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Apologize…..


While trolling through Instagram, I saw this picture post from a friend that put a disturbance in The Force.

It interrupted my equilibrium.

My chakra went out of alignment.

It just annoyed the hell out of me.

It was a quote from a guy called Robert Brault

apology u never get

Easier? Easier you say?

 

UTTER MADNESS!!!

What kind of person is this Robert guy who actually thinks that this is worthwhile advice in a world where people are so damn angry and distraught that if some don’t commit suicide, they look to shoot up co-workers or malls to release their frustration. Do you think these people could forget the hurt they feel or accept the apology within them?

Oh Hell No!!

I find it insulting for someone to suggest it.

Yes i know i am a bit high-strung but this is coming from someone who hasn’t contemplated killing anyone ( well not in any great detail) but I have told many a co-worker and friend that:

The day you all send me mad is the day I come in here naked with my dirty jockey shorts in hand and i am going to wipe it in everyone’s face.

Now they all laugh when they hear it but they have no idea how serious i am about this. I detest people who can’t apologise for their wrong doing. They annoy me. Especially those people who are “Wrong and Strong” with it and therefore believe that it is beneath them to apologise for affecting someone else. It just irks me to the core.

 

What’s wrong with a simple apology? It doesn’t mean you are weak. it means you have a human side and in some respects if helps you cleanse your soul from the dirt and muck within.  An apology can stop wars, feuds and if the person can’t accept it, it doesn’t matter. It was done and (once you meant it) you are free.

But do people do this? Oh noooooooo. They prefer to walk away or just not acknowledge the wrong they have  done.

 

I have had too many people that have wronged me and just thought that by either hugging me or just pretending it never happened it will go away.

It didn’t it. It won’t work.

 

As you can probably tell, I am what the young people call a “Toter“. I carry it with me as a reminder that these people don’t give a flying fart about me or my feelings.  It may prevent me from trusting others but then again, I believe my “friend book” filled up a long time and while there have been many deletions, the additions are like my grandmothers teeth (few and far between)

So yes, I guess i am damaged and damaged with good reason.

I long to meet adults that actually admit when they are wrong and not wait until someone calls them out on it. I beleve that somewhere these humans exist.

 

I still can’t get Cindy to admit she is not “earthy”

I can’t get Voldemort to apologise for anything

I can’t get Katie H to admit she……

I can’t get Jerry to apologise for driving my car without permission

I can’t get Jack Warner to just admit he may have been wrong on everything

I can’t get Kamla to admit throngat she has no clue what she is doing

I can’t get Sat to admit how much of a racist he is….

 

And you know what?

I apologise to everyone.

If I have wronged you, I will be the first to admit it and therefore clear my conscience. Clean my karma.

 

Alas I guess I am a relic.

The only one….

Ok…I’m better now…just needed to vent..

 
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Posted by on May 14, 2013 in Emotions, RANT

 

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Spread your Hands……


And Let gooooooooooo……………Hand in de air everybody!!

Ah music!!

Call it what you want:

  • Mid life crisis
  • Lapse in judgement
  • Backsliding, or
  • Meds wearing off

It doesn’t matter. I decided last year, at the prompting of some friends, to play Carnival (mas) for the first time in *cough*cough*cough* (sorry) years. In case you couldn’t make out how long it was since I last played mas; let’s just put it this way, when I did, there used to be a band called Poison. Nuff Said!

Anyway, for those who have started praying for my soul and gossiping about what I am doing, let’s clear the air:

  • Jesus and I are fine
  • I know what I’m doing
  • I have always been responsible for MY actions
  • I needed a goal.

There!!

Now that those issues are out of the way, let me say “I had a BLAST!!”or as the uneducated masses tout “It was BESS!!” Who knew that being on your feet for over 8 hours a day could be so much fun and contribute to so much weight loss and toning. I recommend anyone trying to lose weight to try this special two day weight loss program. You don’t necessarily have to wine down to the ground like you have no owner, but keep moving for the entire period while remaining hydrated and I assure you that the pounds will fall off.

It is only on Carnival Tuesday mid-day did it dawned on me that this is why most vagrants in Trinidad are “ripped”. They walk all day. Who knew!

