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WEEK 24 – ESTEBAN IS FROM MARS


  1. I think the 30 minute wait for a roti at Don’s should be declared a criminal offence. You must know your daily traffic and volumes by now to fix this problem! But OOOOH the roti tasted GOOD!
  2. Saw the video from Mad Cobra’s “Flex” in a taxi on Saturday night. The driver had a tablet built into his Nissan Sentra dashboard for passenger viewing. I had forgotten how boring that video was.
  3. Had two people, on separate occasions, point out afterwards that the respective cashiers were flirting with me. While I’m so oblivious to most flirting episodes directed me; in hindsight,  I realised that my food orders  on both occasions didn’t reflect any ounce of favoritism. #theywerejustbeingpolite #imeasylikesundaymorning #iputoutforfood
  4. So Trouble has been bullying Heff since his arrival. On Sunday night, they had a fight (Instigated by Trouble, of course) and lo and behold Heff pinned Trouble to the ground briefly and she was in shock. I gave Heff the biggest hug and rub belly for that move. #proudpapa #saynotobullies
  5. Apparently Maxi Drivers don’t take too kindly when you go into another Maxi when they were apparently waiting for you. It’s only been a few weeks, why this man assuming a special friendship? It’s only $5 we are exchanging daily and mild small talk.
  6. I think I bring out the crazy in people. It may be dormant but somehow interacting with me activates this “tick”.
  7. The shock and awe when you realise the Award Winning Actor from 12 Years A Slave, & Doctor Strange (Mordo) – Chiwetel Ejiofor played the Drag Queen Lola in the Movie Kinky Boots.
  8. I’m not gaining weight, however over this week, two of my work trousers ripped in the back. I’m guessing that fitted trouser look is not for me.
  9. Sat in the front passenger seat of a Left Hand Drive Taxi and a Traffic Police officer in St James shouted at me to get off my phone. I stared at him and said “ Do you see a steering wheel near me?”. He tried to give me a “bounce” to try to diffuse the situation.
  10. Benetton staff no longer insult me about not having my size when I go shopping there. This development confuses my low self-esteem. Any recommendations for clothing store that insults their customers?
  11. I was challenged by someone (based on my Sports’ post) to “quit my bitching and man up”. Strange though, since he is the one in Family Court for Child Maintenance.
  12. Saw a woman moisturizing her leg outside the entrance of Rituals St Clair with the Jergens bottle on the table who told me to mind my business as I passed. “Oh so sorry, didn’t realise this was your bedroom!” She let out one scandalous laugh. I wasn’t moved to join in.
  13. People have been asking me if I’m willing to adopt another dog. As a single parent, I cannot afford another one especially since Trouble needs to see a Psychologist and Heff needs to be enrolled in a Sports Camp or gym (that dog lazy!!!).
  14. Little Caesar’s Pizza in Valsayn isn’t bad at all. Wings are cheaper and bigger than those you get at …………….. The pizza is ready in less than 10 mins and it’s not as oily as ……………… or as rubbery as.………… (fill in the gaps)
  15. My PS3 has given me the yellow light of death after 6 years of faithful use. No flowers by request. Monetary donations will accepted and will be forwarded to its favorite charity. ME!!!
 
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Posted by on June 16, 2017 in Emotions, Fitness, Food, Humor, Movies, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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WEEK 23- ESTEBAN IN JUNE


