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Monthly Archives: June 2011

Please Baby Don’t…..


Apparently, this has been a week in which people seem to think that they know what is best for me. Advice has been coming out of everyone’s “woo haa” on my life.

Why do people seem to believe unsolicited advice will be taken warmly? If I wanted your opinion I would ask for it!!!

Anyway, this song goes out to all the people with thoughts in their heads on my love life or anyone with grand designs. Unless I tell you otherwise, (I repeat) Unless I tell you otherwise, please listen to this song:

 

Don’t for a minute think I am trying to be some kind of Casanova-type….A man fighting the on-set of “man boobs” aka “tut tuts” cannot pretend have that kind of swag or game. And I so don’t have any game…..

I’m just letting people know to stop trying….

Like the song says….

Please baby don’t (baby don’t) 
Don’t fall in love with me 
Please baby don’t (baby don’t) 
You know my history 
See honey I (honey I’m) 
I’m just trying to warn you (let me warn you) 
Please baby don’t (baby don’t) 
Don’t fall in love with me 

You all know my history, so just walk away.

OK?

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2011 in Emotions, Music, Relationships, Uncategorized

 

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Last Night…..


So…after a hectic evening yesterday, (Rehearsals and Meu Destino with Gerelle Forbes), I decided to partake in some KFC because I was aboslutely peckish (don’t judge me). I decided I would have a Zinger Special as it would be least unhealthy thing on the menu (stop judging me!).

As I walk into the outlet a second line opens up and I find myself being the third person in this new line. My heart is all aglow as there would be no KFC happening if the line was too long. With the line move, I hear chatter behind me but I am ignoring it since:

  1. It didn’t concern me
  2. The creatures carrying it on were barely speaking english (well English that I could understand).

As my turn approaches int he line, I notice that one of the creatures (donned in something black and demin with multiple prints or logos on it and gold jewellry on his fingers neck and teeth), is at my side in the line and appears to be staring at me. I don’t look as I am texting away on my phone but I feel his presence trying to intimidate me. As I move up to order, he cuts in front of me and starts to give his order.

While I looked on in shock, everyone else in the line starts up on him for cutting in front of me. Roughly translated, he implied that he had been waiting in the other line too long and that I just reach. From his demeanor and obvious grasp of the English Language I decided not to engage him but put on my stare of disdain. Strangely enough, this was not required.

All of a sudden, the KFC cashier turns looks at him and just says: “Move”

Him: You doh know who I is awah?

Her: Move and let me take de man order!

Him: Steups (he mumbles something and then adopts an open leg stance with his head slightly tilted upwards)

There is a staring competition for about  ten seconds and he then moves aside.

Feeling particualry stressed over the event, I order a Dinner Special (3 pieces of chicken, fries and a drink) instead .

I don’t know about you but I was not about to become a statistic in a KFC outlet just for a chicken sandwich and fries. Come to think of it, I was actually ready to walk out and forget the whole idea had the cashier not intervened.

The food never made it home, as it was inhaled in the car.

 
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Posted by on June 24, 2011 in Food, Uncategorized

 

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I Wonder……


As I neared the walk-over by Powder Magazine, I happened to see a naked black man walking at the side of the road. Actually he was strolling with his hands behind his back. The fact that he was naked seemed not to bother him one bit. The number of cell phones in cars pointed towards him and the resulting traffic didn’t even move him on bit.

Why were the cell phones pointed at him?

Well ….Me thinks it is because he was NAKED and the fact that it seemed that the gentlemen had no body fat whatsoever and he also had large appendage dangling from his middle. Dare I say it was half way down his thigh.

Then i wondered….

Why is it all the mad people in Trinidad that roam the streets seem to have these amazing bodies that people spend thousands of dollars to try and get by goiong to a gym or by running around the Savannah? Why do they also seem to have huge members?

If this is a prerequisite for going mad…….then it is safe to say that I will be fine.

