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Monthly Archives: June 2017

WEEK 26 – ESTEBAN AND THE JETS!


  1. I’m always amazed when people compare a dining experience at Bootleggers to that of TGIF or Ruby Tuesday. I always correct them that the latter are dining experiences and the former is an institutionalized form of torture.
  2. Every morning I get up just to see if my yard has been destroyed by those two dogs. Somedays are better than others.
  3. I always get confused when my neighbour goes from blasting gospel music when she is cleaning her car to blasting “dancehall” afterwards. I don’t think she or her husband haven’t heard a new song since 2000.
  4. Had some Curry Goat on Monday and believed I tasted “stay home” in it. It was way too good to be a normal pot of curry.
  5. Someone messaged me that her family was going to “Sellebea” for the long weekend. I fought every fibre of my being not respond to this and therefore I had to go lie down as I had a headache.
  6. I applaud business people at every turn especially those who provide food to the masses like me who are culinary impaired; but $45 per pound of CHINESE FOOD and it’s not inclusive of Crispy Skin Pork!!! MADNESS! #robsomebodyelse #notmymoney #
  7. Either my feed is highly sanitized or my friends need to cleanse their friends’ list. Nobody in my FB feed mad to talk about boycott. How they eating?
  8. My actual list of friends are like my grandmother’s teeth: few and far between. #leffmeh #leavemealone #friendbookfull
  9. I think an Uber driver on Tuesday night tried a fast one on me to earn more money by missing my turn off and feigning ignorance. Yuh can’t play ignorant when the “kiss meh ass” Waze map next to you recalculating. He got 1 star rating with one stink comment afterwards.
  10. The reason I haven’t been renting a car all this time is because (a) they not cheap, (b) every week is a new story with TN Auto #dreamsellers and  (c) I’m cheap.
  11. Spent Wednesday with an auditorium full of primary and secondary children and realized that teaching is truly a higher calling. So many personalities being coordinated by one person and you can’t strangle or lay healing hands on them. #notforme #iwouldmakeahjailalready #trueheroes #highercalling #wedaymoments #weday #wemovement
  12. It’s not that I’m not serious about my weight loss and healthy living; I’m just trying to decide if I want to be a light snack or a healthy main course instead of just being an “All You Can Eat”/ “Buffet” Special. #dietchallenges
  13. I still don’t get people who have to try and sample EVERY item in these “Food by the Pound” estalbishments. Jesus! Yuh here almost everyday, move faster! Picking up one piece of fried plantain or 3 grains of macaroni salad makes sense to you? #needtothintheherd #patienceneeded #hungrymanissues
  14. KARMA??? – Was told on Thursday that a car would be made available to me until my vehicle is ready. The only car available for use….. A WINGROAD! #GODhasasenseofhumor #jesuslaughinghard #imnotamused
 

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WEEK 25 – ESTEBAN’S LONG WALK HOME!


  1. There are some days that I have the memory of Dory for activities done within the last 20 -30 minutes, but possess vivid recall for something that happened 10 years ago. SMH!
  2. It’s now over six weeks since the Auto body shop has had all the parts to fix my car delivered and I still don’t have it. I will NEVER EVER recommend TN Auto Body Shop to even my worst enemy. Or maybe I will…… #godistryingtotellmesomething #speaklord #patienceistrulyavirtue #theyoverdoingit
  3. Painted the Burglarproof in the porch on Saturday morning and while people were passing I was just praying for someone to offer to paint it for me. No such luck #reallazy #dontliketopaint #notmyskill
  4. There is a One restaurant in Woodbrook on this Island where the manager was a real asshole to me but because all his workers are illegal immigrants who give good service, I will not say anything.
  5. Why, during the midst of the storm, around midnight did I make curry mango?
  6. Did you know in the Naps Cookbook, curry mango is referred to as Mango Talkarie? #themoreyouknow
  7. It only dawned on me on Wednesday morning that I had not left my house in 3 days. Monday and Tuesday I did not even venture into the yard. #hermitmodeactivated #winteriscoming #bunkerlife
  8. Life is wonderful as long as you have Cheese Paste!
  9. Is it that sofas being sold in Furniture stores in T&T are supposed to look like fabric design vomit?
  10. I swear that all this travelling and fun Shawn Wong is having is just upsetting my spirit! Stay home and suffer like the rest of us nah!
  11. I’ve found two dead chickens in my yard but yet still all other creatures seem to get a free pass. Guess I’m covered if chickens try to take over the world
  12. There comes a point in time when you digging in your pocket for money to pay the taxi driver borders on you trying to feel me up in smart. #cuteyeactivated #sweetcussin321
  13. So the maxi taxi driver that used to wait for me has opted to pass me straight on the road even if he isn’t full. Guess he is using another route now. #feelinghurtiguess #whamtoheboy
  14. Been having serious bouts of insomnia over the past few weeks. It’s amazing what these two dogs do when they think no one is watching. Like Trouble egging Heff on to move bricks so she can go roaming in the street.
  15. TMI: I was shaving while having a shower and realized that I need to pee. Should I rush out the shower and get water all over the bathroom or just do it here? I mopped the bathroom after I changed my clothes. #noeh #notdoingit
 
