DEAR ESTEBAN – HOT TRAINER WOES

My Darling Esteban,

I see that you have had a Personal Trainer for a while now and it seems to be working out for you.

How do you know if your trainer hates you or not? I think mine hates me immensely. I’ve been with him for about 3 months now and he ignores me most times and never corrects my form and if he does its loud enough for the entire gym to hear. I’m not one for confrontation but if he’s never shown me the proper form, how does he expect me to get it?  It’s really embarrassing now and I try to just play it off, but its getting to be too much now.

What should I do? I’m conflicted here

Oh and did I mention that he is really really really HOT?

Honestly what should I do?

Signed Money Jumping Up

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Dear Money Jumping Up,

Quick Question: When you chose this Personal Trainer, were you looking for a man or for someone to actually help you with your fitness goals?

 

It sounds as if you chose him for his looks and hoped that by association he would eventually:

·         Give you piece

·         Touch you up

·         Become your boyfriend

·         Be something more…

All in all, I want to believe you chose him for the wrong reasons. Right now you are in an abusive relationship where you are paying the abuser and reaping no benefits/perks through this association. BTW always chose a trainer that you are hotter than (even if it’s only in your mind)as it helps you to maintain your focus on your body goals.

 

Now the relationship I have with my trainer is borderline abusive/unhealthy at best, but because we communicate a lot (well argue constantly), I understand that he really wants me to get over my “Bullshit excuses” and take my training to another level. There have been times when I think he is on the verge of cuffing me down (but I know God has my back) but I stick around because I need the discipline of an exercise regime drilled into me.  That, plus he’s offered multiple times (first few month of training) to give me back my money as he said he doesn’t need the stress in his life.  That gesture made me know that I don’t have the upper hand with him at all.

 

Anyway, If you still think your trainer has your best interest at heart, then I will say talk to him seriously outside of the gym environment about your expectations from him and his expectations of you. If he’s not willing to listen or even accommodate, then tell Ike that Anna Mae is not eating the cake!

Find a new trainer. They are like ants these days ( just all over the place). I can recommend a few to you that will abuse you but in a good way.

 

If you are scared to break it off with the trainer then I recommend the following solutions:

–          Just leave the gym you are in now and find a new one

–          Tell him your boyfriend doesn’t want you training with a pretty boy. If he asks for a name, give him mine. (me aint fraid no PT)

–          Join one of those group training sessions that do workouts in the Savannah, Stadium or on the beach. That way no one will target you specifically and you will be saving money.

Update me on how this break up goes….

 

ESTEBAN’S PSEUDO INTERVENTION

Hi Everyone,

My name is Stefan and I’m an addict.  It’s been ummm….*mumbles* since my last….

Sigh.. let me just tell you my story:

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So a wake up call came last night while attending a really enjoyable play called “Better, Better Village” that I may have totally backslidden from my no flour ways.

Like a true addict, you know that you’ve relapsed but you tell yourself that you have it under control and that it won’t be as bad as the last time.

Then the following things happened:

• Lady passes with a tray of Accra balls with a mango dipping sauce and tells me have as many as I want. I had 6.
• I partook in some very tasty corn soup but was annoyed by the amount of corn in the cup and the way it prevented me from accessing the lovely dumplings at the bottom. I threw most of the corn away to get to the 3 small soft but tasty dumplings.
• There was cake/sweetbread (I couldn’t tell as I didn’t care to discern) and with each bite I felt joy in my heart.
• While eating said item above, King Michael Anthony passes and in his perpetually shade ridden tone he utters ” I thought u not supposed to be eating flour”

At that point, I realised that I had a problem as I couldn’t utter a witty response to him due to the level of shame filling me.

 

So I finished off the sweetbread and the sugar cake in the party bag and made a vow to resume my “no flour” diet soon.

NB: hey I could’ve lied and said that I was going to do it right away but I need to clear my fridge of some items over this weekend and I’ll possibly enter rehab on Monday.

Thank you for listening.