Now, seriously, think about it. All the people you know who obssess about weight and about being thin and buff and “cut up”, aren’t they a little insane? Don’t they take things a bit too far? How far off are they really from going over the edge?

I know that if some sugar or dare I say full cream chocolate syrup finds its way on something I am supposed to eat that I will not freak out and let it go to waste.

I remember being at a gathering once and there were some delicious cheese puffs just laying down on a platter…calling me…..whispering to me. I had asked the “gym freak” person next to me if they wanted one (hey I am polite) and they responded that they had exceeded their calorie intake for the day. I stared at them in disbelief for about 5 seconds and then picked up three of the puffs and went in another corner to eat it like the good fat boy that I am. They were soooo good.

So anyway, while one needs to be constantly healthy and fit, one must never go to the extreme where you limit yourself or deny yourself pleasures just for the sake of a six pack.

I know that If i die while eating for example: A tower of Chocolate dessert at TGI Fridays, i know that would have died happy than having died and knowing that my last meal was not Crix and water or just a protein shake.

Anyway as I saw the perfectly sculpted vagrant walk back down to the walk-over, I knew that I would never be in that position or allow someone to get me to that state. God knows that while working at Citibank I threatened to wipe my underwear in a couple people’s faces if they ever sent me over the edge. I thank God that I had other outlets to ease/calm the beast witihn so that never came to fruition.

Thank you God for making me chubby!

 
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Posted by on June 21, 2011 in Fitness, Food

 

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Steups ! (Part Deux)


Here is his response:

  • Dear Stefan,
    I am sorry I made this grave error. I was watching the album on marionettes page named ‘Through the years’ and my Tributes Hair spray shot looked extremely similar on the site so I really jumped to the stupid conclusion that they were the same. If you look at the two images you will see what I saw. What a coincident that we shot that scene a mili second apart.Plase do accept my apology
    Butch

Hmmmm so what do you think? I honestly don’t believe him one bit since I went through the web page and could not find his “similar” photo. Did you notice he ended this email with just “Butch” instead of his entire name? Hmmmm

Do you know why this bothers me still? It bothers me because I go to great lengths not to call myself a photographer or even pretend to be one on any level. I take pictures! I like to take pictures. Some are nice. Most are horrendous!  For every 500 pics I take, I like probably 50 to 60 of them. I shake my head in shame at the others. However, the 50 to 60 i do like i am proud of them.

I started off this year determined to improve my photography skills as I had purchased a Nikon D90 for Christmas (along with the Ipad). So what if I am broken to “teef” now! I love both items very much!

To prove how serious I was about photography, I decided to take on the task of shooting someone who asked me to take some model pics of them. Let’s just say the shoot was awful! He complained about everything and could do half the stuff I asked him to do. Then when I showed him some of the pictures, he hated them all.

Strangely enough, after some “photo-shopping” on his part he seemed to like a few but for me I felt like a failure. I looked at all those photos and saw that I couldn’t capture the essence of anything. They look dead. Nothing worked. No magic.

I entered a slump. I took no pics for the next few months.

Carnival came and I took a few but it still wasn’t the same. My confidence had been shot and I didn’t feel anything had changed in my photography skills. The carnival pictures were much better but I still didn’t think that I had the magic that I had in 2010 with my Panasonic Lumix.

Oh well. Everything in time (i hope).

I recently have been taking some behind the scenes photos with a friend of mine who has his own Photography business and in most instances, I feel a slight return to form. Am I ready to do it on my own……Nope not at all.

I just need to take my time and make love to my new camera.

So folks bare with me.

Please know that I am not competing with anyone for anything related to photography. I am my harshest critic and let me try to make that critic lay off my back before I take on the rest of these people who seem worried or get very critical when they see me with my camera.

God help them……cuz they don’t matter to me..

 
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Posted by on June 21, 2011 in Emotions, Photography

 

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Steups!


I finally arrived home tired from a long week of business travelling (a blog or two to follow later on this). I open up my Facebook inbox and see this email….I swear I almost blacked out!