I digress. So I played mas with Fantasy in the section called Rio Azul and I had a really good time. The process of deciding to play mas came about as I needed to set goals for myself for my weight loss. From April to August 2012, I was working out with my trainer and I had not lost a single pound and it was frustrating me to no end. When some friends came up with the idea for me to play mas with them, I realised that I found a goal. I found a reason to ensure that I stuck to what I needed to do.

And so it began. Results weren’t as forthcoming as I had hoped but somehow in December, the weight started to drop off. In January, my trainer said: No Carbs, No Sugar!” I obeyed (well as much as I could) and I saw some improvement.  Can you imagine me going to all-inclusive fetes and all I dared to eat was meat and veggies? No curried dumplings, no doubles, no fries, no pasta, no (gulp) roti! It was difficult but for some reason I kept hearing my trainer in my head whenever I would go near to carbs and the thought that he might give me harder exercises for eating carbs made me stay clear. Sigh ..it didn’t matter anyway, the bastard still had me sweating up a storm during each session! There was no let up in sight.

Carnival Friday came and I collected my costume and then the fear set in. I was going to be bareback on the road for all to see. Anyone who knows me, knows that to take off my t-shirt on a beach requires a small ritual involving breathing and me taking off my shirt and running into the water as fast as possible before anyone sees me. (as if they could miss a hippo running on the beach!. Yes, yes, I do possess some measure of body shame.

Normally, while looking in the mirror in my apartment, I approved of how my body looks, however, my eyes seem to get distorted when I looked at it on Carnival Tuesday morning when the costume was donned. BTW -I am still trying to find the root of all these body issues within my mind. I may have to undergo hypnotherapy to find out! 

First pose in Apartment

First pose in Apartment

Internally I started to scream and I grabbed a vest quickly to cover up my perceived “tut tuts” and belly.  I also had issues with the fact that my section was called Rio Azul but the pants for my costume were blu-ish purple with pink rings. It looked as if the band didn’t care about this section at all and just threw together whatever they had left over from last year.  .

Anyway, the vest never made it to the car and I took my “fat” self to meet my friends and head to the band.

The first hour in the road with my body exposed seemed like an eternity. I was panicking internally and smiling outside but overall I was just fidgety. It felt like I was watching “The Hours” all over again but this time the Nicole Kidman’s character took an exceedingly longer time to change her facial expressions and Julianne Moore’s character!Good Lord that movie was long!! ..

Between the THREE HOUR wait on Charlotte Street that the band made me endure coupled with them having being NO BREAKFAST for the masqueraders, I stopped fussing over my body and weight issues and started to concentrate on other stuff.

I can't look at this one!

I can’t look at this one!

It is amazing how much of yourself you have to deal with when you don’t have a camera to distract you. Oh wait! I did have a camera! A small point and shoot Panasonic Lumix with the battery life of an AA Eveready!

So I began snapping pictures and fear subsided and I stopped having the urge to pull in my stomach when I walked. When the damn camera battery died, I resorted to jumping and dancing and making new friends in the band. Some women weren’t as welcoming but the few who were seemed to take to me like white on rice. A good time was had.

In the end, I stopped fussing over a lot of things and just had a good time in the band. I ignored:

  • the long wait on a smelly street,
  • the fact that we did not cross the stage,
  • the lack of breakfast (3 months earlier and I may have staged a protest for this one),
  • the uneducated staff on the “Drinks” trucks that perceived that whenever you asked for a drink you wanted Johnny Walker! (Sigh….we as a people are in a mess when it comes to drinking!)
  • the costume that kept falling apart, and
  • the speed at which some of the music trucks moved – this negro was not running behind anything after being on his feet for the whole day.

I laughed and danced so much on those two days with my friends that whatever troubled me was so not an issue. It made me realise that I fuss over nothing and I do allow too many people and their opinions to rent space in my head for free!

While Carnival may be considered the “devil’s work and playground”, it provided much needed therapy for me in terms of clearing my head and understanding that one can have a good time, sober (reasonably) and just being amongst friends.

There are rumors that I may have been seen dancing on a street sign/ pole or two but since I have no recollection of this, (and the fact that no pictures have surfaced), I believe these things to be lies from observers looking to tarnish my good name and character. Plus they were probably drunk.

