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Monthly Archives: December 2017

WEEK 50 – ESTEBAN AND THE CHURCH ANNOUNCEMENTS

WEEK 50 – ESTEBAN AND THE CHURCH ANNOUNCEMENTS

The Church Announcements for this week are as follows:

  1. Pastor has asked that all toys left after the charity drive be given to other children and not to grown folks with only cats and dogs in their lives. #amen
  2. If you are expecting a gift from brother Esteban, please know that a donation has already been made in your name to his credit card bill.
  3. The Airport arrivals have started and this is not an excuse to miss Church Service or Thursday night Prayer meeting. #noted #findanotherride
  4. Beef & Chicken Pastelles are on sale at $24 each? Let me taste one raisin in it and see if that fig-leaf wrapping isn’t stuffed down your throat. #letthechurchsayamen
  5. On Monday, I will be in office alone as everyone else will be on vacation. Posting pictures from the beach or with a drink in your hand is not permitted.
  6. The Deacon Board has noticed that the Doubles man on Maraval Road has missed a day or two this week. If he doesn’t pay taxes, does he really need a day off?
  7. The church is reminded to avoid Sister Debbie’s black cake as it has been soaking in a bucket of rum since the beginning of December.
  8. The Young Ladies of the church are reminded to not accept any “Free Kisses” or “Free Hugs” Coupons from any young gentlemen in the church. The Lord’s love is enough to keep you til you die.
  9. If you know the brother or sister sitting next to you is alone this Christmas, please inquire if they would like company and only visit them in groups for 4. The Lord didn’t minister to you for any romantic hook up on this matter.
  10. If any of these announcements are confusing to you, might I suggest that you take it to the GOOD LORD in prayer and not with me!

AMEN

THANK_YOU_JESUS_9fe896ec1b3a12f20256338821b57cbd

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2017 in Entertainment, Humor, RANT

 

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WEEK 49 – ESTEBAN’S HUMBUG

WEEK 49 – ESTEBAN’S HUMBUG

  1. I’ve stopped expecting gifts for Christmas; mainly because of my age and also because I’m generally considered ungrateful when I get bad presents from people.
  2. If I see anybody that owes me money using an Iphone X, please know that I will not be confronting you but just passing by you and picking up stuff for auction.
  3. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the daily bible verses that people send me on a morning; it’s the outta timing memes and videos that follow that I find slightly disturbing.#bipolarmuch #pickateam #teamjesus #teamdevil
  4. Trouble walked out the gate this morning while I was driving out. She didn’t look back and I didn’t call out to her to getback inside. I just watched her cut eye as I passed her in the road on my way to the gym. #notrunningbehindadog #irundownnothing #notmyideaofcardio
  5. A lady cuts in front of an old man near Marli Street this morning. The guy responds : “Yuh driving like yuh face!! Zug Up!!”
  6. My housekeeper sent me a video from my laundry room of something that looked like rat droppings. I resisted the urge to tell her to pack my stuff up as I would be moving out.
  7. I’ve been spring cleaning over the last week and I can safely say that every box I’ve touched is now neatly packed and that I’ve thrown NOTHING away.
  8. How does one choose/decide on paint colors for a wall? The only colors I know for painting walls are Off White, Cream, and Sky Blue. #iminamess #imhorribleatchoosingcolors #fixitrowley
  9. Yes Ma’am I did hear you fart twice while you were doing your sit-ups in the corner. I assumed your music was on too loud so you think they came out without a sound.
  10. I see that you are back posting inspirational quotes under random pictures of yourself holding a drink/camera phone. STOP IT!! No one believes you as a motivational speaker!
 
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Posted by on December 8, 2017 in Entertainment, Food, Holidays, Humor, RANT

 

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ESTEBAN ON A MONDAY


1.    Added some Chivas Regal to a batch of Black Sorrel I made and I think I woke up this morning with a slight hangover.

2.     “COCO” is one glorious piece of animation. I still need to remember to take Claritin with me as I’m sure Movietowne has cleaned its air vents in a while.

3.    I promised someone to try and stop being a hermit for 2018.

4.    Saw different versions of Love this weekend. I need to start living my “best self”!

5.    Cleaned out my fridge and discovered 12 containers of forgotten leftovers. One contained Cassava Pone. I haven’t made Cassava pone since April.

6.    Part of my childhood memories died on learning of Shashi Kapoor’s death.

7.    Just because three random strangers asked if I needed someone to wash my car doesn’t mean it’s dirty. It means they are looking for work.

8.    I think my dogs need a “purge” (A cleanse/detox for the bourgeoisie). Are my nostrils supposed to clear up so quickly everytime I clean up mess in the yard?

9.    I need to find a cooking class.  Recommendations? No I don’t want you to cook for me. The mini prayer meeting I’m conducting every time I eat someone else’s cooking is taking its toll on me.

10.  . The words “Ok Boss” tick me off to a point where I’m ready to strangle someone.

#todaystruths #meforme #bma #ybye #goodbye2017 #rowleyfixityet #esteban2017

 
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Posted by on December 4, 2017 in Entertainment, Food