RSS

Monthly Archives: October 2010

Everything……..


“ I can be an asshole of the grandest kind…………”

——————————-

Grocery Store Packer (GSP): Ey move up yuh tings dey

Me: Excuse Me?

GSP: Yeah move it up nah

Me: Why?

GSP: (frustrated he begins to move my items) Because the moving thing not working. I aint tell you dat?

Me: No you didn’t. But if you learnt to speak proper English I may have understood sooner.

GSP: Wah? (pause)…Asshole!!

——————————–

“…I can withhold like it’s going out of style……”

———————

Co-Worker: Stef, D, asked me to get the figures from you

Me: Why? Is his phone not working?

Co-Worker: Huh?

Me: How come he was dealing with me directly and all of a sudden you come into the picture

Co-Worker: Errr Cause I kinda wanna be on the project. So I was looking to help.

Me: Hmmm I see. (pause) No

Co Worker: Asshole!!

———————-

“….I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone. who is as negative as I am sometimes

-Everything Alanis Morissette

Truer words have never been spoken to describe me. I have always known that Alanis  and I were kindred spirits in someway but I never knew it would be this clearly stated.

After my last blog about my bouts of rage, I took my friend Camille Ramon-Fortune’s comments to heart and tried to figure out exactly what was going on with me. Hypoglycaemia was an easy explanation and an extremely easy way out of having to deal with what was going on with me.

The problem I figured out had to do with my relationships with people in general.  I let people in my life (that I love) get away with murder and then forgive them for it (but never forget it). Strangely enough, if I did something that offended them, I would be laid over the coals in a heartbeat and I would just be snide and throw something back in their face and be told: “Oh wow you still holding onto that? How petty are you?”

Hmmmm

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking

My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating

I’m terrified and mistrusting

And you’ve never met anyone as,

As closed down as I am sometimes.

To make it all succinct, I guess my bouts of rage against strangers (people I don’t care about) is essentially misplaced anger and therefore my approach comes across as harsh or just a tad bit overdone.

But this is my  petty problem.

So here is a slight solution to it:

What am I to do when……..:

  • I’ve lent you money and you conveniently forget that you owe me but seem to find funds to play Carnival every year.
  • You seem to question why you haven’t gotten a birthday present this year when I have never received one from you?
  • You seem to need to go to the hairdresser every two weeks but your hair looks the same messed up way.
  • You say you’ve never touched her, yet she has told me it happened multiple times and you asked her not to say anything to me?
  • You seem to always need a ride home but can’t call anyone else but me
  • You say you are a friend but can’t help but bash me behind my back
  • You’ve never told anyone the truth. A technicality is still a lie and it is only used by weak minds
  • Is a key chain the way you say thanks for picking you up from the airport everytime?
  • Am I really just an ATM to you? And you wonder why I don’t call…..
  • If I’m so fake where are all the friends you have when you get into trouble?
  • You call me fat one minute, then say muscular the next.
  • You defend me to no one but I keep defending you to the people you call friends.
  • You really think I didn’t know that you lied about why you were not able to come to my play?
  • Have I EVER asked you for ANYTHING except HONESTY?????? Yuh Lying BITCH!!

I am in no way a Saint, nor do I even pretend to be. I am, however, loyal and that is a trait that is not welcomed or seen as a sign of weakness in this generation of idiots who concentrate on how best they can get someone to take care of them

I try (as much as possible) to dwell in a land of logic. While emotions may come into play, logic still prevails. At the end of the day, every conversation, every meeting must be traced back to a start point in order to understand what went wrong.

So if I asked you something that is clear as day to understand and your response is “Eh?”; one can only assume it was not clear to you so a restatement in a simplified fashion will be necessary. If you are unable to understand that statement, then my friend you are dumb and I can’t help you alleviate that problem.

But yes  I am an ASSHOLE.

I am the wisest man you’ve ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you’ve connected.
I have the bravest heart that you’ve ever seen
And you’ve never met anyone
Who’s as positive as I am sometimes…….

 
3 Comments

Posted by on October 26, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Criminal


“Heaven help me for the way I am. Save me from these evil deeds before I get them done…”

– Criminal, Fiona Apple

This weekend I had some fits of rage that just came out of nowhere. It even scared me a bit especially the one that occurred on Sunday.

Normally, I’m a bit of a sarcastic person and so droll comments may seep of out my mouth from time to time but nothing that would cause raised eyebrows or people to stop and stare at what is going on.  Alas this weekend, wasn’t such a time.

