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Category Archives: Food

WEEK 49 – ESTEBAN’S HUMBUG

WEEK 49 – ESTEBAN’S HUMBUG

  1. I’ve stopped expecting gifts for Christmas; mainly because of my age and also because I’m generally considered ungrateful when I get bad presents from people.
  2. If I see anybody that owes me money using an Iphone X, please know that I will not be confronting you but just passing by you and picking up stuff for auction.
  3. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the daily bible verses that people send me on a morning; it’s the outta timing memes and videos that follow that I find slightly disturbing.#bipolarmuch #pickateam #teamjesus #teamdevil
  4. Trouble walked out the gate this morning while I was driving out. She didn’t look back and I didn’t call out to her to getback inside. I just watched her cut eye as I passed her in the road on my way to the gym. #notrunningbehindadog #irundownnothing #notmyideaofcardio
  5. A lady cuts in front of an old man near Marli Street this morning. The guy responds : “Yuh driving like yuh face!! Zug Up!!”
  6. My housekeeper sent me a video from my laundry room of something that looked like rat droppings. I resisted the urge to tell her to pack my stuff up as I would be moving out.
  7. I’ve been spring cleaning over the last week and I can safely say that every box I’ve touched is now neatly packed and that I’ve thrown NOTHING away.
  8. How does one choose/decide on paint colors for a wall? The only colors I know for painting walls are Off White, Cream, and Sky Blue. #iminamess #imhorribleatchoosingcolors #fixitrowley
  9. Yes Ma’am I did hear you fart twice while you were doing your sit-ups in the corner. I assumed your music was on too loud so you think they came out without a sound.
  10. I see that you are back posting inspirational quotes under random pictures of yourself holding a drink/camera phone. STOP IT!! No one believes you as a motivational speaker!
 
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Posted by on December 8, 2017 in Entertainment, Food, Holidays, Humor, RANT

 

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ESTEBAN ON A MONDAY


1.    Added some Chivas Regal to a batch of Black Sorrel I made and I think I woke up this morning with a slight hangover.

2.     “COCO” is one glorious piece of animation. I still need to remember to take Claritin with me as I’m sure Movietowne has cleaned its air vents in a while.

3.    I promised someone to try and stop being a hermit for 2018.

4.    Saw different versions of Love this weekend. I need to start living my “best self”!

5.    Cleaned out my fridge and discovered 12 containers of forgotten leftovers. One contained Cassava Pone. I haven’t made Cassava pone since April.

6.    Part of my childhood memories died on learning of Shashi Kapoor’s death.

7.    Just because three random strangers asked if I needed someone to wash my car doesn’t mean it’s dirty. It means they are looking for work.

8.    I think my dogs need a “purge” (A cleanse/detox for the bourgeoisie). Are my nostrils supposed to clear up so quickly everytime I clean up mess in the yard?

9.    I need to find a cooking class.  Recommendations? No I don’t want you to cook for me. The mini prayer meeting I’m conducting every time I eat someone else’s cooking is taking its toll on me.

10.  . The words “Ok Boss” tick me off to a point where I’m ready to strangle someone.

#todaystruths #meforme #bma #ybye #goodbye2017 #rowleyfixityet #esteban2017

 
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Posted by on December 4, 2017 in Entertainment, Food

 

WEEK 45 – ESTEBAN AND LIGHTNING THIEF

WEEK 45 – ESTEBAN AND LIGHTNING THIEF

1.    Having “Craisins” as a mid-day snack results in more than the acceptable number of work bowel movements that I can tolerate. #newsnackrequired

2.    Apparently eating Apples with Peanut butter can help you lose weight. #jesusletthisbetrue

3.    People can ignore emails I’ve sent, but let me delay in responding to one…… #seepaulluck

4.    “Trouble” has been in the yard for an entire week. Something’s coming and I don’t think I’m ready for it.

5.    IMAX’s large popcorn is a less than a Regular Popcorn at Movietowne but more expensive? #how #whyjesus #fixitrowley #teef

6.    I like to see a new movie within the first day or two of it premiering. Having to wait on friends beyond that time period to go see it makes me really anxious. #ilikemyownway

7.    Liking to drink Cranberry juice doesn’t insinuate that I have an STI or UTI… #restmehnah

8.    I wanna play the Genie in Disney’s Alladin! #universetakeovernow #itsouttherenow #isaidit

9.    There are times after I’ve paid all my bills that I consider opening up a “Go Fund Me” page so that I can have a life.

10.  Referring to 9, if you message me about  Herbalife, FX Trading or Amway (Network Marketing) opportunities based upon what you read above, you will be met with intense hostility. #youhavebeenwarned

11.  On seeing the 2019 Cast of the Live Action Lion King, I keep seeing Beyonce ad libbing her lines and saying: “I’m Nala and I’m a whole lotta woman!”. I cringe everytime…

12.  As bad as “The Orville” is (w.r.t. Sci Fi), it’s still miles ahead of anything Tyler Perry could produce for TV.

13.  TV IDEA: In the style of the Greenleaf TV series, we should have a similar one call “Cuffie”. They already have the Palatial Residence and a Trini sized Mega Church, so it would be easy to make.

