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Category Archives: Emotions

WEEK 32 – ESTEBAN SEES TOO MUCH


  1. I’ve meet those people who post GOT spoilers before. They are the same ones that talk through a movie. Posting spoilers doesn’t make you superior. It just confirms that you are the insecure ASSHOLE in the group.
  2. Why get upset with Pizza Hut for asking you to use the Take Away section when you want to dine in with a beer in your hand and your Buddy has a bottle of Double Dog in his? #confused #itmustbeafortnight
  3. To the person who created a whole fake Facebook profile to ask me what are the requirements to get a date with me. I’ll answer you in a timing
  4. Had my first debilitating migraine on Wednesday where at one time sight was a painful chore. That was a scary day.
  5. Still can’t understand why people stare at me weirdly when I’m with my godchildren. Are you all really trying to figure out the ethnicity of the mother that badly or if I abducted someone’s child? NEWSFLASH : Black people are least likely group to kidnap children.
  6. Still don’t understand why at my age people are still trying to set me up on dates. If I’ve offended you and this is how you try to punish me, then I prefer that you just slap me and get it over with.
  7. Started back the gym 15 pounds heavier than when I stopped 2 months ago. None of the usual morning gym attendees looked any better or fitter since my time away. #jesuslovesme #miserylovescompany
  8. What do you mean it smells like Ocelot pee? How bourgeois is your nosehole that you can tell the difference?
  9. Went to Yuma’s Cooler Band Launch and felt as if “To Catch A Predator” had set a wide net and was waiting outside for me if I attempted to talk to any youngster.
  10. I realized I shouldve opted to seriously not be there when two children that I’ve held as babies were there. One was smoking and called me “Uncle”.  Don’t worry, He is still alive….
  11. I think that is my last band launch since waiting to see costumes at 1am when you’ve been there since 10pm just made me STEUPS and go home right afterwards.
  12. No coolers were harmed during this outing.
  13. If you going to be all thought provoking with your captions on Instagram….. Learn to spell nah!
  14. I bet you think that last comment was about you. Did you just check your last IG post before continuing?
  15. There are still “Christian” folk I grew up with that pass me straight when they see me. To them I say: Don’t worry my sins aren’t contagious, but your self righteousness gives off a really pungent smell though. It’s the smell of someone that’s not anointed or purposed. #SHAME
 
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Posted by on August 17, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, RANT

 

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DEAR ESTEBAN – OLDER

DEAR ESTEBAN – OLDER

Dear Estaban,

My friends think I need to be dating an older guy because guys my age aren’t ready for much anything else that doesn’t involve 20 toes. What are the benefits of dating an older guy?

Sincerely Musbeluvondabrain

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Dear Musbeluvondabrain,

Just a few observations to remove the clutter from my brain:

  • It’s EstEban not EstAban (do you like it when people spell your name wrong?
  • “My friends say”- How old are you? Is peer pressure still a thing for you?
  • “20 toes”?? Ummm either you had a strict religious upbringing or .. nope you grew up in a small church that was incapable of using the word “sex” without relating it to sin and destruction.
  • What kind of men are you meeting around your age that only want sex? How hot are you?
  • What age range is older to you?
  • Do you think an older man doesn’t want sex as well? All men want sex
  • Do you think an older man just needs company? Are you confusing having a pet with dating a man? Contrary to popular belief they have different needs

 

Ok… Benefits of Dating An OlderMan

  • Stimulating Intellectual Conversations
  • Discussion of ideas and concepts
  • Fulfills your “Daddy” fetish
  • Financially stable (most times)
  • Jealousy issues reduced but never disappear.
  • He will more than likely be in bed by 8/9pm.
  • Will not smell like wet dog
  • More intimacy. Hugs and kisses nad (gulp) cuddling
  • Extremely attentive ( if you like your personal space invaded)
  • Minor monetary allowances(depending on your preference)
  • Personal Driver/ Taxi (as he will want to ensure you are safe)

I’m not sure this list will do you any good as your desire to be Celibate and not (Sell A bit) will prevent you from dating a wordly man. My suggestion is that you concentrate on developing your passion and let love happen when the universe deems it time.