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Posted by on June 23, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, Uncategorized

 

WEEK 24 – ESTEBAN IS FROM MARS


  1. I think the 30 minute wait for a roti at Don’s should be declared a criminal offence. You must know your daily traffic and volumes by now to fix this problem! But OOOOH the roti tasted GOOD!
  2. Saw the video from Mad Cobra’s “Flex” in a taxi on Saturday night. The driver had a tablet built into his Nissan Sentra dashboard for passenger viewing. I had forgotten how boring that video was.
  3. Had two people, on separate occasions, point out afterwards that the respective cashiers were flirting with me. While I’m so oblivious to most flirting episodes directed me; in hindsight,  I realised that my food orders  on both occasions didn’t reflect any ounce of favoritism. #theywerejustbeingpolite #imeasylikesundaymorning #iputoutforfood
  4. So Trouble has been bullying Heff since his arrival. On Sunday night, they had a fight (Instigated by Trouble, of course) and lo and behold Heff pinned Trouble to the ground briefly and she was in shock. I gave Heff the biggest hug and rub belly for that move. #proudpapa #saynotobullies
  5. Apparently Maxi Drivers don’t take too kindly when you go into another Maxi when they were apparently waiting for you. It’s only been a few weeks, why this man assuming a special friendship? It’s only $5 we are exchanging daily and mild small talk.
  6. I think I bring out the crazy in people. It may be dormant but somehow interacting with me activates this “tick”.
  7. The shock and awe when you realise the Award Winning Actor from 12 Years A Slave, & Doctor Strange (Mordo) – Chiwetel Ejiofor played the Drag Queen Lola in the Movie Kinky Boots.
  8. I’m not gaining weight, however over this week, two of my work trousers ripped in the back. I’m guessing that fitted trouser look is not for me.
  9. Sat in the front passenger seat of a Left Hand Drive Taxi and a Traffic Police officer in St James shouted at me to get off my phone. I stared at him and said “ Do you see a steering wheel near me?”. He tried to give me a “bounce” to try to diffuse the situation.
  10. Benetton staff no longer insult me about not having my size when I go shopping there. This development confuses my low self-esteem. Any recommendations for clothing store that insults their customers?
  11. I was challenged by someone (based on my Sports’ post) to “quit my bitching and man up”. Strange though, since he is the one in Family Court for Child Maintenance.
  12. Saw a woman moisturizing her leg outside the entrance of Rituals St Clair with the Jergens bottle on the table who told me to mind my business as I passed. “Oh so sorry, didn’t realise this was your bedroom!” She let out one scandalous laugh. I wasn’t moved to join in.
  13. People have been asking me if I’m willing to adopt another dog. As a single parent, I cannot afford another one especially since Trouble needs to see a Psychologist and Heff needs to be enrolled in a Sports Camp or gym (that dog lazy!!!).
  14. Little Caesar’s Pizza in Valsayn isn’t bad at all. Wings are cheaper and bigger than those you get at …………….. The pizza is ready in less than 10 mins and it’s not as oily as ……………… or as rubbery as.………… (fill in the gaps)
  15. My PS3 has given me the yellow light of death after 6 years of faithful use. No flowers by request. Monetary donations will accepted and will be forwarded to its favorite charity. ME!!!
 
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Posted by on June 16, 2017 in Emotions, Fitness, Food, Humor, Movies, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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WEEK 23- ESTEBAN IN JUNE


