RSS

Category Archives: Food

WEEK 30 – ESTEBAN’S FINALE

WEEK 30 – ESTEBAN’S FINALE

  1. “Darkie, Lemme go in front yuh nah! . All I have is this toilet paper”

“Is that how you ask a stranger for a favor?”

“Me aint have time for this nah.”

“Well stay right behind me since you obviously have no manners”

“Steups! All dat attitude for simple pass?”

“If you don’t understand what you did wrong then I can’t help you”

“Ah can’t stand allyuh bullers yuh know”

“Because I’m asking you to have manners, I’m a buller? Well this buller aint letting you pass!”

(Crowd behind chuckles)

  • Either Trouble has magical powers or I need to get new chains as she keeps getting loose and I can’t figure out how.
  • Saw a lonely puppy in the road and opted not to adopt for two reasons. (a) I don’t want to stress out Trouble and (b) I think she might drive the puppy to suicide ( Lord knows she bullies Heff and he is resilient most times but its takes a toll on him)
  • Within the past three weeks I’ve met 5 people with degrees from DeVry University. I still remember when it was just an IT school.
  • “Food by the Pound” places are not for me. My serving hand is too heavy no matter how hard I try take smaller servings.
  • You know things are bad with you when a homeless person can tell you to reduce your salt intake in order to get rid of your water weight.
  • Even worse when said homeless person recognizes you as someone he admired from Primary School but you have no idea who he is and his name isn’t familiar.
  • I think I had way to much fun anonymously commenting on all those people who were foolhardy enough to join SARAHAH. I however didn’t make everyone’s Instagram Story-feeds. I think some were blanked out or I just wasn’t funny enough. Two hours well spent. Heh heh heh heh heh *rubs palms together…
  • I’m not sure if the “Summer Movie Season” has started. I haven’t felt compelled to go weekly to see a movie as in years passed. Can’t see myself rushing to see Dunkirk.
  • Stared at a former co-worker like she was a freshly baked Coconut Bake with melted cheese. She didn’t appreciate the comparison until I explained to her how delectable such a combination is in the minds of most people.
  • Was invited to a take a short trip with a group of people I barely know but I opted to stay home for mental health reasons. The preservation of mine…
  • It’s always interesting when people who delete me from their Facebook profile try to send me a friend request and say “ deleted in error”. Umm you were sure when Facebook asked you twice before unfriending me, so what happen now? #foreverpetty #steups #missmewiththisBS
  • My Nikon D90 is on its last legs. I can feel the difference in its operation and the hesitation when I’m trying to snap a quick picture
  • Why do people expect me to get them birthday presents when they don’t even give me a “dinner mint” for mine. BTW if you give me a mint for my birthday, know full well you are getting the same one back on your day.

 

This is my last Weekly Chronicle for 2017. I thought I could keep up with it but my life just isn’t as interesting as I thought it was.

So keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!

 

Tags: , , ,

WEEK 27–ESTEBAN’S SQUINT!

WEEK 27–ESTEBAN’S SQUINT!

  1. Week 27 and still not a Lotto winner. Off to work I go. Jesus, it seems you are really insistent on me working hard for everything I have? #patienceisvirtue
  2. If you are over 35 and you are telling me you going Wi-Fi silent, it means you have no data plan. At your age? Come now! #imjudgingyouopenly #judgeing #judgedread #postpaid #stopbeingcheap
  3. Cleaned the oven this weekend and realized that those oven cleaner fumes are potent. Think I knocked out for a five minutes on the floor of the kitchen.
  4. When you go drinking on a Saturday night and after your 3rd drink you stop because (a) your tolerance level is low (b) People started to look cute and (c) you started to feel chatty. Should’ve had Malta instead. #lightweight
  5. Dear Massy Stores, I don’t opt to pay your higher prices on food stuff so that I could pack my own groceries and tote it all to the car. Get your act together! #massystores #lazy
  6. So one part Heineken Beer and two parts Coke = Green Sands. Let’s see….Attempt Number 9 – when did I finish the Coke? I think I have an alcohol problem. Thanks eh Gerard Morton!
  7. .Nitpicking causes me to shut down. If I have reviewed something thoroughly and someone asks for cosmetic changes, I don’t do it. I’m over the document and have moved on.
  8. I’m ignoring the disrespectful people who asking how did Trouble do for SEA. She is doing SEA next year people!!
  9. While I try to stay out of politics, all I want to say is: Shouldn’t a Deputy Political Leader of a Party know better or understand the importance of Protocol?
  10. I find it rude and offensive when my main and back up toilets in the office are in use by other people. I’ve spent too much time gathering data on their locations in relation to my bowel movements for BOTH to be occupied at the SAME time. People are so insensitive!
  11. Is it a local conspiracy that if you order Beef on a pizza from ANY pizza place, they are so stingy with it that you have to search for the meat on the pizza like search for some politicians’ integrity? What going on? Why you doing it?
  12. I think I officially gave up on the Facebook Tests after they told me that I was 100% Indian and that my calling is to be a Pastor. Umm not even if I can recite Kanchan and Babla ultimate song “Kuch Gadbad Hai” and “Robobobo Shatai “with the best of them means this stuff is true.
  13. TRUTH: I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I kinda still don’t know but I fell into certain fields that gave me opportunities beyond my reach.
  14. So KFC’s Smoke N Fire Chicken may not be spicy going in but coming out the other end…..Well Let’s just say I asked/pleaded for Divine Intervention.
  15. This is the end of the first week of July and TN AUTO still does not have my car ready. I am thinking of Legal Action at this point. No one is this slow intentionally!
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on July 7, 2017 in Emotions, Food, Humor, RANT, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

