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Monthly Archives: October 2017

Basket Case

Basket Case

Have you seen someone you hadn’t seen in ages and all of a sudden a repressed memory re-surfaces and scares you? 

Here’s my tale.

In a Galaxy far far away. In a time where Gods roamed amongst us, there was a young lad that was loved by all and was always invited to every event possible. That no longer happens to the person but he isn’t bitter or angry with these so –called friends and their “married people/couples limes” with the multiple of…… . Sigh ok I’m digressing here and sounding bitter. Focus!!

Anyway, in this alternate universe, he was invited by a co-worker to a celebratory event at his home. (I’m being vague here just so that anyone familiar with the event will have a hard time recalling same). The event was of a Thanksgiving nature. His parents were celebrating the success of all of their children completing tertiary education, some with multiple degrees. Now, I wasn’t the only one from the office that was invited but most everyone else decided to carpool. I opted to drive there on my own.

Anyway I got there at a decent time and mingled with everyone but stayed mainly within the confines of the people that I knew. 

The speeches started an hour later and began with the Patriarch speaking on behalf of the family and listing out the accomplishments of the children. There were loads of cheers and toasting at this point. Then a close family member came up to speak and he also echoed the sentiments of the father and then added the gem of a phrase that this family always made the :indigenous choice” when it came to finding companionship.

I jumped slightly at the phrase “indigenous choice” but smiled it off and toasted like everyone else.

 

Each of the children spoke afterwards and basically thanked their parents for instilling the proper work ethic and values within them. That part was hella touching. Then came the fiancé of one of the siblings who spoke and proclaimed how happy he was to be invited into the family and how much he was in love. Before he ended his speech, he uttered “Oh and as you can see, she made the indigenous choice”. 

A loud deafening boom entered my ears and pervaded my mindscape.

Everyone else laughed and some howled with laughter.

Me?

Well I grinned and for the first time I quickly surveyed the room and realized that…. Gulp.. I was alone. There was no one else like me there. I looked at my co-workers and realized the same thing. I was the only one!

No one else there was as “handsome” as I. 

How could that be? 

Why would they single me out to attend this event?

Then the voice of Oda Mae Brown filled my head : Molly, you in danger, girl!


I will not say that I departed immediately but I began to feel slightly uncomfortable even though everyone I spoke to at the event acted normal and to a large extent was only laughing at my jokes.

So when the speeches ended and the food was served (yuh must be mad to think I was leaving there hungry), I hung around for another half hour and then feigned a previous commitment (having to pick up my mother and sister from an alleged prayer meeting) and left.

I never spoke about my feelings/fears to anyone from work, but I mentioned the awkwardness to a couple people and was told that I was being my usual paranoid self.

What are your thoughts? 

What do you think?

 
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Posted by on October 16, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, RANT

 

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ESTEBAN’S PSEUDO- BOURGEOIS PROBLEMS

ESTEBAN’S PSEUDO- BOURGEOIS PROBLEMS

  1. When you need to visit Pennywise but you didn’t walk with your passport to go beyond the Lighthouse in Port of Spain and you are in no mood to mix with the people on Charlotte Road.
  2. Running errands and the only free toilet facilities are located in Citygate. #peeyourselfdown
  3. Having to wait outside a club because your name did not appear on “The List”. #gohome
  4. You are out of Chai Tea and the nearest supermarket only has “Green Tea” #notmyproblem #badmanonlydrinksmilo
  5. You cringe when someone near you says “Ah Feeling for ah Rituals!” #wahdat
  6. Someone sends you an invitation to a Boat Ride with the added incentive to partake being that they will have Corn Soup, Geera Neck and Doubles onboard. #geerawhat
  7. You won’t join a cashier’s line at Hi-Lo (Massy Stores) unless you are certain there will a packer at the other end. #ahnotpayinghigherpricestopackmygroceries
  8. Completely ignoring someone’s academic qualifications but reducing their worth to the secondary school they attended. #notshame
  9. Mentally shutting down when someone uses the argument that “conversate” is in the dictionary. So are curse words but I don’t have to use them to get my point across.
  10. Thinking lowly of anyone using the word “Stush” to describe their life and adventures.
 
