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WEEK 24 – ESTEBAN IS FROM MARS


  1. I think the 30 minute wait for a roti at Don’s should be declared a criminal offence. You must know your daily traffic and volumes by now to fix this problem! But OOOOH the roti tasted GOOD!
  2. Saw the video from Mad Cobra’s “Flex” in a taxi on Saturday night. The driver had a tablet built into his Nissan Sentra dashboard for passenger viewing. I had forgotten how boring that video was.
  3. Had two people, on separate occasions, point out afterwards that the respective cashiers were flirting with me. While I’m so oblivious to most flirting episodes directed me; in hindsight,  I realised that my food orders  on both occasions didn’t reflect any ounce of favoritism. #theywerejustbeingpolite #imeasylikesundaymorning #iputoutforfood
  4. So Trouble has been bullying Heff since his arrival. On Sunday night, they had a fight (Instigated by Trouble, of course) and lo and behold Heff pinned Trouble to the ground briefly and she was in shock. I gave Heff the biggest hug and rub belly for that move. #proudpapa #saynotobullies
  5. Apparently Maxi Drivers don’t take too kindly when you go into another Maxi when they were apparently waiting for you. It’s only been a few weeks, why this man assuming a special friendship? It’s only $5 we are exchanging daily and mild small talk.
  6. I think I bring out the crazy in people. It may be dormant but somehow interacting with me activates this “tick”.
  7. The shock and awe when you realise the Award Winning Actor from 12 Years A Slave, & Doctor Strange (Mordo) – Chiwetel Ejiofor played the Drag Queen Lola in the Movie Kinky Boots.
  8. I’m not gaining weight, however over this week, two of my work trousers ripped in the back. I’m guessing that fitted trouser look is not for me.
  9. Sat in the front passenger seat of a Left Hand Drive Taxi and a Traffic Police officer in St James shouted at me to get off my phone. I stared at him and said “ Do you see a steering wheel near me?”. He tried to give me a “bounce” to try to diffuse the situation.
  10. Benetton staff no longer insult me about not having my size when I go shopping there. This development confuses my low self-esteem. Any recommendations for clothing store that insults their customers?
  11. I was challenged by someone (based on my Sports’ post) to “quit my bitching and man up”. Strange though, since he is the one in Family Court for Child Maintenance.
  12. Saw a woman moisturizing her leg outside the entrance of Rituals St Clair with the Jergens bottle on the table who told me to mind my business as I passed. “Oh so sorry, didn’t realise this was your bedroom!” She let out one scandalous laugh. I wasn’t moved to join in.
  13. People have been asking me if I’m willing to adopt another dog. As a single parent, I cannot afford another one especially since Trouble needs to see a Psychologist and Heff needs to be enrolled in a Sports Camp or gym (that dog lazy!!!).
  14. Little Caesar’s Pizza in Valsayn isn’t bad at all. Wings are cheaper and bigger than those you get at …………….. The pizza is ready in less than 10 mins and it’s not as oily as ……………… or as rubbery as.………… (fill in the gaps)
  15. My PS3 has given me the yellow light of death after 6 years of faithful use. No flowers by request. Monetary donations will accepted and will be forwarded to its favorite charity. ME!!!
 
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Posted by on June 16, 2017 in Emotions, Fitness, Food, Humor, Movies, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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WEEK 23- ESTEBAN IN JUNE


