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Category Archives: Humor

The Search Is Over….


Ever so often, I have a habit of “googling” myself.

It’s mainly done to check to see if there are any scandalous photos, blogs, writings or messages about me somewhere in cyberspace.

Yes, yes I know, I am not THAT important, but once in a while a reality check is required to ensure my ego is grounded in my version of reality.

Nothing much changes everytime I look. Some kid with a helicopter something always seem to be starring with my name.

Then….

Lo and behold I google images of myself and discover this!!
http://mugshots.com/US-Counties/South-Carolina/Unsorted-SC/Stefan-Simmons.8358286.html

There is a Man in South Carolina who has been arrested for a sexual offence that has my name!

http://mugshots.com/US-Counties/South-Carolina/Unsorted-SC/Stefan-Simmons.8358286/details/

We look nothing alike and I am slightly taller with no scars but it is still frightening to think that there is a Stefan Simmons out there that is a sexual offender and therefore ruining a good name!

Alas it is among one of his many aliases but why did he have to choose MY name?

Sigh….

Then a thought got stuck in my head:
Is this an older version of me?

Now let’s look at stuff.
1- I’m still single.
2- Receding Hairline occurring.
3- No Mortgage
4- A Loner
5- Moody

Could things gets so bad that I resort to a life of crime?

Hahahahahahahahahaha

Oh Hell NO!

Things will NEVER get that bad with me! Plus he goes by aliases including Mustapha Al…..I know they gonna search me at the airport for this name..Abdul (or something like that).

Ok so I’m gonna give this googling my name a rest for awhile and hopefully this mugshot of this guy will disappear soon.

 
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Posted by on August 6, 2013 in Humor, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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As Good As It Gets!


I was honestly going to let it slide but since my brain can’t let things rest until I have aired it outside of my head, here goes…….

Late Sunday night, I got a Facebook alert telling me someone had mentioned me in a comment. Curious as to why I am being mentioned (plus I like the attention) I looked;

Here is the result:

keron-1
Umm I was shocked at the detail he went into and how personally he took every aspect of the movie. Many things sprung to mind the day after this Facebook post and here are a couple thoughts (some were expressed to him on his page).

• It is a freaking Zombie movie! What part of reality is this based?
• Someone takes my reviews seriously?
• Were there no positive racial tones in the movie? Wait! it’s a FREAKING movie about ZOMBIES!!! WHO CARES?

I read all the comments on his page and only one conclusion came to mind.

People actually take my movie reviews seriously?

I mean, come now, I post three to four sentence dribbles about movies I have seen on my Flixster account and some of those comments may appear on my Facebook page but I really don’t make much out of it. I just see it as one human ranting succinctly on stuff. However, to think that there are people out there who value my opinion on something…well… I feel….honored…even though my opinion is always just that.
MY OPINION! Ebert & Roeper I’m certainly not!

I have been known to be wrong on some occasions, not many, but just a few occasions.

I love movies! Always have, always will. I am one of those children that didn’t play outside much. It’s not that children didn’t want to play with me, there was just so much going on, on TV, in books and in the Cinema!!! Who wants to get sweaty when you can lie down with a good book and a pack of Crix or be in front of the TV with a bag of “Rough Tops” or “Shirley” biscuits, or at the movies with my usual staple: A Large popcorn and a bottle of water! Sigh…the simple pleasures

I just relish what I see on screen and transport myself into each and every world that is displayed. Of course, during the course of my life, I have exhibited behaviour like Keron and therefore expressed my displeasure at either the lack of “black” characters in a movie or the fact that they always die off early. Then I realised, if it’s a good movie, what does it matter? If these things bothered me so much then obviously I should be doing something about it instead of just complaining or boycotting movies.

But I digress….My awakening to how stupid I was being came one day in London while watching De-Lovely with my friend Matthew in one of the Odeon Cinemas. The movie was going really well and I was thoroughly enjoying it and then it happened: Nearing the end of the movie, they snuck in Natalie Cole singing “Every time We Say Goodbye”. At what was supposed to be a poignant and heartfelt moment in the movie, I let out a loud “Steups” and said “this is when they bring the black woman in?” Matthew was not pleased at all and afterwards made me realise that instead of enjoying the movie for what it was, I turned it into something about race, instead of what it was meant to be; a moment to have allergies at up.

