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Monthly Archives: August 2011

If It Kills Me


As I stand on the other side of the road staring at the Orpheum Theater building and the big tour-type bus parked at the side of the building, my emotions are getting he better of me. Sigh…..Janet and I are going to be together finally!

In the spirit of this occasion I dedicate this Jason Mraz song to the woman I truly love …..

Sigh……

I put this video as it doesn’t sound or look as intense as I feel right now…..

Let me go get my meds.

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Posted by on August 19, 2011 in Emotions, Entertainment, Music

 

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Mortal Kombat


I swear my life must be dullest thing on the planet since this recent incident got my juices stirring.

After spending the entire morning just sleeping and ..sigh… answering emails from the office I ventured out of the apartment in Washington Heights to head to the National Museum to meet my friend and official groupie lol Shannon. I am walking on the main road, Amsterdam Avenue, I think, when all of a sudden I see some women gasping at something in the road. When I look there it is because three guys are beating and kicking up another guy who is on the ground. A friend of his rushes overs to help him but he gets chased away (no courage in that one either).

Now the guys kicking up the other guy weren’t big nor were they black ( shock yes I know but the guy on ground was black and mature) . Any way I apparently stood there staring at the action for a bit unaware that two other guys appeared behind me and started beating the guy who tried to go to the other guy’s rescue. So I moved a few steps from that action and continued watching as if I was in a tennis match. Road, pavement, road pavement,pavement road…it was exhilarating and my heart was racing with all the excitement.

Unknown to me some woman started pulling me and shouting cuidado among otter stuff. If the damn music wasn’t in my ear I may have heard her earlier but she then spoke to me in English and told me “You need to move papi!” She then said that didn’t want to see me get shot if someone pulled out a gun.

Yuh know that didn’t enter my head at all! I just saw them only running around kicking and cuffing (the cuffs were very girly and uncoordinated) and I didn’t think that any one might try to escalate it.

Anyway after she said that I started to walk to the train station but I kept looking back to see if there were any further developments. Most of the guys had gone back to kicking up the black guy in the road who seemed to be having trouble lifting himself up. At first I was a little shocked as i thought given his size he would’ve gotten up and fought them off but I guess they surprised him.

The most disturbing part out of all of this is that kept thinking about pulling out my camera to take pictures.

I know!!

It seems insane but somehow I wanted to be able to show you guys exactly what happened because as much as I know that you trust my stories, there was a need to provide something more than words in this multimedia crazed world. I was itching but something in the back of me knew that being seen documenting would mean that my ass would get kicked up as well.

As much as I think that I remember some stuff from the few kickboxing classes i attended, my first impulse would impulse would be to run away and save myself. I needed to be able to return to the apartment I was staying at without the fear of being assaulted by people who probably spoke Spanish and would think me a dominicano traitor. Imagine if I did do it. I wouldn’t have been able to get clothing for my trip to Minneapolis tomorrow to see Janet Jackson on Friday……(and that not happening! My date with destiny is too long in coming).

So i hope this account of the events is enough for you. When i decide to become war correspondent for some media house i will make sure you get the photographic evidence. So for now..i’m sorry

 
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Posted by on August 17, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Enough is Enough


Everyone at some point or another has joked about the fact that when we look back at Sesame Street ( with adult eyes) there are things that catch us that never registered before. Of course, we just sit back and laugh and know that our innocence had left us ages ago and was replaced by the filth and smut of Carnival and Cinemax (don’t deny it, you kow you have watched it once or thirteen times).

I have been guilty of not liking certain characters and of spreading vicious rumours on others like Elmo being on ecstacy and Prairie Dawn needing a beat down but these are harmless. Sesame Street has been a love of mine for ages and I cannot imagine growing up without singing about “The Lowercase n”, or “Capital I” or “One Way…the Sign said One Way” among countless others. Sesame street taught me many valuable lessons during my childhood and while I am not always in agreement with the direction they sometimes go in the show, I understand its appeal, relevance and importance in society.

