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Monthly Archives: July 2011

Good At Being Bad


I was having lunch with my co-workers and related a story to them in which (when I was much younger – teens) someone made me get into trouble when they were the seriously guilty party and I had nothing to do with it. I was just nearby and since the act of deviousness was kinda right up my alley, everyone assumed it was me.( Steups as if i would ever commit the same crime in the same general area more than once).

To cover their ass, they related a fake story to my father and resulted in me being “banned” from going out and I was basically under house arrest and had to report in to my grandmother at various intervals. Being locked up during July/August vacation is not a pleasant experience.

Anyway, I confronted the person and they looked and me and grinned and said:

“So. Wah you could do bout it?”

“If yuh touch meh yuh getting into more trouble”

I stared at them with the intensity of a fat boy looking at a dessert cart, but i knew my hands were tied. Instead i just uttered the words..

“Badjohn must sleep”

“Eh? wah yuh mean by dat?”

I repeated my phrase: “Badjohn must sleep”

He steupsed at me and walked off.

I explained to my colleagues that it made no point to fight with the individual as I would be seen as a bully and would be told that I should know better.

Instead of opting for the pugilistic approach, I did the following:

(NOTE: Names, location and characters have been changed going forward to protect the guilty and the clueless)

Day One: Stared at them whenever possible with no expression on my face. (P.S. it’s more intimidating at night)

Day Two: Repeat action from Day One but this time I left a present of stinging nettle leaves under their bed sheets

Day Three: Returned to normal. Interact as if nothing has happened. When asked about stinging nettle I looked puzzled as there is no way I could leave my house and end up by someone else.

Day Four to Seven: All is normal. Laughter abounds. All appears to be forgiven. No further attacks occur.

Day TEN: Ban is lifted due to EXTREMELY good behaviour.

Now that my freedom had returned and I therefore had all the time in the world to execute my plan on the “clueless”.

I slept over by the offender and knowing their sleeping habits, concocted a sugar water solution to execute my plan.

While they slept I sprinkleddrops of sugar water all over visible aprts of their body (hands, legs, arms and face). Unaware of what was going on, they slept comfortably. I returned home to my bed that night citing my need to sleep with a fan (lie).

I awoke the next day to hear my grandmother yapping int he kitchen aobut strange dots and marks on my victim’s skin and that thier mother had rushed them to the hospital just in case they were having an allergic reaction.

Alas, nothing was wrong and all that happened is that the doctor gave them and ointment for the skin and their mother decided to give them a “purge” to help cleanse their system.

I smiled. I was happy.

———

Now I ask you, did I do anything wrong?

My colleagues heard the story and I was called “evil” and “vindictive”.

Do you think I warrant such a critique?

After all, no one was hurt, no violence occurred  and everyone praised me for my mature handling of the situation. I was accused of a crime I didn’t commit and like Dr Richard Kimble, I had to deal with the situation in my own way.

Thoughts?

 
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Posted by on July 29, 2011 in Emotions, Holidays, Uncategorized

 

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Sign of The Times


It is a sad reflection on the world we live in…..but when I have to do this in order to make people aware the something in the fridge does not belong to them, we as a society have gone to POT!!!

 

 

Alas I didn’t do this two months ago and the result was that within 45 minutes of me placing my ENSURE in the refrigerator, it was gone!!

GONE!!!

And no one seemed to know about it. Not one of these lying #^%$#^%&* people I work with.

I loudly declared at that point:

“Whoever took my drink, I hope you quail up and die!”

Alas my curses are not as effective as Miss Celie’s from The Color Purple, so everyone is still alive.

Dear God,

Make me a channel of your peace today!

AMEN!

 
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Posted by on July 27, 2011 in Emotions, Food, Uncategorized

 

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Beautiful Disaster (The Case of the Float)


I am lying in my bed this beautiful Sunday Morning and reading A Clash Of Kings by George R. R. Martin and suddenly I feel a slight mood shift. This is the signal from my body that “we hungry” and that I need to make breakfast.

I am in the mood for a sandwich but I realize that I have no bread in the house. The thought of walking to the supermarket to get it gets a negative reaction from my body so alternative means need to be arrived at quickly.

Cereal? – Nah had that four times for the week

Eggs? – yes but I need a slice of starch to make it filling….

Yogurt? – My stomach laughs and asks if I plan on tripping out within 5 minutes of eating it.

Sigh…. So I decide to make some fried bakes (float) according the recipe in the Naps Cook Book.

Yuh know this would’ve made sense if I actually had measuring cups etc to make this process smoother but nope I don’t possess these items. So I am going to do it “old school” style. That means I am just going to throw stuff in a big bowl and knead it and see what happens……

Let’s see: Whole Wheat Flour, Salt, Sugar, Baking Flour, warm water…….knead….leave for ten minutes to rise (belly grumbling now).. Heat sauce pan with oil and fry…..

Then

 

 

Relax…..They don’t taste as bad as they look. Plus they are actually soft.

I surprised myself. Let’s hope all is well with me later.

ALWAYS REMEMBER:

“What doh kill, fattens and what doh fatten, purges….”

and I’m still here…..(Thanks to God and the prayer I say before I eat every meal)

 
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Posted by on July 24, 2011 in Food

 

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Back to Black


I discovered her voice while living in England and understood the pain and angst in her music. “In My Bed” from the “Frank ” album was brilliant

but when I heard “Back To Black” I was converted.

It is a shame I didn’t get to visit her temple of music often.

RIP Amy Winehouse!!

 
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Posted by on July 23, 2011 in Entertainment, Music, Uncategorized

 

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Tuesday Teachings…….


SCENE: Tikka Massala – Long Circular Mall Food Court

Enter Stefan. He strolls to the the Tikka Massala counter where a lone attendant is sitting near the entry door to the kitchen looking terrified.