I wouldn’t say that from that moment on, I was cured of my affliction, but over time I realised that if I made an effort to see someone’s work on the screen (be it Josh Whedon, M. Night Shama-lama-ding-dong, Adam Sandler or gulp Tyler Perry) I deserved to let them tell their story the way they wanted it told. After all it is THEIR story. Afterwards, I would make my usual comments about poor script or plot development or bad acting but I would never bring race into the issue, unless it was blatant like what George Lucas did in the Star Wars Prequels. Then again all those Prequels were bad on so many levels, you realise that all the money he had could not save a big budget disappointment.

Now I can expound on the virtues of loving yourself and understanding your place in the universe or ensuring that people create positive images for young children to look up to but that is not my place.

My place is as a viewer. To drink the “kool aid’ on screen and if it doesn’t agree with me, then so be it!

As I look over World War Z in my mind, for what it was it still isn’t a bad movie. I may not have agreed with some choices made by the director but the movie was entertaining. I loved that they chose to make the zombies fast paced and manic. It set my heart racing and well, my bladder could not hold the 32 oz drink for the entire movie, since my stomach contracted way too many times during certain scenes. I would definitely watch it again.

While Keron sought to highlight every bad decision people made in the movie using black characters, he somehow failed to see the bad other races (Well only Caucasians as he put it) did or even asked himself if he would have made a similar choice if he was in that particular situation.

SPOILER ALERT: I too would’ve made the same choice the Deputy Secretary General of the UN made once I thought Brad Pitt’s character was dead. Why was I keeping them on the ship taking up space? He transported them to a secure facility in Canada and not back to a zombie infested city!

So what if the black police officer decided to get some groceries too in the midst of chaos, is his family supposed to go hungry while the entire world goes crazy? At least he didn’t try to kill anyone like the Caucasian man was doing to Brad Pitt’s wife. Steups, why am I justifying a zombie movie!!

It irks me when people get all black conscious in a movie when those same people would sit through a stinking Tyler Perry movie that does nothing to uplift the image of black people beyond the stereotypes of being people who pray a lot after cussing out everyone for the first half of the movie (Sorry that’s called redemption). Every so-called heroine in a Tyler Perry movie needs a man to save her! Why is that? I just don’t get it!

At some point we need to get over ourselves. If we are not the agent for change in our lives then don’t expect others to do it for us!. If you cannot handle or like the way black characters are handled in movies then DON’T WATCH THEM!!! It is always going to upset you.

I am not saying to be totally blind but at some point your decisions have to be either to avoid these things that offend you or DO something about it or just grin and bear it.

I leave you all with a quote from a character called Melvin Udall from the movie  “As Good As It Gets”! Yes the movie had a low minority presence and the woman he said this line to was Latina (but it didn’t offend me).

“Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here!”

 
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Posted by on July 2, 2013 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, Movies, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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Breaking The Law


Breaking The Law

So there I was, stuck in traffic entering Diego Martin. Traffic is moving really slow and so I pick up my blackberry to check an email I just got from the office. I was reading it and getting really angry by its contents when all of a sudden I looked up and realised that a police woman was stopping traffic. She then turned to me and directed me to pull to the side of the road.

Ugh!! Are you serious? She is pulling me to side? I can’t believe this!

So I park and she walks up to the car window with her arms crossed and says:

PW: I can’t believe you were doing what you were doing?

Me: *silence*

PW: I was shocked that you didn’t even realise there was a police presence around you

Me: *silence*

PW: May I have your documents please

Me: Sure.

 

I reached inside my glove compartment and pulled everything out for her. She took them and walked back to her vehicle.

I guess you were wondering about my silence? Umm what was I going to say? I know when I’m beaten and I wasn’t taking a chance to answer in any form of a tone so that I may be carted off to jail because I was sarcastic or something. My brain kept telling me: “Hush Boy!” “Hush yuh mouth!”. Don’t speak!