  • Marionettes album
    Dear Stefan.
    I just viewed your wonderful collection of Marionettes photos and I noticed that there were several images that I did but they were cropped tighter.I do not have a problem with that but the arrangement I have with Marionettes over the years is that any image used in any form must accompanied with the appropriate photo credit. This was an oversight on your part, so be so kind to correct.
    Russell Butch Limchoy

 

Well I was immediately confused. Not only were those pictures taken like in 2007/8 and have therefore been up on Facebook for YEARS but now he comes and claims that I crop his pics? WDMC (That means Why De Malicious Content?)

This is my response to him. Please be advised that it was edited only three times before sent out. The first draft contained too many expletives to even make sense to anyone but a Trini..

  • Who de hell are yu?
    I didnt use any of your images!!!! I took those images with my own camera and posted it on MY page. Marionettes asked me to link it to theirs. If you a have a problem with them them delete them from the marionettes page. I didnt crop any of your photos. I have the orginals on a hard drive so please bother someone else.

I await his response.

 

In the meantime, please take a look at the photos that he is bitching about. In hindsight they were very amateurish so I don’t see what he wants to get credit for….

Sigh….

And how was your night?
 
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Posted by on June 19, 2011 in Emotions, Entertainment, Photography

 

Flirt (The OCD Edition)


I came to work this morning and entered my workstation and something was amiss.  There was a disturbance in The Force!  Not a “spidey senses” tingling disturbance but one that let you know that somebody has altered the Matrix slightly.  The Feng Shui of my cubicle had been interrupted.

Now please don’t take this to mean that my desk is the cleanest thing in the office. I just have my own sense of order and i know where everything is and should be. You won’t find bugs, ants or any creatures lurking by my desk nor will there be stacks of paper all over the place. I am a highly functioning OCD survivor.  I can pass for normal in this crazy society.

My OCD kicked in and I began to scan my desk and noticed that:

  1. A folder on my desk had been moved and not but back in its normal position
  2. My water bottle spout was facing east instead of north west(hush!!)
  3. An envelope was not put back in its proper place and

THE BIGGEST AND MOST OBVIOUS VIOLATION!!!:

  1. My Chair seat was lowered.

The room began to spin.

My desk had been compromised. My workstation violated!! I could not think straight! I could not touch it.

To make matters even worse, my grandmother’s words came flooding into my head:

“Lambkin, somebody trying to trap yuh!”

Now we will ignore, for now, why she called me Lambkin  but the crazy part of me felt that she was right on some level and for this alone, I chose to sit at another desk for the rest of the day.

I immediately spoke to my boss’s assistant and asked her to get someone from the cleaning company to wipe down my desk. I instructed her that it was not to be “you know who”.

While walking back to the abandoned cubicle I was squatting in, lo and behold I see you know who  walking on the floor with a rag in her hand.

My blood was boiling. I felt displaced and knew that functioning in this cubicle was not going to work as I needed some semblance of normalcy and this was not going to be achieved today.

I saw her go to my boss’s assistant and then she came over to where I sat:

Cleaner: Ahm excuse me, Morning Stefooornnnnn

I turned to her and nodded. I could not speak at this point.

Cleaner: So what’s for breakfast? How come you sitting here? Is this your new desk?

Me: (Speaking slowly) Did you sit at my desk last night?

Cleaner: (jumps back with a surprised expression)  How you know that?

Me: because stuff on my desk has been moved and my chair has been lowered.

Cleaner: Well I meet de chair so and what stuff on your desk has been moved? I ent touch nutten

Me: So why were you at my desk last night?

Cleaner: (laughing) No boy I wasn’t there. I don’t work on this floor anymore. I asked to work on the lower ones instead.

Me: Did you or did you not sit at my desk last night? (serious face)

Cleaner: (bows head) Yes I did but me aint touch nutten. I doh interferes with yuh work stuff

Me: you compromised my workstations and now I can’t function there. How long have you been sitting at my desk during the night? Why did you lower the chair this time? Do you have any idea how much you disrupted my morning?

