RSS

Monthly Archives: August 2017

WEEK 32 – ESTEBAN SEES TOO MUCH


  1. I’ve meet those people who post GOT spoilers before. They are the same ones that talk through a movie. Posting spoilers doesn’t make you superior. It just confirms that you are the insecure ASSHOLE in the group.
  2. Why get upset with Pizza Hut for asking you to use the Take Away section when you want to dine in with a beer in your hand and your Buddy has a bottle of Double Dog in his? #confused #itmustbeafortnight
  3. To the person who created a whole fake Facebook profile to ask me what are the requirements to get a date with me. I’ll answer you in a timing
  4. Had my first debilitating migraine on Wednesday where at one time sight was a painful chore. That was a scary day.
  5. Still can’t understand why people stare at me weirdly when I’m with my godchildren. Are you all really trying to figure out the ethnicity of the mother that badly or if I abducted someone’s child? NEWSFLASH : Black people are least likely group to kidnap children.
  6. Still don’t understand why at my age people are still trying to set me up on dates. If I’ve offended you and this is how you try to punish me, then I prefer that you just slap me and get it over with.
  7. Started back the gym 15 pounds heavier than when I stopped 2 months ago. None of the usual morning gym attendees looked any better or fitter since my time away. #jesuslovesme #miserylovescompany
  8. What do you mean it smells like Ocelot pee? How bourgeois is your nosehole that you can tell the difference?
  9. Went to Yuma’s Cooler Band Launch and felt as if “To Catch A Predator” had set a wide net and was waiting outside for me if I attempted to talk to any youngster.
  10. I realized I shouldve opted to seriously not be there when two children that I’ve held as babies were there. One was smoking and called me “Uncle”.  Don’t worry, He is still alive….
  11. I think that is my last band launch since waiting to see costumes at 1am when you’ve been there since 10pm just made me STEUPS and go home right afterwards.
  12. No coolers were harmed during this outing.
  13. If you going to be all thought provoking with your captions on Instagram….. Learn to spell nah!
  14. I bet you think that last comment was about you. Did you just check your last IG post before continuing?
  15. There are still “Christian” folk I grew up with that pass me straight when they see me. To them I say: Don’t worry my sins aren’t contagious, but your self righteousness gives off a really pungent smell though. It’s the smell of someone that’s not anointed or purposed. #SHAME
 
1 Comment

Posted by on August 17, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, RANT

 

Tags: , , , , ,

DEAR ESTEBAN – OLDER

DEAR ESTEBAN – OLDER

Dear Estaban,

My friends think I need to be dating an older guy because guys my age aren’t ready for much anything else that doesn’t involve 20 toes. What are the benefits of dating an older guy?

Sincerely Musbeluvondabrain

—————————————————————————–

Dear Musbeluvondabrain,

Just a few observations to remove the clutter from my brain:

  • It’s EstEban not EstAban (do you like it when people spell your name wrong?
  • “My friends say”- How old are you? Is peer pressure still a thing for you?
  • “20 toes”?? Ummm either you had a strict religious upbringing or .. nope you grew up in a small church that was incapable of using the word “sex” without relating it to sin and destruction.
  • What kind of men are you meeting around your age that only want sex? How hot are you?
  • What age range is older to you?
  • Do you think an older man doesn’t want sex as well? All men want sex
  • Do you think an older man just needs company? Are you confusing having a pet with dating a man? Contrary to popular belief they have different needs

 

Ok… Benefits of Dating An OlderMan

  • Stimulating Intellectual Conversations
  • Discussion of ideas and concepts
  • Fulfills your “Daddy” fetish
  • Financially stable (most times)
  • Jealousy issues reduced but never disappear.
  • He will more than likely be in bed by 8/9pm.
  • Will not smell like wet dog
  • More intimacy. Hugs and kisses nad (gulp) cuddling
  • Extremely attentive ( if you like your personal space invaded)
  • Minor monetary allowances(depending on your preference)
  • Personal Driver/ Taxi (as he will want to ensure you are safe)

I’m not sure this list will do you any good as your desire to be Celibate and not (Sell A bit) will prevent you from dating a wordly man. My suggestion is that you concentrate on developing your passion and let love happen when the universe deems it time.