After she entered her vehicle, every expletive I can think of starts flooding my mind as I am totally upset with myself for this infraction. I sit there and I can’t seem to recall what is the new fine for being on your phone while driving? I seem to think it is between $2000 and $5000. I of course calculate these things in lost CD purchases and then I realise that I might be eating Crix and drinking water for the rest of the month when I get this ticket.

She returns to my car and hands me back my license and insurance.

PW: Sir, is the address on your Driver’s Permit your correct address?

Me: Yes Maam

PW: Ok, then you will receive a summons in the mail

Me: A Summons? No no no no no no no.

PW: How yuh feeling now!

Me: No! what happened to the ticket? Why can’t I get a ticket? (my lips are squivering here!)

PW: Well sir, we do not have any books to issue tickets so you will get a summons in the mail

Me: That means I have to appear in front of a magistrate and stand in the criminal box at the court house?

PW: How yuh feeling now

Me: Like a Cunumunu!

PW: Ah ha. Yuh see! Now was that phone call that important?

Me: I wasn’t talking on the phone but reading an email. Traffic had not moved in awhile and so I started to read it

PW: An email!! Oh this makes it even worse! Can I see your phone?

Me: Sure! But why?

PW: I want to see if you responded to the email.

Me: I had not!

She takes my phone and looks at it and then returns it back to me.

PW: Well sir! You will now know not to drive and text.

Me: Umm is there any chance I can get a ticket? Can I drive you to the station to get a ticket book or something?

PW: (laughs) You funny yes! Unfortunately there are no ticket books and that is why you are getting a summons

Me: Just my luck! I am going to be embarrassed for all eternity

PW: I know how you feel. I had to appear before one two years ago because I decide to park next to a “No Parking” sign and I am supposed to know better. None of us are above the law

Me: I understand that but I just rather not have to go before a judge and feel worse than I already am at this point.

PW: Well sir, that’s how it is! Do have a good day!

Me: Thank you Officer…

PW: Beckles. Officer Beckles.

Me: Thank you Officer Beckles. I guess we will see each other again in court?

PW: I doubt it but make sure the next time I see you it is not for this offence!

Me: Yes Maam. Have a good weekend

PW: You too!

And there you have it folks. I am officially a criminal!

Feel free to pass me straight in the road.

I will keep you updated when I get the summons and when I have to go to court, but after this experience, my weekend was just “Bleh”!

And would you beleive that I caught myself text at a traffic light the next day and almost jumped out of my skin! Smh! We criminals never learn!

How was your weekend?

 
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Posted by on February 4, 2013 in Emotions, Humor, RANT

 

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THIS IS 40!


As I turn to rise and stretch my hand to take off the series of alarms that go off, to herald a new work day, I take a moment to say “Thank you God” for my life and especially for the blessing of being able to see my 40TH Birthday.

This morning I smell of “Absorbine Junior” due to the fact that my right shoulder hurts from exercising on Friday and not necessarily as a result of old joints.  I look in the bathroom mirror and see me: A very low almost bald type haircut, (I started taking it a couple years ago, owing to the receding hairline) and specks of gray hair that started to pop up. My goatee is neatly trimmed and also speckled with gray but this one I can bear. My body is slowly finding a nice form. I have lost 15 pounds and went from a trouser size of 38 to 36 and my clothing fits so much better.  I no longer have a second trimester belly! So good things are happening.

I have not had the desire to buy any hair dying products as yet and I think it has to do with denial of my age.

In the life of a normal person, at the age of 40, I would be married (insert name of person I thought was “The One”), with at least two children (Tallulah and Dylan), a mortgage or two, two dogs, a stray cat and a good job. Instead, I am single, no children (except my sisters, my personal trainer, TSTT/BMobile, and my parents), renting and a great job that affords me the opportunity to delve into other passions without being too upset. Life’s not bad.

I did not try to see the movie “This is 40” as I found it insulting that these people were haivng a crisis at that age when mine is yet to begin!

I am FORTY years old.  It’s so hard to believe that I am this old! I have spent four decades on this planet. Two Score!  Strange though…I don’t feel old! My knees may beg to differ but what do you expect from trying to be limber all during my teenage year when I knew nothing about the word “exercise” or “warm up”!!