 

The Gospel According to Whitney Houston (2:2- 1C)

Album 2: Track 2, First Chorus says

“Tell me!

Are you really ready for love boy
Or is it just the lonely talking again

 
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Posted by on August 15, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, RANT, Relationships

 

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DEAR ESTEBAN COLUMN -Emotional Cheating


DEAR ESTEBAN
So my boyfriend accused me of “Emotional Cheating”. I told him to grow a pair. He told me to make up my mind about what I wanted from him. I’m confused. What are your thoughts?

Not A Cheater

Dear Not A Cheater,
I have so much to say to such a short note so let me start:
• From whom or where did he learn the term “emotional cheating” ?
• Did you use it on him before or has he been watching Grey’s Anatomy or “This Is Us” on television?
• “Grow a pair”- While hilarious, is tantamount to bullying and it is obvious that you beat/abuse your man.
• He is correct in wanting you to make up your mind but (because I know you) I know that is like asking the wind to blow in one direction only

ANSWER: Santa Claus, the Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot, Soucoyants, Papa Boi and Unicorns
QUESTION: What are all things I consider to be real before I believe in emotional cheating?

Emotional Cheating is a cop out and a term developed by people who are way too comfortable in a relationship and therefore don’t regularly communicate to their partners.
It is NOT a thing.
It’s for those who need a soap box to stand on to justify their shock or indignation at their partner being able to communicate to someone else.

You can never be everything to one person and asking them to only talk to you and Jesus is impractical.

On the other hand, if he or she is meeting this person in a clandestine manner, that’s still not emotional cheating. Your ASS getting HORN!

#staywoke #knowthetruth #stopwatchingshondashows#nolifetimemovieseither

 
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Posted by on August 11, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, RANT, Relationships

 

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WEEK 30 – ESTEBAN’S FINALE

WEEK 30 – ESTEBAN’S FINALE

  1. “Darkie, Lemme go in front yuh nah! . All I have is this toilet paper”

“Is that how you ask a stranger for a favor?”

“Me aint have time for this nah.”

“Well stay right behind me since you obviously have no manners”

“Steups! All dat attitude for simple pass?”

“If you don’t understand what you did wrong then I can’t help you”

“Ah can’t stand allyuh bullers yuh know”

“Because I’m asking you to have manners, I’m a buller? Well this buller aint letting you pass!”

(Crowd behind chuckles)

  • Either Trouble has magical powers or I need to get new chains as she keeps getting loose and I can’t figure out how.
  • Saw a lonely puppy in the road and opted not to adopt for two reasons. (a) I don’t want to stress out Trouble and (b) I think she might drive the puppy to suicide ( Lord knows she bullies Heff and he is resilient most times but its takes a toll on him)
  • Within the past three weeks I’ve met 5 people with degrees from DeVry University. I still remember when it was just an IT school.
  • “Food by the Pound” places are not for me. My serving hand is too heavy no matter how hard I try take smaller servings.
  • You know things are bad with you when a homeless person can tell you to reduce your salt intake in order to get rid of your water weight.
  • Even worse when said homeless person recognizes you as someone he admired from Primary School but you have no idea who he is and his name isn’t familiar.
  • I think I had way to much fun anonymously commenting on all those people who were foolhardy enough to join SARAHAH. I however didn’t make everyone’s Instagram Story-feeds. I think some were blanked out or I just wasn’t funny enough. Two hours well spent. Heh heh heh heh heh *rubs palms together…
  • I’m not sure if the “Summer Movie Season” has started. I haven’t felt compelled to go weekly to see a movie as in years passed. Can’t see myself rushing to see Dunkirk.
  • Stared at a former co-worker like she was a freshly baked Coconut Bake with melted cheese. She didn’t appreciate the comparison until I explained to her how delectable such a combination is in the minds of most people.
  • Was invited to a take a short trip with a group of people I barely know but I opted to stay home for mental health reasons. The preservation of mine…
  • It’s always interesting when people who delete me from their Facebook profile try to send me a friend request and say “ deleted in error”. Umm you were sure when Facebook asked you twice before unfriending me, so what happen now? #foreverpetty #steups #missmewiththisBS
  • My Nikon D90 is on its last legs. I can feel the difference in its operation and the hesitation when I’m trying to snap a quick picture
  • Why do people expect me to get them birthday presents when they don’t even give me a “dinner mint” for mine. BTW if you give me a mint for my birthday, know full well you are getting the same one back on your day.