Fun Times!!

Fun Times!!

Ash Wednesday met me in work without any pain in my body or tiredness. For this, I must thank my trainer, Stefan Charles, as I really don’t think my body would’ve recovered so well had he not been torturing it for three days in every week leading up to it.

As of today, I weight 218 lbs and I am proud of it. While I think the 20 pounds lost is a lot, I would like a tighter firmer body and so I begin the gym again from today.

My new goal for an improved body is now geared towards Tobago Jazz Festival (April 22-28th), so wish me luck!

Me thinks, turning 40 has either set me into panic mode about my life or it is just forcing me to have a little more fun than I normally do. Whatever is happening, I embrace it!

How was your Carnival period?

 
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Posted by on February 18, 2013 in Entertainment, Fitness, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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Breaking The Law


Breaking The Law

So there I was, stuck in traffic entering Diego Martin. Traffic is moving really slow and so I pick up my blackberry to check an email I just got from the office. I was reading it and getting really angry by its contents when all of a sudden I looked up and realised that a police woman was stopping traffic. She then turned to me and directed me to pull to the side of the road.

Ugh!! Are you serious? She is pulling me to side? I can’t believe this!

So I park and she walks up to the car window with her arms crossed and says:

PW: I can’t believe you were doing what you were doing?

Me: *silence*

PW: I was shocked that you didn’t even realise there was a police presence around you

Me: *silence*

PW: May I have your documents please

Me: Sure.

 

I reached inside my glove compartment and pulled everything out for her. She took them and walked back to her vehicle.

I guess you were wondering about my silence? Umm what was I going to say? I know when I’m beaten and I wasn’t taking a chance to answer in any form of a tone so that I may be carted off to jail because I was sarcastic or something. My brain kept telling me: “Hush Boy!” “Hush yuh mouth!”. Don’t speak!

After she entered her vehicle, every expletive I can think of starts flooding my mind as I am totally upset with myself for this infraction. I sit there and I can’t seem to recall what is the new fine for being on your phone while driving? I seem to think it is between $2000 and $5000. I of course calculate these things in lost CD purchases and then I realise that I might be eating Crix and drinking water for the rest of the month when I get this ticket.

She returns to my car and hands me back my license and insurance.

PW: Sir, is the address on your Driver’s Permit your correct address?

Me: Yes Maam

PW: Ok, then you will receive a summons in the mail

Me: A Summons? No no no no no no no.

PW: How yuh feeling now!

Me: No! what happened to the ticket? Why can’t I get a ticket? (my lips are squivering here!)

PW: Well sir, we do not have any books to issue tickets so you will get a summons in the mail

Me: That means I have to appear in front of a magistrate and stand in the criminal box at the court house?

PW: How yuh feeling now

Me: Like a Cunumunu!

PW: Ah ha. Yuh see! Now was that phone call that important?

Me: I wasn’t talking on the phone but reading an email. Traffic had not moved in awhile and so I started to read it

PW: An email!! Oh this makes it even worse! Can I see your phone?

Me: Sure! But why?

PW: I want to see if you responded to the email.

Me: I had not!

She takes my phone and looks at it and then returns it back to me.

PW: Well sir! You will now know not to drive and text.

Me: Umm is there any chance I can get a ticket? Can I drive you to the station to get a ticket book or something?

PW: (laughs) You funny yes! Unfortunately there are no ticket books and that is why you are getting a summons

Me: Just my luck! I am going to be embarrassed for all eternity

PW: I know how you feel. I had to appear before one two years ago because I decide to park next to a “No Parking” sign and I am supposed to know better. None of us are above the law

Me: I understand that but I just rather not have to go before a judge and feel worse than I already am at this point.

PW: Well sir, that’s how it is! Do have a good day!

Me: Thank you Officer…

PW: Beckles. Officer Beckles.

Me: Thank you Officer Beckles. I guess we will see each other again in court?

PW: I doubt it but make sure the next time I see you it is not for this offence!

Me: Yes Maam. Have a good weekend

PW: You too!

And there you have it folks. I am officially a criminal!

Feel free to pass me straight in the road.