I am plain and boring for 40. I don’t smoke. I rarely drink but I do enjoy a sip of an alcoholic beverage every now and then. There are no tattoos, no piercings or any kind on my body. My biggest act of rebellion was my attempt at a ras that didn’t last long as the Trinidad heat was too much for all that hair! There were no jerry (gheri) curls and designs in my head. I was the simple child. No protest or trouble from me. All I wanted was peanut butter and bread with apple juice in the house. Simple stuff!

Hmmmm….

When I thought of writing this blog, many ideas came to mind and the only one that stuck for any length of time is… If I could go back in time what would I tell my younger selves at the turn of each decade? And so, knowing that even if I could go back in time, I should not alter the past but just make myself aware of certain events. Would that still be right? Would my younger selves even acknowledge me on or would they look at me with disdain? Lord knows when I was younger I rolled my eyes or nodded at everything people told me but ignored it. Oh well… here goes.

1983

Dear Ten Year old Stefan,

Life is going to change a lot after you do Common Entrance next year. New School. New People. New Teachers and new forms of torture. Be prepared in Secondary school as the shock of not coming First in end of term exams doesn’t go well for you the first time, but you learn to cope.  You will be popular in school and even jeered at but know that it’s all in good fun. You will fight with a guy named Dale St. Rose a lot and you will lose everytime so try to keep your wisecracks to yourself.

Mommy will change churches and it will result in your tv time schedules being disrupted but you will adapt. Be very weary of “Church people”. They may all love God but they certainly do not love other people.

There will be romantic links but nothing significant and you will lose your cherry but I wont tell you when (It goes by really really fast). The strong romantic links will come when you change schools for 6th Form. I won’t tell you what school you change to but just know, those years will mark the start of some great experiences and a few academic rewards that you never thought possible.

You will get more siblings during this period and your family will increase in size otherwise. I can’t say more but don’t worry, you will pay it no mind.

This may be a shock to you but not everyone you meet will like you and some may even try to kill your spirit.

Ignore them!

Believe in yourself!

Don’t ever give up on the Dream!

P.S You can sing!! So ignore it when a teacher puts you in the “B” Choir. She has no idea what she is doing. Keep on singing in the shower!

1993

Dear Twenty Year old Stefan,

Ok forget your teenage years, life changes here in ways you never expected. You are going to start UWI in September and you need to prepare yourself for this new world. UWI will be fun but it teaches you some really important lessons on friendships and on trusting people.

I can’t tell you when, but you will be hurt deeply during this period. It will change your outlook on most things but you need to understand that it is all for the best. It will be hard to see it then but trust me when I say it gets better.

Grooming takes on different and new meanings in this period. Adjust quickly. You will also take awhile to find the right deodarant. You won’t stink up the place but extreme sweaty arm issues will abound during this period. 

Oh and after you leave school you will balloon into a small whale. This is when your weight issues will kick in and you will struggle with them for awhile. You get a really good job in banking (don’t knock it) and it gives you the opportunity to travel more than you have before and you even live in a couple countries.

In 2002, you will do something way outside your comfort zone and you will be rewarded.

I can’t tell you what it is but it ties into the fact that I told you when you were ten that you could sing!

Don’t ever give up on the dream!

2003

Dear Thirty Year Old Stefan,

Hmmm so you live HamburgGermany eh? Hahahahahahaha who would’ve thought? I am so proud of you and what you have accomplished! You are braver than I thought possible and for that I wish I was you all over again. Oh BTW people are spreading some wild rumors about you becaus  of this move but don’t let it bother you even if you are shocked at the sources.

This decade is going to be one of ups and downs and you won’t always be in Germany but wherever you end up you will have fun.

It is sort of sad to say but there will be no great love for you in this decade but trust me when I say you will meet some people that will change your life for the better! There will however be a woman who will sweep you off your feet when you meet her and all I will say is that her initials are KT.

You will see Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston and a host of other artistes live and up close. Try not to freak or scream out as you are a grown man now.

You are still a bit cynical on love and “Church people” but you are clearer on who God is in your life and what a relationship with him means to you so don’t be too worried. Don’t lose your generous spirit in the wake of all the liars, thieves and other shady types of people you will meet in work and in life. Just be smarter in the way you handle stuff.