  1. I never knew Mangoes belonged to the list of Laxative Foods. Overdosed on Mangoes on Saturday and was wondering why I was going to the toilet so frequently.
  2. Walked into The St Ann’s Catholic Church on Sunday Morning around 9:30am and walked back out promptly and waited until I saw my hue entering said church. I felt slightly unsafe before. #paranoidmuch #fixmejesus #lordhearus #getout
  3. Haven’t been to a Catholic Mass in over a decade. Seems like they changed up some words as I normally am spot on with the responses during Mass.
  4. Was told I was wrong for letting my dogs acquire the taste for mangoes. “The last thing I need is to be competing with my dogs for any mango that drops from the tree in my yard” uttered Cindy Theroulde. #noshame
  5. SUPPRESSED MEMORY FLASHBACK: Opting not to Travel home with Schoolmates because “Fat Kathy” From Arima Senior Sec was loud and always had something disparaging to tell me and when I answered her back she always wanted to fight with me. I guess it’s decades now that I’m angering people to the point of violence
  6. Maybe I fell asleep the two times I saw Wonder Woman, but to me, it was just okay. It wasn’t brilliant or awesome. Well if compared to other DC movies, then it’s a home run but to me it was “Thor” level good. Plus I got upset every time Steve Trevor put his hand to the back of Diana as if to steer her in a direction.
  7. But Robin Wright/Claire Underwood as Antiope was “LIFE”!
  8. There must be at least a 30 minute cooling off period before one begins work when one has used public transportation. One cannot just jump into work after enduring such an ordeal. You have to refocus your chi, after being around so many different forces.
  9. Facebook must know I don’t like people as I never get these Friend Anniversary notices beyond the ones other people post.
  10. Took a walk last night to clear my head (still car-less) and ended up by KFC St. Lucien Road. I dug in my pockets and realized I only had enough for a Kids Pack. I got no toy with my meal. Sigh….
  11. Saw a picture of Crispy Skin Pork on Damian LukPat Photograpghy’s Instagram page and all of a sudden Foreigner’s “I Wanna Know What Love Is” started to play in my head.
  12. QUESTION OF THE WEEK: How come people always willing to let you take a “Cheat Day” from your diet but will crucify you for a “Cheat Day” from your spouse? Wouldn’t both scenarios hurt you in the long run?
  13. If I call an UBER, I don’t expect them to be asking me what is the best route to get to my house or even hint to me that they are not familiar with Port Of Spain. That is a Red Flag for me jump out your car and go get a Maxi.
  14. While I appreciate the Maxi Taxi driver that sometimes waits for me on mornings, I don’t need him insisting that I sit in the front seat so he could have a lively debate. It happened the first few times but its still the morning and I’m not accustomed to speaking to anyone til 9am.
  15. House of Cards has made me a serious cynic when watching American Politics. I don’t believe anything anymore.
 
 

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Turkey Lurkey Time


Did you know that there are over 35 ways to prepare and bake a turkey? Did you there are over 650 related recipes? I did not know. Rather I had no clue that to bake a turkey was such a feat requiring super strength, dexterity, skill and tones of patience. If I had known this from before, my mother’s request for me to prepare the Turkey and Ribs for Christmas lunch would have yielded a negative response. (Yeah right, like I could say no to my mother!)  It would have resulted in me ordering the stuff before and laying it out nice and neat as if I had prepared it. Did you know that HiLo will prepare a turkey for you once you ask? Who knew!.

BTW, in case you haven’t caught on as yet, I am no cook/chef/wiz in the kitchen. When I tell people that my skill is ordering food, they doubt me. Give me a list of people and I can precisely determine the amount of food you will need from any particular restaurant. Chinese food restaurants are very easy for me. I don’t think it’s a gift but it just developed overtime. I of course ignore those “special needs” idiots who need “leg and thigh only” or “peas must not touch the meat”. They need to be delivered from their neuroses.

Anyway, I digress. I decided that I would bake the turkey myself and of course, being the great chef that I am, I decided to defrost the turkey on Christmas Eve day. I took the turkey out of the fridge around 8am that morning and just left it in a bucket filled with water in  the sink while I ran errands and sourced the ribs for Christmas Day.

I didn’t fully understand, well comprehend that a turkey must be fully defrosted before baking otherwise all kinds of health concerns can arise and sundry baking drama. I read all of this on the internet over the days leading up to the baking moment and I just couldn’t understand why anyone would go through so much trouble for a stinking turkey when to cook/bake a chicken one does not go through all this drama.

Anyway, around 4pm, I settled down in front of the computer to decide on a final recipe for this turkey. The day before, a guy had told me that I needed to brine the turkey for like 12 hours and then stuff seasoning under the skin and everything would be ok. I had no idea what “brining” was nor was I leaving a turkey out in any kind of solution for 12 hours to achieve the moisture and taste he described.

