Monthly Archives: September 2012

It’s All In My Mind!


I write this blog for protection. For you to be my witness. I know it may seem one sided but I have no reason to lie to you. Honestly, the contents of this blog are not made up and any resemblance to persons alive is INTENTIONAL!


On September 13th 2012, I wrote this status update on Facebook:

  1. Dear God,
    Can I safely assume that I am close to or at the limit for “Crazy/Mentally Unstable” people that you would bring into my life? Because I am pleading the Blood a little too often these days!
    Love Always
    Stefan (not Stefforn)

I had written it at that time because out of the blue someone who I barely knew had approached me to lend them $50,000 to buy a car. This person was not employed; they weren’t a relative or close friend. I barely knew them. Yet they insisted that I was the best person to help them because all they needed was someone to believe in them. Err and you chose ME?

When this offer was rejected, they came back a day later and asked for $1200 to do a personal training course. By this time I was flipping out as I could not understand why this person was harassing me.  Anyway, after telling them what they would have to do for the $1,200.00, the calls stopped coming.

Yes I know I could’ve just told them no and left it there but if “NO!”  didn’t work for $50,000, I needed something extreme that didn’t involve cursing to remove this potential parasite from my phone.

But that’s not the main story.

I have someone that has been trying to rekindle a “friendship” we had when I think Noor Hassanali was President.  It wasn’t much of a friendship in the first place and due to some dodgy behaviour on her part, I chose to ignore her (as I do with most people).

Over the last few months, she has started calling my phone (I would not answer the call), texting me (intermittent text responses) and now she has resorted to sending me messages via mail. No not email, but mail!

Can I point out that she knows where I live (I have NEVER invited her in or showed her where I live)? A month ago she left an envelope with my landlady  who handed it to me one afternoon after I had just parked my car. (Envelope shown below)

Envelope 1 – Can in a white paper bag

I never opened it. I have no intention of looking at its contents.

On Saturday 15th September, while I was driving out of the garage, my landlady told me that there was mail in the box for me and that she preferred not to touch it. I laughed when she said it but when I looked at the package, I understood why.

The package was placed in a Ziploc bag and to the front there was what appeared to be a piece of bush wrapped in paper with writing on the paper.

I don’t know about you, but my granny’s voice kicked in my head and said “Lambkin, dat bitch wah kill yuh!”

Envelope 2 (with bush)

So here I am.  Confused, slightly scared and totally thinking about moving.

I find myself, more than I used to before, praying. Not only praying but pleading “the Blood of Jesus” on my life and asking for protection from these unseen forces that seem to be bringing to “crazies” into my realm.

I know what you are thinking. I must have done something to encourage these people because no one would just opt to do stuff like that without some catalyst.

The crazy guy was the bad personal trainer that I had for all of two months who barely showed up for my sessions and always had an excuse why he couldn’t be there. Turns out it was because he was either training someone else or drinking with friends. He said he felt that I looked like a trustworthy person and he needed someone to believe in him.

He need to believe in Jesus because “In God We trust. Others Pay”

The second person is….not a friend. Not someone I was intimate with and it isn’t even someone that I brushed up against even suggestively. As far as I can remember I NEVER touched her.

She had sent me a text on July 10th, out of  the blue, saying:

“Want 2 get married and stay married unlike your parents or mine?! Start talking…shout….scream if u need, only say how u truly feel”

Apparently I said nothing and will still continue to say nothing.

There was a text in French as well but I wasn’t bothering to translate it and I deleted that madness as if it was a penis enlargement email.

I was advised that I should burn the letters or just throw them away. A guy in work told me to escort said letters to the nearest police station and report them as evidence of harassment. He believes if I report it first, it would go along way into saving my backside should she trip out and claim abuse later on.

I prefer to move. Sounds like the coward’s way out but this aint no Lifetime/BET movie where we rise above whatever. This certainly will not end with anyone dead on my floor and police lights blazing over the place and me wrapped in blanket sitting at the back of the ambulance. Nope, that stuff only happens in movies.  I need to protect my black ass.

What do you think?

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Posted by on September 17, 2012 in Emotions, Humor, RANT


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Run And Tell That!

I find myself searching for challenges lately and so, on Wednesday 5th September 2012, I decided to register for a 5K race on Sunday 9th September (at 6AM) that was being partially sponsored by my employer.  I discussed it with my personal and a couple people (10 people actually) who all agreed that I should try it out and get to understand my fitness level.

I had never attempted any kind of long distance race before and despite having run around the savannah a couple times in my life, I felt the task would be daunting. I was scared.

Scared because everyone kept talking about how easy a “5K” race is and that my time should be around 25 minutes max. Eh? Do people realise that the only running I do is “running my mouth”? Under 25 minutes? Dey mad yes!!.