  1. I never knew Mangoes belonged to the list of Laxative Foods. Overdosed on Mangoes on Saturday and was wondering why I was going to the toilet so frequently.
  2. Walked into The St Ann’s Catholic Church on Sunday Morning around 9:30am and walked back out promptly and waited until I saw my hue entering said church. I felt slightly unsafe before. #paranoidmuch #fixmejesus #lordhearus #getout
  3. Haven’t been to a Catholic Mass in over a decade. Seems like they changed up some words as I normally am spot on with the responses during Mass.
  4. Was told I was wrong for letting my dogs acquire the taste for mangoes. “The last thing I need is to be competing with my dogs for any mango that drops from the tree in my yard” uttered Cindy Theroulde. #noshame
  5. SUPPRESSED MEMORY FLASHBACK: Opting not to Travel home with Schoolmates because “Fat Kathy” From Arima Senior Sec was loud and always had something disparaging to tell me and when I answered her back she always wanted to fight with me. I guess it’s decades now that I’m angering people to the point of violence
  6. Maybe I fell asleep the two times I saw Wonder Woman, but to me, it was just okay. It wasn’t brilliant or awesome. Well if compared to other DC movies, then it’s a home run but to me it was “Thor” level good. Plus I got upset every time Steve Trevor put his hand to the back of Diana as if to steer her in a direction.
  7. But Robin Wright/Claire Underwood as Antiope was “LIFE”!
  8. There must be at least a 30 minute cooling off period before one begins work when one has used public transportation. One cannot just jump into work after enduring such an ordeal. You have to refocus your chi, after being around so many different forces.
  9. Facebook must know I don’t like people as I never get these Friend Anniversary notices beyond the ones other people post.
  10. Took a walk last night to clear my head (still car-less) and ended up by KFC St. Lucien Road. I dug in my pockets and realized I only had enough for a Kids Pack. I got no toy with my meal. Sigh….
  11. Saw a picture of Crispy Skin Pork on Damian LukPat Photograpghy’s Instagram page and all of a sudden Foreigner’s “I Wanna Know What Love Is” started to play in my head.
  12. QUESTION OF THE WEEK: How come people always willing to let you take a “Cheat Day” from your diet but will crucify you for a “Cheat Day” from your spouse? Wouldn’t both scenarios hurt you in the long run?
  13. If I call an UBER, I don’t expect them to be asking me what is the best route to get to my house or even hint to me that they are not familiar with Port Of Spain. That is a Red Flag for me jump out your car and go get a Maxi.
  14. While I appreciate the Maxi Taxi driver that sometimes waits for me on mornings, I don’t need him insisting that I sit in the front seat so he could have a lively debate. It happened the first few times but its still the morning and I’m not accustomed to speaking to anyone til 9am.
  15. House of Cards has made me a serious cynic when watching American Politics. I don’t believe anything anymore.
 
 

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WEEK TWENTY TWO–ESTEBAN’S HORCRUX (May 31st -June 2nd 2017


  1. I let someone use my kitchen to bake some coconut muffins and they used EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY utensil they could find. Not even I knew that I had so many teaspoons and measuring spoons. Afterwards, my kitchen looked like New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina (too soon?). The two muffins that were left for me tasted awesome though, but my kitchen……I wonder if I qualify for ODPM assistance.(just a joke. Please no calls from ODPM)
  2. I’m realizing that the aversion/inability to wash dishes must be an undiagnosed severe medical condition. Can any Board Certified Physician on my list recommend a course of medicinal treatment?
  3. Why is it that every time I have an important meeting after lunch I make a mess on my shirt? Looks like I need a bib to eat.
  4. How many actual holidays do we have that does not require the entire population to consume Curry as a means celebrating it?
  5. NOTE TO SELF: If you are blocking someone, block them on EVERY social media platform you are on even if you are not friends with them on it.
  6. Spent most of the holiday waiting on a plumber to arrive who took three seconds and declared he needed to come back tomorrow.
  7. Who knew that the Spanish word “ Immigracion” could improve someone’s English drastically when they were previously pretending not to understand what you were saying!
  8. I’m seriously thinking that I need to go into some sort of therapy because I’m just not understanding people and their motivations anymore.
  9. BUFFET PORTION CONTROL: Taking a smaller box to fill with food rather than a larger box with smaller portions of multiple food items inside. #staywoke #nowwoke
  10. QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Meko Jade: People need to know how to aim straight when they want to jump out themselves
  11. One can never just eat a single Mango and be satisfied. #troot #staywoke #wheremehmangotreerowley
  12. SIDE NOTE: I’ve tried to plant mango seeds in my yard on many occasions, but Trouble and Heff LOVE mangoes and so they hone in on the site, dig them up and destroy them. You barely find the shell of the mango seed afterwards.
  13. Random Friend: Stef, what you getting me for my birthday?

Me: Same thing you got me for mine

Random Friend: But I didn’t get…..Oh! You are an asshole! You know that right?

(I’m still searching for the reason for her ire!)