I will keep you updated when I get the summons and when I have to go to court, but after this experience, my weekend was just “Bleh”!

And would you beleive that I caught myself text at a traffic light the next day and almost jumped out of my skin! Smh! We criminals never learn!

How was your weekend?

 
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Posted by on February 4, 2013 in Emotions, Humor, RANT

 

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THIS IS 40!


As I turn to rise and stretch my hand to take off the series of alarms that go off, to herald a new work day, I take a moment to say “Thank you God” for my life and especially for the blessing of being able to see my 40TH Birthday.

This morning I smell of “Absorbine Junior” due to the fact that my right shoulder hurts from exercising on Friday and not necessarily as a result of old joints.  I look in the bathroom mirror and see me: A very low almost bald type haircut, (I started taking it a couple years ago, owing to the receding hairline) and specks of gray hair that started to pop up. My goatee is neatly trimmed and also speckled with gray but this one I can bear. My body is slowly finding a nice form. I have lost 15 pounds and went from a trouser size of 38 to 36 and my clothing fits so much better.  I no longer have a second trimester belly! So good things are happening.

I have not had the desire to buy any hair dying products as yet and I think it has to do with denial of my age.

In the life of a normal person, at the age of 40, I would be married (insert name of person I thought was “The One”), with at least two children (Tallulah and Dylan), a mortgage or two, two dogs, a stray cat and a good job. Instead, I am single, no children (except my sisters, my personal trainer, TSTT/BMobile, and my parents), renting and a great job that affords me the opportunity to delve into other passions without being too upset. Life’s not bad.

I did not try to see the movie “This is 40” as I found it insulting that these people were haivng a crisis at that age when mine is yet to begin!

I am FORTY years old.  It’s so hard to believe that I am this old! I have spent four decades on this planet. Two Score!  Strange though…I don’t feel old! My knees may beg to differ but what do you expect from trying to be limber all during my teenage year when I knew nothing about the word “exercise” or “warm up”!!

I am plain and boring for 40. I don’t smoke. I rarely drink but I do enjoy a sip of an alcoholic beverage every now and then. There are no tattoos, no piercings or any kind on my body. My biggest act of rebellion was my attempt at a ras that didn’t last long as the Trinidad heat was too much for all that hair! There were no jerry (gheri) curls and designs in my head. I was the simple child. No protest or trouble from me. All I wanted was peanut butter and bread with apple juice in the house. Simple stuff!

Hmmmm….

When I thought of writing this blog, many ideas came to mind and the only one that stuck for any length of time is… If I could go back in time what would I tell my younger selves at the turn of each decade? And so, knowing that even if I could go back in time, I should not alter the past but just make myself aware of certain events. Would that still be right? Would my younger selves even acknowledge me on or would they look at me with disdain? Lord knows when I was younger I rolled my eyes or nodded at everything people told me but ignored it. Oh well… here goes.

1983

Dear Ten Year old Stefan,

Life is going to change a lot after you do Common Entrance next year. New School. New People. New Teachers and new forms of torture. Be prepared in Secondary school as the shock of not coming First in end of term exams doesn’t go well for you the first time, but you learn to cope.  You will be popular in school and even jeered at but know that it’s all in good fun. You will fight with a guy named Dale St. Rose a lot and you will lose everytime so try to keep your wisecracks to yourself.

Mommy will change churches and it will result in your tv time schedules being disrupted but you will adapt. Be very weary of “Church people”. They may all love God but they certainly do not love other people.

There will be romantic links but nothing significant and you will lose your cherry but I wont tell you when (It goes by really really fast). The strong romantic links will come when you change schools for 6th Form. I won’t tell you what school you change to but just know, those years will mark the start of some great experiences and a few academic rewards that you never thought possible.

You will get more siblings during this period and your family will increase in size otherwise. I can’t say more but don’t worry, you will pay it no mind.

This may be a shock to you but not everyone you meet will like you and some may even try to kill your spirit.

Ignore them!

Believe in yourself!

Don’t ever give up on the Dream!

P.S You can sing!! So ignore it when a teacher puts you in the “B” Choir. She has no idea what she is doing. Keep on singing in the shower!

