NOTE: This event took place in the past and it was the recent sighting of my assailant that brought the memories back to the surface
Have you ever kissed someone and recoiled in horror at the taste of their saliva? When I say recoil, I mean you got an instant alert message from your brain, in rapid succession, that said:
“What is this?”
“We can’t break down any of this stuff in the salivary glands.”
“We don’t know what it is?”
ABORT! ABORT!! ABORT!!!!!!
This was the message I got (I’m leaving out the day and time to protect the guilty) when after a long conversation with a really nice girl, we had a moment when a kiss felt appropriate..
I pride myself in being able to detect a “stinky breath” and she just didn’t have it. Even when we had leaned in close just before the kiss and she exhale a bit, I smelt nothing. No warning signs. So imagine my shock when I go in for tongue and meet with a barrier that I think can kill small animals (insects for sure).
The taste was just putrid and I wondered if she had some root canal work done and things weren’t healing as properly as they should. Well these afterthoughts came when I was in the confines of my house and had stopped spitting up. At the bar I felt as if I was going to hurl and I think in the bathroom afterwards, I did throw up a bit.
Relax, she left the experience unscathed.
Well on contact with her mouth I pulled back suddenly and said:
Me: I can’t do this. (swallowing what was in my mouth and wanting to scream)
Stink Mouth (SM): What? Why?
Me: Because (Think boy THINK!!!!!!!) Because………. this is cheating on my girlfriend and I can’t do it.
SM: Oh you have a girlfriend?.. “pause”…… Well she doesn’t have to know…
Me: Well I know and it feels really wrong. (my stomach is churning at this point) I’m sorry but you have to excuse for a bit.
I ran directly to the nearest bathroom probably looking like a wimpering fool or something but I needed to try and cleanse my mouth from whatever evil toxin that had attempted infiltration.
You have no idea how much that night haunted me and how the mere thought of it left me nauseous for hours.
I’m better now though and I know she had no clue what went on. Or did she? Hmmmm.