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Good At Being Bad

29 Jul

I was having lunch with my co-workers and related a story to them in which (when I was much younger – teens) someone made me get into trouble when they were the seriously guilty party and I had nothing to do with it. I was just nearby and since the act of deviousness was kinda right up my alley, everyone assumed it was me.( Steups as if i would ever commit the same crime in the same general area more than once).

To cover their ass, they related a fake story to my father and resulted in me being “banned” from going out and I was basically under house arrest and had to report in to my grandmother at various intervals. Being locked up during July/August vacation is not a pleasant experience.

Anyway, I confronted the person and they looked and me and grinned and said:

“So. Wah you could do bout it?”

“If yuh touch meh yuh getting into more trouble”

I stared at them with the intensity of a fat boy looking at a dessert cart, but i knew my hands were tied. Instead i just uttered the words..

“Badjohn must sleep”

“Eh? wah yuh mean by dat?”

I repeated my phrase: “Badjohn must sleep”

He steupsed at me and walked off.

I explained to my colleagues that it made no point to fight with the individual as I would be seen as a bully and would be told that I should know better.

Instead of opting for the pugilistic approach, I did the following:

(NOTE: Names, location and characters have been changed going forward to protect the guilty and the clueless)

Day One: Stared at them whenever possible with no expression on my face. (P.S. it’s more intimidating at night)

Day Two: Repeat action from Day One but this time I left a present of stinging nettle leaves under their bed sheets

Day Three: Returned to normal. Interact as if nothing has happened. When asked about stinging nettle I looked puzzled as there is no way I could leave my house and end up by someone else.

Day Four to Seven: All is normal. Laughter abounds. All appears to be forgiven. No further attacks occur.

Day TEN: Ban is lifted due to EXTREMELY good behaviour.

Now that my freedom had returned and I therefore had all the time in the world to execute my plan on the “clueless”.

I slept over by the offender and knowing their sleeping habits, concocted a sugar water solution to execute my plan.

While they slept I sprinkleddrops of sugar water all over visible aprts of their body (hands, legs, arms and face). Unaware of what was going on, they slept comfortably. I returned home to my bed that night citing my need to sleep with a fan (lie).

I awoke the next day to hear my grandmother yapping int he kitchen aobut strange dots and marks on my victim’s skin and that thier mother had rushed them to the hospital just in case they were having an allergic reaction.

Alas, nothing was wrong and all that happened is that the doctor gave them and ointment for the skin and their mother decided to give them a “purge” to help cleanse their system.

I smiled. I was happy.

———

Now I ask you, did I do anything wrong?

My colleagues heard the story and I was called “evil” and “vindictive”.

Do you think I warrant such a critique?

After all, no one was hurt, no violence occurred  and everyone praised me for my mature handling of the situation. I was accused of a crime I didn’t commit and like Dr Richard Kimble, I had to deal with the situation in my own way.

Thoughts?

 
1 Comment

Posted by on July 29, 2011 in Emotions, Holidays, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , ,

One response to “Good At Being Bad

  1. Mandy Bennett

    August 2, 2011 at 14:37

    hahahah I love the intense stare down…more intimidating at night !
    Mandy Bennett
    http://mandyjbennett.blogspot.com

     

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