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Posted by on October 12, 2017 in Entertainment

 

WEEK 40 – ESTEBAN’S INSOMNIA

WEEK 40 – ESTEBAN’S INSOMNIA

  1. Asking for God’s help when you are chairing the High Council of Evil is a bit off in my books. #jesussaves #fixmejesus
  2. You are confused as to why you are not getting more Instagram likes when your profile is filled with the same selfie pose? Maybe you are just ugly and everybody but you knows it. #fixmejesus
  3. “You bring your whole camera to this bicycle thing on the avenue?” Well bringing just the lens to the event didn’t make sense. #ichbinvonidiotenumgeben #imsurroundedbyidiots
  4. I know it’s for charity, but charging me $5 for FIVE small pholourie should be an indictable offense subject to mandatory jail time! #justsaying
  5. I played your punch board game and made certain picks, only to realise the paper tells me “ You have a chance at winning a prize” TEEF MUCH?
  6. Charging me $25 for a palette to transport an item and when it arrives the item is on bricks is just not cool. Not cool. However, I realise that the bricks costs more than a palette so we’ll let this incident slide.
  7. Please stop suggesting people that I should consider dating. My hate club is continually growing and I’m trying for it not to be registered as a Medium sized band for Carnival.
  8. The “Perpetually pregnant” dog in the neighbourhood had pups and one wandered into my yard and got viciously barked away by Trouble. Heff couldn’t be bothered.
  9. “Yuh get fat boy!!” – You try taking public transportation for a few months and see if you don’t stress eat at the mere thought of traveling.
  10. “You real bitter boy!!” Just call me “Carailli”!!
 
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Posted by on October 6, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, RANT

 

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DEAR ESTEBAN – IS DATING YOU EASY?

DEAR ESTEBAN – IS DATING YOU EASY?

Dear Esteban,

Pleasant Good Morning to you.

I really love your posts and I’m always asking my friend if you’ve post anything recently. You is one ass we. You does make me real laugh. We don’t know each other and we  not Facebook friends as you may have guess  already.  I want to know if someone was interested in going out with you how would they go about doing it? I know you will be honest with your response .

Signed

Hello It’s Me…..


Dear Hello It’s Me,

Brain Clutter clearing in 5,4,3,2,1…

  • “Pleasant Good morning” is a greeting I find annoying as it is used particularly by people who normally have no manners but  are trying to impress someone that they need something from. So “Good Morning” is a sufficient greeting.
  • ” You is one ass we” – I am guessing you’ve never been exposed to French or Patois?.
  • It seems that you and the Past tense are warring.
  • I want to believe you have sadistic tendencies since you ( even remotely) want to consider dating me.

So…How does one go about dating me?

YOU DON’T!

Walk away! Walk away fast, not slowly.

Save yourself and your sanity and leave me alone.

I’ve seen this movie way too many times and I can safely say it doesn’t end well. Not Empire Strikes Back cliffhanger good but more Frutvale Station sad ending.  It always starts off nice and easy, where we talk and chat constantly for a few days  and then I will go silent and you will assume I’m either ignoring you or seeing someone else, when I would’ve explained during our conversations that I like “alone” time and space. Worse yet, you started trying to tweak/alter my life and you are met with silence.

Let’s face it, at my age, I’m set in my ways and any attempt to try and change or alter me will be met with long term resistance.  Conformity will happen in the short run but in the long run (meaning at maximum 3 months later), you will be calling friends for advice and the words “idiot”, “selfish” “jackass”and “asshole” will become commonplace in your vocabulary when asked to describe me.

I know what you are thinking: What kind of girls did he date? I’m not like that at all.

Well they all said the same thing and lo and behold a big steups comes over their lips at the mere sight or mention of me. Or worse yet, they hide behind spouses or change direction mid stride if I’m spotted a mile away.  Alas, there are various stages of emotion one goes through after dating me.

Now please note that there is no lasting hatred for me as I am as lovable and genuine as they come but know this:

If you date me, your next relationship will be awesome. I mean you may either find your husband or that long term long lasting relationship you so always desired. I haven’t met an ex yet that isn’t happily married or in the best relationship possible since I exited their romantic life.

I’m a little bit like that movie Good Luck Chuck…(minus the sex part)

No matter what psychological theory you can come up with based on this blog, just know that I’m happy with my godchildren, friends, immediate family and two dogs.

I’m really good.

Please stay away!

If something causes you to change your mind, just know that i will chronicle the experience and share it on social media, so be prepared when people start putting two and two together and get FIVE!

ESTEBAN OVER & OUT

you-re-warned-now-stay-away

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, RANT, Relationships

 

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