WEEK 26 – ESTEBAN AND THE JETS!


  1. I’m always amazed when people compare a dining experience at Bootleggers to that of TGIF or Ruby Tuesday. I always correct them that the latter are dining experiences and the former is an institutionalized form of torture.
  2. Every morning I get up just to see if my yard has been destroyed by those two dogs. Somedays are better than others.
  3. I always get confused when my neighbour goes from blasting gospel music when she is cleaning her car to blasting “dancehall” afterwards. I don’t think she or her husband haven’t heard a new song since 2000.
  4. Had some Curry Goat on Monday and believed I tasted “stay home” in it. It was way too good to be a normal pot of curry.
  5. Someone messaged me that her family was going to “Sellebea” for the long weekend. I fought every fibre of my being not respond to this and therefore I had to go lie down as I had a headache.
  6. I applaud business people at every turn especially those who provide food to the masses like me who are culinary impaired; but $45 per pound of CHINESE FOOD and it’s not inclusive of Crispy Skin Pork!!! MADNESS! #robsomebodyelse #notmymoney #
  7. Either my feed is highly sanitized or my friends need to cleanse their friends’ list. Nobody in my FB feed mad to talk about boycott. How they eating?
  8. My actual list of friends are like my grandmother’s teeth: few and far between. #leffmeh #leavemealone #friendbookfull
  9. I think an Uber driver on Tuesday night tried a fast one on me to earn more money by missing my turn off and feigning ignorance. Yuh can’t play ignorant when the “kiss meh ass” Waze map next to you recalculating. He got 1 star rating with one stink comment afterwards.
  10. The reason I haven’t been renting a car all this time is because (a) they not cheap, (b) every week is a new story with TN Auto #dreamsellers and  (c) I’m cheap.
  11. Spent Wednesday with an auditorium full of primary and secondary children and realized that teaching is truly a higher calling. So many personalities being coordinated by one person and you can’t strangle or lay healing hands on them. #notforme #iwouldmakeahjailalready #trueheroes #highercalling #wedaymoments #weday #wemovement
  12. It’s not that I’m not serious about my weight loss and healthy living; I’m just trying to decide if I want to be a light snack or a healthy main course instead of just being an “All You Can Eat”/ “Buffet” Special. #dietchallenges
  13. I still don’t get people who have to try and sample EVERY item in these “Food by the Pound” estalbishments. Jesus! Yuh here almost everyday, move faster! Picking up one piece of fried plantain or 3 grains of macaroni salad makes sense to you? #needtothintheherd #patienceneeded #hungrymanissues
  14. KARMA??? – Was told on Thursday that a car would be made available to me until my vehicle is ready. The only car available for use….. A WINGROAD! #GODhasasenseofhumor #jesuslaughinghard #imnotamused
 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