1993

Dear Twenty Year old Stefan,

Ok forget your teenage years, life changes here in ways you never expected. You are going to start UWI in September and you need to prepare yourself for this new world. UWI will be fun but it teaches you some really important lessons on friendships and on trusting people.

I can’t tell you when, but you will be hurt deeply during this period. It will change your outlook on most things but you need to understand that it is all for the best. It will be hard to see it then but trust me when I say it gets better.

Grooming takes on different and new meanings in this period. Adjust quickly. You will also take awhile to find the right deodarant. You won’t stink up the place but extreme sweaty arm issues will abound during this period. 

Oh and after you leave school you will balloon into a small whale. This is when your weight issues will kick in and you will struggle with them for awhile. You get a really good job in banking (don’t knock it) and it gives you the opportunity to travel more than you have before and you even live in a couple countries.

In 2002, you will do something way outside your comfort zone and you will be rewarded.

I can’t tell you what it is but it ties into the fact that I told you when you were ten that you could sing!

Don’t ever give up on the dream!

2003

Dear Thirty Year Old Stefan,

Hmmm so you live HamburgGermany eh? Hahahahahahaha who would’ve thought? I am so proud of you and what you have accomplished! You are braver than I thought possible and for that I wish I was you all over again. Oh BTW people are spreading some wild rumors about you becaus  of this move but don’t let it bother you even if you are shocked at the sources.

This decade is going to be one of ups and downs and you won’t always be in Germany but wherever you end up you will have fun.

It is sort of sad to say but there will be no great love for you in this decade but trust me when I say you will meet some people that will change your life for the better! There will however be a woman who will sweep you off your feet when you meet her and all I will say is that her initials are KT.

You will see Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston and a host of other artistes live and up close. Try not to freak or scream out as you are a grown man now.

You are still a bit cynical on love and “Church people” but you are clearer on who God is in your life and what a relationship with him means to you so don’t be too worried. Don’t lose your generous spirit in the wake of all the liars, thieves and other shady types of people you will meet in work and in life. Just be smarter in the way you handle stuff.

There will be many people who claim to be in love with you or express love for you and you will not feel the same or question it. It’s okay to question it but don’t be too harsh. 

Keep your head up! Coming down to the end your resolve will be tested but as you would’ve come to realise by now, God never leaves your side. So don’t lose faith!

Don’t ever give up on the dream!

——–

2013

Dear Stefan,

You are not done. There is still much to do on this road of life despite you feeling over-the-hill. Please ensure that there is at least one Photography Exhibit of your work somewhere beyond your living room or computer. And it wouldn’t kill you to at least try and do a music set in a some little bar all by yourself.

The Dream is still alive!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

 
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Posted by on January 28, 2013 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor

 

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Turkey Lurkey Time


Did you know that there are over 35 ways to prepare and bake a turkey? Did you there are over 650 related recipes? I did not know. Rather I had no clue that to bake a turkey was such a feat requiring super strength, dexterity, skill and tones of patience. If I had known this from before, my mother’s request for me to prepare the Turkey and Ribs for Christmas lunch would have yielded a negative response. (Yeah right, like I could say no to my mother!)  It would have resulted in me ordering the stuff before and laying it out nice and neat as if I had prepared it. Did you know that HiLo will prepare a turkey for you once you ask? Who knew!.

BTW, in case you haven’t caught on as yet, I am no cook/chef/wiz in the kitchen. When I tell people that my skill is ordering food, they doubt me. Give me a list of people and I can precisely determine the amount of food you will need from any particular restaurant. Chinese food restaurants are very easy for me. I don’t think it’s a gift but it just developed overtime. I of course ignore those “special needs” idiots who need “leg and thigh only” or “peas must not touch the meat”. They need to be delivered from their neuroses.

Anyway, I digress. I decided that I would bake the turkey myself and of course, being the great chef that I am, I decided to defrost the turkey on Christmas Eve day. I took the turkey out of the fridge around 8am that morning and just left it in a bucket filled with water in  the sink while I ran errands and sourced the ribs for Christmas Day.

