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Category Archives: Fitness

WEEK 26 – ESTEBAN AND THE JETS!


  1. I’m always amazed when people compare a dining experience at Bootleggers to that of TGIF or Ruby Tuesday. I always correct them that the latter are dining experiences and the former is an institutionalized form of torture.
  2. Every morning I get up just to see if my yard has been destroyed by those two dogs. Somedays are better than others.
  3. I always get confused when my neighbour goes from blasting gospel music when she is cleaning her car to blasting “dancehall” afterwards. I don’t think she or her husband haven’t heard a new song since 2000.
  4. Had some Curry Goat on Monday and believed I tasted “stay home” in it. It was way too good to be a normal pot of curry.
  5. Someone messaged me that her family was going to “Sellebea” for the long weekend. I fought every fibre of my being not respond to this and therefore I had to go lie down as I had a headache.
  6. I applaud business people at every turn especially those who provide food to the masses like me who are culinary impaired; but $45 per pound of CHINESE FOOD and it’s not inclusive of Crispy Skin Pork!!! MADNESS! #robsomebodyelse #notmymoney #
  7. Either my feed is highly sanitized or my friends need to cleanse their friends’ list. Nobody in my FB feed mad to talk about boycott. How they eating?
  8. My actual list of friends are like my grandmother’s teeth: few and far between. #leffmeh #leavemealone #friendbookfull
  9. I think an Uber driver on Tuesday night tried a fast one on me to earn more money by missing my turn off and feigning ignorance. Yuh can’t play ignorant when the “kiss meh ass” Waze map next to you recalculating. He got 1 star rating with one stink comment afterwards.
  10. The reason I haven’t been renting a car all this time is because (a) they not cheap, (b) every week is a new story with TN Auto #dreamsellers and  (c) I’m cheap.
  11. Spent Wednesday with an auditorium full of primary and secondary children and realized that teaching is truly a higher calling. So many personalities being coordinated by one person and you can’t strangle or lay healing hands on them. #notforme #iwouldmakeahjailalready #trueheroes #highercalling #wedaymoments #weday #wemovement
  12. It’s not that I’m not serious about my weight loss and healthy living; I’m just trying to decide if I want to be a light snack or a healthy main course instead of just being an “All You Can Eat”/ “Buffet” Special. #dietchallenges
  13. I still don’t get people who have to try and sample EVERY item in these “Food by the Pound” estalbishments. Jesus! Yuh here almost everyday, move faster! Picking up one piece of fried plantain or 3 grains of macaroni salad makes sense to you? #needtothintheherd #patienceneeded #hungrymanissues
  14. KARMA??? – Was told on Thursday that a car would be made available to me until my vehicle is ready. The only car available for use….. A WINGROAD! #GODhasasenseofhumor #jesuslaughinghard #imnotamused
 

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WEEK 24 – ESTEBAN IS FROM MARS