WEEK 24 – ESTEBAN IS FROM MARS


  1. I think the 30 minute wait for a roti at Don’s should be declared a criminal offence. You must know your daily traffic and volumes by now to fix this problem! But OOOOH the roti tasted GOOD!
  2. Saw the video from Mad Cobra’s “Flex” in a taxi on Saturday night. The driver had a tablet built into his Nissan Sentra dashboard for passenger viewing. I had forgotten how boring that video was.
  3. Had two people, on separate occasions, point out afterwards that the respective cashiers were flirting with me. While I’m so oblivious to most flirting episodes directed me; in hindsight,  I realised that my food orders  on both occasions didn’t reflect any ounce of favoritism. #theywerejustbeingpolite #imeasylikesundaymorning #iputoutforfood
  4. So Trouble has been bullying Heff since his arrival. On Sunday night, they had a fight (Instigated by Trouble, of course) and lo and behold Heff pinned Trouble to the ground briefly and she was in shock. I gave Heff the biggest hug and rub belly for that move. #proudpapa #saynotobullies
  5. Apparently Maxi Drivers don’t take too kindly when you go into another Maxi when they were apparently waiting for you. It’s only been a few weeks, why this man assuming a special friendship? It’s only $5 we are exchanging daily and mild small talk.
  6. I think I bring out the crazy in people. It may be dormant but somehow interacting with me activates this “tick”.
  7. The shock and awe when you realise the Award Winning Actor from 12 Years A Slave, & Doctor Strange (Mordo) – Chiwetel Ejiofor played the Drag Queen Lola in the Movie Kinky Boots.
  8. I’m not gaining weight, however over this week, two of my work trousers ripped in the back. I’m guessing that fitted trouser look is not for me.
  9. Sat in the front passenger seat of a Left Hand Drive Taxi and a Traffic Police officer in St James shouted at me to get off my phone. I stared at him and said “ Do you see a steering wheel near me?”. He tried to give me a “bounce” to try to diffuse the situation.
  10. Benetton staff no longer insult me about not having my size when I go shopping there. This development confuses my low self-esteem. Any recommendations for clothing store that insults their customers?
  11. I was challenged by someone (based on my Sports’ post) to “quit my bitching and man up”. Strange though, since he is the one in Family Court for Child Maintenance.
  12. Saw a woman moisturizing her leg outside the entrance of Rituals St Clair with the Jergens bottle on the table who told me to mind my business as I passed. “Oh so sorry, didn’t realise this was your bedroom!” She let out one scandalous laugh. I wasn’t moved to join in.
  13. People have been asking me if I’m willing to adopt another dog. As a single parent, I cannot afford another one especially since Trouble needs to see a Psychologist and Heff needs to be enrolled in a Sports Camp or gym (that dog lazy!!!).
  14. Little Caesar’s Pizza in Valsayn isn’t bad at all. Wings are cheaper and bigger than those you get at …………….. The pizza is ready in less than 10 mins and it’s not as oily as ……………… or as rubbery as.………… (fill in the gaps)
  15. My PS3 has given me the yellow light of death after 6 years of faithful use. No flowers by request. Monetary donations will accepted and will be forwarded to its favorite charity. ME!!!
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on June 16, 2017 in Emotions, Fitness, Food, Humor, Movies, RANT, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

WEEK 23- ESTEBAN IN JUNE


  1. I never knew Mangoes belonged to the list of Laxative Foods. Overdosed on Mangoes on Saturday and was wondering why I was going to the toilet so frequently.
  2. Walked into The St Ann’s Catholic Church on Sunday Morning around 9:30am and walked back out promptly and waited until I saw my hue entering said church. I felt slightly unsafe before. #paranoidmuch #fixmejesus #lordhearus #getout
  3. Haven’t been to a Catholic Mass in over a decade. Seems like they changed up some words as I normally am spot on with the responses during Mass.
  4. Was told I was wrong for letting my dogs acquire the taste for mangoes. “The last thing I need is to be competing with my dogs for any mango that drops from the tree in my yard” uttered Cindy Theroulde. #noshame
  5. SUPPRESSED MEMORY FLASHBACK: Opting not to Travel home with Schoolmates because “Fat Kathy” From Arima Senior Sec was loud and always had something disparaging to tell me and when I answered her back she always wanted to fight with me. I guess it’s decades now that I’m angering people to the point of violence
  6. Maybe I fell asleep the two times I saw Wonder Woman, but to me, it was just okay. It wasn’t brilliant or awesome. Well if compared to other DC movies, then it’s a home run but to me it was “Thor” level good. Plus I got upset every time Steve Trevor put his hand to the back of Diana as if to steer her in a direction.
  7. But Robin Wright/Claire Underwood as Antiope was “LIFE”!
  8. There must be at least a 30 minute cooling off period before one begins work when one has used public transportation. One cannot just jump into work after enduring such an ordeal. You have to refocus your chi, after being around so many different forces.
  9. Facebook must know I don’t like people as I never get these Friend Anniversary notices beyond the ones other people post.
  10. Took a walk last night to clear my head (still car-less) and ended up by KFC St. Lucien Road. I dug in my pockets and realized I only had enough for a Kids Pack. I got no toy with my meal. Sigh….
  11. Saw a picture of Crispy Skin Pork on Damian LukPat Photograpghy’s Instagram page and all of a sudden Foreigner’s “I Wanna Know What Love Is” started to play in my head.
  12. QUESTION OF THE WEEK: How come people always willing to let you take a “Cheat Day” from your diet but will crucify you for a “Cheat Day” from your spouse? Wouldn’t both scenarios hurt you in the long run?
  13. If I call an UBER, I don’t expect them to be asking me what is the best route to get to my house or even hint to me that they are not familiar with Port Of Spain. That is a Red Flag for me jump out your car and go get a Maxi.
  14. While I appreciate the Maxi Taxi driver that sometimes waits for me on mornings, I don’t need him insisting that I sit in the front seat so he could have a lively debate. It happened the first few times but its still the morning and I’m not accustomed to speaking to anyone til 9am.
  15. House of Cards has made me a serious cynic when watching American Politics. I don’t believe anything anymore.
 
