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Epiphany

15 Nov

My good friend Clint has this cool theory. He believes that no matter how old we get some of us, when we look in the mirror, only see the 18 or 21 year old version of ourselves.

You know the version, the one where we had little or no fat on our body, we had all our hair, no acne, no belly…we were perfect and happy. Except we didn’t know we were perfect at the time.

He said this in response to one of my never-ending questions to him about why is it some old people still act as if they are irresistible when dribble is running down the side of their mouth.

I had given him a story once of being with my father and him seeing a young girl and challenging me to see who could win her over. I remember looking at my dad, with his bald head, deep voice , grey stubble, and portly stomach and thinking……Oh Lord, he done lost his mind!  We never did approach the young lady but my father still went away with the impression that the wink the girl sent our way was for him. He never knew that I attended University with the girl and therefore knew her well. Being a good son I just let it slide.

Clint laughed at my story and said that some people remember and live in the realm that they are still their 20 year old selves with all the confidence in the world and the killer looks to go with it. Despite the fact that breasts and eyes maybe sagging (both men and women), they are overweight beyond what was once thought impossible for someone who was a fit as they were and they can wear the same clothing as these young people.

Me, I never had that delusion. At the age of 20/21 I was now coming into my looks (so to speak) so the insecurities of my teenage years were still present.

Cut to this evening when I just completed my last set of sit ups on the incline bench, I pull myself up to rest and I looked into the mirror. What I saw then was no 20/21 year old but an old man. An old man with a thinning hairline, huge nose and wobbly cheeks with gray hair in his beard.

Yes folks at that moment, I saw my real age and I was not pleased. I got slightly depressed.

Is this how I look to everyone else in the gym? Is this how the world sees me? I thought I grew into my big nose?

Hmm no wonder no one tries to talk to me (ignore the fact that I am anti-social in the gym).

I stared at this old guy for about 2 minutes and wondered when did I get here? Was life that hard? Why do I look as if I have no owner? Oh Yeah right, I’m still single…… sigh…

I pulled my legs out of the incline stirrups and slowly crawled away to the gym locker room where I changed my sweaty jersey with my back to the Locker Room mirror. No need to further depress myself…

I sit here writing this and I am still wondering…When did I get so old? When did I become my father? When did my mother’s face age to incorporate mine? Where are all these gray hairs coming from?

Sigh….

Hi Folks….My Name is Stefan Simmons and……(gulp) I’m OLD!!!!

How I Feel

How I Look

 
2 Comments

Posted by on November 15, 2011 in Emotions, RANT, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , ,

2 responses to “Epiphany

  1. swissmattstorm

    November 16, 2011 at 01:37

    boy…i feel your pain…but ..we had a good run….at one point in time we were top of the world :)…i don’t know how i can be 35 and still feel/act 25 but that is a blessing…
    anyway you are not alone cocoon…you are not alone

     
  2. Mandy Bennett

    November 27, 2011 at 21:58

    hahaha I feel your pain…one day I looked up and wondered where de heck time went and why I have a strange dependency on Victoria’s Secret (long gone are my bra-less days).
    I marched into a salon, had my hair and nails done and stepped out feeling brand new. Ok Mandy, all you needed was a touch-up! That was until my son’s great-grandmother complimented me on my hair and said she’s glad I got it done because I was looking “lost and sad” before (bye bye joy)…this is coming from a woman who resembles Madea and Madea’s brother all in one.
    The bottom line was I needed to take better care of myself. I am happy to age because it means I have more time on this planet to enjoy different things and try to get it right.
    Now I’m just working on the (aging) “gracefully” part.
    Mandy
    http://mandyjbennett.blogspot.com

     

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