  1. So, it seems odd that every other company or person I mentioned in a status has made some form of contact with me after posting, but CRIX aint fart on when I wrote about their odd numbers biscuit packs. Oh well, such is life and maybe it’s a good thing since I no longer consume that product due to my reduced flour intake lifestyle.
  2. I found myself in Paprika last night and while standing around drinking some watered down alcoholic concoction, I realized that I was the old man in the club who should be home sapping his knee with Bayrum instead of smiling with these young people .
 
 

The Search Is Over….


Ever so often, I have a habit of “googling” myself.

It’s mainly done to check to see if there are any scandalous photos, blogs, writings or messages about me somewhere in cyberspace.

Yes, yes I know, I am not THAT important, but once in a while a reality check is required to ensure my ego is grounded in my version of reality.

Nothing much changes everytime I look. Some kid with a helicopter something always seem to be starring with my name.

Then….

Lo and behold I google images of myself and discover this!!
http://mugshots.com/US-Counties/South-Carolina/Unsorted-SC/Stefan-Simmons.8358286.html

There is a Man in South Carolina who has been arrested for a sexual offence that has my name!

http://mugshots.com/US-Counties/South-Carolina/Unsorted-SC/Stefan-Simmons.8358286/details/

We look nothing alike and I am slightly taller with no scars but it is still frightening to think that there is a Stefan Simmons out there that is a sexual offender and therefore ruining a good name!

Alas it is among one of his many aliases but why did he have to choose MY name?

Sigh….

Then a thought got stuck in my head:
Is this an older version of me?

Now let’s look at stuff.
1- I’m still single.
2- Receding Hairline occurring.
3- No Mortgage
4- A Loner
5- Moody

Could things gets so bad that I resort to a life of crime?

Hahahahahahahahahaha

Oh Hell NO!

Things will NEVER get that bad with me! Plus he goes by aliases including Mustapha Al…..I know they gonna search me at the airport for this name..Abdul (or something like that).

Ok so I’m gonna give this googling my name a rest for awhile and hopefully this mugshot of this guy will disappear soon.

 
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Posted by on August 6, 2013 in Humor, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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As Good As It Gets!


I was honestly going to let it slide but since my brain can’t let things rest until I have aired it outside of my head, here goes…….

Late Sunday night, I got a Facebook alert telling me someone had mentioned me in a comment. Curious as to why I am being mentioned (plus I like the attention) I looked;

Here is the result:

keron-1
Umm I was shocked at the detail he went into and how personally he took every aspect of the movie. Many things sprung to mind the day after this Facebook post and here are a couple thoughts (some were expressed to him on his page).

• It is a freaking Zombie movie! What part of reality is this based?
• Someone takes my reviews seriously?
• Were there no positive racial tones in the movie? Wait! it’s a FREAKING movie about ZOMBIES!!! WHO CARES?

I read all the comments on his page and only one conclusion came to mind.

People actually take my movie reviews seriously?

I mean, come now, I post three to four sentence dribbles about movies I have seen on my Flixster account and some of those comments may appear on my Facebook page but I really don’t make much out of it. I just see it as one human ranting succinctly on stuff. However, to think that there are people out there who value my opinion on something…well… I feel….honored…even though my opinion is always just that.
MY OPINION! Ebert & Roeper I’m certainly not!

I have been known to be wrong on some occasions, not many, but just a few occasions.

I love movies! Always have, always will. I am one of those children that didn’t play outside much. It’s not that children didn’t want to play with me, there was just so much going on, on TV, in books and in the Cinema!!! Who wants to get sweaty when you can lie down with a good book and a pack of Crix or be in front of the TV with a bag of “Rough Tops” or “Shirley” biscuits, or at the movies with my usual staple: A Large popcorn and a bottle of water! Sigh…the simple pleasures

I just relish what I see on screen and transport myself into each and every world that is displayed. Of course, during the course of my life, I have exhibited behaviour like Keron and therefore expressed my displeasure at either the lack of “black” characters in a movie or the fact that they always die off early. Then I realised, if it’s a good movie, what does it matter? If these things bothered me so much then obviously I should be doing something about it instead of just complaining or boycotting movies.