  1. I think the 30 minute wait for a roti at Don’s should be declared a criminal offence. You must know your daily traffic and volumes by now to fix this problem! But OOOOH the roti tasted GOOD!
  2. Saw the video from Mad Cobra’s “Flex” in a taxi on Saturday night. The driver had a tablet built into his Nissan Sentra dashboard for passenger viewing. I had forgotten how boring that video was.
  3. Had two people, on separate occasions, point out afterwards that the respective cashiers were flirting with me. While I’m so oblivious to most flirting episodes directed me; in hindsight,  I realised that my food orders  on both occasions didn’t reflect any ounce of favoritism. #theywerejustbeingpolite #imeasylikesundaymorning #iputoutforfood
  4. So Trouble has been bullying Heff since his arrival. On Sunday night, they had a fight (Instigated by Trouble, of course) and lo and behold Heff pinned Trouble to the ground briefly and she was in shock. I gave Heff the biggest hug and rub belly for that move. #proudpapa #saynotobullies
  5. Apparently Maxi Drivers don’t take too kindly when you go into another Maxi when they were apparently waiting for you. It’s only been a few weeks, why this man assuming a special friendship? It’s only $5 we are exchanging daily and mild small talk.
  6. I think I bring out the crazy in people. It may be dormant but somehow interacting with me activates this “tick”.
  7. The shock and awe when you realise the Award Winning Actor from 12 Years A Slave, & Doctor Strange (Mordo) – Chiwetel Ejiofor played the Drag Queen Lola in the Movie Kinky Boots.
  8. I’m not gaining weight, however over this week, two of my work trousers ripped in the back. I’m guessing that fitted trouser look is not for me.
  9. Sat in the front passenger seat of a Left Hand Drive Taxi and a Traffic Police officer in St James shouted at me to get off my phone. I stared at him and said “ Do you see a steering wheel near me?”. He tried to give me a “bounce” to try to diffuse the situation.
  10. Benetton staff no longer insult me about not having my size when I go shopping there. This development confuses my low self-esteem. Any recommendations for clothing store that insults their customers?
  11. I was challenged by someone (based on my Sports’ post) to “quit my bitching and man up”. Strange though, since he is the one in Family Court for Child Maintenance.
  12. Saw a woman moisturizing her leg outside the entrance of Rituals St Clair with the Jergens bottle on the table who told me to mind my business as I passed. “Oh so sorry, didn’t realise this was your bedroom!” She let out one scandalous laugh. I wasn’t moved to join in.
  13. People have been asking me if I’m willing to adopt another dog. As a single parent, I cannot afford another one especially since Trouble needs to see a Psychologist and Heff needs to be enrolled in a Sports Camp or gym (that dog lazy!!!).
  14. Little Caesar’s Pizza in Valsayn isn’t bad at all. Wings are cheaper and bigger than those you get at …………….. The pizza is ready in less than 10 mins and it’s not as oily as ……………… or as rubbery as.………… (fill in the gaps)
  15. My PS3 has given me the yellow light of death after 6 years of faithful use. No flowers by request. Monetary donations will accepted and will be forwarded to its favorite charity. ME!!!
 
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Posted by on June 16, 2017 in Emotions, Fitness, Food, Humor, Movies, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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Spread your Hands……


And Let gooooooooooo……………Hand in de air everybody!!

Ah music!!

Call it what you want:

  • Mid life crisis
  • Lapse in judgement
  • Backsliding, or
  • Meds wearing off

It doesn’t matter. I decided last year, at the prompting of some friends, to play Carnival (mas) for the first time in *cough*cough*cough* (sorry) years. In case you couldn’t make out how long it was since I last played mas; let’s just put it this way, when I did, there used to be a band called Poison. Nuff Said!

Anyway, for those who have started praying for my soul and gossiping about what I am doing, let’s clear the air:

  • Jesus and I are fine
  • I know what I’m doing
  • I have always been responsible for MY actions
  • I needed a goal.

There!!

Now that those issues are out of the way, let me say “I had a BLAST!!”or as the uneducated masses tout “It was BESS!!” Who knew that being on your feet for over 8 hours a day could be so much fun and contribute to so much weight loss and toning. I recommend anyone trying to lose weight to try this special two day weight loss program. You don’t necessarily have to wine down to the ground like you have no owner, but keep moving for the entire period while remaining hydrated and I assure you that the pounds will fall off.

It is only on Carnival Tuesday mid-day did it dawned on me that this is why most vagrants in Trinidad are “ripped”. They walk all day. Who knew!

I digress. So I played mas with Fantasy in the section called Rio Azul and I had a really good time. The process of deciding to play mas came about as I needed to set goals for myself for my weight loss. From April to August 2012, I was working out with my trainer and I had not lost a single pound and it was frustrating me to no end. When some friends came up with the idea for me to play mas with them, I realised that I found a goal. I found a reason to ensure that I stuck to what I needed to do.

And so it began. Results weren’t as forthcoming as I had hoped but somehow in December, the weight started to drop off. In January, my trainer said: No Carbs, No Sugar!” I obeyed (well as much as I could) and I saw some improvement.  Can you imagine me going to all-inclusive fetes and all I dared to eat was meat and veggies? No curried dumplings, no doubles, no fries, no pasta, no (gulp) roti! It was difficult but for some reason I kept hearing my trainer in my head whenever I would go near to carbs and the thought that he might give me harder exercises for eating carbs made me stay clear. Sigh ..it didn’t matter anyway, the bastard still had me sweating up a storm during each session! There was no let up in sight.