Then comes these ridiculous people called change.org who apparently have launched a petition to let Ernie & Bert get married. See Below:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/8696956/No-marriage-for-Bert-and-Ernie-says-Sesame-Street.html

Also I never found this poster to be funny ( well not really)

While I applaud the stance of CTW (Children’s Television Workshop) on this issue, I find it very disheartening to know that once again adults who are trying to push a cause through would try to stereotype every aspect of life and therefore take away the innocence of everything.

Look I know I may have told many of you that I knew Bert & Ernice were gay from the moment Ernie woke up Bert in the middle of the night to ask him :

” Do you like me? Do you think i’m swell? Do you Like me? Won’t you tell. I wanna hear it from you?”

Yes the question seems a bit shady and slightly dodgy but that is only because I am looking at it with nasty adult eyes and not the innocent ones that first saw it and thought to ask my brother the same question one night and he just “steupsed” and asked for me to leave him alone.

Yes, I was annoying that way. Lord knows how he came still talk to me after all the things I did to him. We also won’t get into how i tortured my younger siblings and cousins…some things are better left unsaid in case these people get flashbacks of torture and someone finds me at the side of the road.

Anyway, the point is.. LEAVE SESAME STREET ALONE!!!

There are lots of adult issues that can be discussed with children, divorce, death, drugs , addiction,etc but come now, do you really need to make two roommates since 1969 a couple? They already are best friends and trust me anyone who has lived with a friend for any length of time, you both start acting like a married couple but it doesn’t mean you are gay. It means you all like each other. I lived with my best friend for One Year on Campus and while we no longer speak as we used to, the experience taught me that distance is a good thing for friends. A lot of personal space is necessary.

I digress……

Why don’t they harass Bob? Bob who? You know Bob. The one who lives on top of Mr. Hooper’s Store and has a piano and sings alot through his window and who was once romantically linked to Linda (the deaf but certainly not BLIND girl). Yes that one! Why aren’t they dealing with him? Hmmmm I know why..’cause old people aren’t fun to pick on and they can SUE you…

Shame on you www.change.org!!! Why don’t you change and stop being the bully here! You think making two puppets marry will put an end to bullying? Err why not then petition for Oscar the Grouch to be nicer or for Big Bird to acknowledge his relationship with Snuffie or have Grover come out of the closet and Cookie Monster deal with his eating disorder and Count with his OCD? Huh? Why not help everyone?

SIDE NOTE:

I never liked Grover much as his scenes intially involved him always asking for hugs and for someone to tickle his tummy. It was a little creepy even for me. Grover as the waiter or as SuperGrover is a better character.

Telly Monster also used to piss me off with his worrying. Why isn’t he on meds by now?

And while we are at it….Why did Maria stop dating David and marry Luis and then David disappeared from the show? Rumor has it he went mad and walked through Central Park naked and later committed suicide. And why did anybody ever address how ghetto and loud Olivia was when she visited the street? How did Mr. Looper make money and why is that store still open? Why hasn’t Starbucks, Subway or Wal-Mart or Target moved in as yet?

 
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Posted by on August 12, 2011 in Entertainment, Humor, TV, Uncategorized

 

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Vicky Pollard


For those of you who have never seen Little Britain, let me just say you haven’t really lived. I can’t help but laugh whenever i watch a clip from Seasons 1 and 2. The HBO season wasn’t as funny plus American humor is weird.

 

Anyway, I could find my favorite clip so I present this one. The character Vicky Pollard is my favorite an d ithink she is just hilarious:

 

Enjoy a clip:

 

 

 
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Posted by on August 12, 2011 in Entertainment, TV

 

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In A Very Unusual Way


As you get older and (hopefully) wiser, this thing called love and by extension, relationships, either start making sense to you or they start crumbling all around. I’ve had both instances happen simultaneously and boy have do I have stories to tell,but not now!  I’ve learnt alot over these years and as I near f(cough)ty thirty, it becomes apparent that I either need to compromise on alot of the stuff I want from people or continue along my road of being the cranky old  guy in the neighbourhood that children throw stones at at night.

The problem is, I think I compromise too flipping much and as I recently learnt while doing the play Smile Orange: don’t let the anger build up . Otherwise you never know when someone telling you that you missed a line can trigger you near to Mount Vesuvius levels of eruptions on them. One needs therefore to achieve some measure of balance in dealing with people and relationships.