5K Race Course


I felt pressured to be good but I knew that my time around that course would not be so low. I wanted to back out. I was not ready and I wasn’t ready to take on a race that might see people pass me like a “full bus” while I struggled to breathe and get to the end.

Yup the fear of uncertainty was stinging clear and I was partially embracing it.

By Friday I had gone to the gym in the morning and played tennis that afternoon and the fear of the race still hadn’t left. I felt unfit, ill-prepared and unsure. 

On Saturday, I found myself in the gym again and this time I did 20 minutes cross training on the elliptical machine followed by 15 minutes on the treadmill.  I only ran for 5 minutes on the treadmill and walked for most of the other 10 minutes. I wasn’t ready. My mind however wasn’t feeling that bad and so I knew I was determined to do the race.

On Sunday, I got up around 5:30am and got dressed and left the house. I had my iPod slapped onto my arm and I had made a playlist called “Running” which I hoped would help me focus while I did it.

I got there and the race didn’t start until about 50 minutes later than expected. That was ok. It gave me a chance to stretch, survey my competition, suck my teeth at other people’s ridiculous fitness levels and also reassure myself that I was not in competition with anyone so I just needed to “chill out” and just pace myself. Some people were already “vamping at that hour of the morning but everyone seems geared up for it. They were ready. I was trying to calm myself.

They called everyone for the two races (5K and 15K) that they were running and so I went to the designated starting area. Adrenaline pumping and me, bouncing slightly to keep my anxiety at bay. I saw a whole bunch of unfit people all cramming to the fornt of the line while some seasoned runners were rolling their eyes at the chaos that would result from this. Then the starter went off. and my Ipod began to play….

Commander –Kelly Roland (Time:3:39)

I was ok at this point. I was trying to establish proper breathing as I ran down St. Clair avenue to turn by St Clair Medical Hospital. I was not in the lead or near the lead pack but I was pacing myself and trying to breathe at regular intervals. I had to keep reminding myself not to go too fast otherwise I would burn out quickly

Commander – Kelly Rowland (Time: 3:39)

As I passed the St Clair Tennis Courts, I made the song repeat as I felt I was establishing a rhythm with it.  I was now running consistently and not trying to take over anyone but concentrate on what I was doing. As I rounded the corner I realised that I had to jog up a slight incline. It was hear that I started to feel the burn and when  I got to the stop I started to walk. The incline had taken a lot out of me. By the time I crossed by Stollmeyer’s Castle over to the Savannah, I tried to return to running but my calves were in pain, so I walked some more.

Bet I – B.O.B (Time:4.17)

I started back running but much slower during this song and at one point I put the song on hold as I felt it was just noise now and not helping me .  I locked on to a lady who had overtaken me and so I began to run behind her hoping to model her pattern and keep a pace.  The damn woman speeded up and I could not match her and so around President’s House, I began to walk again.

Toxic – Britney Spears (Time:3:24)

Tightrope – Janelle Monae (Time:4.22)

Music is a blur at this point. I can’t hear it. Breathing is too erratic. Trying to jog slower but can’t. People are passing me in drones. Three fat people have sped passed me and I have no desire to even catch up to them.  As I reach near Citibank, I am still walking with intermittent running.

Funhouse – Pink (Time:3:24)

A fat guy just passed me as I am walking and he is jogging at a near crawl. WTH!!! I begin to run again as I insist that he CANNOT beat me to the finish line. This burst of speed results in me running til I got close to NAPA. I started a slow trot as I came upon someone handing out water.

Just Like A Pill – Pink (Time3:56)

Wow!! My first water during a race. I wasn’t thirsty at all but everyone says to take small sips as it helps to keep your body from dehydrating. Why did I pick this Pink song?

I continue to trot and I keep noticing the other runners are throwing almost full bottles of water to the roadside after barely taking one sip. What a waste!! Who has to clean that up? An Indian girl in a pink and purple outfit has just run passed me. .. Run…just as fast as I can..


Don’t Let Me Get Me – Pink (Time:3:30)

At this point, I find the water bottle is too much to hold and so I discard it near The Ministry of Foreign Affairs building  Knowsley. I feel slightly guilty and I start to walk at this point.

Let Me Think About It: Ida Corr vs. Fredde Le Grande (Time: 2:40)

I continue to walk until I get to Sagicor. I have overtaken the Indian girl in pink and purple twice so far but everytime I do it she runs ahead of me and then begins to walk again. What is her story? Oh wait!! Could it be that I am that individual she has determined should not beat her? OH Lord I am her “fat” person!!

Fat boy has also passed me at this point but my walk is steady.

Before I reach the turn, I see a work colleague, Joel, who has already finished the race in a time of 21 mins. He looks at me and says,

Pump It – Black Eyed Peas (Time: Unknown)

“Boy stop walking and RUN to the finish line!! It is right there!”

