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Monthly Archives: February 2007

Boots


I don’t know why i keep doing stuff like this but once in awhile I always decide to do something out of the norm. You know, i make a decision to leave my comfort zone and security area and step into a different unknown and usually unexplored territory. That event was ARMY Fete on Friday night. This is a carnival party thrown by the Defense Force of Trinidad and Tobago and has the reputation for being the "safest" fete (outside of all-inclusives) thatone can attend. In other words, common folk are all around and one doesn’t have to fear for your life or guard your wallet. After all, it’s the ARMY hosting the party. They will put anyone in their place and throw anyone out that doesn’t go along with status quo.   Sigh………Why do I keep buying into hype?
 
So I went to the event with four guys. After all, bringing women to this thing meant someone will have to watch over them and the last thing one wants to do at a carnival party is be a babysitter.  We got there around midnight and while walking in, I started to notice the stark difference in dress attire as compared with some of the parties that I’ve gone to for the year. Some were interesting, others bordered on obscene and some people should be shot for even thinking of wearing what they had one. One woman in particular, rather plump, had on a pair of batty riders (well I assume they were batty riders or just normal shortpants and fit her like that). Most of her ass was outside and her rolling layers of fat were on full display. She had her war paint on ( I mean make up) and she and her crew from Animal Farm were there for allot see. i briefly made eye contact with her and heard the comments "All ah dis is yours tonight family…just come and take it when yuh ready".  I did not turn around but i did make a mental note not to be anywhere where she might turn up. (First sign – things might not go well)
 
We reached to the entrance to the party and there seemed to be army men in riot gear and absolute chaos all around. There were no barricades so that people could line up in an order fashion. The army assumed the role as the barricade and failed miserably. This was a prime indication that things were not going to go well tonight (Second Sign). We entered the melee and after about fifteen minutes of the crowd pushing me in (at least two of those minutes I was moving with the crowd without my feet touching the ground.) When we finally got in we were then frisked by civilians who were not checking everyone as they came in. (Third Sign)
 
SIDENOTE: Perfume/Cologne does not cover up the smell of not haven taken a bath. The crowd was littered with people who were sweating due to the congestion and their lack of deodrant/hygiene was failing them and assaulting my nose on levels that not even my brain is accusomted to.
 
 
Inside the fete, there was just a sea of people, but everything apeared calm. We got drinks with ease and proceeded deeper into the crowd to pick a spot from where we could survey all actions. We found one and after getting comfortable in my surroundings I realised that :
a) Women were scarce and many were scary looking
b) People probably got discounts on tickets for being ugly
3) The fat girl and her friends were following us.
 
A few bands played and some artistes performed whom I knew nothing of or about, but the rest of crowd seemed to know them well. (Just goes to show that I am not one with grass-roots community. Hmmm I may need to brush up on my slang then). Bunji Garlin was so-so, Denise Belfon rocked as usual and the host of artistes I knew nothing of..well they were ok.  The two performers most of the crowd were waiting on was Shurwayne Winchester with Atlantik and Machel Montano HD. Don’t ask me what the HD means other than he fired everyone from Xtatik and formed a new band..
 
During this theseperformances, a mini-fight broke out near me between two girls and one girl decided to cuss another and proceeded to throw water on her. Half of the water ended up on me. Sigh (Danger Danger Will Robinson) – Fourth Sign- Doom Approaching.
 
The ultimate sign that I should not have been there came when Machel Montano walked on stage and the creatures aorund me went into a frenzy. it is amazing to see how people seem to lose control of themselves and become absolutely animal like once Machel beings to perform. It is as if they are possessed at that point in time. These natives were whipped into a frenzy. Beer was being thrown all over the place, people were jumping on one another, i was holding on to my cellphone and money in my pocket, the fat girl grabbed me during this frenzied state. I screamed (like a big girl) and tried to get away from "Ursula the Sea witche’s tentacles" and just as i got free, I felt something hit me hard on my head.
 
Someone had thrown something into  crowd and apparently it chose to land on my head. It hurt like a MF but it gave me a chance to ease away from the fat girl to recuperate. I fullygot into Machel’s performance and was having a good time when I felt a sting on my head. My sweat had made contact with something on myhead that was now slightly tingling me. i touched the spot where the UFO had hit me and when i looked at my hand, the was a small amount of blood.
 
Yes folks you read correctly, I got a "buss head" at the event. The cut on it wasn’t that deep nor wide but my mood changed automatically as a result. Fat Girl on realising my injury grabbed me and said that she wastaking me to the Ambulance. I told her that I was fine and that I was going to the Bathroom (by myself) to check it out.  i honestly was going by no Port-A- Potty to check my injury out, i just wanted the thing to stop touching me. I got treatment for the injury at the Ambulance and it turned out to be a slightscape on my forehead. i was thankful for that….No scar will remain.
 