But I digress….My awakening to how stupid I was being came one day in London while watching De-Lovely with my friend Matthew in one of the Odeon Cinemas. The movie was going really well and I was thoroughly enjoying it and then it happened: Nearing the end of the movie, they snuck in Natalie Cole singing “Every time We Say Goodbye”. At what was supposed to be a poignant and heartfelt moment in the movie, I let out a loud “Steups” and said “this is when they bring the black woman in?” Matthew was not pleased at all and afterwards made me realise that instead of enjoying the movie for what it was, I turned it into something about race, instead of what it was meant to be; a moment to have allergies at up.

I wouldn’t say that from that moment on, I was cured of my affliction, but over time I realised that if I made an effort to see someone’s work on the screen (be it Josh Whedon, M. Night Shama-lama-ding-dong, Adam Sandler or gulp Tyler Perry) I deserved to let them tell their story the way they wanted it told. After all it is THEIR story. Afterwards, I would make my usual comments about poor script or plot development or bad acting but I would never bring race into the issue, unless it was blatant like what George Lucas did in the Star Wars Prequels. Then again all those Prequels were bad on so many levels, you realise that all the money he had could not save a big budget disappointment.

Now I can expound on the virtues of loving yourself and understanding your place in the universe or ensuring that people create positive images for young children to look up to but that is not my place.

My place is as a viewer. To drink the “kool aid’ on screen and if it doesn’t agree with me, then so be it!

As I look over World War Z in my mind, for what it was it still isn’t a bad movie. I may not have agreed with some choices made by the director but the movie was entertaining. I loved that they chose to make the zombies fast paced and manic. It set my heart racing and well, my bladder could not hold the 32 oz drink for the entire movie, since my stomach contracted way too many times during certain scenes. I would definitely watch it again.

While Keron sought to highlight every bad decision people made in the movie using black characters, he somehow failed to see the bad other races (Well only Caucasians as he put it) did or even asked himself if he would have made a similar choice if he was in that particular situation.

SPOILER ALERT: I too would’ve made the same choice the Deputy Secretary General of the UN made once I thought Brad Pitt’s character was dead. Why was I keeping them on the ship taking up space? He transported them to a secure facility in Canada and not back to a zombie infested city!

So what if the black police officer decided to get some groceries too in the midst of chaos, is his family supposed to go hungry while the entire world goes crazy? At least he didn’t try to kill anyone like the Caucasian man was doing to Brad Pitt’s wife. Steups, why am I justifying a zombie movie!!

It irks me when people get all black conscious in a movie when those same people would sit through a stinking Tyler Perry movie that does nothing to uplift the image of black people beyond the stereotypes of being people who pray a lot after cussing out everyone for the first half of the movie (Sorry that’s called redemption). Every so-called heroine in a Tyler Perry movie needs a man to save her! Why is that? I just don’t get it!

At some point we need to get over ourselves. If we are not the agent for change in our lives then don’t expect others to do it for us!. If you cannot handle or like the way black characters are handled in movies then DON’T WATCH THEM!!! It is always going to upset you.

I am not saying to be totally blind but at some point your decisions have to be either to avoid these things that offend you or DO something about it or just grin and bear it.

I leave you all with a quote from a character called Melvin Udall from the movie  “As Good As It Gets”! Yes the movie had a low minority presence and the woman he said this line to was Latina (but it didn’t offend me).

“Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here!”

 
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Posted by on July 2, 2013 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, Movies, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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Apologize…..


While trolling through Instagram, I saw this picture post from a friend that put a disturbance in The Force.

It interrupted my equilibrium.

My chakra went out of alignment.

It just annoyed the hell out of me.

It was a quote from a guy called Robert Brault

apology u never get

Easier? Easier you say?

 

UTTER MADNESS!!!

What kind of person is this Robert guy who actually thinks that this is worthwhile advice in a world where people are so damn angry and distraught that if some don’t commit suicide, they look to shoot up co-workers or malls to release their frustration. Do you think these people could forget the hurt they feel or accept the apology within them?

Oh Hell No!!

I find it insulting for someone to suggest it.

Yes i know i am a bit high-strung but this is coming from someone who hasn’t contemplated killing anyone ( well not in any great detail) but I have told many a co-worker and friend that:

The day you all send me mad is the day I come in here naked with my dirty jockey shorts in hand and i am going to wipe it in everyone’s face.