 

This is my last Weekly Chronicle for 2017. I thought I could keep up with it but my life just isn’t as interesting as I thought it was.

So keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!

 

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WEEK 29 – ESTEBAN’S WEEK IN SONG

WEEK 29 – ESTEBAN’S WEEK IN SONG

  1. SUPERSTITION: I don’t get the 9 Nights thing and why you gotta put a candle or two in the road in front my house. Are you lighting the dead’s way to where? My house?
  2. DO YOU THINK I’M SEXY?: The answer is always “Yes” especially when in a crowd of women even when you think differently. #savealife #mine
  3. STEAL MY SUNSHINE: My attempt to go to the beach every day this week but ….
  4. RAIN: How my week off can be summed up in song….
  5. SABOTAGE: Uber driver telling me he is cancelling the trip as he can’t find my house when he is right in front of it but visibly has another passenger in his car.
  6. ALL I REALLY WANT: The winning Lotto Numbers and probably a good and reliable mason.
  7. DESPACITO: Must I hear this song EVERYWHERE I go???
  8. OUTSIDE: When you really need to pee but the house is locked up and you feel it coming down and the keys are in the car.
  9. THAT’S WHAT I LIKE: Song makes me dance especially after seeing the video when I know I’m that black guy with very little coordination and rhythm.
  10. LAND OF CONFUSION: When you are leaving “Stumblin” at 1:30am on a Thursday, but people still coming into the spot. Don’t you people have work in the Morning?
  11. FOOL OF ME: Assuming I can wake up one morning and decide to take a flight to Tobago for the day…
  12. JAMMETTE: Seeing Trouble in the road while driving home and seeing her try to beat you back to house. #bringoutthejammetteiname
  13. CONFESSIONS: I miss travelling by maxi taxi and all those passenger/driver conversations . #saidmenever #noeh
  14. MADNESS: A Hotel Taxi Driver telling me that it costs $180 to go from Movietowne POS to Diego Martin and trying to explain to my why paying this cost is better than using UBER, DROP or A regular taxi.
  15. INSANE IN THE BRAIN: I agreed to go to another cooler fete band launch. #savemefrommyself
 
 

WEEK 27–ESTEBAN’S SQUINT!

WEEK 27–ESTEBAN’S SQUINT!

  1. Week 27 and still not a Lotto winner. Off to work I go. Jesus, it seems you are really insistent on me working hard for everything I have? #patienceisvirtue
  2. If you are over 35 and you are telling me you going Wi-Fi silent, it means you have no data plan. At your age? Come now! #imjudgingyouopenly #judgeing #judgedread #postpaid #stopbeingcheap
  3. Cleaned the oven this weekend and realized that those oven cleaner fumes are potent. Think I knocked out for a five minutes on the floor of the kitchen.
  4. When you go drinking on a Saturday night and after your 3rd drink you stop because (a) your tolerance level is low (b) People started to look cute and (c) you started to feel chatty. Should’ve had Malta instead. #lightweight
  5. Dear Massy Stores, I don’t opt to pay your higher prices on food stuff so that I could pack my own groceries and tote it all to the car. Get your act together! #massystores #lazy
  6. So one part Heineken Beer and two parts Coke = Green Sands. Let’s see….Attempt Number 9 – when did I finish the Coke? I think I have an alcohol problem. Thanks eh Gerard Morton!
  7. .Nitpicking causes me to shut down. If I have reviewed something thoroughly and someone asks for cosmetic changes, I don’t do it. I’m over the document and have moved on.
  8. I’m ignoring the disrespectful people who asking how did Trouble do for SEA. She is doing SEA next year people!!
  9. While I try to stay out of politics, all I want to say is: Shouldn’t a Deputy Political Leader of a Party know better or understand the importance of Protocol?
  10. I find it rude and offensive when my main and back up toilets in the office are in use by other people. I’ve spent too much time gathering data on their locations in relation to my bowel movements for BOTH to be occupied at the SAME time. People are so insensitive!
  11. Is it a local conspiracy that if you order Beef on a pizza from ANY pizza place, they are so stingy with it that you have to search for the meat on the pizza like search for some politicians’ integrity? What going on? Why you doing it?
  12. I think I officially gave up on the Facebook Tests after they told me that I was 100% Indian and that my calling is to be a Pastor. Umm not even if I can recite Kanchan and Babla ultimate song “Kuch Gadbad Hai” and “Robobobo Shatai “with the best of them means this stuff is true.
  13. TRUTH: I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I kinda still don’t know but I fell into certain fields that gave me opportunities beyond my reach.
  14. So KFC’s Smoke N Fire Chicken may not be spicy going in but coming out the other end…..Well Let’s just say I asked/pleaded for Divine Intervention.
  15. This is the end of the first week of July and TN AUTO still does not have my car ready. I am thinking of Legal Action at this point. No one is this slow intentionally!
 