14. Dear Facebook, my humblest apologies but I have no nudes to send to you

15. Happy 16th Anniversary to Lion King Germany and Happy 20th to Lion King Overall

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Posted by on November 10, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Fitness, Food, Humor, RANT, TV

 

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ESTEBAN’S PSEUDO INTERVENTION

ESTEBAN’S PSEUDO INTERVENTION

Hi Everyone,

My name is Stefan and I’m an addict.  It’s been ummm….*mumbles* since my last….

Sigh.. let me just tell you my story:

—————-

So a wake up call came last night while attending a really enjoyable play called “Better, Better Village” that I may have totally backslidden from my no flour ways.

Like a true addict, you know that you’ve relapsed but you tell yourself that you have it under control and that it won’t be as bad as the last time.

Then the following things happened:

  • Lady passes with a tray of Accra balls with a mango dipping sauce and tells me have as many as I want. I had 6.
  • I partook in some very tasty corn soup but was annoyed by the amount of corn in the cup and the way it prevented me from accessing the lovely dumplings at the bottom. I threw most of the corn away to get to the 3 small soft but tasty dumplings.
  • There was cake/sweetbread (I couldn’t tell as I didn’t care to discern) and with each bite I felt joy in my heart.
  • While eating said item above, King Michael Anthony passes and in his perpetually shade ridden tone he utters ” I thought u not supposed to be eating flour”

At that point, I realised that I had a problem as I couldn’t utter a witty response to him due to the level of shame filling me.

 

So I finished off the sweetbread and the sugar cake in the party bag and made a vow to resume my “no flour” diet soon.

NB: hey I could’ve lied and said that I was going to do it right away but I need to clear my fridge of some items over this weekend and I’ll possibly enter rehab on Monday.

Thank you for listening.

 
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Posted by on September 15, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Food, Humor, RANT

 

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ESTEBAN AND THE BAD DIETING TIPS


  1. Grapefruit is slimming. Steups…the level of cuss I wanna put on this person eh
  2. Drink Apple Cider Vinegar and Water to lose belly fat – It would’ve been better if they asked me to be bullemic . Could barely swallow it.
  3. Cut all sugar out of your diet and reintroduce it slowly after a month. – I can’t take any more calls from HR on my attitude
  4. Do not eat after 7pm. – I’m not even hungry at 7!
  5. Go to bed early.  – Is Midnight early enough because I can never fall asleep before then?
  6. If hungry late at night, drink water to curb your appetite. – And then I wake up two or three times to “pee” due to a full bladder
  7. Eat small portions every two hours. – Umm I have a real job and a busy work schedule . I can’t be telling my boss I need to go eat in the midst of a meeting.
  8. Stop eating Peanut Butter – Steups if loving PB is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right!!!
  9. Start counting calories – Steups…..One calorie (gulp), two calories (slurp)…..
  10. Replace a meal with a Slim Fast Drink – How about I just slap you now?
  11. Herbalife – All this money and the product barely lasting two weeks?
  12. Have Ramen Noodles at least twice a day instead of a regular meal. – I’m guessing Hypertension is a preferred dieting state.
  13. Drink Diet Soda instead of regular soda. – I’ve never seen a slim or fit person order a diet anything
  14. Do a cleanse to lose weight. – Overdosed once (or maybe twice) on a laxative and only lost time after knocking out on the toilet.
  15. Drink loads of water if you’ve had something sweet. – Ok this is what I tell myself as I think the water dilutes the sugar.
  16. Give up Pork! – SDA, Rastas, vegetarians and JWs already don’t eat it. Only one grouping in that list doesn’t contain fat people and we all know why they are so skinny.
  17. Snack on almonds if you are hungry between meals. – Does an Almond Joy count? Because almonds are expensive for me to snacking on it often.
  18. Chew your all your meats, but don’t swallow it. – What’s the point here?
  19. Cook all your meals. Don’t eat out! – Have you tasted my cooking? No? That means you are still alive.
  20. Let Roti become a once a month treat. – I’m not on allowing this kind of negativity in my life
 
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Posted by on September 7, 2017 in Entertainment, Fitness, Food, Humor, RANT

 

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WEEK 30 – ESTEBAN’S FINALE

WEEK 30 – ESTEBAN’S FINALE

  1. “Darkie, Lemme go in front yuh nah! . All I have is this toilet paper”

“Is that how you ask a stranger for a favor?”

“Me aint have time for this nah.”

“Well stay right behind me since you obviously have no manners”

“Steups! All dat attitude for simple pass?”

“If you don’t understand what you did wrong then I can’t help you”

“Ah can’t stand allyuh bullers yuh know”

“Because I’m asking you to have manners, I’m a buller? Well this buller aint letting you pass!”