Gone are the days when I technically gave people enough rope to hang themselves, I now do the deed myself in a much quicker time period saving rope.

I always find it amazing that while I can look past the faults in others, and see the beauty of who they are ( in my own cynical way), they can’t seem but to need me to change immediately as if this form is just not pleasing to them. To this I say: then why were you with me? I am not anExtreme Home Makeover Challenge nor are you its host! The number of times I have endured going to the gym, changed my diet, (well except for peanut butter cuz then you need to step!), lost weight, gained weight, wore clothing I have scorned on other people, driven like TAXI driver looking for fares to various corners of Trinidad and endured your comments on various boring topics, sigh sometimes i think I should get a humanitarian award. Then again, they had to deal with my cynical, bossy, arrogant, selfish controlling ways. Cynical and arrogant I will take and run with. The rest is totally not me. What do you think attracted you to me in the first place? It couldn’t have been me acting all dumb and “beh beh”. Yuh think!

Through it all it has become obvious to me that I have been self sabotaging different prospective relationships for years or plainly just picking the people I know were so absolutely wrong for me just so that I have an excuse why it didn’t work out. (LOL yeah I’m THAT messed up),

Then again, some people misrepresent themselves so much and while you try to look past the smoking, drinking, ill fitting clothing, bad haircuts, skin rashes, split personality, crazy, bat crazy, insane, emotional, psychotic, use of a spoon other than for soup, bad breath, whoring ways, flirtations, lies, turrets- like syndrome, lack of money, lies, excuses ( just to name a few), you just can’t help but call your friend and say: How did I get into this mess again?

In hindsight, I realise something that my grandmother said to me once. She said it the day I came home from school and told her that I had broken up with the girl with the nice hair and the iron teeth (the girl had braces, my grandmother didn’t care what they were called). Mudder,as she was affectionately called, said:

“You mudder ass too happy! You doh understand one backside!”

Sigh..I miss being verbally abused by my grandmother. She always brought perspective in a simple but effective way.

Anyway, she was correct, when she said that I am too happy. I have nothing to complain about or put blame on anyone but myself for the things that happen to me.  I absolutely cannot complain about my life on any aspect. God has been so good to me and  I am blessed with AMAZING friends (both near and far), CRAZY family (too near for my liking), GOOD job (that allows me to be able to feed my soul on the side) and HEALTH (a lil chubby but I like it)  and BEAUTIFUL soul that loves easily.

Then there’s my love life. LOL… some people have all the problems in the world and some people have very little, yet they spend their time complaining about their lack of abs, additions to the house, what car  to buy, acne, having to wait in line everywhere etc.

I just can’;t complain. Actually I just have no right to complain. Life is good. Life is sweet.

Then there comes those moments when I am out with friends and I am surrounded by the hundreds of doomed relationships around me and I just smile.

Then I see that one couple that looks like its heaven between them. They are not holding hands or kissing in public. Nope they steal glances at each other, slightly touch their partner without making eye contact. They walk up to each other from different directions and and you see a grin in their faces or you know a joke is just about to be told. They argue and laugh at the same time and make fun of people passing by. Yup….that’s when i stop smiling….cuz they sicken the SHIT outta me for getting it right.

And in those brief moments, this Elton John song creeps in and reminds me that for the old fussy annoying old man that I am, I do know what I want. Hopefully someday I’ll get it.

I WANT LOVE – Elton John

I want love, but it’s impossible
A man like me, so irresponsible
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated

I can’t love, shot full of holes
Don’t feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don’t feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won’t break me down
Won’t brick me up, won’t fence me in
I want a love, that don’t mean a thing
That’s the love I want, I want love

I want love on my own terms
After everything I’ve ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage
Oh man I’ve seen so much traffic

So bring it on, I’ve been bruised
Don’t give me love that’s clean and smooth
I’m ready for the rougher stuff
No sweet romance, I’ve had enough

————

 

And that’s my therapy session for the day…..

 
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Posted by on August 10, 2011 in Emotions, RANT, Relationships

 

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Flirt (The Admin Pool Version)


Date: August 9, 2011  Time: 7:45am

I am on my way to my workstation and I greet all the administrative staff as I pass by.

