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Monthly Archives: April 2011

Love Song For No One


In the midst of helping a friend move this afternoon, this song came on my ipod and I swear for the first time it seemed to make sense.

Have you ever wondered if you missed the person you were supposed to be with or if they are never coming? I normally don’t worry about these things but for some reason the song resonated through me and made me send a small prayer up to God. I say small prayer because there are so many more important matters God has to deal with that I don’t want to trouble him with a long explanation on this topic.

I have resigned myself that this “love” thing is so not for me or that I am paying for the sins of a previous life. Any way you choose to look at it, I may end up being the cranky old man in your neighbourhood that the kids are scared of.

Then I hear a song like this and hope springs eternal in my ear. I will come down to reality in time, but for now let me bask in the hope this song brings…..

Check out the Lyrics to the song:

LOVE SONG FOR NO ONEJohn Mayer

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I’m jaded
I hate it

I’m tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I’m not sure who I’m looking for
I’ll know it
When I see you
Until then, I’ll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I’m tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I’m tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I’m so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here oh yeah

I’m tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I’m so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

You’ll be so good
You’ll be so good for me

——-

Here is the song:

 
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Posted by on April 30, 2011 in Music, Relationships

 

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I Want You To Want Me…….


“What must it like to be in your head?”

These words are said to me often by my good friend Clint whenever I am relaying a situation or experience to him. I usually laugh when he says it but sometimes it causes me to take a few giant steps back and re-analyse certain situations. Most of the time I stick with my initial reaction or decision (well I’m stubborn like that) but sometimes I have to regroup and make adjustments to my thought process.

I always pride myself in living in the land of “Logic”. I am told that myLandofLogicis slightly different to those of others. I usually say I live on the Logic continent while you are on an island. Of course that doesn’t go across well at all but you catch my drift. Anyway, I write all this as a preface to my point of discussion:

FRIENDS – What are they? Who are they? Are they real? Do you need them? Is there a point to them? Sigh…..

Recently I was deleted off of someone’s blackberry and I sent them a text expressing my confusion as to the deletion. I was told that they were tired of being the only one working on the friendship and that I was not making an effort at it.

Err ok…..What exactly was I doing wrong?

“I want you to want to do the dishes” was the response.

I immediately got confused. Not only did I catch the reference to that HORRIBLE Jennifer Anniston/Vince Vaughn movie “The Break Up” but what the hell did that have to do with friendship?

I want you to want to lime with me. I don’t want you to feel obligated to go out if I ask. I see you going out and taking pictures with all kinds of people but you never invite to any of these things.

Err that’s because other people are inviting ME to events!

I am not begging you for anything. I just want to be friends.

Err ok…Your view of friendship and my view of it are COMPLETELY different. Friends are people I can count on. I don’t need to see them everyday but I know they have my back and are not going to think I am neglecting them if I go out with someone else. We understand our relationship and how special we are to each other. The nature of that relationship is  based on Trust  and Understanding.

You don’t get it. You are blaming this all on me because I decided to take control of my life and sever something you don’t have the courage to do.

Umm….Are you severing a friendship or the hopes of us hooking up? Anyway, you do what you gotta do. When you need me, I’ll be here.

Must EVERYTHING revolve around someone wanting you? Steups

————————————-

People….Am I missing something here?

HELP!!!

——————————————–

SIDE NOTE:

I totally get the reference to my inability to sever relationships with people as I try as much as possible to be cordial with everyone. I don’t believe in burning bridges that just needed either some repair work or not be crossed for extended periods. Some bridges cannot handle too much wear and tear and some just need time to settle into its foundation before any kind of heavy traffic can pass over.

If I decide to “burn a bridge”, trust me when I say that there is no going back. I am not one for drama so you won’t see or hear any loud explosions signaling that a bridge has been disintegrated. Nope, all that will happen is that the access road will be cut off and the bridge ceases to exist in my world.

I take friendships seriously. My friends are like my grandmother’s teeth: “Few and far between”. There is no need for drama with them.

My take on the above conversation has to do more with someone wanting more than friendship with me and not being satisfied of my approach. Granted I could’ve handled it better and made some time to hang out but I am one lazy bastard.

I’m getting old and it becomes problematic to do all that hard work in making new friends. I don’t have the energy I once possessed to go clubbing or drinking or hanging out every night. I like my bed. I like my alone time.  This body no longer desires to be out playing pool and drinking at some ungodly hour when I have work in the morning.

I tell most people that like in “Cinderella, I change into a pumpkin after midnight. So get me home before that.

Otherwise, as a co-worker once said to me after I bombarded them with a series of emails and a phone call, then came to their desk to ask a question….

REST MEH NAH!!!

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2011 in Relationships

 

Precious Illusions


I was very fortunate that a friend of mine asked to me accompany him and his business partner along on a photo shoot for a fashion designer called Adrian Foster.

We had to go to his home in Couva (somewhere south of Grand Bazaar and further than Chaguanas) as the shoot location was near to where he lived.

i would be the first to admit to anyone that I don’t have an eye for visualizing things to see how it would look in the future. Looking at it with my natural eye, I end up saying a short prayer to God for some help for giving me “sight beyond sight”. Lo and behold he ends up directing me towards my camera lens. As soon as I put my eye to the lens, I see/ visualize what he is talking about.

While just being along for the ride was excitement enough for me, I got to take some behind the scenes pics of the process and learn a thing or two about my new baby (Nikon D90) that I wasn’t aware of prior to this outing. For that reason alone I feeled blessed at the opportunity.

The shoot was long but enjoyable and the model needed very little direction. She was just AMAZING with her poses and her ability to extend the lines in her body so that a pose was never awkward but thoroughly refined.

