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WEEK TWENTY TWO–ESTEBAN’S HORCRUX (May 31st -June 2nd 2017

02 Jun

  1. I let someone use my kitchen to bake some coconut muffins and they used EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY utensil they could find. Not even I knew that I had so many teaspoons and measuring spoons. Afterwards, my kitchen looked like New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina (too soon?). The two muffins that were left for me tasted awesome though, but my kitchen……I wonder if I qualify for ODPM assistance.(just a joke. Please no calls from ODPM)
  2. I’m realizing that the aversion/inability to wash dishes must be an undiagnosed severe medical condition. Can any Board Certified Physician on my list recommend a course of medicinal treatment?
  3. Why is it that every time I have an important meeting after lunch I make a mess on my shirt? Looks like I need a bib to eat.
  4. How many actual holidays do we have that does not require the entire population to consume Curry as a means celebrating it?
  5. NOTE TO SELF: If you are blocking someone, block them on EVERY social media platform you are on even if you are not friends with them on it.
  6. Spent most of the holiday waiting on a plumber to arrive who took three seconds and declared he needed to come back tomorrow.
  7. Who knew that the Spanish word “ Immigracion” could improve someone’s English drastically when they were previously pretending not to understand what you were saying!
  8. I’m seriously thinking that I need to go into some sort of therapy because I’m just not understanding people and their motivations anymore.
  9. BUFFET PORTION CONTROL: Taking a smaller box to fill with food rather than a larger box with smaller portions of multiple food items inside. #staywoke #nowwoke
  10. QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Meko Jade: People need to know how to aim straight when they want to jump out themselves
  11. One can never just eat a single Mango and be satisfied. #troot #staywoke #wheremehmangotreerowley
  12. SIDE NOTE: I’ve tried to plant mango seeds in my yard on many occasions, but Trouble and Heff LOVE mangoes and so they hone in on the site, dig them up and destroy them. You barely find the shell of the mango seed afterwards.
  13. Random Friend: Stef, what you getting me for my birthday?

Me: Same thing you got me for mine

Random Friend: But I didn’t get…..Oh! You are an asshole! You know that right?

(I’m still searching for the reason for her ire!)

  1. So, it seems odd that every other company or person I mentioned in a status has made some form of contact with me after posting, but CRIX aint fart on when I wrote about their odd numbers biscuit packs. Oh well, such is life and maybe it’s a good thing since I no longer consume that product due to my reduced flour intake lifestyle.
  2. I found myself in Paprika last night and while standing around drinking some watered down alcoholic concoction, I realized that I was the old man in the club who should be home sapping his knee with Bayrum instead of smiling with these young people .
 
 

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