Carnival Friday came and I collected my costume and then the fear set in. I was going to be bareback on the road for all to see. Anyone who knows me, knows that to take off my t-shirt on a beach requires a small ritual involving breathing and me taking off my shirt and running into the water as fast as possible before anyone sees me. (as if they could miss a hippo running on the beach!. Yes, yes, I do possess some measure of body shame.

Normally, while looking in the mirror in my apartment, I approved of how my body looks, however, my eyes seem to get distorted when I looked at it on Carnival Tuesday morning when the costume was donned. BTW -I am still trying to find the root of all these body issues within my mind. I may have to undergo hypnotherapy to find out! 

First pose in Apartment

First pose in Apartment

Internally I started to scream and I grabbed a vest quickly to cover up my perceived “tut tuts” and belly.  I also had issues with the fact that my section was called Rio Azul but the pants for my costume were blu-ish purple with pink rings. It looked as if the band didn’t care about this section at all and just threw together whatever they had left over from last year.  .

Anyway, the vest never made it to the car and I took my “fat” self to meet my friends and head to the band.

The first hour in the road with my body exposed seemed like an eternity. I was panicking internally and smiling outside but overall I was just fidgety. It felt like I was watching “The Hours” all over again but this time the Nicole Kidman’s character took an exceedingly longer time to change her facial expressions and Julianne Moore’s character!Good Lord that movie was long!! ..

Between the THREE HOUR wait on Charlotte Street that the band made me endure coupled with them having being NO BREAKFAST for the masqueraders, I stopped fussing over my body and weight issues and started to concentrate on other stuff.

I can't look at this one!

I can’t look at this one!

It is amazing how much of yourself you have to deal with when you don’t have a camera to distract you. Oh wait! I did have a camera! A small point and shoot Panasonic Lumix with the battery life of an AA Eveready!

So I began snapping pictures and fear subsided and I stopped having the urge to pull in my stomach when I walked. When the damn camera battery died, I resorted to jumping and dancing and making new friends in the band. Some women weren’t as welcoming but the few who were seemed to take to me like white on rice. A good time was had.

In the end, I stopped fussing over a lot of things and just had a good time in the band. I ignored:

  • the long wait on a smelly street,
  • the fact that we did not cross the stage,
  • the lack of breakfast (3 months earlier and I may have staged a protest for this one),
  • the uneducated staff on the “Drinks” trucks that perceived that whenever you asked for a drink you wanted Johnny Walker! (Sigh….we as a people are in a mess when it comes to drinking!)
  • the costume that kept falling apart, and
  • the speed at which some of the music trucks moved – this negro was not running behind anything after being on his feet for the whole day.

I laughed and danced so much on those two days with my friends that whatever troubled me was so not an issue. It made me realise that I fuss over nothing and I do allow too many people and their opinions to rent space in my head for free!

While Carnival may be considered the “devil’s work and playground”, it provided much needed therapy for me in terms of clearing my head and understanding that one can have a good time, sober (reasonably) and just being amongst friends.

There are rumors that I may have been seen dancing on a street sign/ pole or two but since I have no recollection of this, (and the fact that no pictures have surfaced), I believe these things to be lies from observers looking to tarnish my good name and character. Plus they were probably drunk.

Fun Times!!

Fun Times!!

Ash Wednesday met me in work without any pain in my body or tiredness. For this, I must thank my trainer, Stefan Charles, as I really don’t think my body would’ve recovered so well had he not been torturing it for three days in every week leading up to it.

As of today, I weight 218 lbs and I am proud of it. While I think the 20 pounds lost is a lot, I would like a tighter firmer body and so I begin the gym again from today.

My new goal for an improved body is now geared towards Tobago Jazz Festival (April 22-28th), so wish me luck!

Me thinks, turning 40 has either set me into panic mode about my life or it is just forcing me to have a little more fun than I normally do. Whatever is happening, I embrace it!

How was your Carnival period?

 
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Posted by on February 18, 2013 in Entertainment, Fitness, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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Run And Tell That!


