In the course of ones life, you meet all kinds of people along the way. Some you like, most you don’t and some you just make a mental note to run from and never make eye contact. This morning, I encountered the latter.
For the sake of privacy and really for my own protection certain aspects of this individual will be altered so as not to be confused with anyone living or dead. Shucks, they alive…ok I guess i gave one thing away. Any resemblance to someone you know is PURELY coincidental and please do not ask me their names.
So I am walking to Capital Plaza (formerly known as Colsort Mall – why they change it I will never know) to buy breakfast and out of the corner of my eye i notice that someone on the other side of the road is trying to get a better look at me. Not succeeding, they decided to cross the road and shout out my name so that the people in Woodford Square could hear as well.
Person X: Stef? Is you boy?
Me: Ay wha happenin’. I aint see you in ages
NOTE: To those who know me to speak the Queen’s English, I normally adjust my vernacular to suit the environment)
Person X: Well I does see you real plenty but you does ignore me when i wave at you.
Me: Me? Nah Yuh mad or what? I could never pass you straight. So what make you hail me out today
Person X: Well yuh not walking with that tall white boy today so I feel safe to talk to you now
ME (internally) : Oh God what he want ?
Me: Oh Marc? Yeah we normally go for breakfast down here most mornings
Person X: Nah not really allyuh does go for Doubles alot too
Me (internally): Jesus, HELP me!!!
Me: Oh so yuh spying on meh and blaming me for ignoring you. I don’t move so with you. We good
Person X: Well we aint lime in ages so i aint know if you change.
Person X: Anyway let me get yuh cell number, we could go lime at Trevor’s tonight. I have some friends we could meet up with. Yuh still have that nice blue car right?
Me: (in a timid voice) Yeah but I don’t live in the East no more yuh know.
Person X: I know that you always driving down to the West after yuh finish work
Me: Hear nah, like yuh minding my business?
Person X: (laughing hysterically loud, ppl turn around) Nah i does finish work before you.
Me: Anyway…i don’t know about this evening, I don’t go out so much anymore
Person X: Oh ho but ent yuh does be on Gayelle on a Friday?
Me (internally) : What the mudder ass is this?
Me: I haven’t been there in months. Anyway (getting agitated), I’m hungry and i need to get back to the office.
I turn to go down the stairs and they grab my right hand and say:
“I go call you in work and we will organise. Cool”
Me: Uh OK, but I told you I not up to it. I’m a real old man now. I prefer to stay home when the night come.
Person X: Oh ho is so. I not good enough to lime with. (Voice getting loud) I did always know yuh had a stink attitude.
Person X: Don’t worry nah Simmons, we go bounce up somewhere and yuh will cyah run from me
Me: (with a smile on my face) Ok yuh sounding crazy now….What going on with you?
Person X:Pressure boy pressure, I doing over Maths and this election thing have meh head hot
At this point I should’ve walked away but I’m thinking Maths, Elections? How that relating? Sigh…let me ask
Me: Yuh have meh confused. how those two things related?
Person X: Well I wukking for a polling station and I need to get the Maths down before elections happen on Eid
Me: Elections cannot happen on Eid
Person X: Well Manning going mad….That is why he getting Abu Bakr to organise the Muslims
Me: OK I need to go. Later
Person X: (Loudly) Ok sweetie later.
I didn’t look back at all and proceeded down the stairs. Fearing another conversation i exit the building on the other street and take a long way back to the office. Now I haven’t answered my work phone for the entire day. They left a message around 9:30am saying that it was good talking to me after so long. Sigh…….where do these people come out from?
Now I live in fear. I jump when my phone rings and I am ordering lunch from the Cafeteria in the building just so that there no chance of seeing them.
What am i going to do when the work day ends?