(Crowd behind chuckles)

  • Either Trouble has magical powers or I need to get new chains as she keeps getting loose and I can’t figure out how.
  • Saw a lonely puppy in the road and opted not to adopt for two reasons. (a) I don’t want to stress out Trouble and (b) I think she might drive the puppy to suicide ( Lord knows she bullies Heff and he is resilient most times but its takes a toll on him)
  • Within the past three weeks I’ve met 5 people with degrees from DeVry University. I still remember when it was just an IT school.
  • “Food by the Pound” places are not for me. My serving hand is too heavy no matter how hard I try take smaller servings.
  • You know things are bad with you when a homeless person can tell you to reduce your salt intake in order to get rid of your water weight.
  • Even worse when said homeless person recognizes you as someone he admired from Primary School but you have no idea who he is and his name isn’t familiar.
  • I think I had way to much fun anonymously commenting on all those people who were foolhardy enough to join SARAHAH. I however didn’t make everyone’s Instagram Story-feeds. I think some were blanked out or I just wasn’t funny enough. Two hours well spent. Heh heh heh heh heh *rubs palms together…
  • I’m not sure if the “Summer Movie Season” has started. I haven’t felt compelled to go weekly to see a movie as in years passed. Can’t see myself rushing to see Dunkirk.
  • Stared at a former co-worker like she was a freshly baked Coconut Bake with melted cheese. She didn’t appreciate the comparison until I explained to her how delectable such a combination is in the minds of most people.
  • Was invited to a take a short trip with a group of people I barely know but I opted to stay home for mental health reasons. The preservation of mine…
  • It’s always interesting when people who delete me from their Facebook profile try to send me a friend request and say “ deleted in error”. Umm you were sure when Facebook asked you twice before unfriending me, so what happen now? #foreverpetty #steups #missmewiththisBS
  • My Nikon D90 is on its last legs. I can feel the difference in its operation and the hesitation when I’m trying to snap a quick picture
  • Why do people expect me to get them birthday presents when they don’t even give me a “dinner mint” for mine. BTW if you give me a mint for my birthday, know full well you are getting the same one back on your day.

 

This is my last Weekly Chronicle for 2017. I thought I could keep up with it but my life just isn’t as interesting as I thought it was.

So keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!

 

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WEEK 27–ESTEBAN’S SQUINT!

WEEK 27–ESTEBAN’S SQUINT!

  1. Week 27 and still not a Lotto winner. Off to work I go. Jesus, it seems you are really insistent on me working hard for everything I have? #patienceisvirtue
  2. If you are over 35 and you are telling me you going Wi-Fi silent, it means you have no data plan. At your age? Come now! #imjudgingyouopenly #judgeing #judgedread #postpaid #stopbeingcheap
  3. Cleaned the oven this weekend and realized that those oven cleaner fumes are potent. Think I knocked out for a five minutes on the floor of the kitchen.
  4. When you go drinking on a Saturday night and after your 3rd drink you stop because (a) your tolerance level is low (b) People started to look cute and (c) you started to feel chatty. Should’ve had Malta instead. #lightweight
  5. Dear Massy Stores, I don’t opt to pay your higher prices on food stuff so that I could pack my own groceries and tote it all to the car. Get your act together! #massystores #lazy
  6. So one part Heineken Beer and two parts Coke = Green Sands. Let’s see….Attempt Number 9 – when did I finish the Coke? I think I have an alcohol problem. Thanks eh Gerard Morton!
  7. .Nitpicking causes me to shut down. If I have reviewed something thoroughly and someone asks for cosmetic changes, I don’t do it. I’m over the document and have moved on.
  8. I’m ignoring the disrespectful people who asking how did Trouble do for SEA. She is doing SEA next year people!!
  9. While I try to stay out of politics, all I want to say is: Shouldn’t a Deputy Political Leader of a Party know better or understand the importance of Protocol?
  10. I find it rude and offensive when my main and back up toilets in the office are in use by other people. I’ve spent too much time gathering data on their locations in relation to my bowel movements for BOTH to be occupied at the SAME time. People are so insensitive!
  11. Is it a local conspiracy that if you order Beef on a pizza from ANY pizza place, they are so stingy with it that you have to search for the meat on the pizza like search for some politicians’ integrity? What going on? Why you doing it?
  12. I think I officially gave up on the Facebook Tests after they told me that I was 100% Indian and that my calling is to be a Pastor. Umm not even if I can recite Kanchan and Babla ultimate song “Kuch Gadbad Hai” and “Robobobo Shatai “with the best of them means this stuff is true.
  13. TRUTH: I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I kinda still don’t know but I fell into certain fields that gave me opportunities beyond my reach.
  14. So KFC’s Smoke N Fire Chicken may not be spicy going in but coming out the other end…..Well Let’s just say I asked/pleaded for Divine Intervention.
  15. This is the end of the first week of July and TN AUTO still does not have my car ready. I am thinking of Legal Action at this point. No one is this slow intentionally!
 
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Posted by on July 7, 2017 in Emotions, Food, Humor, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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