Now on visiting the Ambulance, a group of armymen came up to me to ask if i was in a fight. One started shouting at me and i just turned to him and said.
Me: Ay, I’m not deaf (signing it as well). Speak to me in civil tone or i will ignore you.
Army Guy: Who you was fighting with?
Me: Does my injury look as if it was from a fight? Something hit me while Machel was performing.
Army Guy: Leh meh see (He pulls my head to his face)
Army Guy: Steups…that is what u come to the ambulance for? That not even a real injury.
Me: Well sorry I couldn’t get Rambo to put agash in my head but since i didn’t know what hit me I didn’t want to risk the chance of infection.
Me: Is that answer good enough for you?
 
The Army guy looks at me with disgust and contempt. He then walks off with his other idiot friends to question some guy that is wheezing. Hmmm and we wonder why the coutnry is in a mess. We put guns in the hands of people with a minimum of 3 "O" Levels and expect them to be reasonable when all they want to do is shoot. Sigh……
 
i’ve always had a little problem with authority from ever since. Particularly with any form of Regimen…like cadets etc. Shouting at me is not going to auger well for you winning my trust especially if you are an idiot.
 
With that rubbish out of the way, i make it back to the area jsut in time to hear Patrice Roberts massacre another song by singing off key. Fat Girl touches my head and says she will take me home later and make it all better. i tell her that I  don’tthink my boyfriend would approve. She watches me, laughs and leaves me alone for a whole 15 minutes.
 
Shurwayne Winchester came on and fling his towel around for the umpteenth time this carnival season. (Jeez I swear he needs toget a new act). A strange but cute girl walks up to me asks me:
 
Girl: Whey yuh from?
Me: Arima
Girl: Nah ah mean yuh from foreign nah..yuh just come home for de canival?
(Do you notice how her speech is just winning me over. Why did she have to speak? She was looking so good in this sea of ugly)
Me: Why you saying that?
Girl: Yuh not dress like a local nah
Me: Oh Ok
Girl: Ah taking a wine eh? i ain’t go keep you hugging up all night but ah real like this song
Me: (Grinning like an idiot). Sure!!!!
 
I danced with her for the rest of Shurwayne’s musical set and she never let go of me during it. When we were saying goodbye, she asked for my number and i gave it to her..well with one digit off.
 
My group left after that set as it was 3:30 in the morning and we were not about to stay just to hear KMC and some no name band. I agreed that this would be my first and last fete of this nature while  the rest were thinking about going to UWI Splash on Carnival Thursday. When asked if I was coming with them for that one, i just simply uttered, " Don’t know..Call me nah"
 
When will i ever learn?
 
Now you will not see pics form Army fete as I believed that flash photgraphy and those animals would be a recipe for disaster. After the night i had, I am glad i left it at home. 
 
How was your weekend?
 
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Posted by on February 12, 2007 in Uncategorized

 

Insensitive


You guys know me well, right? Can I honestly be considered insensitive? Hmmmm Not really. At least I don’tthink so. I am a fair person. i let people walk all over me until i get tired of it and then they are gone. You know the classic" Enough rope to hang yourself" scenario. I try in all my endeavours to live peaceably with ALL men.  I go out of my way to avoid conflict. I will even analyse a situation to death and find the good in it than confront a person. So i find it weird when people describe me as "Cold" or "Insensitive". No, that’s a wrong analysis. I’m practical and accommodating.
 
Why do I make this point? Well there is a girl at the office who constantly rides my second to last nerve but today she sought to graduate to the last one. This is defintely not an enviable position and I am always mindful when people seem to be moving to the last nerve. I am not responsible for reactions when one decides to ride my last nerve.
 
She has been such a fake and mentally unstable person since joining the bank about a year ago and i do my best to avoid her. (We all know that you don’t make eye contact Vagrants and Crazy People). Within recent times she seems to have been given mandate from one of her personalities and now she triesto torment my soul.
 
When she first started, I would utter internally: "GO BACK TO YOUR BRIDGE TROLL!!. You have no Powers Here"
 
That seemed to work and provided me with some humor during the day.
 
For January month, (Yes my bad month), she seemed to add another level of dimentia in trying to speak with me or engage my attention. Given my depressed state,  I resolved to just referring to her as "Demon". No no no not to her face. That would be wrong. Isn’t the first rule of exorcism toknow the name of the demon you are dealing with? Well i knew thename of the host and was hoping that sooner or later another personalitywould slip and give me their names. No suck Luck.
 