Now they all laugh when they hear it but they have no idea how serious i am about this. I detest people who can’t apologise for their wrong doing. They annoy me. Especially those people who are “Wrong and Strong” with it and therefore believe that it is beneath them to apologise for affecting someone else. It just irks me to the core.

 

What’s wrong with a simple apology? It doesn’t mean you are weak. it means you have a human side and in some respects if helps you cleanse your soul from the dirt and muck within.  An apology can stop wars, feuds and if the person can’t accept it, it doesn’t matter. It was done and (once you meant it) you are free.

But do people do this? Oh noooooooo. They prefer to walk away or just not acknowledge the wrong they have  done.

 

I have had too many people that have wronged me and just thought that by either hugging me or just pretending it never happened it will go away.

It didn’t it. It won’t work.

 

As you can probably tell, I am what the young people call a “Toter“. I carry it with me as a reminder that these people don’t give a flying fart about me or my feelings.  It may prevent me from trusting others but then again, I believe my “friend book” filled up a long time and while there have been many deletions, the additions are like my grandmothers teeth (few and far between)

So yes, I guess i am damaged and damaged with good reason.

I long to meet adults that actually admit when they are wrong and not wait until someone calls them out on it. I beleve that somewhere these humans exist.

 

I still can’t get Cindy to admit she is not “earthy”

I can’t get Voldemort to apologise for anything

I can’t get Katie H to admit she……

I can’t get Jerry to apologise for driving my car without permission

I can’t get Jack Warner to just admit he may have been wrong on everything

I can’t get Kamla to admit throngat she has no clue what she is doing

I can’t get Sat to admit how much of a racist he is….

 

And you know what?

I apologise to everyone.

If I have wronged you, I will be the first to admit it and therefore clear my conscience. Clean my karma.

 

Alas I guess I am a relic.

The only one….

Ok…I’m better now…just needed to vent..

 
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Posted by on May 14, 2013 in Emotions, RANT

 

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Spread your Hands……


And Let gooooooooooo……………Hand in de air everybody!!

Ah music!!

Call it what you want:

  • Mid life crisis
  • Lapse in judgement
  • Backsliding, or
  • Meds wearing off

It doesn’t matter. I decided last year, at the prompting of some friends, to play Carnival (mas) for the first time in *cough*cough*cough* (sorry) years. In case you couldn’t make out how long it was since I last played mas; let’s just put it this way, when I did, there used to be a band called Poison. Nuff Said!

Anyway, for those who have started praying for my soul and gossiping about what I am doing, let’s clear the air:

  • Jesus and I are fine
  • I know what I’m doing
  • I have always been responsible for MY actions
  • I needed a goal.

There!!

Now that those issues are out of the way, let me say “I had a BLAST!!”or as the uneducated masses tout “It was BESS!!” Who knew that being on your feet for over 8 hours a day could be so much fun and contribute to so much weight loss and toning. I recommend anyone trying to lose weight to try this special two day weight loss program. You don’t necessarily have to wine down to the ground like you have no owner, but keep moving for the entire period while remaining hydrated and I assure you that the pounds will fall off.

It is only on Carnival Tuesday mid-day did it dawned on me that this is why most vagrants in Trinidad are “ripped”. They walk all day. Who knew!

I digress. So I played mas with Fantasy in the section called Rio Azul and I had a really good time. The process of deciding to play mas came about as I needed to set goals for myself for my weight loss. From April to August 2012, I was working out with my trainer and I had not lost a single pound and it was frustrating me to no end. When some friends came up with the idea for me to play mas with them, I realised that I found a goal. I found a reason to ensure that I stuck to what I needed to do.

And so it began. Results weren’t as forthcoming as I had hoped but somehow in December, the weight started to drop off. In January, my trainer said: No Carbs, No Sugar!” I obeyed (well as much as I could) and I saw some improvement.  Can you imagine me going to all-inclusive fetes and all I dared to eat was meat and veggies? No curried dumplings, no doubles, no fries, no pasta, no (gulp) roti! It was difficult but for some reason I kept hearing my trainer in my head whenever I would go near to carbs and the thought that he might give me harder exercises for eating carbs made me stay clear. Sigh ..it didn’t matter anyway, the bastard still had me sweating up a storm during each session! There was no let up in sight.