 

The Gospel According to Whitney Houston (2:2- 1C)

Album 2: Track 2, First Chorus says

“Tell me!

Are you really ready for love boy
Or is it just the lonely talking again

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on August 15, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, RANT, Relationships

 

Tags: , , , , ,

DEAR ESTEBAN- SUNDAY LUNCH

DEAR ESTEBAN- SUNDAY LUNCH

Dear Esteban,

So a guy I met about two weeks ago at #63 invited me over to his house for Sunday lunch. I said that I would think it over and let him know. During the day he sends a picture of three cups with a bottle of Ciroc with the caption “Me and Moms bating you”.

 

I saw the picture and never responded. I asked myself if not responding was the correct approach. I felt pressured and I wasn’t ready to meet his mother considering I haven’t even gone on a date with this guy as yet.

What do I do?

Signed:

Avenue Love

———————————

Dear Avenue Love,

My gut told me to tell you this:

“BLOCK HIS NUMBER and RELOCATE”

In hindsight, I am thinking that  this may not be the best way of dealing with the situation, so let me put my thoughts in bullet form:

  • I’m judging you for going #63
  • Ten points for meeting new people
  • He can’t spell “baiting” but then again you met him at #63
  • I think you should’ve told him let’s meet in a public setting on a date before we invite each other to our respective homes
  • He is a Mommy’s boy and obviously ready for something serious
  • He’s a Mommy’s boy and needs her approval before going any further with you
  • He’s a Mommy’s boy! RUN!!!

Seriously now, I think you should have told him that you were uncomfortable with his home being the first place that you all meet. If the picture caused you to panic, then I suggest you re-evaluate how you want to go about dating because it seems as if you are not ready to move forward with anything.

If you like this guy, then I suggest you contact him today and apologise and try and meet up soon. CPL is on so how about you invite him to a bar or restaurant to watch the game?  If he says “yes” then all is forgiven. But please choose the place and don’t leave it up to him.

Take Care

ESTEBAN

NB: The picture above is from PINTEREST. NO image was supplied to me by the person asking for advice.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on August 14, 2017 in Entertainment

 

DEAR ESTEBAN COLUMN -Emotional Cheating


DEAR ESTEBAN
So my boyfriend accused me of “Emotional Cheating”. I told him to grow a pair. He told me to make up my mind about what I wanted from him. I’m confused. What are your thoughts?

Not A Cheater

Dear Not A Cheater,
I have so much to say to such a short note so let me start:
• From whom or where did he learn the term “emotional cheating” ?
• Did you use it on him before or has he been watching Grey’s Anatomy or “This Is Us” on television?
• “Grow a pair”- While hilarious, is tantamount to bullying and it is obvious that you beat/abuse your man.
• He is correct in wanting you to make up your mind but (because I know you) I know that is like asking the wind to blow in one direction only

ANSWER: Santa Claus, the Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot, Soucoyants, Papa Boi and Unicorns
QUESTION: What are all things I consider to be real before I believe in emotional cheating?

Emotional Cheating is a cop out and a term developed by people who are way too comfortable in a relationship and therefore don’t regularly communicate to their partners.
It is NOT a thing.
It’s for those who need a soap box to stand on to justify their shock or indignation at their partner being able to communicate to someone else.

You can never be everything to one person and asking them to only talk to you and Jesus is impractical.

On the other hand, if he or she is meeting this person in a clandestine manner, that’s still not emotional cheating. Your ASS getting HORN!

#staywoke #knowthetruth #stopwatchingshondashows#nolifetimemovieseither

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on August 11, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, RANT, Relationships

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,