EPISODE ONE: The Girl with the Meat Choice

Location: Long Circular Mall Food Court

Time: 1:30pm

I had not eaten breakfast that morning (an Ensure Shake does not qualify as breakfast no matter what the label says) and so by the time I got to the mall I was really hungry. Trying not to stray from the diet I am on (another blog will explain that), I decided that I will go get soup from “Soup it Up”.

Now I like this place a lot. It lays out the ingredients for soup nicely in front of you and then at the end they ask if you want corn or split soup as your base. I therefore can make my own soup and go heavy on the dumplings as I always like to do. I usually take carrots, dasheen and sweet potato followed by three heaping spoonfuls of some small but very soft dumplings. Then I add the meat (usually beef) followed by the split pea soup as the base. Chadon Beni sauce along with pepper sauce are then added and I am ready to go. (as I write this my mouth is watering for it).

Anyway, on this day, the line is a little long at Soup It Up but surprisingly moving rather fast, until it reaches the girl right in front of me. Now there is only one person doing everything today so I knew there would be some waiting time involved. However, everybody seemed to know what they wanted and soups were being dispatched in quick succession. I was happy,

Then came this girl who was all smiles and kept looking at the ingredients as if it was the first time she was seeing them.

Girl: Was dat?

Server: Carrots

Girl: Oh Carrots. Ah go have some of that…….ummm nah I don’t want too much (she turns around) Honey you think I should have carrots?

Man:               (silence)

Girl: umm ok yeah carrots…and some of that ..yeah potato.. and am some green fig…

Server:            What is your choice of meat?

Girl:                 What kind meat do you all have?

At this point I am boiling, FOUR other people went before her and the list of meats is on a sign RIGHT IN FRONT HER FACE!!!!

She stares and stares and stares and stares at the meats. Looking lost, she turns to her honey for help. At this point I could take no more.

Me: Lady, is not a Maths Exam!!. Is just Meat!!  Hurry up!!!.

Her honey looks at me and so does she. She then points quietly to the chicken and proceeds to tell the girl to pack it ‘to go’.

The lady behind me whispers “Thank you” to me but I barely heard it over the hunger screaming from within for soup.

The server comes back up and apologises for the delay. I told her that it was not her fault as everything was laid out and labelled for people to read. Unfortunately, the girl before me lacked that ability.

I got my soup and had it right away. It tasted amazing.

All was right with the world again.

—–

EPISODE TWO: The Shouter

Location: Scotiabank Carpark, Ellerslie Mall

Nothing upsets me more than people who can’t come off their phones for TWO minutes to properly park or manoeuvre their car into a spot. It just ticks me off because what should be a ten second manoeuvre turns into a 5-point turn and a two minute wait for everyone else waiting to wither park or find one to enter the mall.

I had just returned from purchasing food from Kitchen Creole across the road from the bank, and I was about to reverse out of my space when I realised the car next to me was doing the same thing. I let the lady next to me go first. As soon as she cleared  I began to ease out as well. There was a black SUV way behind me that I kept waving to let them know I was coming out as well so they had to wait.  But did they? Nope…that would’ve been too much trouble.

Instead the SUV proceeds to rush into the old space the other car just vacated but couldn’t turn into it properly. Reason? The damn person was talking on their phone and while trying to turn into the spot.. Not even an inch of the car was near the big open space.

I proceeded to reverse because the SUV was no where near me. Then as I pull out more I see the SUV heading for my bumper. So I stopped. Then I heard the horn of the SUV and this woman winds down her window to tell me that I not looking where I going.

Yes folks, she said this to me while holding a phone to her ear.

I got out of my car and walked to her and said the following:

Me: If you could get off de DAMN phone and pay attention you would’ve seen me all the time trying to get out. But you on de F-ing phone and not paying attention. Lady doh try my patience today.

Her windows went up as I was saying this.

I got back into my car and reversed out fine and was on my way when I heard a faint sound of someone calling me the equivalent of an unclean person of negroid decent.

My car stops and I come back out and what was said is not fit for this blog nor for the sensitive ears and anyone that heard it and stopped to maco.

I berated her for being incompetent and careless in her driving and her phone use. Apparently I kept repeating : “ You really couldn’t have put down the  M%$% F@#% phone!!!!”

I got back to my car shaking at how angry this woman had made me and some of the stuff that had been blurted out of my mouth.

I drove off and stopped at the Savannah just to calm myself down. Never had I been so worked up over a situation. Thank Goodness I ordered Macaroni pie from Kitchen Creole, I needed something, non-diet like to calm me down.

