20 Sep

Did I ever tell you about my dislike for Gyms?

I’m sure I have.  I find them to be vessels of all that is wrong with society. And alas, they are a necessity.

Over the past 3-5 years I have done my best to avoid using this institution in my quest for a  non “tut tuts” ridden Stefan. Efforts so far have proven to be a tad futile.

I thought I had found a brilliant strategy by taking Tennis Lessons. I was happy. My form improved, my stamina as well and on a good day I can have a killer back hand. Then reality set in. Why is my body not changing its Buddha-esque shape?  My legs are firmer and I feel more energetic, but why haven’t I become lean? The answer was however right in front of me.  I looked at my coach and then I turned around and looked at the other players my age or older (one cannot include children and teenagers who can lose weight just by farting). They all looked the same. They were all fit but their body types never change. The guy with the wicked serve still has a bear-belly and he plays here everyday for at least 3 hours. Why don’t any of them look like Nadal/ Blake/ Federer or even Agassi (even though I always thought him to be chunky)?

Answer: They are not athletes who do strength and endurance training along with tennis. No one on the court is that committed.

In an attempt to up my game I enrolled in a kickboxing class. And some days I would go to this class right after tennis and be subjected to serious torture on my body.  The class would consist of 10 minutes of cardio involving laps around the room  followed by push ups and sit up and all manner of stuff that seemed to some extent be improving my core.  It was working. I was shedding a few pounds here and there and I felt good. Coach was however looking for a fighter to compete in various tournaments held inTrinidad. I know I didn’t fit that mould, plus a couple of times coach put me to spar with other students, I realise that I don’t like people hitting me. It hurts a lot. So I told him that I was only here for training. Alas his other students all lost the matches he put them up for and well, he gave up. He no longer holds classes.

Can you do that? I never will be able to!!

I think that was partially my fault as this year I went from play to play and so I hardly had time to go to training.

Which brings me back to now. What do I do? I am back from my vacation that had me drinking more coffee than I ever did before, eating food in some GREAT restaurants (Fogo De Chao – I love you) and sleeping a lot. My first 2 days inNew Yorkfound me snoring away in an apartment and not exploring the sites. Why? I was tired from work and there really wasn’t anything new in NYC that wouldn’t be there when I decided to actually wipe the “yampee” from my eye and scrub me mouth.

In speaking with friends and acquaintances, many suggested that I get over my aversion to the gym and get back there. One suggested that I come and  Zumba with her. While Zumba looks like fun, I think I have enough issues in my life without employing a weighted hula hoop as part of my new exercise regime. Someday I’ll get over myself but it isn’t right now.  Another suggested Spin Classes (which I have tried already). Spin Classes make my legs bigger and toner. Everything else stays the same size. I was fond of Spin Class and the fact that I was drenched after the work out and would sometimes slip in the pool of sweat that I left under the bike but after awhile that joy wears off when you have all these skinny people in front of you in tight clothing while you sit in the back in everything slack so that you were devoid of shape/form and jelly rolls.  Sigh I have way too many hang-ups.

So I decided on a Personal Trainer. Initial quotes given to me for a personal trainer ranged from TT$100 – $200 a session. I quickly asked for a definition of a session because in my mind paying you that kind of money for 30-45 minutes of your time, I expect to be dropping weight in no time. Instead all my “cheap” ass tells me is that my wallet and bank account will drop size really fast.

I found one for a lesser price and I have just started to interact with him and well he is a tad bit odd. He asked me what I were my goals in terms of working out. I stated clearly that I want to lose weight. I want to build my chest area but overall I just want to reduce my body fat and appear toned. 

Trainer: “Oh so you wanna look like me?”

Me: Err you kinda skinny. If I get that small people will think I have the Hi 5

Trainer: LOL Nah kid I not that small.

Wait he just called me kid?

Me: Umm what is your waist size? 28?

Trainer: Nah I can’t find pants to fit me, so I buy a 30 and get it adjusted

At this point, my gut told me to walk away and forget this thing as he obviously is clueless, but I hired him.  I am trying to be less hasty with people and give them enough room to hang themselves..oops I mean…relax and let’s see how things go. Not everyone gives a good first impression.

Our first session consisted of me doing the following routines:

Bike – 15 minutes

Elliptical – 10 minutes

Then a series of back and shoulder exercises. I was always to do 4 sets of 10 for each exercise. At one point he pointed to a machine I already used and when I corrected him on it he pretended that he was pointing to the one next to it (Small Thing – Mental note made)

Then he took me to the are  where people do “Chin Ups” and I looked at him and said:

Me: I am not ready for this machine.

Trainer: Nah kid, this one easy.

There he goes calling me kid again

Me: I’m not ready for this one.

Did he listen? Nope. He had me climb up and informed me that he were not going to use it freestyle but in combination with a weight so that it propels me back up. Once again, I uttered that I  wasn’t ready for this.

He put the weight thing around half and told me to stand on the lever and do the pull-ups. I managed one and then he realised that the weight wasn’t helping me.

Trainer: Wey kid you real heavy. Leh we try it at ¾ of all the weight.

Same thing happened. He started to giggle.

At this pint I turned to him and said “Let’s forget this one.”

Trainer: Nah this piece of equipment important for strength training

He set it for all the weight and the same thing happened. He giggled and then decided to give up. By this time, a couple other people were waiting on the machine, and nearby there were women using other machines that developed into a giggle.  It was turning out to be embarrassing but being the trooper I know myself to be, I made a joke out of it so that people would think I wasn’t ashamed of what happened.

Me: What ah tell before? You watch my size and think that I could lift myself up?  Do you know how much macaroni pie running through my veins?

There was slight laughter and we moved on to another machine that was easier.

I did some ab work after that and then spent 15 minutes on the treadmill before heading home.

This morning my body is ok. Slight joint stiffness but Absorbine Junior and Ben Gay helped ease that tension last night.

I am due to meet with him today. I pray he gets better.

Everyone knows my resistance to commitment of any kind but for my well being I am hoping this thing works out.

I long for the day when I can walk onto the beach and take off my jersey while strolling and have everyone be in awe of my perfect pecs and flat stomach and v-shaped torso.

Look, I consider the 12 people who actually read my blog to be my therapist, I refuse to pay someone for 45 minutes when I have an entire you all to test my paranoia and random thoughts on without the fear of  judgement. This method is cheaper in the long run..


Posted by on September 20, 2011 in Fitness, RANT


Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “Muscles

  1. ReidDesigns (@ReidDesigns)

    September 20, 2011 at 15:24

    Stefan. Get this book. Read it. Do it You’d stress less about gym guarantee it.

  2. Colin

    September 20, 2011 at 18:43

    Stefan gettin ‘the perfect body’ is all about your diet man. Cut back on the Macaroni pies lol!! Oh and lose the trainer!


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