I find myself searching for challenges lately and so, on Wednesday 5th September 2012, I decided to register for a 5K race on Sunday 9th September (at 6AM) that was being partially sponsored by my employer.  I discussed it with my personal and a couple people (10 people actually) who all agreed that I should try it out and get to understand my fitness level.

I had never attempted any kind of long distance race before and despite having run around the savannah a couple times in my life, I felt the task would be daunting. I was scared.

Scared because everyone kept talking about how easy a “5K” race is and that my time should be around 25 minutes max. Eh? Do people realise that the only running I do is “running my mouth”? Under 25 minutes? Dey mad yes!!.

5K Race Course

 

I felt pressured to be good but I knew that my time around that course would not be so low. I wanted to back out. I was not ready and I wasn’t ready to take on a race that might see people pass me like a “full bus” while I struggled to breathe and get to the end.

Yup the fear of uncertainty was stinging clear and I was partially embracing it.

By Friday I had gone to the gym in the morning and played tennis that afternoon and the fear of the race still hadn’t left. I felt unfit, ill-prepared and unsure. 

On Saturday, I found myself in the gym again and this time I did 20 minutes cross training on the elliptical machine followed by 15 minutes on the treadmill.  I only ran for 5 minutes on the treadmill and walked for most of the other 10 minutes. I wasn’t ready. My mind however wasn’t feeling that bad and so I knew I was determined to do the race.

On Sunday, I got up around 5:30am and got dressed and left the house. I had my iPod slapped onto my arm and I had made a playlist called “Running” which I hoped would help me focus while I did it.

I got there and the race didn’t start until about 50 minutes later than expected. That was ok. It gave me a chance to stretch, survey my competition, suck my teeth at other people’s ridiculous fitness levels and also reassure myself that I was not in competition with anyone so I just needed to “chill out” and just pace myself. Some people were already “vamping at that hour of the morning but everyone seems geared up for it. They were ready. I was trying to calm myself.

They called everyone for the two races (5K and 15K) that they were running and so I went to the designated starting area. Adrenaline pumping and me, bouncing slightly to keep my anxiety at bay. I saw a whole bunch of unfit people all cramming to the fornt of the line while some seasoned runners were rolling their eyes at the chaos that would result from this. Then the starter went off. and my Ipod began to play….

Commander –Kelly Roland (Time:3:39)

I was ok at this point. I was trying to establish proper breathing as I ran down St. Clair avenue to turn by St Clair Medical Hospital. I was not in the lead or near the lead pack but I was pacing myself and trying to breathe at regular intervals. I had to keep reminding myself not to go too fast otherwise I would burn out quickly

Commander – Kelly Rowland (Time: 3:39)

As I passed the St Clair Tennis Courts, I made the song repeat as I felt I was establishing a rhythm with it.  I was now running consistently and not trying to take over anyone but concentrate on what I was doing. As I rounded the corner I realised that I had to jog up a slight incline. It was hear that I started to feel the burn and when  I got to the stop I started to walk. The incline had taken a lot out of me. By the time I crossed by Stollmeyer’s Castle over to the Savannah, I tried to return to running but my calves were in pain, so I walked some more.

Bet I – B.O.B (Time:4.17)

I started back running but much slower during this song and at one point I put the song on hold as I felt it was just noise now and not helping me .  I locked on to a lady who had overtaken me and so I began to run behind her hoping to model her pattern and keep a pace.  The damn woman speeded up and I could not match her and so around President’s House, I began to walk again.

Toxic – Britney Spears (Time:3:24)

Tightrope – Janelle Monae (Time:4.22)

Music is a blur at this point. I can’t hear it. Breathing is too erratic. Trying to jog slower but can’t. People are passing me in drones. Three fat people have sped passed me and I have no desire to even catch up to them.  As I reach near Citibank, I am still walking with intermittent running.

Funhouse – Pink (Time:3:24)

A fat guy just passed me as I am walking and he is jogging at a near crawl. WTH!!! I begin to run again as I insist that he CANNOT beat me to the finish line. This burst of speed results in me running til I got close to NAPA. I started a slow trot as I came upon someone handing out water.

