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I’m a WHORE – DUH!!

24 Nov

Thanks Mandy for the best blog title I’ve seen in ages!!!

Ok now that I have your attention..

Yes the statement above is true (as if I needed to tell you all that).

This has been a problem that I have suffered with for years but after watching a few episodes of a television show, I decided that it is time to acknowledge who I am. I needto let the world know it and embrace me. No longer shall I hide behind anything. This is who I am and while I am no so proud of it, I know this will make me start the healing process.

Sigh…. My name is Stefan Simmons and (gulp)..well….

I AM A HOARDER!

I have been in denial about it for years but on Sunday while alone in my apartment, I suddenly realized that I have way too much stuff scattered all over the place and most of it I do not use on a regular basis.

My apartment sees some emasure of reprive when my housekeeper comes over but even she is slightly dumbfounded as to how my apartment can get like this and more importantly, where the hell does she put stuff?

I am proud to say that she manages very well and for at least a weekafter she has cleaned, my apartment looks as if a decent person lives there.

Here is the root of my problem: I am a collector. I am scared to throw away stuff for various reasons:

  1. I think I will need it again
  2. I want to hold onto memories attached to it
  3. What if I am audited or have to return something?

I seem to collect the following things:

Books & Magazines:

I bought the Ipad so that I will help the environment and not use paper (well that was the plan), but I can’t help it when I see a new magazine I want or a book on sale, I just must have it!!! Not every book I see has an ebook version and even so i still haven’t gotten over my need/desire to hold a book in my hand and flip through the pages. Yes Yes i know I need to get over myself but it is what it is. I am weaning off this habit as we speak (although last week i bought 3 new books and one of them i actually had the ebook version of it but still want the hardcover for my collection.

 

Receipts & Bills:

A long time ago, I lost a receipt for an item I had purchased that didn’t work at all from day one. The company wouldn’t take it back and me hurdling it onto the floor of this establishment and speaking about the maternal anatomy of the company didn’t endear them to want to help me further ( nor have I ever been back there since).

But that was in 2001 and I have grown up since then (hopefully).  So now I throw away NOTHING.  All bills and receipts are kept in a drawer, on the table, on the floor, in my bedroom, in the ktichen…all over (but always near to the item that was purchased). Not even PriceSmart, Hi-Lo and Tru Value receipts are left out.

I felt proud of myself last year when Pricesmart told me that I hadn’t renewed my membership and I was able to go home and pick up the receipt and bring it for them to see (they had credited someone else’s account in error). Of course finding the receipt wasn’t as easy as I made it out to be but at least I had a general idea where it was (I think in my bedroom was a general enough area).

I recently found the bag of bills/receipts from my European trip in 2008 and every visit toNew York, there is a bag with all the related bills (just in case my credit card statement doesn’t match up).

Alas there seem to be no expiry date or “destroy by” date for any of this. This is something I have to work on.

Clothing

I always get buyer’s remorse whenever it comes to purchasing clothing and unless I’m in a foreign country, returning the item never seems like an option. I always say to myself:

“Why return it? I’ll make it someone’s Birthday or Christmas Present!”

Unfortunately I either never remember the item or I never have someone (in that size) to give it to and so it ends up in the “I’ll wear you when I get smaller” pile or “Why De hell did I buy this” pile. The latter pile is larger than the former because I always see someone in a certain style, buy it and when I try to venture beyond my mirror in it, it never happens. Someone (whose name I will NEVER mention) bought me a pair of skinny jeans and while it seemed like a cool idea, the minute I tried it on, I knew that THIS style would never see the light of day on me.

The only clothing item that i buy alot of and don’t mind hoarding is underwear. Somehow whenever I travel, I MUST buy new udnerwear. So much so that I have over 60 pairs of it and at least 20 pairs that are still to be worn. However one trip toNew YorkorMiamiand all of a sudden there is an overwhelming need to buy new ones. I’m running out of space ot put them and i don’t think that underwear is something you can give to charity.

Oh I have two suitcases full of clothing since 2009 to give to charity that I can’t seem to find the time to remove from my apartment.

Miscellaneous items (Boxes, Pictures, Cd Cases etc)

No matter how I try to get rid of stuff, I seem to collect more as soon as I throw something out.  I now have plastic containers that contain compartmentalized stuff that seem to get filled up in no time. I keep bags, paper and other stuff because somewhere in the back of my mind I convince myself that I will use it in the future, but it never happens.

I have gift paper but I am horrible at wrapping presents. Why do I have it?

I have tools but I barely have those skills to make it work. When did I collect all this stuff?

I store Cd cases yet I have moved the CDs into binders. Why do I still have the cases?

Extensions cords, Nokia phone chargers for models that no longer exist, Stereo connectors, batteries, pens, pencils rulers, staplers ( no staples) and tones of old newspapers. Some of these things are neatly stored away while others are on display as I have no idea what to do with them but I fear that the moment I discard them that I will have use for it.

There are boxes from everything I bought since in 2005. I haven’t put them in the trash for fear that my neighbours see the boxes and assume maco my business (well that’s what I tell myself). I don’t think they care if I have a Fat Slim TV from 2006 nor a Magic Bullet but somehow I can’t bring myself to throw away these boxes.

What am I do to in the midst of all this chaos?

Some may describe my situation as some variation of nesting or “marking my territory” but I prefer to see it as laziness. Laziness to the extent that I am refusing to deal with household issues and duties that used to consume my Saturday mornings as a child.

Either my parents warped by senses totally through my upbringing or I just need licks. I prefer to believe the former. Whatever was deemed to be slave work for me as a child, somehow I rebel against doing it as an adult.

To go into why I do these things would mean entering my mind and I am told it is not a nice place to be with all the million and one thoughts floating around vying for supremacy as my main thought.

Oh well….I see my confession to you as therapy for me and so let the healing begin…..

 
2 Comments

Posted by on November 24, 2011 in Books, Emotions, Humor, RANT, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , ,

2 responses to “I’m a WHORE – DUH!!

  1. Maurice R

    November 24, 2011 at 12:48

    This is good. A list of 52 Actionable items for prioritizing and discarding of stuff should get your place sorted in about a year.

     
  2. Mandy Bennett

    November 27, 2011 at 21:50

    LMAO ! Thanks and you’re welcome simultaneously re: blog title
    Emasure? Is that a word?
    LMAO @ hurling item in store – something I see myself doing
    Visual of skinny jeans 0_o
    As you read in my blog. I completely understand…here’s to a shredder and willpower (raises glass)
    Mandy
    http://mandyjbennett.blogspot.com

     

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