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Everything……..

26 Oct

“ I can be an asshole of the grandest kind…………”

——————————-

Grocery Store Packer (GSP): Ey move up yuh tings dey

Me: Excuse Me?

GSP: Yeah move it up nah

Me: Why?

GSP: (frustrated he begins to move my items) Because the moving thing not working. I aint tell you dat?

Me: No you didn’t. But if you learnt to speak proper English I may have understood sooner.

GSP: Wah? (pause)…Asshole!!

——————————–

“…I can withhold like it’s going out of style……”

———————

Co-Worker: Stef, D, asked me to get the figures from you

Me: Why? Is his phone not working?

Co-Worker: Huh?

Me: How come he was dealing with me directly and all of a sudden you come into the picture

Co-Worker: Errr Cause I kinda wanna be on the project. So I was looking to help.

Me: Hmmm I see. (pause) No

Co Worker: Asshole!!

———————-

“….I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone. who is as negative as I am sometimes

-Everything Alanis Morissette

Truer words have never been spoken to describe me. I have always known that Alanis  and I were kindred spirits in someway but I never knew it would be this clearly stated.

After my last blog about my bouts of rage, I took my friend Camille Ramon-Fortune’s comments to heart and tried to figure out exactly what was going on with me. Hypoglycaemia was an easy explanation and an extremely easy way out of having to deal with what was going on with me.

The problem I figured out had to do with my relationships with people in general.  I let people in my life (that I love) get away with murder and then forgive them for it (but never forget it). Strangely enough, if I did something that offended them, I would be laid over the coals in a heartbeat and I would just be snide and throw something back in their face and be told: “Oh wow you still holding onto that? How petty are you?”

Hmmmm

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking

My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating

I’m terrified and mistrusting

And you’ve never met anyone as,

As closed down as I am sometimes.

To make it all succinct, I guess my bouts of rage against strangers (people I don’t care about) is essentially misplaced anger and therefore my approach comes across as harsh or just a tad bit overdone.

But this is my  petty problem.

So here is a slight solution to it:

What am I to do when……..:

  • I’ve lent you money and you conveniently forget that you owe me but seem to find funds to play Carnival every year.
  • You seem to question why you haven’t gotten a birthday present this year when I have never received one from you?
  • You seem to need to go to the hairdresser every two weeks but your hair looks the same messed up way.
  • You say you’ve never touched her, yet she has told me it happened multiple times and you asked her not to say anything to me?
  • You seem to always need a ride home but can’t call anyone else but me
  • You say you are a friend but can’t help but bash me behind my back
  • You’ve never told anyone the truth. A technicality is still a lie and it is only used by weak minds
  • Is a key chain the way you say thanks for picking you up from the airport everytime?
  • Am I really just an ATM to you? And you wonder why I don’t call…..
  • If I’m so fake where are all the friends you have when you get into trouble?
  • You call me fat one minute, then say muscular the next.
  • You defend me to no one but I keep defending you to the people you call friends.
  • You really think I didn’t know that you lied about why you were not able to come to my play?
  • Have I EVER asked you for ANYTHING except HONESTY?????? Yuh Lying BITCH!!

I am in no way a Saint, nor do I even pretend to be. I am, however, loyal and that is a trait that is not welcomed or seen as a sign of weakness in this generation of idiots who concentrate on how best they can get someone to take care of them

I try (as much as possible) to dwell in a land of logic. While emotions may come into play, logic still prevails. At the end of the day, every conversation, every meeting must be traced back to a start point in order to understand what went wrong.

So if I asked you something that is clear as day to understand and your response is “Eh?”; one can only assume it was not clear to you so a restatement in a simplified fashion will be necessary. If you are unable to understand that statement, then my friend you are dumb and I can’t help you alleviate that problem.

But yes  I am an ASSHOLE.

I am the wisest man you’ve ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you’ve connected.
I have the bravest heart that you’ve ever seen
And you’ve never met anyone
Who’s as positive as I am sometimes…….

 
3 Comments

Posted by on October 26, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

3 responses to “Everything……..

  1. Colin James

    October 29, 2010 at 12:51

    Stefan, I can identify only too well with this post and I’ve taken the decision to escort some people to the sidelines of my life, some temporarily, some permanently.

     
  2. Karen M. Medina

    November 3, 2010 at 06:13

    Ah Stefan…I hear you loud and clear, and I love you for being clear sighted and honest enough to say it – both about yourself and others. Some people are much improved by distance and others you should not in good conscience help along their self-directed path of deviousness/cruelty/duplicity. (I love that phrase: escort to the sidelines – you think I could get a borrow?)

    Go strong!

     
    • stefansi

      November 3, 2010 at 08:32

      Borrow away…….There’s more i wanted to say but the message is clear. We need to get some people out of our lives that have added no value and we keep them around just because one time in say 1985 or 1999 or even 2009 they were of some help….lol

       

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