Anyway, the reason i write this is that I called her this morning I as required some info her supervisor toldme that she may have had. I spoke briefly to her and she told me that she didn’t have need for the information  so she never got it. I said "OK" and thanked her. Endo f conversation.
 
Oh Yuh think so????
 
In two minutes she is standing in my office asking me why I did I need that information.
 
ME: Do I work for you?
Girl: No, but the use use of that information is irrelevant.
ME: And who determines that?
Girl: Well I was able to complete an assignment without it so it is irrelevant.
ME: OK? And why are you here again?
Girl: Because you are being difficult
ME: Excuse Me? (nervous laughter) How did I do that?
Girl: Why would you call for that information? It is not relevant to anything we do with that company.
ME: I’m sorry this conversation makes no sense and you are creeping me out.
Girl: Look whatever you are doing , you don’t need that information.
ME: Do you know what i am doing?
Girl: Yes, very little..while i work hard downstairs for less money.
ME: (Grin on my face) You are DUMB as BOARD, aren’t you? Please leave.
Girl: FINE!!!
 
(Err Can We Say Pointless Conversation????? My head hurts now!!!)
 
As she steps through my door i see my boss at the door and he asks me why was I so insensitive? I told him that I wasn’t and that she needed to take her medication before she approaches staff members in the morning. He laughed.
 
He knew why i needed the information and no one knows why 2 minutes out of my life was wasted in a pointless arguement. I walk out my door only to realise that most of the staff heard our little conversation and they were all grinning and kept repeating the line "Dumb As Board".
 
Apparently "Ms Schizophrenia 2006" tripped out after our brief telephone conversation and told all her co-workers that she was going to give me a piece of her mind. Hmmm  iwonder which voice in her head agreed to that.
 
Anyway, the HR woman is talking to her right now. What for? I don’t know. What I do know is this….I will probably be the one that will suffer and i am sure I will be recommended for some Sensitivity Seminar or something.
 
Know this. I’ll go to the seminar once that "Sybil/Frances Farmer" or "Legion" girl seeks professional help.
 
I’ll keep you updated.
 
It is 3:25pm as I update this and no one has spoken to me yet. SAFE!!!!
 
 
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Posted by on February 6, 2007 in Uncategorized

 

Pan In Danger


I had no intention on yesterday or even setting foot out of my apartment, yet 11:45am saw me leaving home to park my car at my friend Sheldon’s house, so that a group of us could make our way down to Panorama Semi -Finals.  Now I know many of you have like one or two questions right away……let me answer them now:
 
1. YOU going to Pan?
Now now, as much as i may come across a bit bourgeosis, I am down to earth like most common folk. I enjoy the occasional beating of the steeldrum in my head while a parade of beaurtiful ladies pass up and down in stuff i would not let my sisters be caught dead in. And if i do see thme in it….well……is straight home…no matter if they are over 30 at that time. now i was at Pan Semi-Finals last year and I had a really good time plus I have attended this event many times during my high school and university days, so it is a right of passage for any young Trini. The things you see here make you thank God you were born and live in Sweet T&T.
 
2. Pan That early?
Well last year i got to Pan at 2pm and could barely find a place to stand. This  year we thought it would be the same despite there no longer being "The North Stand" but now the "North Greens". Yes people a large expanse of flat land for everyone to roam. It gave the event a sort of Jazz on the hills feel while looking at everyone in some ridiculous outfits. When we got there at about 1pm, the place wasn’t empty but we certainly had a pick as to where we wanted to be. By 5pm, when the sun was going down, it was packed as ever but the crowd still seemed manageable. I honestly think i may have suffered whiplash at the event but we won’t get into that.
 
Anyway, A good time was had by me at this event. I had initially promised myself that I would not drink alcohol nor would i eat anything unhealthy at this event. Now Sheldon walked with a mini bar that had juice mainly as chasers so my use as just a drink was not going down well with the others. Then came the moment when i was thirsty and I asked a group member to pour me some coca Cola. Both he and I were unaware that most of the Coke bottles were filled with Angostura 1919 Rum and when he poured some and we got the whiff..well..we decided to take a taste.
 
For the next few hours, I was blissfully unaware of who or what was playing on the stage nor did i care about much in my mind. I had the feeling that all my troubles and worries were sitting next to me and we were having a brilliant chat in which they all decided to leave me alone. Trust me not to roll over and just go to sleep. Then it happened. Hunger set in. In my search for a healthy meal, i had two options. Corn soup/Chicken and chips. Knowing me the way i do, soup only opens up my appetite and then there are those urban legends about panties being found in these large soup pots when they accidentally fall over….hmmm so i opted for the healthy/oily fried chicken and extra-hard chips. No amount of ketchup cold save these chips from tasting bad. In one instant i swore i chipped a tooth on but it turn out to be the chip actually breaking in my mouth. I gave up on the carb/oil ridden item easily and sunk my teeth into the oily but reasonably tasty chicken.  To a hungry man, it tasted like heaven but to the stomach that hasn’t had oily stuff in ages…well it introduced a minor farting spell that saw me not staying at any one location for long time periods. Two bottles of water later, i was fine.
 
