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Monthly Archives: July 2017

WEEK 30 – ESTEBAN’S FINALE

WEEK 30 – ESTEBAN’S FINALE

  1. “Darkie, Lemme go in front yuh nah! . All I have is this toilet paper”

“Is that how you ask a stranger for a favor?”

“Me aint have time for this nah.”

“Well stay right behind me since you obviously have no manners”

“Steups! All dat attitude for simple pass?”

“If you don’t understand what you did wrong then I can’t help you”

“Ah can’t stand allyuh bullers yuh know”

“Because I’m asking you to have manners, I’m a buller? Well this buller aint letting you pass!”

(Crowd behind chuckles)

  • Either Trouble has magical powers or I need to get new chains as she keeps getting loose and I can’t figure out how.
  • Saw a lonely puppy in the road and opted not to adopt for two reasons. (a) I don’t want to stress out Trouble and (b) I think she might drive the puppy to suicide ( Lord knows she bullies Heff and he is resilient most times but its takes a toll on him)
  • Within the past three weeks I’ve met 5 people with degrees from DeVry University. I still remember when it was just an IT school.
  • “Food by the Pound” places are not for me. My serving hand is too heavy no matter how hard I try take smaller servings.
  • You know things are bad with you when a homeless person can tell you to reduce your salt intake in order to get rid of your water weight.
  • Even worse when said homeless person recognizes you as someone he admired from Primary School but you have no idea who he is and his name isn’t familiar.
  • I think I had way to much fun anonymously commenting on all those people who were foolhardy enough to join SARAHAH. I however didn’t make everyone’s Instagram Story-feeds. I think some were blanked out or I just wasn’t funny enough. Two hours well spent. Heh heh heh heh heh *rubs palms together…
  • I’m not sure if the “Summer Movie Season” has started. I haven’t felt compelled to go weekly to see a movie as in years passed. Can’t see myself rushing to see Dunkirk.
  • Stared at a former co-worker like she was a freshly baked Coconut Bake with melted cheese. She didn’t appreciate the comparison until I explained to her how delectable such a combination is in the minds of most people.
  • Was invited to a take a short trip with a group of people I barely know but I opted to stay home for mental health reasons. The preservation of mine…
  • It’s always interesting when people who delete me from their Facebook profile try to send me a friend request and say “ deleted in error”. Umm you were sure when Facebook asked you twice before unfriending me, so what happen now? #foreverpetty #steups #missmewiththisBS
  • My Nikon D90 is on its last legs. I can feel the difference in its operation and the hesitation when I’m trying to snap a quick picture
  • Why do people expect me to get them birthday presents when they don’t even give me a “dinner mint” for mine. BTW if you give me a mint for my birthday, know full well you are getting the same one back on your day.

 

This is my last Weekly Chronicle for 2017. I thought I could keep up with it but my life just isn’t as interesting as I thought it was.

So keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!

 

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WEEK 29 – ESTEBAN’S WEEK IN SONG

WEEK 29 – ESTEBAN’S WEEK IN SONG

  1. SUPERSTITION: I don’t get the 9 Nights thing and why you gotta put a candle or two in the road in front my house. Are you lighting the dead’s way to where? My house?
  2. DO YOU THINK I’M SEXY?: The answer is always “Yes” especially when in a crowd of women even when you think differently. #savealife #mine
  3. STEAL MY SUNSHINE: My attempt to go to the beach every day this week but ….
  4. RAIN: How my week off can be summed up in song….
  5. SABOTAGE: Uber driver telling me he is cancelling the trip as he can’t find my house when he is right in front of it but visibly has another passenger in his car.
  6. ALL I REALLY WANT: The winning Lotto Numbers and probably a good and reliable mason.
  7. DESPACITO: Must I hear this song EVERYWHERE I go???
  8. OUTSIDE: When you really need to pee but the house is locked up and you feel it coming down and the keys are in the car.
  9. THAT’S WHAT I LIKE: Song makes me dance especially after seeing the video when I know I’m that black guy with very little coordination and rhythm.
  10. LAND OF CONFUSION: When you are leaving “Stumblin” at 1:30am on a Thursday, but people still coming into the spot. Don’t you people have work in the Morning?
  11. FOOL OF ME: Assuming I can wake up one morning and decide to take a flight to Tobago for the day…
  12. JAMMETTE: Seeing Trouble in the road while driving home and seeing her try to beat you back to house. #bringoutthejammetteiname
  13. CONFESSIONS: I miss travelling by maxi taxi and all those passenger/driver conversations . #saidmenever #noeh
  14. MADNESS: A Hotel Taxi Driver telling me that it costs $180 to go from Movietowne POS to Diego Martin and trying to explain to my why paying this cost is better than using UBER, DROP or A regular taxi.
  15. INSANE IN THE BRAIN: I agreed to go to another cooler fete band launch. #savemefrommyself
 
 