I submit for your viewing a couple photos that I took on the day. The official photographers Legacy Fotography got some amazing shots, but I was happy to have felt a part of the process.

Tell me what you think!

    

 

I know it will not be used on the website nor in any medium except my blog but I felt really creative and free during it.

Here’s to the development of my “eye” and to me being creative and artistic once more.

Me thinks the drought is over!

 
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Posted by on April 26, 2011 in Photography

 

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I Choose You


So I started the 30 Day Song Challenge on Facebook and immediately I was stumped by the first challenge.

Day 1: Your Favourite Song

Umm what? Just one favourite? I have like hundreds!

I could go on for hours just trying to decide which artist I love, then decide on a shortlist of songs by them. Then after I’ve narrowed my favourites to like 50 or so songs then I will have to listen to each and see which one moves me the most. This is wrong. It’s like a parent having to chose which child to save when both are drowning. (Ok that is a tad bit over-dramatic but you get my point. I shouldn’t have to choose.)

I felt pressured. I didn’t have the time to invest in such a lengthy exercise and I RESENTED having to choose ONE favourite song. IT IS JUST WRONG! Is this a symptom of my inability to commit to a relationship or even to pick a girlfriend? Does it go this deep within my psychoses that I am unable to make certain choices? Why are things that I have an emotional connection to so hard to decide?

Sigh……(Exhales) Hmmm Shoop Shoop Shoo Be doop? Oh Yeah She is good. That’s not a bad artist.  But Nah..

Still confused and becoming a tad bit emotional , I walk over to one of my CD binders and just began flipping through to see if I could be inspired.

Then I saw her and it was clear. There could be no contest. There would be songs that I would boogie too for years to come, but only “she” made music that fed my teenage and adult soul.

Janet Jackson won without even second guessing myself.

The song came much easier as it is one that brings a smile to my face everytime I hear it.

I love it and I love her. I swear she is singing to me in this song and the video reinforces my belief.

Yes! Yes! Yes! I would drink her bathwater!

I hope you like my choice.

DAY ONE: 30 DAY SONG CHALLENGE – Your Favorite Song

When I Think of You – Janet Jackson

 
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Posted by on April 21, 2011 in Entertainment, Music

 

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Grace


I have been going through what I can only describe as an artistic low at this point of time. After coming off the high of performing RENT and getting some super positive feedback (also some negative ones), I have been in search of trying to fill the void left by the closing of the show. After rehearsing for the past four months, I find myself alone. Alone with my thoughts, and there are starving for another venture, another way to express itself.

I tried to use photography as the void filler but somehow I am lacking vision. Nothing I seem to snap seems beautiful and ideas and themes and concepts seem to escape me. Yup I am in some serious drought here. Magazines, models, faces, nature….nothing. Nothing seems to be inspiring me.  Hence I put a call out for a Muse. Alas people answered in wanting to be a Muse but I don’t think they have any idea what a muse does. They just want their picture taken and frankly most of them couldn’t inspire mold to grow.

I got a tad bit excited the other day when an ad agency called me to audition for a commercial but when I got there and saw the tall pretty (steups) muscular guy that was auditioning for it as well, I knew what direction the ad agency would go, but I still gave them my best smile.  All they did was take my picture and my height info and said they would call me. Tall Guy spent about 5-10mins chatting with them. Steups!

Side note: Tall guy was a fan of my performance in RENT and told me that I almost made him cry.  Sigh.. now I can’t hate him!!

I am still on a low. Not even CDs are moving me to purchase them. Normally, when in a funk like this I go and buy a couple CDs and the mood clears. Nothing…..Haven’t even been inspired to go to the movies much.

Then last night, I felt a light on my face.

I was at home flipping channels and decided to watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy as I had not seen it in ages. Lo and behold, the episode starts off with one of its characters’ siging “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol.  I was in shock and totally moved by their performance  and those of the other characters that got involved in the song as well. It was well executed.  My allergies started to act up. I swear there is too much pollen in the air these days. I turned off my fan so that the air around me could be still and maybe prevent the onslaught of sniffling that I anticipated.

After a few hits and misses for me with this episode of singing characters , there comes this introduction to a haunting song which Callie sings. I soaked up every lyric that spewed out of her mouth and felt a connection. I understood now why the Adjustment Bureau made it possible that I was home tonight to see this episode. (If you haven’t seen The Adjustment Bureau – GOT SEE IT!!!!). I understood the plan, I understood the music. While many people I spoke to afterwards didn’t even connect to the song, I had to tell them that it wasn’t placed there for them but for ME!

The song had the effect of piercing my soul in a scarred area and strangely enough it began to heal and remove the scar from within.  I felt at ease. Not at peace or in bliss, but I suddenly understood something and it made me smile. This wasn’t any “mountain top, earth shattering moment”, it came in a subtle manner and swept a calm understanding over me.

The song is called GRACE. It was originally sung by Kate Havnevik but Callie (Sara Ramirez) gave it a new voice to me.

I bought the episode of Grey’s Anatomy Season 7 Episode 18: A Song Beneath a Song

Here are the lyrics:

GRACE – Kate Havnevik

I'm on my knees
Only memories
I left for me to hold.
Don't know how, but I'll get by
Slowly pull myself together.
I'll get through this

There's no escape
So keep me safe
This feels so unreal.

Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it seems
Turn my grief to grace.

I feel the cold
Loneliness unfold
From another world
Come what may
I won't fade away, but I know I might change

Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it was
Turn my grief to grace.

Nothing comes easily where do I begin
Nothing can bring me peace
I've lost everything.
I just want to feel your embrace.

 ————————

Here is the song:

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DTpD3lNJeQMw&h=84043

What do you think?

 
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Posted by on April 1, 2011 in Entertainment, Music, TV

 

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