I didn’t fully understand, well comprehend that a turkey must be fully defrosted before baking otherwise all kinds of health concerns can arise and sundry baking drama. I read all of this on the internet over the days leading up to the baking moment and I just couldn’t understand why anyone would go through so much trouble for a stinking turkey when to cook/bake a chicken one does not go through all this drama.

Anyway, around 4pm, I settled down in front of the computer to decide on a final recipe for this turkey. The day before, a guy had told me that I needed to brine the turkey for like 12 hours and then stuff seasoning under the skin and everything would be ok. I had no idea what “brining” was nor was I leaving a turkey out in any kind of solution for 12 hours to achieve the moisture and taste he described.

Anyway, I settled on the recipe of an Australian Chef who simply took a big stick of butter (garlic I think) and mixed in some herbs and spices (parsley, rosemary, thyme yadda yadda yadda) into the butter and them he proceeded to put this mixture under the skin of the bird and viola, he was done. I liked it! It seemed simple enough and I would have no problem with the seasoning as I had loads of it at home. What I did not have was the type of butter he recommended. I assumed Blue Band and Flora Margarine spread would not do. So off I ran to True Value to get this special butter.

While at True Value, I kept searching for the special butter and kept getting upset as I realised that I might have to drive to Hi-Lo Alyce Glen for greater butter variety. As I was about to leave, I saw a friend named Kurt and I told him of my butter woes. He told me that I was creating work for myself. We walked me over to a section of the grocery where alot of Chinese products were and he handed me a bottle of “Chinese Chicken Marinade” and told me to bathe the turkey in that and placed it in an oven bag and all would be fine.

I was a tad confused. I asked innocently, “Umm why would I put chicken marinade on a turkey?” He stared at me as if I had donkey ears coming out of my head. Turkey is Chicken boy and it is just a sauce! I didn’t question his logic. I took the bottle of marinade and also picked up some oven bags and headed home.

I stared at the turkey for awhile when I got home. 

It big eh?

This bugger was big! There were still a few parts of it that were cold and slightly frozen, so I knew I had at least an hour or more before I placed it in the oven. And so I began to work! I got out my seasoning and placed it under the skin of the turkey (Oh I used some lime juice before as brine solution but I think the only effect it had was…well none). I then placed the turkey in a big bowl I had (that was too small for it but it had to work) and began to pour the chicken marinade on it.

After about two or six coats of the marinade on the turkey, I covered it down for 45 minutes to let the marinade soak in. I came back to the turkey a couple times within that 45 minutes just to baste it over and over so that all the juices stayed it.

At 7:25pm, I decided it was time to place the turkey in the oven. I had set the oven a few minutes before to 425 so that it would be ready for the bird.  I placed it in a tray and then proceeded to waits for the 3 hours it was estimated on the Butterball label that it would take to bake.

Here Goes!

Somewhere in my mind and mixed up in all the info I had devoured, that oven setting of 425 made sense. It was only 40 minutes later when I decided to check the Butterball directions that I saw the setting was actually to be 325! I ran quickly to the oven and changed it. I prayed that the turkey suffered no damage.

Being in the oven bag I realised that I could not keep basting the turkey like I had read so I trusted that this bag would seal in the juices and provide a succulent bird.

At 11:15, I jumped up from in front of my computer and ran to the kitchen as I realised that the bird had been baking beyond the required time. I am ashamed to say that Angry Birds Friends Tournament on Facebook was the reason I lost track of time.

I took it out and well here is the result below:

Oh Lord What ah do here?

Oh Lord What ah do here?

I got scared immediately. The damn thing was burnt and it didn’t look brown and tasty like the one the Australian chef has taken out of his oven. It looked sick! I didn’t cut it or taste it that night as I feared that I might just chug the entire thing in the dustbin and order KFC chicken the next day! Thank goodness I remembered that Christmas Day is the ONLY day that KFC is closed in Trinidad.  So I covered that bugger down and prayed for the best.  The Ribs fared much better and I must say everyone was pleased the next day except me.

On cutting the turkey on Christmas Day I discovered that the top part of the breast area was rather dry. The other parts of the turkey were rather moist and tasty but my OCD only concentrated on the dry portion.  I was disappointed.

Everything went off well on Christmas Day and I was told by everyone that they will look forward to another succulent bird for Christmas 2013.