There will be many people who claim to be in love with you or express love for you and you will not feel the same or question it. It’s okay to question it but don’t be too harsh. 

Keep your head up! Coming down to the end your resolve will be tested but as you would’ve come to realise by now, God never leaves your side. So don’t lose faith!

Don’t ever give up on the dream!

——–

2013

Dear Stefan,

You are not done. There is still much to do on this road of life despite you feeling over-the-hill. Please ensure that there is at least one Photography Exhibit of your work somewhere beyond your living room or computer. And it wouldn’t kill you to at least try and do a music set in a some little bar all by yourself.

The Dream is still alive!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

 
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Posted by on January 28, 2013 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor

 

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Turkey Lurkey Time


Did you know that there are over 35 ways to prepare and bake a turkey? Did you there are over 650 related recipes? I did not know. Rather I had no clue that to bake a turkey was such a feat requiring super strength, dexterity, skill and tones of patience. If I had known this from before, my mother’s request for me to prepare the Turkey and Ribs for Christmas lunch would have yielded a negative response. (Yeah right, like I could say no to my mother!)  It would have resulted in me ordering the stuff before and laying it out nice and neat as if I had prepared it. Did you know that HiLo will prepare a turkey for you once you ask? Who knew!.

BTW, in case you haven’t caught on as yet, I am no cook/chef/wiz in the kitchen. When I tell people that my skill is ordering food, they doubt me. Give me a list of people and I can precisely determine the amount of food you will need from any particular restaurant. Chinese food restaurants are very easy for me. I don’t think it’s a gift but it just developed overtime. I of course ignore those “special needs” idiots who need “leg and thigh only” or “peas must not touch the meat”. They need to be delivered from their neuroses.

Anyway, I digress. I decided that I would bake the turkey myself and of course, being the great chef that I am, I decided to defrost the turkey on Christmas Eve day. I took the turkey out of the fridge around 8am that morning and just left it in a bucket filled with water in  the sink while I ran errands and sourced the ribs for Christmas Day.

I didn’t fully understand, well comprehend that a turkey must be fully defrosted before baking otherwise all kinds of health concerns can arise and sundry baking drama. I read all of this on the internet over the days leading up to the baking moment and I just couldn’t understand why anyone would go through so much trouble for a stinking turkey when to cook/bake a chicken one does not go through all this drama.

Anyway, around 4pm, I settled down in front of the computer to decide on a final recipe for this turkey. The day before, a guy had told me that I needed to brine the turkey for like 12 hours and then stuff seasoning under the skin and everything would be ok. I had no idea what “brining” was nor was I leaving a turkey out in any kind of solution for 12 hours to achieve the moisture and taste he described.

Anyway, I settled on the recipe of an Australian Chef who simply took a big stick of butter (garlic I think) and mixed in some herbs and spices (parsley, rosemary, thyme yadda yadda yadda) into the butter and them he proceeded to put this mixture under the skin of the bird and viola, he was done. I liked it! It seemed simple enough and I would have no problem with the seasoning as I had loads of it at home. What I did not have was the type of butter he recommended. I assumed Blue Band and Flora Margarine spread would not do. So off I ran to True Value to get this special butter.

While at True Value, I kept searching for the special butter and kept getting upset as I realised that I might have to drive to Hi-Lo Alyce Glen for greater butter variety. As I was about to leave, I saw a friend named Kurt and I told him of my butter woes. He told me that I was creating work for myself. We walked me over to a section of the grocery where alot of Chinese products were and he handed me a bottle of “Chinese Chicken Marinade” and told me to bathe the turkey in that and placed it in an oven bag and all would be fine.

I was a tad confused. I asked innocently, “Umm why would I put chicken marinade on a turkey?” He stared at me as if I had donkey ears coming out of my head. Turkey is Chicken boy and it is just a sauce! I didn’t question his logic. I took the bottle of marinade and also picked up some oven bags and headed home.

I stared at the turkey for awhile when I got home. 

It big eh?