Cleaner: Ahm Ahm Ahm…me aint know how to answer you yes, but I doh sit down at yuh desk often and I aint move yuh chair. I meet it so.

Me: ok we are done here!

Cleaner: Stefoorrnnnnnnn yuh vex wid meh?

Me: Look….. you invaded my space and now I don’t know what zingay you put on my desk but I don’t feel comfortable sitting down there now.

Cleaner: zingay? Wah dat? Wait u telling me u think I put obeah?

Me: No, I am saying your energies have displaced mine at my cubicle.

Cleaner: Eh? Energies…..anyway,  have blessed day eh

She walks away and I’m still fuming.

———–

SIDE NOTE:

Ok yes, I did mean obeah by use of that zingay statement. My grandmother was a very superstitious lady and she told me a long time ago that because of my appetite (ok she used the word greediness) that people may try to do me harm in various forms.  While this mayor may not be the case, I am still a paranoid soul.

———–

Then I see her heading into the kitchen area and I rush towards there

Me: Hear nah, have you ever used my mug to drink from?

Cleaner: Wah? No? why I go do that?

Me: Twice in the two months I came and met it in the dish drainer in the morning and not in its usual place.

Cleaner: And where is dat?

Me: (eyes squinting now as the anger might be blinding me)..You used it?

Cleaner: No ah tell yuh no..

Me: Ok let’s get something straight here and now. Please don’t touch anything of mine! Ok?

Cleaner: Boy me aint touch yuh ting….

Me: I am not saying you did but for now let’s just make things clearer.

I walk off. I realise that my OCD has caused me to trip and she may or may not be responsible for my chakras being out of alignment but she is the closest and most obvious “perp” for the crimes.

Great! Just GREAT!!

 My day is shot to hell now!!

I am going to have to Lysol and plead the Blood of Jesus over my workstation, my mug and my Tamarind Salsa.

Sigh…. How’s your day going?

 
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Posted by on June 9, 2011 in Emotions, Relationships, Uncategorized

 

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One Plus One


Realisation: I have way too many Facebook friends !

Reason for realisation:

All of a sudden, every Ted, Dexter, Debbie and Halcyon are posting links to Beyonce’s new song “1 Plus 1” and proclaiming it to be amazing. 

I am not a Beyonce fan and I will never proclaim her work to be epic. She has SOME really good tracks and when beaten into your head by radio airplay you can’t help but like them.  Others you wish would just leave your mind instead of subliminally making you recite it while doing work at the office or washing wares…..

Anyway, not the point I was trying to make.

Here is the first verse of the song and tell me what is wrong…

———————-

If I aint got nothing, I got you
If I aint got something I don’t give a damn, cause I got it with you
I don’t know much about algebra, but I know one plus one equals two
And it’s me and you, thats all we’ll have when the world is thru

———-

Sorry I had to highlight the GLARING piece of nonsense that she put into the song.  Of course you don’t know much about algebra, because one plus one is ARITHMETIC, jeez its basic Math!!!! 

Could you not find a word to subsitiute into the song? You had to put that glaring piece of nonsense.

Now every dunderhead who never paid attention in school is gonna think they know something about Algebra when they know continue to know NOTHING!!!

And this is why we should not only worry about Lady Gaga infecting people’s minds with whatever madness she is saying in between her lessons of tolerance but we need to put surveillance on Beyonce, Tyler Perry, Tyra Banks and a few rappers that have been to jail on numerous charges.

Why no one follows or listens to Common is beyond me.  I once heard a youth refer to Jay Z as “ole school and boring” and immediately knew he would be pumping my gas in a couple years (sorry it had to be said).

So to the crazy beyonce fans who are fuming right now over this.

Relax!! 

Cool yuh piggy!!

Beyonce doesn’t care what I think about her and so should you.

 
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Posted by on June 8, 2011 in Entertainment, Music, TV

 

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