When night fell i realised something. I had been in the sun for over four hours and had therefore acquired another 10lb layer of blackness over my body which resulted in me looking extraordinarily greasy. Given my previous state, i was totally unaware but with sobering up, all things became clear and the only solution was to walk up to Sheldon and annouce that i was ready for departure. Surprisingly he was too as the medium bands were taking a long time crossing the stage and it would be too late for us to hear the larger bands. So we departed The Savannah at 7:30pm.
 
I got home at 8:15pm after a brief stop at Quiznos for a veggie sandwich. I took a  bathe and prepared to just watch TV for the rest of the night. At 9:30 however, i heard a honking outside but since most people know that i don’t respond to honks, i assumed it belong to one the neighbours. Then my phone rang and it was Sheldon asking me to go back with him to the Savannah to see Renegades play. My first response was NO, but then he explained that we were just going to listen to them practise on the road near to the venue and that we would leave by 11pm. I agreed and we were on our way.
 
Now the company Sheldon works for, sponsors the pan side called Renegades and as a result he was busy with some members and became wrapped up and really psyched about hearing the band play on stage. This meant that 11pm, he did not want to leave and he promised that i would get a t-shirt so that we could join the band on stage when they performed. Well on hearing this my mood changed and i was happy.. Free T-shirt..YEAH!!!. I had seen some of his co-workers wearing them and they all read:" 2007 Panorama Stage Crew". I couldn’t wait to get mine. So when the guy returns with t-shirts, I realise that mine is a different color to everyone elses. It was black.  Everyone elses was either blue red or green. When I open the T-shirt..mine says…."Renegades Security"…..
 
Oh Hell NO!!!! Could he not find another jersey for me like everyone else? hmmph…I was ready to cuss. But seeing that my mother brought me up correctly to be appreciative of what is given to me, I said thank you and put my jersey on. Sheldon and another girl started to snicker but one quick glance from me and then they burst into laughter.
 
No less than two minutes after putting on the T-shirt, some man in a similar t-shirt walks up to me and informs me that I need to start helping them push the pans onto the stage. (Pause) (PAUSE) (Crickets Chirping)…..(Pause)……(SILENCE)……. Sigh.. no matter how many degrees I acquire, I will forever be seen as just a field slave…..LOL
 
Excuse me??? Stefan push what? No No No….i am not a groupie….and this was only supposed to get me onstage to look at the band. Meh blood boiling at this point.  With thoughts of murder and calling 628-TAXI floating aorund in my head, i simply turned ot the guy and told him that I am private Security for this lady and gentleman and i cannot let them out of my sight. He nodded, mumbled, "Lazy so and so" and left.
 
Jeez, all of this? i thought this would ‘ve been easy.
 
After that I escorted Sheldon and two girls to the other side of the stage in my official/non-official capacity and then took my position at the edge of the stage to watch the band play. Two police officers with machine guns approached to tell me that I needed to move the civilians. i informed them that the gentleman is important to the band and he cannot leave the stage. They seemed to understand me and they left us alone. (i think i "wee weed" a teenie tiny bit during that ordeal). After that I felt in control. I started to instruct the band stagglers to clear the stage or Renegades would lose points and they seemed to obey me. When I saw my fellow security persons coming around, they commented on the good work that i was doing. (I was livid inside but just nodded)..Why is it the BLACK man had to be the one given the security jersey? Sigh….. Ah just can’t win at all..Can I?
 
Now Renegades played beautifully. They played a song called "Man From Space" written by the calypsonian "Crazy" and arranged by Jit Samaroo and his son. Now while they were playing the song,  I heard the theme song from Star Trek as well as the chorus to" Englishman in New York" by Sting being integrated into the composition. These songs fitted really well into the whole arrangement and i was really proud to have been part of the moment.
 
We left the Savannah shortly after the band finished on stage and when i got home the time was 1am. At that point, it didn’t seem to matter. i had a really good time and enjoyed myself besides being reduced to the help.
 
I slept like a log this morning and woke up before my alarm clock could go off.
 
Oh what a GREAT DAY Sunday turned out to be!!!
 
And how was yours?
 
 
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Posted by on February 5, 2007 in Uncategorized