I nodded in agreement as I knew that someone will be baking that damn thing for me next time. No headache again.

How was your Christmas?

P.S. I was “Detour” T-shirtless this Christmas. Finally, the Gods have heard my cry!!

 
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Posted by on January 9, 2013 in Food, Holidays, Humor

 

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2012 – My Lists (Entertainment)


Not that my lists matter in the grand scheme of things but here is how my 2012 went in terms of movies, music television and books.

MUSIC – ALBUMS

I bought over 50 albums this year and it is sad to say but i barely listened to music this year. I don’t know what had me so distracted but i felt as if nothing much was moving me and this year’s crop of tunes were no help. There were alot of cool songs but when it came to albums, well let’s say, i will be buying less and less albums as the years go by and just more songs

BEST:

  1. Pink – Truth About Love: Pink ROCKS!! She kicks ASS! And this album is a gem amongst the drivel of bad albums I had this year.  Try, The Great Escape, and Slut Like Me are always on repeat.
  2. Emelie Sande – Our Version of Events : While I still believe this album chronicles a break up in all it stages. It is still a refreshing sound from this artist. “Clown” is my favourite song.
  3. Robert Glasper Experiment – Black Radio: Recommended by a friend and loved for life by me. This refreshing Jazz infused album just flooded my ears and found a home within. Lalah Hathaway, Meshell and Ledisi sing on it. Need I say more? Listen to “Gonna Be Alright” featuring Ledisi as an introduction, then hear Lalah’s “Cherish the Day” and stay for more.
  4. Lionel Richie – Tuskegee : I bought this on a slow day and found myself loving the country twang on these remakes of his classic songs. What a way to refresh an artist’s catalogue.
  5. Pitch Perfect Original Movie Soundtrack – Such a great movie and such a fun soundtrack. Since You’ve Been Gone and the Bella’s Finale medley are killer.
  6. Maroon 5 – Overexposed : Solid Album
  7. Delta Rae – Carry The Fire: “Bottom of the river” and its video hooked me and “When Tomorrow Comes” made me buy the album and savour it!
  8. Ella Andell – Bring Down the Power.: While stuck in Piarco Airport for 3 hours waiting for a LIAT flight to Curacao to arrive, I heard this album in its entirety and realised that I have been neglecting the awesomeness of this lady of the soil with a killer voice.

MUSIC – IN PURGATORY

  1. Frank Ocean – Channel Orange : Because of  all the hype surrounding him, I haven’t even taken the wrapper off the album.
  2. Brandy – Two Eleven: Despite the auto-tuned voice all over this album, I enjoyed a few tracks after it got stuck in now defunct stereo.
  3. Heather Headley – Only One in the World: I wanted and wished to love this album more than anything else but it felt incomplete for me and just missing her magic. It’s not a bad album just not my favorite from her. “I Wish” still remains a classic song.

 

MUSIC ALBUMS – WORST

  1. Macy Gray – Covered (A voice can grate on your ears for so long without causing it to bleed)
  2. No Doubt – Push and Shove (Right to the back of my music collection! What the hell was this?)
  3. LMFAO – Sorry For Party Rocking (and for buying this waste of time album even if it was on sale)

MOVIES

Best:

  • Pitch Perfect
  • Argo
  • Life of Pi
  • The Avengers
  • Chronicle
  • Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
  • 21 Jump Street – still shocked I liked it
  • Ted – irreverent and hilarious

Worst

  • Prometheus – I fell asleep twice trying to watch it
  • Total Recall – I recall it not being this much Bovine Excreta! Kate Beckinsale rocked though!
  • Rock of Ages –still trying to figure out what went wrong with this movie. Oh Yeah it was a really bad Broadway Show!!
  • Dark Shadows! –Ah want meh money back!
  • Savages – See Dark Shadows
  • Taken 2 – took my money is right
  • Tyler Perry movie and actor!! –
  • All Adam Sandler releases
  • The Expendables 2 – so disappointed in this sequel

SIDE NOTE::Let me just state that I refuse to acknowledge how much I liked Breaking Dawn Part 2 but that was mainly because Bella actually had a personality. Who knew being dead improved her insufferable whorish teenage ways!  The Fight scene in the open field is what made me appreciate suffering through all the other awful ones, but I REFUSE to make mention of it on any list!!