And so with that I take off around the corner leaving pink and purple girl and fat boy in my dust.

I thought I left Joel back at the top where he met me but He was actually running alongside me and as I reached the QRC roundabout he kept shouting:

“SPRINT, SPRINT, SPRINT to the finish line!!!! Yuh almost there!!”

And so I did.

I ran as fast as I could. I ran as if free Krispy Kreme donuts were on the other side of the finish line!!

My time as I looked up: 33:38

I crossed the finish line and smiled to myself.


I ran a race and thanks to Joel, that last sprint made me feel alive!

It didn’t take me long to catch my breath after and to realise that my joints weren’t in as much pain as I thought.  I realise that I had psyched myself out somewhere along the course and “bad mind” didn’t kick in and so I delayed myself. I should have finished under 30mins. I could have finished faster.


It doesn’t matter now. I was actually proud of myself for completing the race. It felt really good to do it.  Who knew exercise could feel this good?

I didn’t stick around much longer at the event. I got home and told myself that I would get some rest. I wasn’t sleepy or tired. Instead I did a whole bunch of stuff around the house and then went to Pricesmart for groceries.

Hmm I wonder if I should try to run the course at 6am this Sunday?

Look I am all for initiative but getting out of bed at that hour again seems impossible but I will try.

Wish me luck!!

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Posted by on September 12, 2012 in Emotions, Fitness, Music


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I have taken up free writing on mornings (Either just before I go to the gym or before I settle down to do work at my desk). It clears the mind from distractions and I am actually able to focus better during the day. Here are some ramblings (edited for my safety) from this morning:


Whenever I would call my friend Clint for advice or just to talk, somehow or the other, he brings up this question:

“Why are you friends with him/her?”

Truth be told, most times I avoid giving a response because let’s face it; we all have people in our lives that serve no purpose. They have been there for awhile and because you don’t interact with them too often, they are bearable.



Two week ago my mother surprised me by coming to my apartment. There was no great panic or rush to hide magazines or books or clear my internet cache, because I honestly have nothing to hide. (Plus my apartment is sanitized). She barely entered my apartment when she headed straight for the kitchen and began to go through my cupboards and refrigerator for items that were past their expiry date.


Sad to say but she found a large garbage bag full of stuff that had either expired or were close to their expiry date. She could not understand why I still had all of these items.


“Don’t you spring clean?” “


Again I was stumped. Most of the times, I had either forgotten I had something in the cupboard or I just had no clue how long it had been there.


She found:

Expired steak from November 2010 – (My George Forman Grilling Phase)

Expired packs of Maggi Soup – (My soup for dinner diet period)

Hard Cheese – (Well my trainer told me no more cheese paste)

Whole Wheat Flour with a weird smell – (Had to cut carbs)


There were many others but those were the primary offenders.



Last night, I was briefly chatting with a friend on bbm while watching the VMAs (rubbish) and I started to notice that for some reason his responses were being a bit condescending.  I don’t mind condescending as it is the language I am fluent in.  Then he started to get personal and attack me outright and it was then I had to step back and realise that this ethnicity was losing it.


In the past my initial reaction would be to attack them and belittle then especially since I have more info on this person than I care to know.  Yet, something stopped me.


I had written out something in their bbm window that I knew would strike them to the core and then I deleted it.


Clint’s question came to mind.


And I kept wondering why was I still “friends” with this person?


I couldn’t come up with a single reason, redeeming quality or purpose for it.  Normally, an excuse involving being kind to all people would surface in my head.


It didn’t.



Some 6 years ago, an old friend cut me out of her life and her excuse was that our relationship was totally one-sided. She was doing all the work and I was doing nothing. While every fibre of my being knows that wasn’t the REAL reason, I still applaud her decision to remove me from her life.  I wasn’t serving the purpose she had worked out for me.


We don’t speak and I rarely see her out. Most times we look away if we see each other and that is fine.  It works for her. I obviously wasn’t cutting it as the type of friend she wanted or needed.  I last saw her during Carnival this year and my trajectory was moving directly towards her and I couldn’t veer off it. Then I realised that she was not looking in my direction and so I just passed next to her as if we were complete strangers. 


Weird huh?



Lord I have gym at 6:30 this morning…Go sleep! Go Sleep!!!




Oh Well…


Might be doing a 5K Race this weekend. Wish me luck!

It’s hard to think about participating in activities when all you really want to do is take pics of it.


Maybe a great magnet pulls all souls towards truth

Maybe it is life itself

That feeds wisdom to its youth


Constant (Constant)

Craving (Craving)

Has always been…

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Posted by on September 7, 2012 in Emotions, RANT


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