Anyway, I settled on the recipe of an Australian Chef who simply took a big stick of butter (garlic I think) and mixed in some herbs and spices (parsley, rosemary, thyme yadda yadda yadda) into the butter and them he proceeded to put this mixture under the skin of the bird and viola, he was done. I liked it! It seemed simple enough and I would have no problem with the seasoning as I had loads of it at home. What I did not have was the type of butter he recommended. I assumed Blue Band and Flora Margarine spread would not do. So off I ran to True Value to get this special butter.

While at True Value, I kept searching for the special butter and kept getting upset as I realised that I might have to drive to Hi-Lo Alyce Glen for greater butter variety. As I was about to leave, I saw a friend named Kurt and I told him of my butter woes. He told me that I was creating work for myself. We walked me over to a section of the grocery where alot of Chinese products were and he handed me a bottle of “Chinese Chicken Marinade” and told me to bathe the turkey in that and placed it in an oven bag and all would be fine.

I was a tad confused. I asked innocently, “Umm why would I put chicken marinade on a turkey?” He stared at me as if I had donkey ears coming out of my head. Turkey is Chicken boy and it is just a sauce! I didn’t question his logic. I took the bottle of marinade and also picked up some oven bags and headed home.

I stared at the turkey for awhile when I got home. 

It big eh?

This bugger was big! There were still a few parts of it that were cold and slightly frozen, so I knew I had at least an hour or more before I placed it in the oven. And so I began to work! I got out my seasoning and placed it under the skin of the turkey (Oh I used some lime juice before as brine solution but I think the only effect it had was…well none). I then placed the turkey in a big bowl I had (that was too small for it but it had to work) and began to pour the chicken marinade on it.

After about two or six coats of the marinade on the turkey, I covered it down for 45 minutes to let the marinade soak in. I came back to the turkey a couple times within that 45 minutes just to baste it over and over so that all the juices stayed it.

At 7:25pm, I decided it was time to place the turkey in the oven. I had set the oven a few minutes before to 425 so that it would be ready for the bird.  I placed it in a tray and then proceeded to waits for the 3 hours it was estimated on the Butterball label that it would take to bake.

Here Goes!

Somewhere in my mind and mixed up in all the info I had devoured, that oven setting of 425 made sense. It was only 40 minutes later when I decided to check the Butterball directions that I saw the setting was actually to be 325! I ran quickly to the oven and changed it. I prayed that the turkey suffered no damage.

Being in the oven bag I realised that I could not keep basting the turkey like I had read so I trusted that this bag would seal in the juices and provide a succulent bird.

At 11:15, I jumped up from in front of my computer and ran to the kitchen as I realised that the bird had been baking beyond the required time. I am ashamed to say that Angry Birds Friends Tournament on Facebook was the reason I lost track of time.

I took it out and well here is the result below:

Oh Lord What ah do here?

Oh Lord What ah do here?

I got scared immediately. The damn thing was burnt and it didn’t look brown and tasty like the one the Australian chef has taken out of his oven. It looked sick! I didn’t cut it or taste it that night as I feared that I might just chug the entire thing in the dustbin and order KFC chicken the next day! Thank goodness I remembered that Christmas Day is the ONLY day that KFC is closed in Trinidad.  So I covered that bugger down and prayed for the best.  The Ribs fared much better and I must say everyone was pleased the next day except me.

On cutting the turkey on Christmas Day I discovered that the top part of the breast area was rather dry. The other parts of the turkey were rather moist and tasty but my OCD only concentrated on the dry portion.  I was disappointed.

Everything went off well on Christmas Day and I was told by everyone that they will look forward to another succulent bird for Christmas 2013.

I nodded in agreement as I knew that someone will be baking that damn thing for me next time. No headache again.

How was your Christmas?

P.S. I was “Detour” T-shirtless this Christmas. Finally, the Gods have heard my cry!!

 
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Posted by on January 9, 2013 in Food, Holidays, Humor

 

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I Never Knew……..


Today, in my attempt at cooking, I discovered that apparently Golden Ray (Cooking Margarine) has an expiry date. Not that I was going to use Golden Ray in my meal but in opening the fridge I saw it and wondered how long had it been there…..