WEEK 28–THE TROUBLE WITH ESTEBAN

WEEK 28–THE TROUBLE WITH ESTEBAN

  1. If you heard loud rumblings and slight disturbance in the atmosphere last Friday, that was me at the Auto Body shop losing my religion and salvation waiting on my car.
  2. I am uncomfortable with any kind of flirting taking place between two people at a Doctor’s Office far less in the Emergency Room of a Hospital. #justnasty #keepyourgermstoyourself
  3. The ants have adjusted to the frequency of those Pricesmart Insect/Rodent Repellant pulse gadgets. They are crawling around like they own the joint. Back to using BOP!
  4. Ever sat still and realized that a nose hair was growing beyond it designated zone of acceptability? No? Oh Ok! Me neither. *walks away slowly*
  5. I’ve found 4 dead cockroaches in my house over these last few days. All near to a toilet. Maybe I do need that purge…..
  6. Had A Burger King Double Whopper on Monday and was totally underwhelmed. Guess the 12 month abstinence from it worked wonders.
  7. I’m driving my car once again and its feels like home. I applaud all those who have to travel as I am no longer about that life!
  8. I have an issue with Toyota vehicles that I just can’t quite figure out. I think it may be a suppressed memory from childhood that I can’t access as yet.
  9. I’ve realized I have very few pictures with other people on Facebook, so when that Friend Anniversary thing comes up, it looks like I stalk most of the people on my friends list. Relax!!  I only want to drink the bathwater of maybe one or five of you. NOT! Just two of you, I think. (Okay, its definitely not in the double figures as most are married)
  10. As a rhythmically challenged black man, I need to stop watching “So You Think You Can Dance”. I get these false impressions every time that I am capable of mimicking their movement when I know I will look as if I’m fighting with my limbs.
  11. Looking at old pictures of myself and wondering why I didn’t think I was attractive when I was younger.
  12. I think I have to do a video on Crix and their inconsistent and odd-numbered packs of their “cracker”. It getting out of hand now and obviously they don’t care about this middle class user of their product.
  13. I was accosted on Thursday for calling Diamond Vale a Retirement Community. I’m still trying to figure out how was the statement incorrect.
  14. QUESTION: What do you do when a married woman is hella flirting with you?
    ANSWER: Do you have written permission from your husband that absolves me from a random cuttass if I flirt back? No? Then may I suggest you find another black man to share the Express front page with when a murder occurs?
  15. FRUSTRACTION (NEW WORD)– Frustrating Satisfaction : Giving a room full of people the solution to a problem within the first 2 minutes of a meeting , watching them argue against it for an hour and then agree with you at the end.
 
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Posted by on July 14, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

WEEK 27–ESTEBAN’S SQUINT!

WEEK 27–ESTEBAN’S SQUINT!

  1. Week 27 and still not a Lotto winner. Off to work I go. Jesus, it seems you are really insistent on me working hard for everything I have? #patienceisvirtue
  2. If you are over 35 and you are telling me you going Wi-Fi silent, it means you have no data plan. At your age? Come now! #imjudgingyouopenly #judgeing #judgedread #postpaid #stopbeingcheap
  3. Cleaned the oven this weekend and realized that those oven cleaner fumes are potent. Think I knocked out for a five minutes on the floor of the kitchen.
  4. When you go drinking on a Saturday night and after your 3rd drink you stop because (a) your tolerance level is low (b) People started to look cute and (c) you started to feel chatty. Should’ve had Malta instead. #lightweight
  5. Dear Massy Stores, I don’t opt to pay your higher prices on food stuff so that I could pack my own groceries and tote it all to the car. Get your act together! #massystores #lazy
  6. So one part Heineken Beer and two parts Coke = Green Sands. Let’s see….Attempt Number 9 – when did I finish the Coke? I think I have an alcohol problem. Thanks eh Gerard Morton!
  7. .Nitpicking causes me to shut down. If I have reviewed something thoroughly and someone asks for cosmetic changes, I don’t do it. I’m over the document and have moved on.
  8. I’m ignoring the disrespectful people who asking how did Trouble do for SEA. She is doing SEA next year people!!
  9. While I try to stay out of politics, all I want to say is: Shouldn’t a Deputy Political Leader of a Party know better or understand the importance of Protocol?
  10. I find it rude and offensive when my main and back up toilets in the office are in use by other people. I’ve spent too much time gathering data on their locations in relation to my bowel movements for BOTH to be occupied at the SAME time. People are so insensitive!
  11. Is it a local conspiracy that if you order Beef on a pizza from ANY pizza place, they are so stingy with it that you have to search for the meat on the pizza like search for some politicians’ integrity? What going on? Why you doing it?
  12. I think I officially gave up on the Facebook Tests after they told me that I was 100% Indian and that my calling is to be a Pastor. Umm not even if I can recite Kanchan and Babla ultimate song “Kuch Gadbad Hai” and “Robobobo Shatai “with the best of them means this stuff is true.
  13. TRUTH: I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I kinda still don’t know but I fell into certain fields that gave me opportunities beyond my reach.
  14. So KFC’s Smoke N Fire Chicken may not be spicy going in but coming out the other end…..Well Let’s just say I asked/pleaded for Divine Intervention.
  15. This is the end of the first week of July and TN AUTO still does not have my car ready. I am thinking of Legal Action at this point. No one is this slow intentionally!
 
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Posted by on July 7, 2017 in Emotions, Food, Humor, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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