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Posted by on July 7, 2017 in Emotions, Food, Humor, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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WEEK 26 – ESTEBAN AND THE JETS!


  1. I’m always amazed when people compare a dining experience at Bootleggers to that of TGIF or Ruby Tuesday. I always correct them that the latter are dining experiences and the former is an institutionalized form of torture.
  2. Every morning I get up just to see if my yard has been destroyed by those two dogs. Somedays are better than others.
  3. I always get confused when my neighbour goes from blasting gospel music when she is cleaning her car to blasting “dancehall” afterwards. I don’t think she or her husband haven’t heard a new song since 2000.
  4. Had some Curry Goat on Monday and believed I tasted “stay home” in it. It was way too good to be a normal pot of curry.
  5. Someone messaged me that her family was going to “Sellebea” for the long weekend. I fought every fibre of my being not respond to this and therefore I had to go lie down as I had a headache.
  6. I applaud business people at every turn especially those who provide food to the masses like me who are culinary impaired; but $45 per pound of CHINESE FOOD and it’s not inclusive of Crispy Skin Pork!!! MADNESS! #robsomebodyelse #notmymoney #
  7. Either my feed is highly sanitized or my friends need to cleanse their friends’ list. Nobody in my FB feed mad to talk about boycott. How they eating?
  8. My actual list of friends are like my grandmother’s teeth: few and far between. #leffmeh #leavemealone #friendbookfull
  9. I think an Uber driver on Tuesday night tried a fast one on me to earn more money by missing my turn off and feigning ignorance. Yuh can’t play ignorant when the “kiss meh ass” Waze map next to you recalculating. He got 1 star rating with one stink comment afterwards.
  10. The reason I haven’t been renting a car all this time is because (a) they not cheap, (b) every week is a new story with TN Auto #dreamsellers and  (c) I’m cheap.
  11. Spent Wednesday with an auditorium full of primary and secondary children and realized that teaching is truly a higher calling. So many personalities being coordinated by one person and you can’t strangle or lay healing hands on them. #notforme #iwouldmakeahjailalready #trueheroes #highercalling #wedaymoments #weday #wemovement
  12. It’s not that I’m not serious about my weight loss and healthy living; I’m just trying to decide if I want to be a light snack or a healthy main course instead of just being an “All You Can Eat”/ “Buffet” Special. #dietchallenges
  13. I still don’t get people who have to try and sample EVERY item in these “Food by the Pound” estalbishments. Jesus! Yuh here almost everyday, move faster! Picking up one piece of fried plantain or 3 grains of macaroni salad makes sense to you? #needtothintheherd #patienceneeded #hungrymanissues
  14. KARMA??? – Was told on Thursday that a car would be made available to me until my vehicle is ready. The only car available for use….. A WINGROAD! #GODhasasenseofhumor #jesuslaughinghard #imnotamused
 

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