———

I am not proud of any of these moments but what I am trying to figure out is what caused me to become so incensed at these two people? Normally I would’ve just mumbled under my breath and driven off or just mumbled enough for the person next to me to hear.

What is this desire to speak out? People can get killed for acting up! Why am I getting so angry?

Could it have been the diet? Could it have both been as a result of not having eaten at the time?  Or is there some latent issue I am not dealing with that surfaces at weird moments?

Hmmm

Feedback? Anyone?

 
2 Comments

Posted by on October 12, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

Wake Up!!


My prolonged absence from the world of blogging had nothing to do with a lack of subject material to write on but more with my inability to manage my time properly.  I found myself getting caught in lots of things and nothing at the same time. Family Feud on Facebook became an obsession and Farmville resurged as a game to be played for me. All of this to say that I seem to be becoming more of an introvert than I initially feared.

My desire for human interaction seems to be serviced adequately via Blackberry Messenger, Skype and Facebook status updates… Is some thing wrong with this? Oh Hell YES!!! Do I care? Err No????

I’ve reached that point in my life where I know that certain thing aren’t gonna happen for me and therefore I’m gonna enjoy life as is and feel blessed for the things that continue to surround me.

THINGS THAT ARE OFF THE WISH LIST

  1. Wife: After years of bad dates and a genuine lack of trying on my part, I’m not even bothering thinking about this one.  Too many blind dates, too many “set ups”, too many women with kids and just not enough me willing to go the extra mile with these people. I take comfort that I have some amazing women in my life that scold me like a wife would. Actually, this weekend one called me to say that she knew where I was and that she hoped I was enjoying myself at a sporting event. It was a tad creepy but I know there was nothing malicious behind it. If it was any other woman, my internal sensor would’ve signalled that restraining order mode should go in to effect immediately.
  2. Family: Well if the first one isn’t working out then the second one is just too late to start now. Having a child/children now means my old ass is running after someone when I should be increasing my Metamucil intake and thinking about moving to Boca.  I do however take comfort in the fact that I have a god daughter that makes me smile inside more than I thought a child could. She is absolutely beautiful and if I have a small part in raising her then I don’t think God is going to be upset.
  3. Adopting: Well being a single man, no one is going to hand children over to me to care for, no matter the sex. The government doesn’t trust single male as they assume we all want to “touch” them inappropriately. I don’t blame them for that as they need to protect the kids. I just know that is not my style. Then I ask myself…. Would adopting solve anything or just be a distraction to me so as not to deal with my sudden lack of socialization skills? Will I end up dropping the child/children off by my mother and jet off to London or New York on vacation? Hmmm I don’t think I’m paying that therapy bill.
  4. Career: As I child, we all dreamed of being an actor or singer and just merely walking into a room where everybody knew your name. As I sit at my cubicle in one corner of this office floor with a partial view of the outside world and no privacy whatsoever, me thinks that either “life has killed the dream I dreamed” or I have done it to myself.  Let’s face it.. I am a banker. One who never counts or sees money but one who has just pushed paper for a long time in it. Growing up, I never envisioned being part of Disney’s “The Lion King” and so my expectations for having a career in the arts seemed totally within reach.  Well it is much harder than it looks and if one wants to live comfortably, compromises have to be made. Some I was willing to do, others I opted not to.  I did a play called “Boxes” this year and I was really proud of the work that I did for it. However, these things have not resulted in more “gigs”.  I am not on anyone’s top ten list of people to work with and if I am on that list, it is because I work for free. So I guess it will continue to be a hobby and not something that I can call my own.

Now don’t get wrong or think that I am suicidal, I am just being realistic. At the age of 37, one has to do a little fact checking and analysis and come to certain hard truths. These hard truths in no way make me feel as if I haven’t had a full life, they just mean I need to temper my expectations going forward.

I just had a conversation with two female co-workers and they both came up with the same conclusion: I am Emotionally Unavailable to anyone. One even went as far to say that I sabotage every potential relationship that can develop. I quickly pointed out that I am THIRTY SEVEN and therefore have little time for any type of “Bella/Edward/Jacob courting that can take place over 3 to 4 books…..I just don’t have the time and at this point nor am I willing to devote all the energy into it.

At the end of the day…………..There are just certain paths that most people follow and I just chose different roads at crucial times resulting in my present state.

ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS……….

 
1 Comment

Posted by on October 5, 2010 in Uncategorized