This bugger was big! There were still a few parts of it that were cold and slightly frozen, so I knew I had at least an hour or more before I placed it in the oven. And so I began to work! I got out my seasoning and placed it under the skin of the turkey (Oh I used some lime juice before as brine solution but I think the only effect it had was…well none). I then placed the turkey in a big bowl I had (that was too small for it but it had to work) and began to pour the chicken marinade on it.

After about two or six coats of the marinade on the turkey, I covered it down for 45 minutes to let the marinade soak in. I came back to the turkey a couple times within that 45 minutes just to baste it over and over so that all the juices stayed it.

At 7:25pm, I decided it was time to place the turkey in the oven. I had set the oven a few minutes before to 425 so that it would be ready for the bird.  I placed it in a tray and then proceeded to waits for the 3 hours it was estimated on the Butterball label that it would take to bake.

Here Goes!

Somewhere in my mind and mixed up in all the info I had devoured, that oven setting of 425 made sense. It was only 40 minutes later when I decided to check the Butterball directions that I saw the setting was actually to be 325! I ran quickly to the oven and changed it. I prayed that the turkey suffered no damage.

Being in the oven bag I realised that I could not keep basting the turkey like I had read so I trusted that this bag would seal in the juices and provide a succulent bird.

At 11:15, I jumped up from in front of my computer and ran to the kitchen as I realised that the bird had been baking beyond the required time. I am ashamed to say that Angry Birds Friends Tournament on Facebook was the reason I lost track of time.

I took it out and well here is the result below:

Oh Lord What ah do here?

Oh Lord What ah do here?

I got scared immediately. The damn thing was burnt and it didn’t look brown and tasty like the one the Australian chef has taken out of his oven. It looked sick! I didn’t cut it or taste it that night as I feared that I might just chug the entire thing in the dustbin and order KFC chicken the next day! Thank goodness I remembered that Christmas Day is the ONLY day that KFC is closed in Trinidad.  So I covered that bugger down and prayed for the best.  The Ribs fared much better and I must say everyone was pleased the next day except me.

On cutting the turkey on Christmas Day I discovered that the top part of the breast area was rather dry. The other parts of the turkey were rather moist and tasty but my OCD only concentrated on the dry portion.  I was disappointed.

Everything went off well on Christmas Day and I was told by everyone that they will look forward to another succulent bird for Christmas 2013.

I nodded in agreement as I knew that someone will be baking that damn thing for me next time. No headache again.

How was your Christmas?

P.S. I was “Detour” T-shirtless this Christmas. Finally, the Gods have heard my cry!!

 
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Posted by on January 9, 2013 in Food, Holidays, Humor

 

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2012 – My Lists (Entertainment)


Not that my lists matter in the grand scheme of things but here is how my 2012 went in terms of movies, music television and books.

MUSIC – ALBUMS

I bought over 50 albums this year and it is sad to say but i barely listened to music this year. I don’t know what had me so distracted but i felt as if nothing much was moving me and this year’s crop of tunes were no help. There were alot of cool songs but when it came to albums, well let’s say, i will be buying less and less albums as the years go by and just more songs

BEST:

  1. Pink – Truth About Love: Pink ROCKS!! She kicks ASS! And this album is a gem amongst the drivel of bad albums I had this year.  Try, The Great Escape, and Slut Like Me are always on repeat.
  2. Emelie Sande – Our Version of Events : While I still believe this album chronicles a break up in all it stages. It is still a refreshing sound from this artist. “Clown” is my favourite song.
  3. Robert Glasper Experiment – Black Radio: Recommended by a friend and loved for life by me. This refreshing Jazz infused album just flooded my ears and found a home within. Lalah Hathaway, Meshell and Ledisi sing on it. Need I say more? Listen to “Gonna Be Alright” featuring Ledisi as an introduction, then hear Lalah’s “Cherish the Day” and stay for more.
  4. Lionel Richie – Tuskegee : I bought this on a slow day and found myself loving the country twang on these remakes of his classic songs. What a way to refresh an artist’s catalogue.
  5. Pitch Perfect Original Movie Soundtrack – Such a great movie and such a fun soundtrack. Since You’ve Been Gone and the Bella’s Finale medley are killer.
  6. Maroon 5 – Overexposed : Solid Album
  7. Delta Rae – Carry The Fire: “Bottom of the river” and its video hooked me and “When Tomorrow Comes” made me buy the album and savour it!
  8. Ella Andell – Bring Down the Power.: While stuck in Piarco Airport for 3 hours waiting for a LIAT flight to Curacao to arrive, I heard this album in its entirety and realised that I have been neglecting the awesomeness of this lady of the soil with a killer voice.