Just Like A Pill – Pink (Time3:56)

Wow!! My first water during a race. I wasn’t thirsty at all but everyone says to take small sips as it helps to keep your body from dehydrating. Why did I pick this Pink song?

I continue to trot and I keep noticing the other runners are throwing almost full bottles of water to the roadside after barely taking one sip. What a waste!! Who has to clean that up? An Indian girl in a pink and purple outfit has just run passed me. .. Run…just as fast as I can..

 

Don’t Let Me Get Me – Pink (Time:3:30)

At this point, I find the water bottle is too much to hold and so I discard it near The Ministry of Foreign Affairs building  Knowsley. I feel slightly guilty and I start to walk at this point.

Let Me Think About It: Ida Corr vs. Fredde Le Grande (Time: 2:40)

I continue to walk until I get to Sagicor. I have overtaken the Indian girl in pink and purple twice so far but everytime I do it she runs ahead of me and then begins to walk again. What is her story? Oh wait!! Could it be that I am that individual she has determined should not beat her? OH Lord I am her “fat” person!!

Fat boy has also passed me at this point but my walk is steady.

Before I reach the turn, I see a work colleague, Joel, who has already finished the race in a time of 21 mins. He looks at me and says,

Pump It – Black Eyed Peas (Time: Unknown)

“Boy stop walking and RUN to the finish line!! It is right there!”

And so with that I take off around the corner leaving pink and purple girl and fat boy in my dust.

I thought I left Joel back at the top where he met me but He was actually running alongside me and as I reached the QRC roundabout he kept shouting:

“SPRINT, SPRINT, SPRINT to the finish line!!!! Yuh almost there!!”

And so I did.

I ran as fast as I could. I ran as if free Krispy Kreme donuts were on the other side of the finish line!!

My time as I looked up: 33:38

I crossed the finish line and smiled to myself.

I DID IT!!

I ran a race and thanks to Joel, that last sprint made me feel alive!

It didn’t take me long to catch my breath after and to realise that my joints weren’t in as much pain as I thought.  I realise that I had psyched myself out somewhere along the course and “bad mind” didn’t kick in and so I delayed myself. I should have finished under 30mins. I could have finished faster.

 

It doesn’t matter now. I was actually proud of myself for completing the race. It felt really good to do it.  Who knew exercise could feel this good?

I didn’t stick around much longer at the event. I got home and told myself that I would get some rest. I wasn’t sleepy or tired. Instead I did a whole bunch of stuff around the house and then went to Pricesmart for groceries.

Hmm I wonder if I should try to run the course at 6am this Sunday?

Look I am all for initiative but getting out of bed at that hour again seems impossible but I will try.

Wish me luck!!

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2012 in Emotions, Fitness, Music

 

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Edge of Glory….


I promised myself this year (no not a resolution) that I would stop obsessing about my weight.

I have spent the greater part of the last decade talking about my alleged man-boobs (aka tut tuts); my inability to fit into size 36 trousers;  my ability to ignore the salad bar at any restaurant and my complete refusal to ever wear a size XL T-shirt (unless I bought it at Benetton).  I have dieted, pretended to diet, joined exercise programs, bought Exercise DVDs that eventually were given away as presents (Yes you got them in good condition, so HUSH!!),  exercised like a beast, lost weight, put back on weight and you know what? Nothing… absolutely nothing happened.

I remember in about 2007/8, I had lost a lot of weight and some “Precious”-esque woman had accused me of starving myself. Eh? Me starve? No way!! .I did however exercise a lot during that time but it just wasn’t sustainable in the long run. .It never is… Healthy eating, moderation and the “alleged” small portions theory have all been used. They may work in the short run but are they sustainable? For me?..NOPE!!!

The problem with that period is that. I had given up way too much during that time. Peanut Butter, Cheese, Bread, Pasta, Fried Food, Rice etc were all gone from the diet. I had stripped myself of everything I loved/ liked and opted for (gulp!) Oatmeal, Beans, Salad and Chicken Breast!! Those were dark times, I still recall going into restaurants with friends and just ordering salad or meat only without any oil, or dressing and steamed vegetables. Oh Geed!!! Who eats like that on purpose (except the British!!).