 

WEEK 36: ESTEBAN IN THE MIST

1. People have no idea what islands make up the Lesser Antilles far less the entire Caribbean!
2. Apparently a lot of people on my Facebook page failed Geography. Either that or PNM/UNC governments denied them access to an Atlas of the Caribbean during their formative years
3. So….. everyone in love with the Brian Lara Cricket Academy now?
4. It’s not that I don’t like you, but I’m just all about practicing the Psalm 1:1 when I’m around you.
5. Facebook doesn’t like the Caribbean region. You mean to say not one person there decided to do an algorithm so Caribbean Facebook users can mark themselves safe after Hurricane Irma?
6. A 17 year old girl tried flirting with me this week. I thanked her for her compliments and told her to find someone else willing to make a jail for her advances.
7. I’ve been without my Ipad Air for over 4 days as it stopped charging and I sent it to fix. I don’t know what to do with myself as my progression in Angry Birds Friends is now in jeopardy and this will be the first week I am not on top of my Leaderboard.
8. I got an Honorable Mention for a photo I submitted to local Photo Competition. Still not sure how I feel about it as I am a sore loser.
9. I’m not an accomplished singer or actor but I can definitely tell when someone thinks too highly of their talent, especially when they shouldn’t.
10. Someone recommended that I use Activated Charcoal pills to detox my system. I had to remind them that those pills are used to help treat a Drug Overdose or some type of poisoning. They reminded me that my cooking may be considered poisonous to other people. Touché
11. Apparently the work server blocked my blog page citing it that it may be a “malicious” website. In the true sense of the word “malicious”, I can’t argue there, but in internet speak, I’m insulted.
12. Just got the invoice from Best Auto on my Car’s Service Maintenance, and I’m happy to announce that you can book my services via my FB Messenger inbox. It’s not month end so Murray Street will not be rewarding at this time.
13. In relation to the above point please note that :Two’s Company and Three is TT$4,000.00
14. The production value of a K2K band launch is unrivalled within the market. These people know how to do a launch!

 

ESTEBAN AND THE BAD DIETING TIPS

1. Grapefruit is slimming. Steups…the level of cuss I wanna put on this person eh
2. Drink Apple Cider Vinegar and Water to lose belly fat – It would’ve been better if they asked me to be bullemic . Could barely swallow it.
3. Cut all sugar out of your diet and reintroduce it slowly after a month. – I can’t take any more calls from HR on my attitude
4. Do not eat after 7pm. – I’m not even hungry at 7!
5. Go to bed early.  – Is Midnight early enough because I can never fall asleep before then?
6. If hungry late at night, drink water to curb your appetite. – And then I wake up two or three times to “pee” due to a full bladder
7. Eat small portions every two hours. – Umm I have a real job and a busy work schedule . I can’t be telling my boss I need to go eat in the midst of a meeting.
8. Stop eating Peanut Butter – Steups if loving PB is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right!!!
9. Start counting calories – Steups…..One calorie (gulp), two calories (slurp)…..
10. Replace a meal with a Slim Fast Drink – How about I just slap you now?
11. Herbalife – All this money and the product barely lasting two weeks?
12. Have Ramen Noodles at least twice a day instead of a regular meal. – I’m guessing Hypertension is a preferred dieting state.
13. Drink Diet Soda instead of regular soda. – I’ve never seen a slim or fit person order a diet anything
14. Do a cleanse to lose weight. – Overdosed once (or maybe twice) on a laxative and only lost time after knocking out on the toilet.
15. Drink loads of water if you’ve had something sweet. – Ok this is what I tell myself as I think the water dilutes the sugar.
16. Give up Pork! – SDA, Rastas, vegetarians and JWs already don’t eat it. Only one grouping in that list doesn’t contain fat people and we all know why they are so skinny.
17. Snack on almonds if you are hungry between meals. – Does an Almond Joy count? Because almonds are expensive for me to snacking on it often.
18. Chew your all your meats, but don’t swallow it. – What’s the point here?
19. Cook all your meals. Don’t eat out! – Have you tasted my cooking? No? That means you are still alive.
20. Let Roti become a once a month treat. – I’m not on allowing this kind of negativity in my life