I promised myself this year (no not a resolution) that I would stop obsessing about my weight.
I have spent the greater part of the last decade talking about my alleged man-boobs (aka tut tuts); my inability to fit into size 36 trousers; my ability to ignore the salad bar at any restaurant and my complete refusal to ever wear a size XL T-shirt (unless I bought it at Benetton). I have dieted, pretended to diet, joined exercise programs, bought Exercise DVDs that eventually were given away as presents (Yes you got them in good condition, so HUSH!!), exercised like a beast, lost weight, put back on weight and you know what? Nothing… absolutely nothing happened.
I remember in about 2007/8, I had lost a lot of weight and some “Precious”-esque woman had accused me of starving myself. Eh? Me starve? No way!! .I did however exercise a lot during that time but it just wasn’t sustainable in the long run. .It never is… Healthy eating, moderation and the “alleged” small portions theory have all been used. They may work in the short run but are they sustainable? For me?..NOPE!!!
The problem with that period is that. I had given up way too much during that time. Peanut Butter, Cheese, Bread, Pasta, Fried Food, Rice etc were all gone from the diet. I had stripped myself of everything I loved/ liked and opted for (gulp!) Oatmeal, Beans, Salad and Chicken Breast!! Those were dark times, I still recall going into restaurants with friends and just ordering salad or meat only without any oil, or dressing and steamed vegetables. Oh Geed!!! Who eats like that on purpose (except the British!!).
Dark times indeed. I remember I was trying to impress a girl I thought was “The ONE” . We can call her Katie C. and no the C is not for Courageous! So do you think my weight loss worked in my favour with her? Oh hell no! She regarded me as a “friend”. A stinking friend that she couldn’t “kiss meh ass” do without calling every fricking minute of the #%@%$#$ day and asking me to sleep over as “friends”. STEUPS!! That @#%##!&*) knew what she was doing, but NO I was wrong, I didn’t get it. We were just FRIENDS!!!
NOW I realise what “The ONE” meant, “THE ONE THAT SATAN SENT!!!”
Ok I just need a minute there. (exhales)
Where was I?
Ok yeah, I can become slightly manic about losing weight. I would join and quit gyms in a heartbeat and my list of excuses for not using them were long and winded (like me on a treadmill after 3 minutes). Some of the reasons were actually valid, most weren’t. They just provided me with excuses for why I am the way I am. And there is nothing wrong with excuses, that is until some child rubs your belly like Buddha and falls asleep on it.
I like Me. I really like who I am!!
And since there’s no choice I am sure I and Me agree!
There’s nobody better, smarter, nicer, sweeter.
Don’t you see than me!!
No, I am not in denial. People (by people I mean the skinny, the hungry and the ab-riddled bastards) keep making reference to my need to slim down but I just don’t see it. I am not one of those heavy breathing/ really sweaty creatures they describe. Yes, my lips will never pass up the chance at cake and let’s not even get into Peshwari Naan, but I just don’t feel like a main cast member on Mike & Molly.
Yes, I will admit that I do need to lose some weight. We all do when we get up to my age in the scheme of things but how and when I do will be a function of my drive at the time.
The key for me is MOTIVATION. As we glimpsed earlier, I had the wrong motivation and well it didn’t work! The motivation has to come from ME!!. Over the past few months, I have been going to the gym and enjoying small victories. The mere fact that I pay monthly fees and they still see me two to three times a week is a major accomplishment in itself.
I go mainly for cardio, as I need to built up stamina and until I find a good Personal Trainer, I’ll use what is at my disposal at present for help.
So folks, join me in celebrating who we are.
I am not going to be one of those people on “The Biggest Loser” or some diet themed show, nor am I going to be a “Before and After” picture on an Infomercial. I am just going to concentrate on good health and nice living. Keeping the stress factor down is important and I’ve been doing a good job at that.
So here’s to no more blogs on weight (unless I’m mocking other people’s weight ).
Sigh.. This will be a tough year!!!