Stefan: Hi

She appraoches the cash register reluctantly

Server: Hi,  Cani help you?

Stefan: Yes i would like to have a Number 8 with Aloo Nan

Server: You want Naan?

Stefan: Yes (smiling) Aloo

Server: And what number your wanted again?

Stefan: (smiling) Number 8 across there.

Server: ok

She then looks at the cash register in fright and begins to looks cautiously over it to find the button that says what I asked for. She finds them and looks up.

Server: Daz $35.95.

Stefan hands her his ATM card to process the purchase.

She takes the card and swipes it in the machine, then proceeds to look back at the cash register screen before pressing each number on it. She looks at the screen five times just to verify she did it correctly. (Stefan continues to smile at this point)

She presses enter on the LINX machine and continues to look at it.

Stefan turns the machine in his direction and enters his info for processing. She then takes both receipts from the machine and hands it to Stefan.

Stefan: umm this one is yours….

Server: (giggle) ok tanks….

While taking the receipt, Stefan’s co-worker appears and hands him $60 so that he may purchase the same item for him except with Peshwari Naan. The Server takes the order and goes through her process again.

This time the figure reads $37.95. She then enters the $60.00 I gave her and the draw opens to give me the change. She places the 3 $20 bills in the drawer and then looks up at the cash register and proceeds to give me back the change $22.05. (She is clueless as to what she just did)

She hands Stefan the receipt and shows him his order number.

Stefan: Umm what about the receipt for the order i gave you before?

The Server looks puzzled. Moves back and forth quickly and then looks at Stefan

Server: Amm just now eh…

Stefan moves to the side assuming that his order is being processed. Lo and behold, his co-worker’s order comes out but not his. Stefan motions to the girl.

Stefan: Umm excuse me but what happened to my order? Only the second order came out.

Server: (puzzled Look) Just now eh

She runs into the back, with a puzzled look on her face, and brings out an East indian gentleman to deal with Stefan.

E.I. Gentleman: Yes Sir is there a problem.

Stefan: Yes there is. The girls at the back are not seeing my Chicken Korma & Lamb Rogan Josh order in the back. I have my LINX receipt but they don’t have an order to make it.

The guy smiles at me and takes my receipt. He whispers something into the girl’s ear and she bows and goes into the kitchen area. He returns back with a receipt for Stefan but this time he is Order Number 15 and they have only reached order number 8. Stefan smiles.

Stefan’s co-worker approaches him

Co-Worker: Why allyuh fat boys does ask for impossible ting? Look my order ready but yours not.

Stefan explains the situation to his co-worker.

Co-Worker: Ah shocked yuh not cussing yet.

Stefan: Nope. The new Stefan just won’t eat here anymore.

Co-Worker: I prefer the old Stefan who will make noise and make people spit in my food too. Oh wait, my food here already.. You want me make noise for you?

Stefan’s co-worker gets a death stare and recoils…

The Server emerges from the kitchen and looks at all the eople waiting and annouces

Server: Number 15? Number 15?

Stefan smiles at her and nods. He is slightly puzzled since he knows she knows that it is his food that is in her hand.  She approaches with the meal already wrapped as “take away”, hands it to Stefan and runs back into the kitchen.

Co-Worker: Ah cyah take you nowhere yes. Ah sure de girl get fired and now nanny cheese all over your lamb roan josh. It good for yuh.

Stefan: Steups!!!!

Both collegaues walk out of Long Circular Mall Food Court.

END SCENE

 
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Posted by on July 19, 2011 in Emotions, Food, Uncategorized

 

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Hear My Call


Jill Scott is the TRUTH!!!

Off of her new Album The Light of The Sun

Read the lyrics:

HEAR MY CALL

[Verse 1]
Here I am again asking questions,
Waiting to be moved.
I am so unsure of my perception,
What I thought I knew I don’t seem to
Where is the turn so I can get back to what I believe in?
Back to the old me and

[Chorus]
God, please hear my call. I am afraid for me.
Love has burned me raw I need your healing
I need Your healing.

[Verse 2]
I’ve been such a fool
How did I get here?
Played by all the rules
Then they changed

I am but a child to your vision
Standing in the cold and the rain
Lost here in the dark
I can’t see.
Gotta take a stand, what is happening?
Oh, this hurts so bad. I can hardly breathe.
I just want to leave so

[Chorus x2]
God, please hear my call. I am afraid for me.
Love has burned me raw I need your healing
I need Your healing.

—-

Now Listen:

Ignore the first minute of talk….wait for the song..

 
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Posted by on July 9, 2011 in Emotions, Entertainment, Music, Poetry, Uncategorized

 

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Angel


From the moment I wake up. Before the first “steups” comes out, I rise from my bed and riffle through my CD collection and find something to help wake me up. Some CDs that I own NEVER make the cut this early in the morning. Jay-Z, Kanye, Usher? Err nope, most others do.

This morning, it was in the Greatest Hits Section of my CDs and I pulled out “Respect: The Very Best of Aretha Franklin- Respect”. It’s a 2 CD collection but for the most part it is just to get the sluggish body to hum and eventually sing while I get ready to face the day.

 

Today “Angel” came on for some reason it sounded extra sweet. I had to stop and listen and do my best to attempt to reach her notes and fail.(What my neighbours must think of me croaking loudly at this hour of the morning!!) SMH

Anyway here it is…..

And here is the updated Simply Red version. Now Mick Hutnall can do no wrong in my eyes, but Wyclef Jean pushing his voice into the song…sigh.. why oh why!!! I keep wondering who the hell gave him a recording contract!!

The recording is still soothing to the ear and my musical palate.

ENJOY!!

Have Good Day People!

 
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Posted by on July 5, 2011 in Entertainment, Music

 

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