Dark times indeed. I remember I was trying to impress a girl I thought was “The ONE” . We can call her Katie C. and  no the C is not for Courageous! So do you think my weight loss worked in my favour with her? Oh hell no! She regarded me as a “friend”. A stinking friend that she couldn’t “kiss meh ass” do without calling every fricking minute of the #%@%$#$ day  and asking me to sleep over as “friends”. STEUPS!! That  @#%##!&*) knew what she was doing, but NO I was wrong, I didn’t get it. We were just FRIENDS!!! 

NOW I realise what “The ONE” meant, “THE ONE THAT SATAN SENT!!!”

…………………………….…

…………………………….…

…………………………………………..….

 

Ok I just need a minute there. (exhales)

Ok Better!!

Where was I?

Ok yeah, I can become slightly manic about losing weight. I would join and quit gyms in a heartbeat and my list of excuses for not using them were long and winded (like me on a treadmill after 3 minutes). Some of the reasons were actually valid, most weren’t. They just provided me with excuses for why I am the way I am.  And there is nothing wrong with excuses, that is until some child rubs your belly like Buddha and falls asleep on it.

I like Me.  I really like who  I am!!

And since there’s no choice I am sure I and Me agree!

There’s nobody better, smarter, nicer, sweeter.

Don’t you see than me!!

No, I am not in denial. People (by people I mean the skinny, the hungry and the ab-riddled bastards) keep making reference to my need to slim down but I just don’t see it. I am not one of those heavy breathing/ really sweaty creatures they describe. Yes, my lips will never pass up the chance at cake and let’s not even get into Peshwari Naan, but I just don’t feel like a main cast member on Mike & Molly.

Yes, I will admit that I do need to lose some weight. We all do when we get up to my age in the scheme of things but how and when I do will be a function of my drive at the time.

The key for me is MOTIVATION. As we glimpsed earlier, I had the wrong motivation and well it didn’t work!  The motivation has to come from ME!!.  Over the past few months, I have been going to the gym and enjoying small victories. The mere fact that I pay monthly fees  and they still see me two to three times a week is a major accomplishment in itself.

I go mainly for cardio, as I need to built up stamina and until I find a good Personal Trainer, I’ll use what is at my disposal at present for help.

So folks, join me in celebrating who we are.

I am not going to be one of those people on “The Biggest Loser” or some diet themed show, nor am I going to be a “Before and After” picture on an Infomercial. I am just going to concentrate on good health and nice living. Keeping the stress factor down is important and I’ve been doing a good job at that.

So here’s to no more blogs on weight (unless I’m mocking other people’s weight ).

 Sigh.. This will be a tough year!!!

 
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Posted by on January 11, 2012 in Entertainment, Fitness

 

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Truth Is…


In the quest to become less overweight or to be classified something better than Obese Category 1 by a BMI Calculator, I embarked on a diet and exercise program. Diets aren’t really my think as I eat relatively healthy and have a lot of fibre in my diet etc.

Alas, I eat too much and at weird times. I know the fitness gurus tell you that your last meal should be around 6pm or for the latest 7pm but really……these skinny bastards obviously don’t go out to dinner nor do they have some measure of a social life other than the gym. While eating late, I will avoid heavy foods like pasta etc, but if I  am hungry, I will eat ah food!

Sigh.. story of my life…eating….

So in the vein of cleansing the body of toxins, I’m here to confess my chubby boy sins/ quirks (as i don’t think they are that sinful)….

This is not asking for your forgiveness or judgement (which you will give anyway) but just to let you know the things that normal people do.

