I have taken up free writing on mornings (Either just before I go to the gym or before I settle down to do work at my desk). It clears the mind from distractions and I am actually able to focus better during the day. Here are some ramblings (edited for my safety) from this morning:
FIVE A.M. THOUGHTS
Whenever I would call my friend Clint for advice or just to talk, somehow or the other, he brings up this question:
“Why are you friends with him/her?”
Truth be told, most times I avoid giving a response because let’s face it; we all have people in our lives that serve no purpose. They have been there for awhile and because you don’t interact with them too often, they are bearable.
Two week ago my mother surprised me by coming to my apartment. There was no great panic or rush to hide magazines or books or clear my internet cache, because I honestly have nothing to hide. (Plus my apartment is sanitized). She barely entered my apartment when she headed straight for the kitchen and began to go through my cupboards and refrigerator for items that were past their expiry date.
Sad to say but she found a large garbage bag full of stuff that had either expired or were close to their expiry date. She could not understand why I still had all of these items.
“Don’t you spring clean?” “
Again I was stumped. Most of the times, I had either forgotten I had something in the cupboard or I just had no clue how long it had been there.
Expired steak from November 2010 – (My George Forman Grilling Phase)
Expired packs of Maggi Soup – (My soup for dinner diet period)
Hard Cheese – (Well my trainer told me no more cheese paste)
Whole Wheat Flour with a weird smell – (Had to cut carbs)
There were many others but those were the primary offenders.
Last night, I was briefly chatting with a friend on bbm while watching the VMAs (rubbish) and I started to notice that for some reason his responses were being a bit condescending. I don’t mind condescending as it is the language I am fluent in. Then he started to get personal and attack me outright and it was then I had to step back and realise that this ethnicity was losing it.
In the past my initial reaction would be to attack them and belittle then especially since I have more info on this person than I care to know. Yet, something stopped me.
I had written out something in their bbm window that I knew would strike them to the core and then I deleted it.
Clint’s question came to mind.
And I kept wondering why was I still “friends” with this person?
I couldn’t come up with a single reason, redeeming quality or purpose for it. Normally, an excuse involving being kind to all people would surface in my head.
Some 6 years ago, an old friend cut me out of her life and her excuse was that our relationship was totally one-sided. She was doing all the work and I was doing nothing. While every fibre of my being knows that wasn’t the REAL reason, I still applaud her decision to remove me from her life. I wasn’t serving the purpose she had worked out for me.
We don’t speak and I rarely see her out. Most times we look away if we see each other and that is fine. It works for her. I obviously wasn’t cutting it as the type of friend she wanted or needed. I last saw her during Carnival this year and my trajectory was moving directly towards her and I couldn’t veer off it. Then I realised that she was not looking in my direction and so I just passed next to her as if we were complete strangers.
Lord I have gym at 6:30 this morning…Go sleep! Go Sleep!!!
Might be doing a 5K Race this weekend. Wish me luck!
It’s hard to think about participating in activities when all you really want to do is take pics of it.
Maybe a great magnet pulls all souls towards truth
Maybe it is life itself
That feeds wisdom to its youth
Has always been…