If it Ain’t One Thing…..

07 May

Last week was a week to go down in the record books as one where I describe everyday as " A Series of Unfortunate Events". Of course most people know that there is hardly ever a dull moment with me sometimes. Last week was one of those weeks I wish was dull.
Monday April 30th
This day started off with a client of mine asking questions of me that he had asked multiple times the week before. In the spirit of "the client is always right", I held my temper. My boss was out and not answerng his phone for obvious reasons (his wife would’ve killed him if he did). So I continued along the road of repeating myself and forwarding emails to him that i knew he got previously.  Sigh….
Then the bastard has the audactiy to call me and tell me that I am being difficult and that he is going to have a word with my boss as i fail t answer his questions  as well as the new insignificant ones he keeps bringing up. I told him to hold on while i closed my office door from the noise outside and boy did i lay into him. I quickly pointed out the long time frame in which he had all the documents he keeps questioning and the fact that his attorneys had no problem with them. I mentioned the the time wasting exercise it is to be repeating myself when everyone else on the emails seems to understand what i am saying. He got quiet after this, told me that his seniors are asking these new questions and that he would take this up with my boss. I told him to please do same.
The emails stopped coming and the issue was resolved within an hour. Oh i did manage to get on to my boss and inform him of my little rant on the client and he had no problem with it. He did ask if i insulted the gentleman with any remarks on his intellect etc. I was happy to say "No" as I had avoided expletives and the belittling insults that I am sometimes famous for.
Tuesday May 1st
A holiday in Barbados and so no lawyer worked late the day before so I sit here in Limbo awaiting documents that will come tomorrow when i am travelling to Jamaica. Steups….
I joined a new gym, Bio Fitness, and an instructor called Deshawn told me that if i come tothe gym at least four times a week he can have me toned and cut by the end of the month. I asked what option was available for  three times a week. He saw no humor in my statement.
While this gym has way more equipment than my last one, this one suffers from muscle heads and bad accents. Everyone atthis gym is pretentious or has the potential to be. They speak with such messed up voices.
" Yahs, tell Jodie that I’ll meet her for drinks at Tiki village later Okay….."  (Nuff Said).
Oh, this gym is cheaper than the last one. The pains i have to go through to save a few bucks…
Wednesday May 2nd
My trip to Jamaica started off smoothly. I arrived early enough at the Airport.  Got checked in quickly and made my way upstairs only to discover that i had no time to eat as the plane was boarding early. Boarding early? But this is Caribbean Airlines not AA? Hmmm apparently the flight was full so they wanted to make sure all was handled before the final departure. Hmm efficiency with the new Airline? I’m impressed.
I get a window seat for my five plus hour flight only to discover that the two women sitting next to me want to talk. Not with each other but with me. The one in the middle seat keeps touching me on my leg to ask a question while the other one (Guyanese) keeps asking me what i’m listening to on my ipod. It gets owrse when i realise that with every transit stop we make, the aisle lady doesn’t want to get up so i can stretch my legs. She seems incapable of moving. Oh did i mention she was overweight? Hmm well i guess not.
We come to a close on these women when the meal is served during the St. Maarten to Jamaica route. Aisle lady pre-ordered a vegatarian meal (who she fooling?) and middle seat girl can’t seem to keep her food in her tray. Whatever drink I ordered, they both wanted as well. I ask for coffee, they both wanted. It was painfully obvious that middle seat girl didn’t like coffee. Trying to impress me? Hmmm she should’ve realised it was hopeless when she spoke about liking Lady Saw and Baby Cham and i had nothing to say.
Was i too harsh? Was karma going to fix me? I guess the answer was Yes to both questions.
On arrival in Jamaica, my luggage was not there. I filed a report with the Caribbena airlines rep who asked me for distinguishing things in my bag and all i can come up with is my Kenneth Cole shirt and a pair of shoes. (sigh i should buy more brand name stuff). He tells me that if they find my luggage it won’t be in Jamaica til Thursday. I smile and exit with my colleagues.
On arrival at the hotel, i check in and head ot back to back meeting that take us to 6pm. Thankfully an RBTT Jamaicasenior manager, heard of my plight and brought a shirt and new underwear for me at the hotel. The Bank did not approve of me buying a new suit since my luggage would be there the next day. ( Shucks!!!)
My hotel room’s air conditioning unit is not working properly and they promise to fix it.
Thursday May 3rd