  1. I never knew Mangoes belonged to the list of Laxative Foods. Overdosed on Mangoes on Saturday and was wondering why I was going to the toilet so frequently.
  2. Walked into The St Ann’s Catholic Church on Sunday Morning around 9:30am and walked back out promptly and waited until I saw my hue entering said church. I felt slightly unsafe before. #paranoidmuch #fixmejesus #lordhearus #getout
  3. Haven’t been to a Catholic Mass in over a decade. Seems like they changed up some words as I normally am spot on with the responses during Mass.
  4. Was told I was wrong for letting my dogs acquire the taste for mangoes. “The last thing I need is to be competing with my dogs for any mango that drops from the tree in my yard” uttered Cindy Theroulde. #noshame
  5. SUPPRESSED MEMORY FLASHBACK: Opting not to Travel home with Schoolmates because “Fat Kathy” From Arima Senior Sec was loud and always had something disparaging to tell me and when I answered her back she always wanted to fight with me. I guess it’s decades now that I’m angering people to the point of violence
  6. Maybe I fell asleep the two times I saw Wonder Woman, but to me, it was just okay. It wasn’t brilliant or awesome. Well if compared to other DC movies, then it’s a home run but to me it was “Thor” level good. Plus I got upset every time Steve Trevor put his hand to the back of Diana as if to steer her in a direction.
  7. But Robin Wright/Claire Underwood as Antiope was “LIFE”!
  8. There must be at least a 30 minute cooling off period before one begins work when one has used public transportation. One cannot just jump into work after enduring such an ordeal. You have to refocus your chi, after being around so many different forces.
  9. Facebook must know I don’t like people as I never get these Friend Anniversary notices beyond the ones other people post.
  10. Took a walk last night to clear my head (still car-less) and ended up by KFC St. Lucien Road. I dug in my pockets and realized I only had enough for a Kids Pack. I got no toy with my meal. Sigh….
  11. Saw a picture of Crispy Skin Pork on Damian LukPat Photograpghy’s Instagram page and all of a sudden Foreigner’s “I Wanna Know What Love Is” started to play in my head.
  12. QUESTION OF THE WEEK: How come people always willing to let you take a “Cheat Day” from your diet but will crucify you for a “Cheat Day” from your spouse? Wouldn’t both scenarios hurt you in the long run?
  13. If I call an UBER, I don’t expect them to be asking me what is the best route to get to my house or even hint to me that they are not familiar with Port Of Spain. That is a Red Flag for me jump out your car and go get a Maxi.
  14. While I appreciate the Maxi Taxi driver that sometimes waits for me on mornings, I don’t need him insisting that I sit in the front seat so he could have a lively debate. It happened the first few times but its still the morning and I’m not accustomed to speaking to anyone til 9am.
  15. House of Cards has made me a serious cynic when watching American Politics. I don’t believe anything anymore.
 
 

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WEEK TWENTY TWO–ESTEBAN’S HORCRUX (May 31st -June 2nd 2017


  1. I let someone use my kitchen to bake some coconut muffins and they used EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY utensil they could find. Not even I knew that I had so many teaspoons and measuring spoons. Afterwards, my kitchen looked like New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina (too soon?). The two muffins that were left for me tasted awesome though, but my kitchen……I wonder if I qualify for ODPM assistance.(just a joke. Please no calls from ODPM)
  2. I’m realizing that the aversion/inability to wash dishes must be an undiagnosed severe medical condition. Can any Board Certified Physician on my list recommend a course of medicinal treatment?
  3. Why is it that every time I have an important meeting after lunch I make a mess on my shirt? Looks like I need a bib to eat.
  4. How many actual holidays do we have that does not require the entire population to consume Curry as a means celebrating it?
  5. NOTE TO SELF: If you are blocking someone, block them on EVERY social media platform you are on even if you are not friends with them on it.
  6. Spent most of the holiday waiting on a plumber to arrive who took three seconds and declared he needed to come back tomorrow.
  7. Who knew that the Spanish word “ Immigracion” could improve someone’s English drastically when they were previously pretending not to understand what you were saying!
  8. I’m seriously thinking that I need to go into some sort of therapy because I’m just not understanding people and their motivations anymore.
  9. BUFFET PORTION CONTROL: Taking a smaller box to fill with food rather than a larger box with smaller portions of multiple food items inside. #staywoke #nowwoke
  10. QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Meko Jade: People need to know how to aim straight when they want to jump out themselves
  11. One can never just eat a single Mango and be satisfied. #troot #staywoke #wheremehmangotreerowley
  12. SIDE NOTE: I’ve tried to plant mango seeds in my yard on many occasions, but Trouble and Heff LOVE mangoes and so they hone in on the site, dig them up and destroy them. You barely find the shell of the mango seed afterwards.
  13. Random Friend: Stef, what you getting me for my birthday?

Me: Same thing you got me for mine

Random Friend: But I didn’t get…..Oh! You are an asshole! You know that right?

(I’m still searching for the reason for her ire!)

  1. So, it seems odd that every other company or person I mentioned in a status has made some form of contact with me after posting, but CRIX aint fart on when I wrote about their odd numbers biscuit packs. Oh well, such is life and maybe it’s a good thing since I no longer consume that product due to my reduced flour intake lifestyle.
  2. I found myself in Paprika last night and while standing around drinking some watered down alcoholic concoction, I realized that I was the old man in the club who should be home sapping his knee with Bayrum instead of smiling with these young people .