MUSIC – IN PURGATORY

  1. Frank Ocean – Channel Orange : Because of  all the hype surrounding him, I haven’t even taken the wrapper off the album.
  2. Brandy – Two Eleven: Despite the auto-tuned voice all over this album, I enjoyed a few tracks after it got stuck in now defunct stereo.
  3. Heather Headley – Only One in the World: I wanted and wished to love this album more than anything else but it felt incomplete for me and just missing her magic. It’s not a bad album just not my favorite from her. “I Wish” still remains a classic song.

 

MUSIC ALBUMS – WORST

  1. Macy Gray – Covered (A voice can grate on your ears for so long without causing it to bleed)
  2. No Doubt – Push and Shove (Right to the back of my music collection! What the hell was this?)
  3. LMFAO – Sorry For Party Rocking (and for buying this waste of time album even if it was on sale)

MOVIES

Best:

  • Pitch Perfect
  • Argo
  • Life of Pi
  • The Avengers
  • Chronicle
  • Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
  • 21 Jump Street – still shocked I liked it
  • Ted – irreverent and hilarious

Worst

  • Prometheus – I fell asleep twice trying to watch it
  • Total Recall – I recall it not being this much Bovine Excreta! Kate Beckinsale rocked though!
  • Rock of Ages –still trying to figure out what went wrong with this movie. Oh Yeah it was a really bad Broadway Show!!
  • Dark Shadows! –Ah want meh money back!
  • Savages – See Dark Shadows
  • Taken 2 – took my money is right
  • Tyler Perry movie and actor!! –
  • All Adam Sandler releases
  • The Expendables 2 – so disappointed in this sequel

SIDE NOTE::Let me just state that I refuse to acknowledge how much I liked Breaking Dawn Part 2 but that was mainly because Bella actually had a personality. Who knew being dead improved her insufferable whorish teenage ways!  The Fight scene in the open field is what made me appreciate suffering through all the other awful ones, but I REFUSE to make mention of it on any list!!

 

TELEVISION

Best

  • Scandal (Guilty Pleasure) – You can ignore the over-acting and some unbelievable scenarios and just fall into this drama that keeps you on your toes and your heart racing.
  • Downton Abbey – brings out the aristocracy in us all. The Dowager Countess Lady Grantham kicks ass!
  • Arrow
  • Homeland
  • Duck Hunters
  • The Voice –USA
  • New Girl
  • Mindy Kaling Project
  • Tosh.0 – I cant help but watch this clip show!

Worst – I have given up on you

  • True Blood – I don’t know what this season was about but I’m glad it’s over.
  • Boardwalk Empire – Errr
  • Once Upon A Time – I am lost!
  • Grey’s Anatomy – Enough with the Meredith suffering crap!!
  • X Factor USA – This show is just awful

BOOKS

This is embarassing but out of the 20 books i purchased over the course of this year, i have only fully read two of them.

  • Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan
  • Perks of being a Wall Flower – Stephen Chbosky

Both were really good I am also not ashamed to say that the first book is geared towards young adults/teenagers but the writing is so good and takes me back to my love of Greek/Roman Mythology.

Here are the books that I have started but yet to complete:

  • NW- Zadie Smith (My fear is that this will be as bad as The Autograph Man)
  • The Power of Six- Pittacus Lore (Sequel to I am Number Four)
  • The Night Circus – Erin Morgenstern
  • Look Who It Is Alan Carr My Story – Alan Car (Very funny but still don’t know why I never picked it back up)
  • A Storm of Swords – George RR Martin (I am told it gets really good but I find the pages with Kaleesi to be insufferable and so I keep putting it down)

I would honestly blame my fickle personality to not be able to commit to a book but honestly, there are books from last year i am yet to complete. It took 2 years to finish Midnight’s Children and I still wasn’t over the moon in love with it like most other people were.