6am: Caribbean Airlines calls and tells me that my bag remained in Trinidad and that it would be on the flight to Jamaica that morning and that I should get my bags by 4:30pm.  When i asked why it was not on the flight, no reaosn could be given and no apology was made.
 I am at Breakfast area atthe Hilton and i turn to this waitress and asks her politely for some Hot Chocolate. She turns to me and asks in a very gruff manner.
Waitress: Wey u sitting?
Me: Excuse Me?
Waitress: weyusiting? (honestly she ate the words this time).
Me: Right here and you better fix that tone.
Waitress: fdlkfjlkdjdkjgf (Something  under her breath in jamaican…..subtitles weren’t available)
My hot chocolate never arrived and she took away from tea cup midway through my breakfast without an explanation. I told a work colleague that even if she brought it, there was no way that i was going to drink it since I was sure that she had spat in it. He laughed. (I was dead serious).
After a series of morning meetings, I went back to my room to freshen up and i decided to be first downstairs for our 2pm meeting. i get into the elevator on the 16th floor all by myself and as the door closes, i feel the lift shake for awhile, srop a bit and then stop.  i look in the mirror of the elevator and say to myself.
"This elevator didn’t jsut stick right?" to which my mirror self said, "Damn Right it did!"
And so i was stuck in an elevator for half an hour. Half an hour? Why yes. The reason liesin  the fact that after the drop the elevator monitor was saying that i was on the 8th floor. I panicked slightly at the thought of me dropping 8 floors so quickly but the emergency repsonse lady on the line is tellng me not to panic and that they are searching for me since the can’t seem to find me on the 8th floor. (I say a few silen prayers right there).
In the midst of talk to her, i hear a work colleague calling my name and trying to tell me that i’m stuck on the 15th floor and not the 8th. I breathe  sigh of relief. He however begins to laugh at my misfortune and can’t stop laughing. (Note to self: Kick up his ass when u get out).
After all that time and polite chat with the emergency lady, i am let out and the maintenance person turns to me and says..
"That is a hard luck eh?"
I stare at him and take the stairs to the ground floor.
We are not late for the meeting but while driving there,  icall Caribbean Airlines and discover thatmy luggageis here and they reaffirm that it will be at the hotel by 4:30pm.
My luggage arrived at the hotel at 9:30pm.
I had been out to dinner with clients (haivng bought clothes just in case) when it arrived. On returning to the hotel, i go to the front desk and ask the girl politely if my luggage had arrived. She turned to me and said that she would not know that I had to go up to my room and check my room messages and then come down and tell her.
Me: Are you serious?
Hotel Clerk: Yes
Me: Listen you, if you don’t want me to go to jail for assault tonight you better just go in the storage rooma t the bakc and check for luggage for Stefan Simmons. You must be mad if you think that I am going up to the 16th floor and coming back to tell you something that you can figure out now!!!!!! Yuh mad in yuh ass tonight.
Hotel Clerk: One moment sir.
At this point she calls on eof the porters and asks them to check in storage for my luggage. It was there. I took my suitcase and retired to my room with the air condition that wasn’t functioning properly and went to bed.
Friday May 4th
Breakfast went smoothly. I got my hot chocolate and i kept an eye on the girl who served me while the evil on from yesterday kept staring at me throughout the process.
I was finally dressed in a suit and happy to attend my client meetings.
i got to the airport on time and ended up in theBritsh Airways CLub Lounge until my flight was ready….heh heh heh heh
The flight back home wasn’t as bad as going up except that i was seated way in the back of the plane and therefore food was served to me almost last so I inhaled it.
We got stuck in Barbados longer than usual because there were too many people on the plane. Then ground crew came on board and made everyone show their boarding passes. They wanted to take some old lady off the plane because she couldn’t find hers despite the fact that she was on the flight since Jamaica. The other passengers made some "old noise" and that issue was settled. In the end, they offered a passenger US$250 to overnight in Barbados to let some woman and her child on. I told the person next to me to wake me when they reached US$350.00. It never did. Some greedy woman jumped out of her seat as soon as they said it.
After leaving Jamaica at 2pm Friday afternoon, I arrived in Trinidad at 9pm, tired , beat and hoping that my luggage was there. It was. I wheeled that thing out of the airport so fast and headed home for some much needed rest.
The weekend wasn’t bad and i think my bad period is over.
MORAL: Smile…..otherwise somebody will die.
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Posted by on May 7, 2007 in Uncategorized


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