 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Turkey Lurkey Time


Did you know that there are over 35 ways to prepare and bake a turkey? Did you there are over 650 related recipes? I did not know. Rather I had no clue that to bake a turkey was such a feat requiring super strength, dexterity, skill and tones of patience. If I had known this from before, my mother’s request for me to prepare the Turkey and Ribs for Christmas lunch would have yielded a negative response. (Yeah right, like I could say no to my mother!)  It would have resulted in me ordering the stuff before and laying it out nice and neat as if I had prepared it. Did you know that HiLo will prepare a turkey for you once you ask? Who knew!.

BTW, in case you haven’t caught on as yet, I am no cook/chef/wiz in the kitchen. When I tell people that my skill is ordering food, they doubt me. Give me a list of people and I can precisely determine the amount of food you will need from any particular restaurant. Chinese food restaurants are very easy for me. I don’t think it’s a gift but it just developed overtime. I of course ignore those “special needs” idiots who need “leg and thigh only” or “peas must not touch the meat”. They need to be delivered from their neuroses.

Anyway, I digress. I decided that I would bake the turkey myself and of course, being the great chef that I am, I decided to defrost the turkey on Christmas Eve day. I took the turkey out of the fridge around 8am that morning and just left it in a bucket filled with water in  the sink while I ran errands and sourced the ribs for Christmas Day.

I didn’t fully understand, well comprehend that a turkey must be fully defrosted before baking otherwise all kinds of health concerns can arise and sundry baking drama. I read all of this on the internet over the days leading up to the baking moment and I just couldn’t understand why anyone would go through so much trouble for a stinking turkey when to cook/bake a chicken one does not go through all this drama.

Anyway, around 4pm, I settled down in front of the computer to decide on a final recipe for this turkey. The day before, a guy had told me that I needed to brine the turkey for like 12 hours and then stuff seasoning under the skin and everything would be ok. I had no idea what “brining” was nor was I leaving a turkey out in any kind of solution for 12 hours to achieve the moisture and taste he described.

Anyway, I settled on the recipe of an Australian Chef who simply took a big stick of butter (garlic I think) and mixed in some herbs and spices (parsley, rosemary, thyme yadda yadda yadda) into the butter and them he proceeded to put this mixture under the skin of the bird and viola, he was done. I liked it! It seemed simple enough and I would have no problem with the seasoning as I had loads of it at home. What I did not have was the type of butter he recommended. I assumed Blue Band and Flora Margarine spread would not do. So off I ran to True Value to get this special butter.

While at True Value, I kept searching for the special butter and kept getting upset as I realised that I might have to drive to Hi-Lo Alyce Glen for greater butter variety. As I was about to leave, I saw a friend named Kurt and I told him of my butter woes. He told me that I was creating work for myself. We walked me over to a section of the grocery where alot of Chinese products were and he handed me a bottle of “Chinese Chicken Marinade” and told me to bathe the turkey in that and placed it in an oven bag and all would be fine.

I was a tad confused. I asked innocently, “Umm why would I put chicken marinade on a turkey?” He stared at me as if I had donkey ears coming out of my head. Turkey is Chicken boy and it is just a sauce! I didn’t question his logic. I took the bottle of marinade and also picked up some oven bags and headed home.

I stared at the turkey for awhile when I got home. 

It big eh?