Temp Worker: Morning Stefan. How is your day going so far?

Stefan: Err I now reach and I hungry. so not so good.

Temp : You want me to get coffee for you?

I spin around from walking to my desk and put one big grin on my face.

Stefan: Nah, it’s ok. I brought cereal. So i’m gonna have that.

Temp : Ok ( she looks down at the floor)

I begin to get my work stuff out from my desk and suddenly i see someone hovering over my cubicle wall.

Temp : Umm Stefan…..

I look up and grin again.

Temp : Today is my last day with you all and I wanted to say it was a pleasure working with you.

Stefan: Where you going already? You now start doing stuff for me. What am I supposed to do?

Temp : (blushing) well Miss F comes back tomorrow, so there is no more need for my services.

Stefan: Steups….3 weeks fly so fast? Wow!  It was nice meeting you though

SILENCE

She is still at my cubicle wall

SILENCE

I am now booting up my laptop and taking my cereal out of my bag and thinking…why is she still here?

Temp : Umm before I go, there is just one thing I wanted to tell you

Stefan: yeeeeesssss

Temp : You have really piercing eyes. It is very distracting at times.

Stefan (blushing): Err thanks….but why you say that? A big man like me is not supposed to be blushing. Especially not this early in the morning.

Temp : I just thought you should know

And with that, she walks off and heads to the kitchnette area.

 

Ummmm What just happened there?

 

In other news:

The cleaner has been moved to another floor (not due to anything I may or may not have said to anyone). She comes upstairs once in awhile and mumbles at me if we pass in the corridor.

Hmmm So weird. I wonder why things changed?

 
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Posted by on August 9, 2011 in Emotions, Humor

 

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Is It Just me….


or are people going crazy these days.

I get friend requests on facebook from all kinds of people (most of them I don’t know or have never met). I just have one rule when it comes to adding people to my Facebook page.

RULE: I must have had a conversation (face to face) with you at some point in my life.

Is that a hard rule? I don’t think so. I don’t add strangers! They creep me out and no good ever came from befriending someone you met over the internet. Call me old fashioned but I need to meet you in person and psycho-analyse you without a license there and then decide if you are worthy.

Granted I have been rejected by many people who didn’t think me worthy of entering their hallowed FB space or deleted me so that they could find inner peace, so I understand what people go through but I am still here and loving this life without them.

I always point out to people who seem to revel in having over 4000+ friendson their and then wondering why this random person keeps commenting on their pictures that “yuh look for it!”  I pride myself in the fact that  everyone on my friend list I can give you a story about how I know them and hopefully they only have good memories of me. Even though I’ve heard stuff like: “You used to tap me up in school” or “I remembered when you called me “bobo general” in the library for everyone to hear. Some of these incidents I have no recollection of and I always apologise to the individuals. LOL!

I am not a bad person at all. At least I would like to think so.

So when I got a friend request from this particualr individual, I think a bell went off in my head and said..ENOUGH!!

Take a look! (It’s been slightly altered to protect her in some way)

 

Now don’t get me wrong, it may be the correct spelling for her name (yeah right) but I just couldn’t bare it anymore.

What is the deal with people calling themselves Swagga-man Frank (really a name like Frank and you think you have Swag?)  and CutieFace-this or Sexy Barbie that? Are you that unhappy with your names? Don’t even get me started on people who decide to merge entire sentences as their middle names in the hope that someone will help them deal with the issue that going on in their heads.

So to SexyBarbie Idontgiveahdamnwhatutinkofmeiambess Jones….and all the others who seem to think that spelling and grammar at school was just keeping them back from being the next Tyra or Beyonce, WAKE UP!!!

Why can’t people just learn to spell? Is it that hard? I am not even asking you to learn difficult words, how about just remembering the ones you used in school?  You know A for Apple, B for Bat,C for Cat…..L for LION!!!

Come on people! Save our children! Save our Society! I shudder to think what will pass for spelling in ten years.

God HELP US All!!

Hmm maybe I should add her?

What do you think?

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2011 in Emotions, Humor, RANT

 

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