Carnival Friday came and I collected my costume and then the fear set in. I was going to be bareback on the road for all to see. Anyone who knows me, knows that to take off my t-shirt on a beach requires a small ritual involving breathing and me taking off my shirt and running into the water as fast as possible before anyone sees me. (as if they could miss a hippo running on the beach!. Yes, yes, I do possess some measure of body shame.

Normally, while looking in the mirror in my apartment, I approved of how my body looks, however, my eyes seem to get distorted when I looked at it on Carnival Tuesday morning when the costume was donned. BTW -I am still trying to find the root of all these body issues within my mind. I may have to undergo hypnotherapy to find out! 

First pose in Apartment

First pose in Apartment

Internally I started to scream and I grabbed a vest quickly to cover up my perceived “tut tuts” and belly.  I also had issues with the fact that my section was called Rio Azul but the pants for my costume were blu-ish purple with pink rings. It looked as if the band didn’t care about this section at all and just threw together whatever they had left over from last year.  .

Anyway, the vest never made it to the car and I took my “fat” self to meet my friends and head to the band.

The first hour in the road with my body exposed seemed like an eternity. I was panicking internally and smiling outside but overall I was just fidgety. It felt like I was watching “The Hours” all over again but this time the Nicole Kidman’s character took an exceedingly longer time to change her facial expressions and Julianne Moore’s character!Good Lord that movie was long!! ..

Between the THREE HOUR wait on Charlotte Street that the band made me endure coupled with them having being NO BREAKFAST for the masqueraders, I stopped fussing over my body and weight issues and started to concentrate on other stuff.

I can't look at this one!

I can’t look at this one!

It is amazing how much of yourself you have to deal with when you don’t have a camera to distract you. Oh wait! I did have a camera! A small point and shoot Panasonic Lumix with the battery life of an AA Eveready!

So I began snapping pictures and fear subsided and I stopped having the urge to pull in my stomach when I walked. When the damn camera battery died, I resorted to jumping and dancing and making new friends in the band. Some women weren’t as welcoming but the few who were seemed to take to me like white on rice. A good time was had.

In the end, I stopped fussing over a lot of things and just had a good time in the band. I ignored:

  • the long wait on a smelly street,
  • the fact that we did not cross the stage,
  • the lack of breakfast (3 months earlier and I may have staged a protest for this one),
  • the uneducated staff on the “Drinks” trucks that perceived that whenever you asked for a drink you wanted Johnny Walker! (Sigh….we as a people are in a mess when it comes to drinking!)
  • the costume that kept falling apart, and
  • the speed at which some of the music trucks moved – this negro was not running behind anything after being on his feet for the whole day.

I laughed and danced so much on those two days with my friends that whatever troubled me was so not an issue. It made me realise that I fuss over nothing and I do allow too many people and their opinions to rent space in my head for free!

While Carnival may be considered the “devil’s work and playground”, it provided much needed therapy for me in terms of clearing my head and understanding that one can have a good time, sober (reasonably) and just being amongst friends.

There are rumors that I may have been seen dancing on a street sign/ pole or two but since I have no recollection of this, (and the fact that no pictures have surfaced), I believe these things to be lies from observers looking to tarnish my good name and character. Plus they were probably drunk.

Fun Times!!

Fun Times!!

Ash Wednesday met me in work without any pain in my body or tiredness. For this, I must thank my trainer, Stefan Charles, as I really don’t think my body would’ve recovered so well had he not been torturing it for three days in every week leading up to it.

As of today, I weight 218 lbs and I am proud of it. While I think the 20 pounds lost is a lot, I would like a tighter firmer body and so I begin the gym again from today.

My new goal for an improved body is now geared towards Tobago Jazz Festival (April 22-28th), so wish me luck!

Me thinks, turning 40 has either set me into panic mode about my life or it is just forcing me to have a little more fun than I normally do. Whatever is happening, I embrace it!

How was your Carnival period?

 
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Posted by on February 18, 2013 in Entertainment, Fitness, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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