This bugger was big! There were still a few parts of it that were cold and slightly frozen, so I knew I had at least an hour or more before I placed it in the oven. And so I began to work! I got out my seasoning and placed it under the skin of the turkey (Oh I used some lime juice before as brine solution but I think the only effect it had was…well none). I then placed the turkey in a big bowl I had (that was too small for it but it had to work) and began to pour the chicken marinade on it.

After about two or six coats of the marinade on the turkey, I covered it down for 45 minutes to let the marinade soak in. I came back to the turkey a couple times within that 45 minutes just to baste it over and over so that all the juices stayed it.

At 7:25pm, I decided it was time to place the turkey in the oven. I had set the oven a few minutes before to 425 so that it would be ready for the bird.  I placed it in a tray and then proceeded to waits for the 3 hours it was estimated on the Butterball label that it would take to bake.

Here Goes!

Somewhere in my mind and mixed up in all the info I had devoured, that oven setting of 425 made sense. It was only 40 minutes later when I decided to check the Butterball directions that I saw the setting was actually to be 325! I ran quickly to the oven and changed it. I prayed that the turkey suffered no damage.

Being in the oven bag I realised that I could not keep basting the turkey like I had read so I trusted that this bag would seal in the juices and provide a succulent bird.

At 11:15, I jumped up from in front of my computer and ran to the kitchen as I realised that the bird had been baking beyond the required time. I am ashamed to say that Angry Birds Friends Tournament on Facebook was the reason I lost track of time.

I took it out and well here is the result below:

Oh Lord What ah do here?

Oh Lord What ah do here?

I got scared immediately. The damn thing was burnt and it didn’t look brown and tasty like the one the Australian chef has taken out of his oven. It looked sick! I didn’t cut it or taste it that night as I feared that I might just chug the entire thing in the dustbin and order KFC chicken the next day! Thank goodness I remembered that Christmas Day is the ONLY day that KFC is closed in Trinidad.  So I covered that bugger down and prayed for the best.  The Ribs fared much better and I must say everyone was pleased the next day except me.

On cutting the turkey on Christmas Day I discovered that the top part of the breast area was rather dry. The other parts of the turkey were rather moist and tasty but my OCD only concentrated on the dry portion.  I was disappointed.

Everything went off well on Christmas Day and I was told by everyone that they will look forward to another succulent bird for Christmas 2013.

I nodded in agreement as I knew that someone will be baking that damn thing for me next time. No headache again.

How was your Christmas?

P.S. I was “Detour” T-shirtless this Christmas. Finally, the Gods have heard my cry!!

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 9, 2013 in Food, Holidays, Humor

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I Never Knew……..


Today, in my attempt at cooking, I discovered that apparently Golden Ray (Cooking Margarine) has an expiry date. Not that I was going to use Golden Ray in my meal but in opening the fridge I saw it and wondered how long had it been there…..

Well the expiry date said 12SEP09…………

I don’t want to even think about how long I had it before the expiry date but the mere fact that it is still in my refrigerator after all is time is typical me… I hardly throw away anything and I have a tendency for forget about stuff in there that I hardly or barely use.

Come to to think of it, I know I have used that Golden Ray in the last year or more…Hmmmmm

Anyway I ventured in the Freezer (Deep Freeze for the Trinis) just to take out some frozen veggies and I see a stick of Bland & Cookeen on the Freezer door. (Why do I have Cookeen in my Freezer will remain a mystery to me because I only started my attempt at baking this year…Anyway.. just look at the expiry dates in the pic…

Do you see those expiry dates?

I also discovered that I have two opened bottles of Creole seasoning. One in the fridge and the other in a cabinet.

I shudder to think what else is lurking around in there that is expired. Goodness know a few months back I discovered expired Coconut Milk Powder, so go figure.

I needs to get me a house keeper/ maid. As times are getting tougher and there seems to be no end to this curfew, I need to start eating at home more often. And I don’t mean making a Peanut Butter sandwich or microwaving Hot Wings from Pricesmart or those Pot Sticker things that I swore made my blood pressure rise…..

(HEY Pricesmart yuh need to order more of those wings. It’s been two months since I was last able to purchase them! Thanks…)

Oh well, here I go, off to the kitchen to complete my Baked Chicken Breast (no sauces), and  Vinaigrette Salad…

STEUPS!!!

Sigh.. I know I have to thank GOD that I am still alive in the midst of all this madness….

BTW – Honestly. Do you think Golden Ray really expires? I highly doubt it.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on October 23, 2011 in Food, Humor, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,