Here’s to 2013 and may my focus return so that these lists will make more sense in the future.

 
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Posted by on December 31, 2012 in Books, Entertainment, Humor, Movies, Music, TV

 

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Love Actually


People have asked me, if I have ever been in love and when my response results in a “No” , they are shocked. It is the common belief that we have all been in love at some point in time

By my definition or “understanding” of love, I have to say that I have been “in like”, “strong infatuation” and “in lust” way too many times, but love…ummm never!

I am sure of it!

Then this happens………

On Wednesday afternoon, I pick up my god-daughter, Kai, from school to carry her home to Chaguanas.  All is going as planned so far. We first stop off at Hi-Lo in Woodbrook to secure a juice box, some gummi bears and bottle of water. While there she spots a toy purse with Dora the Explorer plastered all over it.

Kai: Uncle Tefan can I get Dora please!

I smile and first think if her mommy would be pleased if I purchased it. Fearing a sharp scolding and probably a thump in the head, I answered Kai:

Me: No Kai, we will get you Dora for Christmas, but not now

Kai’s face gives a slightly puzzled look and continues to look at the toy.

Kai: But I want Elmo

Me: Well will see about getting you those things for Christmas

Kai: But ah want it now.

I smile and push the stuff towards the Cashier to ring up and pretend she didn’t almost win an argument with me. I can’t always be a pushover.

Ok we are off again.

photo 2

There is a heavy amount of traffic on Wrightson Road and as a result we are stuck in it with slight movement every few minutes or so. Kai was singing to a song on the radio when all of sudden it was announced:

Kai: Uncle Tefan, I need to wee wee.

Me: (slightly panicking) Oh ok Kai, we will get you to a place just now.

Traffic is not moving an inch. I see Capital Plaza (formerly Crowne Plaza) ahead and I think it is an ideal spot for her to use the bathroom.

Two minutes later……….

Kai: Uncle Tefan I think it coming down!

Now, listen, I am not about to let my goddaughter pee at the side of the road like some proletariat’s offspring so I start looking at options.

  1. I can park the car and run with her in my hands to Capital Plaza and hopefully she can make it there.
  2. I have an empty glad container in the car and she can use that until we can sort stuff out.

Ok, yes I know the last idea was very bad but I was worried about her discomfort in slow moving traffic.

We start creeping to London Street and I see this Tyre shop called “Quick Service” at the corner and realise that if traffic were moving faster we could be by Capital Plaza in no time.

Kai: Uncle Tefan I have to go.

With that statement I climb the pavement and drive into the Tyre Shop, grab her out of the car and ask the woman at the front desk if there is a customer bathroom nearby. She points me in the direction of it and we are off.

We get there only to discover that the door is locked and therefore someone is inside.

Kai: Why we not going in?

Me: Because the door is locked so that means someone is in there. Hopefully they will finish quickly to help out this little girl who needs to use the bathroom (said in the direction of the door)

Did you think that person took me on?

Oh hell no, Mr Man came took his time and came out like 5 minutes later while everyone in the store could see the child’s discomfort. He didn’t even apologise. We had to clear the way to let him pass as he was a portly gentleman and I braced myself for the smell that might follow his extended bathroom visit.

Thankfully, the smell was mild and we got through the ordeal without any soiled clothing.

Disaster averted.

We drove up to Chaguanas incident free but I did have to play Glee’s version of  Gangnyam Style like 10 times because she wasn’t interested in hearing any other song I had in my Car’s CD player or iPod.

photo 3

  After dropping her home and driving back down to town, I realised that my fear wasn’t her wetting my car seats, I worried about the humiliation she would feel over the incident and how uncomfortable the rest of the trip might have been for her.

It was at that moment that it hit me. I love this child unconditionally. My first impulse was not to protect my nice recently acquired car or the upholstery (which is normally my modus operandi when dealing with adults who sit in my car), it was the child’s well being.

Wow, am I growing up?

So this is the way love feels? Hmm not bad.

I could grow to like this!

 
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Posted by on December 21, 2012 in Family, Humor, Travel, Uncategorized

 

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