Well the expiry date said 12SEP09…………

I don’t want to even think about how long I had it before the expiry date but the mere fact that it is still in my refrigerator after all is time is typical me… I hardly throw away anything and I have a tendency for forget about stuff in there that I hardly or barely use.

Come to to think of it, I know I have used that Golden Ray in the last year or more…Hmmmmm

Anyway I ventured in the Freezer (Deep Freeze for the Trinis) just to take out some frozen veggies and I see a stick of Bland & Cookeen on the Freezer door. (Why do I have Cookeen in my Freezer will remain a mystery to me because I only started my attempt at baking this year…Anyway.. just look at the expiry dates in the pic…

Do you see those expiry dates?

I also discovered that I have two opened bottles of Creole seasoning. One in the fridge and the other in a cabinet.

I shudder to think what else is lurking around in there that is expired. Goodness know a few months back I discovered expired Coconut Milk Powder, so go figure.

I needs to get me a house keeper/ maid. As times are getting tougher and there seems to be no end to this curfew, I need to start eating at home more often. And I don’t mean making a Peanut Butter sandwich or microwaving Hot Wings from Pricesmart or those Pot Sticker things that I swore made my blood pressure rise…..

(HEY Pricesmart yuh need to order more of those wings. It’s been two months since I was last able to purchase them! Thanks…)

Oh well, here I go, off to the kitchen to complete my Baked Chicken Breast (no sauces), and  Vinaigrette Salad…

STEUPS!!!

Sigh.. I know I have to thank GOD that I am still alive in the midst of all this madness….

BTW – Honestly. Do you think Golden Ray really expires? I highly doubt it.

 
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Posted by on October 23, 2011 in Food, Humor, Uncategorized

 

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Truth Is…


In the quest to become less overweight or to be classified something better than Obese Category 1 by a BMI Calculator, I embarked on a diet and exercise program. Diets aren’t really my think as I eat relatively healthy and have a lot of fibre in my diet etc.

Alas, I eat too much and at weird times. I know the fitness gurus tell you that your last meal should be around 6pm or for the latest 7pm but really……these skinny bastards obviously don’t go out to dinner nor do they have some measure of a social life other than the gym. While eating late, I will avoid heavy foods like pasta etc, but if I  am hungry, I will eat ah food!

Sigh.. story of my life…eating….

So in the vein of cleansing the body of toxins, I’m here to confess my chubby boy sins/ quirks (as i don’t think they are that sinful)….

This is not asking for your forgiveness or judgement (which you will give anyway) but just to let you know the things that normal people do.

Chubby Boy Confessions

    1. I get weak for Peshwari Naan
    2. Me love “Apsara” with all my chickens!
    3. Chicken is a Vegatable
    4. I refuse to eat Lima beans (I was beaten to eat them so no more)
    5. I dislike Good Friday because of this memory
    6. I can resist doubles but not cheese pies
    7. Cheese bread (pao de queijo) is a magnificent creation by Brazilians (It’s like buttah!!)
    8. Drinking a lot of water dilutes the sugar content from cake/ice cream (leave me alone with my delusions)
    9. Know Restaurant Menus after one visit
    10. Rarely orders something different at restaurants (unless trying to impress someone)
    11. TGIF’s Shanghai Chicken Salad is a winner (for me)
    12. Peanut Butter will ALWAYS be on my diet.
    13. I rarely have desert after a meal
    14. Desert can be a meal for me
    15. Cake….Cake….sigh Carrot cake from Rituals always hits the spot.
    16. I don’t share it.
    17. Will have pasta any day over rice (yuck!).
    18. However, a mean pelau will win any day of the week!
    19. Fucelli pasta…..
    20. Each country I have visited/lived normally has at least one dish/item that I must eat when I make a return visit.
    21. I miss Living Water Community’s Lasagne! (Excellent but way too oily!)
    22. I scorn anyone who has to put ketchup and mustard on a pizza. (Savages!)
    23. If you recommend XXL clothing to me and it is not followed by “Our sizes are smaller than normal sizes” then you are in line for a beat down.
    24. I am a tad racist when it comes to the purchase/consumption of certain foods from local eating establishments. (Not when it comes fine dining or eating at someone’s home though)
    25. I make no apologies for my use of condensed milk for my coffee. It’s the only thing additive that doesn’t bring on bowel movements.
    26. I use a tablespoon full for my coffee. (Don’t judge me!)
    27. I only have one cup a day.
    28. A whole rotisserie chicken is nothing to consume in one sitting.
    29. Nor is a family size pizza
    30. I don’t do that anymore (I get comatose – ethnic fatigue at an unbearable level)
    31. My cooking skills are limited.
    32. My ability to place an order food is finely tuned.
    33. I always have food containers in my car trunk. (Just in case)
    34. And a jersey or two for moments where I may perspire more than usual.
    35. .I rarely eat from strangers. Go figure!!

