Flirt (The OCD Edition)

09 Jun

I came to work this morning and entered my workstation and something was amiss.  There was a disturbance in The Force!  Not a “spidey senses” tingling disturbance but one that let you know that somebody has altered the Matrix slightly.  The Feng Shui of my cubicle had been interrupted.

Now please don’t take this to mean that my desk is the cleanest thing in the office. I just have my own sense of order and i know where everything is and should be. You won’t find bugs, ants or any creatures lurking by my desk nor will there be stacks of paper all over the place. I am a highly functioning OCD survivor.  I can pass for normal in this crazy society.

My OCD kicked in and I began to scan my desk and noticed that:

  1. A folder on my desk had been moved and not but back in its normal position
  2. My water bottle spout was facing east instead of north west(hush!!)
  3. An envelope was not put back in its proper place and


  1. My Chair seat was lowered.

The room began to spin.

My desk had been compromised. My workstation violated!! I could not think straight! I could not touch it.

To make matters even worse, my grandmother’s words came flooding into my head:

“Lambkin, somebody trying to trap yuh!”

Now we will ignore, for now, why she called me Lambkin  but the crazy part of me felt that she was right on some level and for this alone, I chose to sit at another desk for the rest of the day.

I immediately spoke to my boss’s assistant and asked her to get someone from the cleaning company to wipe down my desk. I instructed her that it was not to be “you know who”.

While walking back to the abandoned cubicle I was squatting in, lo and behold I see you know who  walking on the floor with a rag in her hand.

My blood was boiling. I felt displaced and knew that functioning in this cubicle was not going to work as I needed some semblance of normalcy and this was not going to be achieved today.

I saw her go to my boss’s assistant and then she came over to where I sat:

Cleaner: Ahm excuse me, Morning Stefooornnnnn

I turned to her and nodded. I could not speak at this point.

Cleaner: So what’s for breakfast? How come you sitting here? Is this your new desk?

Me: (Speaking slowly) Did you sit at my desk last night?

Cleaner: (jumps back with a surprised expression)  How you know that?

Me: because stuff on my desk has been moved and my chair has been lowered.

Cleaner: Well I meet de chair so and what stuff on your desk has been moved? I ent touch nutten

Me: So why were you at my desk last night?

Cleaner: (laughing) No boy I wasn’t there. I don’t work on this floor anymore. I asked to work on the lower ones instead.

Me: Did you or did you not sit at my desk last night? (serious face)

Cleaner: (bows head) Yes I did but me aint touch nutten. I doh interferes with yuh work stuff

Me: you compromised my workstations and now I can’t function there. How long have you been sitting at my desk during the night? Why did you lower the chair this time? Do you have any idea how much you disrupted my morning?

Cleaner: Ahm Ahm Ahm…me aint know how to answer you yes, but I doh sit down at yuh desk often and I aint move yuh chair. I meet it so.

Me: ok we are done here!

Cleaner: Stefoorrnnnnnnn yuh vex wid meh?

Me: Look….. you invaded my space and now I don’t know what zingay you put on my desk but I don’t feel comfortable sitting down there now.

Cleaner: zingay? Wah dat? Wait u telling me u think I put obeah?

Me: No, I am saying your energies have displaced mine at my cubicle.

Cleaner: Eh? Energies…..anyway,  have blessed day eh

She walks away and I’m still fuming.



Ok yes, I did mean obeah by use of that zingay statement. My grandmother was a very superstitious lady and she told me a long time ago that because of my appetite (ok she used the word greediness) that people may try to do me harm in various forms.  While this mayor may not be the case, I am still a paranoid soul.


Then I see her heading into the kitchen area and I rush towards there

Me: Hear nah, have you ever used my mug to drink from?

Cleaner: Wah? No? why I go do that?

Me: Twice in the two months I came and met it in the dish drainer in the morning and not in its usual place.

Cleaner: And where is dat?

Me: (eyes squinting now as the anger might be blinding me)..You used it?

Cleaner: No ah tell yuh no..

Me: Ok let’s get something straight here and now. Please don’t touch anything of mine! Ok?

Cleaner: Boy me aint touch yuh ting….

Me: I am not saying you did but for now let’s just make things clearer.

I walk off. I realise that my OCD has caused me to trip and she may or may not be responsible for my chakras being out of alignment but she is the closest and most obvious “perp” for the crimes.

Great! Just GREAT!!

 My day is shot to hell now!!

I am going to have to Lysol and plead the Blood of Jesus over my workstation, my mug and my Tamarind Salsa.

Sigh…. How’s your day going?


Posted by on June 9, 2011 in Emotions, Relationships, Uncategorized


Tags: , , ,

5 responses to “Flirt (The OCD Edition)

  1. Ian Reid

    June 9, 2011 at 10:52

    Stefooornnnnn you real silly yes! Say a prayer and know nuting can harm you wit He protection! you KNOW dat! Have BETTER day!

  2. Kieron Sterne Hart

    June 11, 2011 at 10:57

    WOW! It serious! *likes* above comment! Hope this doesn’t happen again

  3. Mandy Bennett

    June 27, 2011 at 10:50

    hahahahahahahhahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I have OCD so I could totally relate!! Mug faces east instead of northwest hahahahahahahahahaa

  4. Casting Cleaners

    July 26, 2012 at 14:50

    I am a Casting Assistant here in Los Angeles. We are currently in the process of casting a new pilot TV show for a major network. We are presently casting individuals who are obsessed with cleaning. I came across your blog and was wondering if you might be interested in our pilot. We would appreciate any help you could give us in getting the word out. If you have any questions or need additional information please contact me.

    Thank you so much for your time and consideration!


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