Chubby Boy Confessions

    1. I get weak for Peshwari Naan
    2. Me love “Apsara” with all my chickens!
    3. Chicken is a Vegatable
    4. I refuse to eat Lima beans (I was beaten to eat them so no more)
    5. I dislike Good Friday because of this memory
    6. I can resist doubles but not cheese pies
    7. Cheese bread (pao de queijo) is a magnificent creation by Brazilians (It’s like buttah!!)
    8. Drinking a lot of water dilutes the sugar content from cake/ice cream (leave me alone with my delusions)
    9. Know Restaurant Menus after one visit
    10. Rarely orders something different at restaurants (unless trying to impress someone)
    11. TGIF’s Shanghai Chicken Salad is a winner (for me)
    12. Peanut Butter will ALWAYS be on my diet.
    13. I rarely have desert after a meal
    14. Desert can be a meal for me
    15. Cake….Cake….sigh Carrot cake from Rituals always hits the spot.
    16. I don’t share it.
    17. Will have pasta any day over rice (yuck!).
    18. However, a mean pelau will win any day of the week!
    19. Fucelli pasta…..
    20. Each country I have visited/lived normally has at least one dish/item that I must eat when I make a return visit.
    21. I miss Living Water Community’s Lasagne! (Excellent but way too oily!)
    22. I scorn anyone who has to put ketchup and mustard on a pizza. (Savages!)
    23. If you recommend XXL clothing to me and it is not followed by “Our sizes are smaller than normal sizes” then you are in line for a beat down.
    24. I am a tad racist when it comes to the purchase/consumption of certain foods from local eating establishments. (Not when it comes fine dining or eating at someone’s home though)
    25. I make no apologies for my use of condensed milk for my coffee. It’s the only thing additive that doesn’t bring on bowel movements.
    26. I use a tablespoon full for my coffee. (Don’t judge me!)
    27. I only have one cup a day.
    28. A whole rotisserie chicken is nothing to consume in one sitting.
    29. Nor is a family size pizza
    30. I don’t do that anymore (I get comatose – ethnic fatigue at an unbearable level)
    31. My cooking skills are limited.
    32. My ability to place an order food is finely tuned.
    33. I always have food containers in my car trunk. (Just in case)
    34. And a jersey or two for moments where I may perspire more than usual.
    35. .I rarely eat from strangers. Go figure!!

And. that’s the story of Bert’s blanket….

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2011 in Fitness, Food, Humor

 

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Muscles (The Prayer Edition)


Dear God,
Normally I try not to burden you with these minor requests/prayers since I know there are people praying for far more important things, like healing from sickness, end to war, food for their children, a home or safe delivery of their baby, or end to their poverty etc…. but Lord I need your help here.

I thought about asking my friends to help me find a solution but in the end I think that dealing with you directly might help matters. Divine intervention always move things along speedily and sometimes a solution jumps out at you when none existed before. So while my request is not at the top of the prayer line nor even in the top 500,000 requests….here it is:

“De belly not going down. What to do?”

Yes, I know that I can’t expect miracles overnight and it has only been 3 weeks but I see and feel no change in anything. My diet has changed, I have eaten very little bread at all and there is no late night eating despite the gripping hunger that sets in around 10pm. So what is really going on? Ok Ok the potato salad, rice and baked chicken by Cindy on Saturday didn’t help, nor did the food from Creole kitchen (sans macaroni pie) on Sunday but hey I have been good otherwise.

Oh and Lord, I know you are going to ask about the Personal Trainer but you know that I made alot of bad decisions and well he counts as a really bad one. I have tried to be understanding when he tells me he can’t make it Wednesday to Friday because of class at UWI (far be it for me to deny someone an education). I even suggested he leave a work-out plan with me for the time he is not there but he says he prefers if he is there to supervise me on the machines. Eh? We both know that doesn’t happen when he is there as he is also doing his own work-out on other machines when he assigns me. So what am I do?

Actually Lord, I did get your very subtle message/hint about him on Saturday when you got him to text me, out of the blue, to ask for a $400 loan so that it may contribute to his wisdom teeth extraction fund. I, of course assumed it was a slight advance on next month’s training fees but when he announced that he won’t be able to train me for at least two weeks when the teeth come out, I wondered if I was being “Punk’d”.

Am I Lord being Punk’d or will there be a solution to my problem?

What lesson are you teaching me here that I didn’t/haven’t learned already?

Why are you being so harsh on me? I know you taught me to love my body and I do but I still look as if I am in my second trimester and it is no longer funny.

Was it you who sent Natalie Bell Smythe to tap my belly this morning?

Not nice eh but I got the message loud and clear.

So Heavenly Father, I ask for your guidance and for a sign as to what is my next step.

HELP!

Thank you Lord….AMEN

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2011 in Fitness, Food, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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