And. that’s the story of Bert’s blanket….

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2011 in Fitness, Food, Humor

 

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Muscles (The Prayer Edition)


Dear God,
Normally I try not to burden you with these minor requests/prayers since I know there are people praying for far more important things, like healing from sickness, end to war, food for their children, a home or safe delivery of their baby, or end to their poverty etc…. but Lord I need your help here.

I thought about asking my friends to help me find a solution but in the end I think that dealing with you directly might help matters. Divine intervention always move things along speedily and sometimes a solution jumps out at you when none existed before. So while my request is not at the top of the prayer line nor even in the top 500,000 requests….here it is:

“De belly not going down. What to do?”

Yes, I know that I can’t expect miracles overnight and it has only been 3 weeks but I see and feel no change in anything. My diet has changed, I have eaten very little bread at all and there is no late night eating despite the gripping hunger that sets in around 10pm. So what is really going on? Ok Ok the potato salad, rice and baked chicken by Cindy on Saturday didn’t help, nor did the food from Creole kitchen (sans macaroni pie) on Sunday but hey I have been good otherwise.

Oh and Lord, I know you are going to ask about the Personal Trainer but you know that I made alot of bad decisions and well he counts as a really bad one. I have tried to be understanding when he tells me he can’t make it Wednesday to Friday because of class at UWI (far be it for me to deny someone an education). I even suggested he leave a work-out plan with me for the time he is not there but he says he prefers if he is there to supervise me on the machines. Eh? We both know that doesn’t happen when he is there as he is also doing his own work-out on other machines when he assigns me. So what am I do?

Actually Lord, I did get your very subtle message/hint about him on Saturday when you got him to text me, out of the blue, to ask for a $400 loan so that it may contribute to his wisdom teeth extraction fund. I, of course assumed it was a slight advance on next month’s training fees but when he announced that he won’t be able to train me for at least two weeks when the teeth come out, I wondered if I was being “Punk’d”.

Am I Lord being Punk’d or will there be a solution to my problem?

What lesson are you teaching me here that I didn’t/haven’t learned already?

Why are you being so harsh on me? I know you taught me to love my body and I do but I still look as if I am in my second trimester and it is no longer funny.

Was it you who sent Natalie Bell Smythe to tap my belly this morning?

Not nice eh but I got the message loud and clear.

So Heavenly Father, I ask for your guidance and for a sign as to what is my next step.

HELP!

Thank you Lord….AMEN

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2011 in Fitness, Food, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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Sign of The Times


It is a sad reflection on the world we live in…..but when I have to do this in order to make people aware the something in the fridge does not belong to them, we as a society have gone to POT!!!

 

 

Alas I didn’t do this two months ago and the result was that within 45 minutes of me placing my ENSURE in the refrigerator, it was gone!!

GONE!!!

And no one seemed to know about it. Not one of these lying #^%$#^%&* people I work with.

I loudly declared at that point:

“Whoever took my drink, I hope you quail up and die!”

Alas my curses are not as effective as Miss Celie’s from The Color Purple, so everyone is still alive.

Dear God,

Make me a channel of your peace today!

AMEN!

 
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Posted by on July 27, 2011 in Emotions, Food, Uncategorized

 

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