“Yuh see YOU!! You go pick and pick and pick until you pick…SH…..IT!!!”
Unfortunately, this comment has been directed to me on numerous occasions. It is mainly uttered by older folks (my deceased grandmother included) and even some of my peers. Now I wonder….have they cursed me with this prediction?
I used to think that this “picky” nature that they kept talking about only extended to me on an emotional/relationship level because Lord only knows that I seem to have a mutant power-like ability for picking the insane, mentally unstable, and/or the just downright awful people to be romantically involved with. The people that seem normal and fun to be around initially, usually crack by the two week or one month mark and then you start to see the parts that made you wonder why you were attracted to this person in the first place. The interesting parts of them seem to fade and you realise that the smoke screen can only last for so long. By then it’s too late and so you either opt to ignore the true version or run like wind. I choose the latter.
Then I realised the curse extended to some of the people that I called friends. I have made some really bad friend choices in the last decade and even when others told me about it, I chose to ignore it. Not all my friendship choices are/were bad. Well, just two or five choices that have now been corrected and those demons exorcised FOREVER!!! It is amazing the insecurities we let people use against us when we value their opinion, only to realise that they weren’t helping us but keeping us weak for their prolonged benefit.
Now I realise this curse has overtaken almost every aspect of my life and therefore I can only conclude that the problem is ME!!
Hi I’m Stefan. And I’m too PICKY!
(Murmurs are heard all around the room but no acknowledgement or welcoming to this support group)
My problem I have realised is that when I am placed with too many options, I then either pick the cheapest (alleged cost savings) or the prettiest (everyone will like my pretty choice) option and then suffer for it. (Applause!!!)
CASE ONE – Physical Training
Day 2 of my Fitness Phase kicked off yesterday with me arriving at the gym to find that my Personal Trainer was nowhere to be found. I checked my phone, saw no messages, and then headed to the stationary bike section to begin my workout. Now at the point of not seeing the Trainer, the old Stefan would head for home and forget about exercise for the day. This is not the old Stefan. I decided to start my cardio routine in the hopes that by the time I am done he would be there. Forty –five minutes of cardio later and I still don’t see him. He never showed up.
I messaged him after I left the gym and asked what happened. He said he was still in school and that project difficulties had kept him there.
“And you couldn’t call me to say that?”
I of course said this to myself and not to him because I don’t want to be accused of being anal retentive or trying to be someone’s boss. However, I paid money for a service and expect some kind of common courtesy!!
FAULT: Mine!: I picked a cheap trainer and therefore got what I paid for!
SOLUTION: The month isn’t over yet but me thinks someone will not get a renewal for the next month.
CASE TWO: – Colors of the Wind
I had used a particular “Straightener” for my car when minor accidents had occurred with it. The most recent one being when my “God-fearing” Christian neighbour hit my car door and said nothing about it until I asked him if he had seen the incident. The Guy did the work really good and his pricing was reasonable (well cheaper than the other businesses and his turnover time was really excellent.
I decided to have the whole car painted over and all the little dents and scrapes removed. So I employed said gentleman to do it for me. His price was comparable to the normal car places so I obliged especially since he had done work for me in the past. I left the car with him and went on vacation.
Two weeks later I am back in Trinidad from vacation and I give him a call informing him that I would pick up the car the next day. He tells me it would only be ready the following day. I sigh but say nothing (as I don’t want to be accused of being an asshole or complaining while he still has my vehicle).
I appear at his garage the stated day only to find my car all over the place and parts still not painted. He said the curfew prevented him from finishing it earlier. I laughed inside. I asked when he might be done and he told me in two days.
This could only mean that NO work was done on my car for TWO WEEKS!!!. I say ok and walk away. The old Stefan would’ve shouted at the gentleman for the inconvenience and stated that it is obvious why “black” people are second class citizens because we can’t be trusted to do a job without someone constantly behind our back making sure we do it!! But I am not that Stefan anymore. He is angry and wants vengeance on everyone that he thinks wronged him. He doesn’t have God’s love in his heart. The New Stefan does!!
Two days later I get my car and while the color is fine, the parts of my car that used to be grey are now painted black. His wife is in front of me saying that the car looks really good with the black trimmings. I am just smiling.
I asked him what is the balance I owe him and he calls one price and I reduce that price by $1000.00 as he did not restore the car to the condition I asked. His wife nodded and I got the discount.
Now I drive an old time police vehicle…sigh
FAULT: Mine! I should never trust that people would do their jobs. You have to micro manage them.
SOLUTION: Phone Numbers were deleted. He no longer exists as one of my tradesmen..
I can give you so many more examples of my choices turning out to be bad but I am sure you had read some of them on my blog. I am sure people remember my story on the two plumbers and how one fell asleep on my bathroom floor while estimating the cost of repair of a leak. Sigh.. well it seems that the more I try to make informed decisions in Trinidad, the more they backfire.
So, considering I am so bad at picking people to do anything for me, shall I employ someone to do that job for me? Nah I can’t, because I will end up picking the wrong person for the job and then be stuck with someone trying to control my fate.
When people try to set me up on blind dates, I balk at the idea and talk my way out of it by asking: “If this doesn’t work out, whose side are you going to take?” When no answer comes, I just reply: “Thought so.”
Maybe I have been going about this all wrong? Maybe I need to stop making decisions and let others do it for me?
Hmmm, not a bad idea.
Nah that won’t work.
As I sit here I can recall the MILLION times I asked people what do they want to do and the answer would always be a shrug of the shoulders. Asking someone where they want to eat is sometimes as bad as asking them to recite Pythagoras’ Theorem. The answer is always the same. “You Pick!”. I always have to point out that while I may be a tad fussy, I am a fat boy so there will always be something on the menu for me to eat. Women on the other hand have numerous reasons why they don’t like a restaurant or the waiters in it or even the décor. Who CARES? I just want to eat somewhere!!
This scenario is no different liming with guys but at least they know that they want to eat and drink and KFC and a bar at the roadside will always be a winner.
So I ask again, how do I get rid of the curse of being “picky”?
When people called me pickyin the past I usually cited my Credit Risk background and said that I overanalyse situations so that I don’t suffer too much in the short/long run.
“If I lose the High, at least I’m spared the lows” – Will Young (Leave Right Now)
Alas to some extent, I have become numb to people and their “dutty” ways. No longer do I lash out. I just resign myself to walk away and not end up choking someone. Chances are if I continued to let allt hese people affect me, I may be in Woodford Square in my underwear shouting randomly at people.
We definitely don’t want that, do we?
So, what am I to do now?