOL!! But through it all, I have managed to have some fun. Some of the characters of old have passed on Byron Williams (Blair’s dad) and Leroy(Ian’s Step dad), some have gotten married (Blair) , produced offsprings (Blair again, Paul Leacock, Rachel Armorer-singh and Mark Hernandez) and some have completed theirs Masters with a Distinction (YEAH!!!!  STACEY LEIGH). Overall, it has been good.
 
There are so many instances I can recall; people’s names that i’d love to mention  but that would all be too much info for my readers at this point.  I learnt alot of valuable lessons in 2006 even in my old age. I still realise that I am a walk-over for certain people while others regard me as "The Devil" . Yet i am still to understand why treating someone bad attracts them to you more than actually showing them kindness. S&M tendencies anyone?…LOL 
 
I rang in the New Year at my apartment reading a book called "Eldest" by Christopher Paolini. So far it’s going good (the chapter and a half that i’ve read).  I always chose a laid back opening to the New Year so that I have money for the carnival All Inclusive fetes to come and also because I don’t like wasting money all for a one second change in time that is supposed to herald an immediate change in a person’s life or attitude. What a load of crock that is!!
 
Anyway, I just want to wish everyone a HAPPY 2007 and i pray we all make time for  family and to ensure that we continue to enjoy our lives and not let stuff get us down.
 
I leave you with the chorus from Janet Jackson’s song "Enjoy". I think it signifies exactly how I hope to be this year:
 
I Just enjoy and celebrate
Enjoy the love we meet
Enjoy appreciateEenjoy
Just keepon doin it
til my hearts content
And enjoy when someone smiles
Enjoy
So just enjoy the simple things
Enjoy the joy life brings
Enjoy when someone sings
Enjoy
Just keep doin it til your hearts content
And enjoy the gift of life
Enjoy
 
 P.S: I still do not tolerate Janet Jackson quirks, jokes, insults etc. So I will still cut you or run you over if you make them in my presence. If you persist, know that you will be visited upon by a vagrant hurdling faeces at you. (it’s all i can afford for $20).
 
ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY…….
 
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Posted by on January 1, 2007 in Uncategorized