 

TELEVISION

Best

  • Scandal (Guilty Pleasure) – You can ignore the over-acting and some unbelievable scenarios and just fall into this drama that keeps you on your toes and your heart racing.
  • Downton Abbey – brings out the aristocracy in us all. The Dowager Countess Lady Grantham kicks ass!
  • Arrow
  • Homeland
  • Duck Hunters
  • The Voice –USA
  • New Girl
  • Mindy Kaling Project
  • Tosh.0 – I cant help but watch this clip show!

Worst – I have given up on you

  • True Blood – I don’t know what this season was about but I’m glad it’s over.
  • Boardwalk Empire – Errr
  • Once Upon A Time – I am lost!
  • Grey’s Anatomy – Enough with the Meredith suffering crap!!
  • X Factor USA – This show is just awful

BOOKS

This is embarassing but out of the 20 books i purchased over the course of this year, i have only fully read two of them.

  • Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan
  • Perks of being a Wall Flower – Stephen Chbosky

Both were really good I am also not ashamed to say that the first book is geared towards young adults/teenagers but the writing is so good and takes me back to my love of Greek/Roman Mythology.

Here are the books that I have started but yet to complete:

  • NW- Zadie Smith (My fear is that this will be as bad as The Autograph Man)
  • The Power of Six- Pittacus Lore (Sequel to I am Number Four)
  • The Night Circus – Erin Morgenstern
  • Look Who It Is Alan Carr My Story – Alan Car (Very funny but still don’t know why I never picked it back up)
  • A Storm of Swords – George RR Martin (I am told it gets really good but I find the pages with Kaleesi to be insufferable and so I keep putting it down)

I would honestly blame my fickle personality to not be able to commit to a book but honestly, there are books from last year i am yet to complete. It took 2 years to finish Midnight’s Children and I still wasn’t over the moon in love with it like most other people were.

Here’s to 2013 and may my focus return so that these lists will make more sense in the future.

 
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Posted by on December 31, 2012 in Books, Entertainment, Humor, Movies, Music, TV

 

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The Morning Comes


’Cause the devil’s in the details and he’s taking his toll
Sending good men down the foot trails of some lost lonely souls

As I was sleepily going to let 2012 slip by without a signal notation, WordPress.com reminded me of what I did on their site this year. It wasn’t much but it made me realise that this year I slacked off on a lot of things I used to do and it almost felt as if I lost my passion.

I started off the year racing to Music Festival to try and recover or remember the joy of singing/competing in some way. The only thing I remember about it is that I hate losing and I didn’t enjoy singing a single song. Well I enjoyed singing two out of the three songs but losing at every turn left the melodies with a sour taste in my mouth. Plus it made me cognizant I was singing for the wrong reason. I wanted to be heard but I guess not in a good way. When God wants to teach me a lesson, he crushes my spirit good and proper so that I don’t make the mistake again. Lesson Learnt.

Then came “Little Shop of Horrors” in May 2012. Honestly, I loved my voice in that production and I felt as if I had come home to my craft. From rehearsals to every night on stage (well backstage – being the voice of Audrey 2), I found a joy, an energy, a feeling that for me resonated in my performance. I  felt as if I could do this job for a living. I was reinvigorated. While no one may have complemented my performance much on the show, I felt good about it and I love that feeling. I knew I did good work.  There are people who may not like me for whatever reason but they cannot deny that I don’t  give my all for every performance. Being the voice of Audrey II felt right. We were one! I loved it.

And then that was it for performing. Doldrums. Nothing again. (insert cricket chirping noise here…)

I didn’t mind much this time as I concentrated on work more and all the intensity that brings with it and well this time my boss had no comment in my performance appraisal about him believing that he wasn’t sure if I wanted to be there! Hmm the things people say even when I never took a sick day nor a personal or vacation day in 2011 for any performance. 2012 proved to be the same.

Photography also took a short nap after I started off the year with an ambitious project of a photo a day for January on flckr.com. Coming towards the second half of 2012 I could no longer fight off the need to be creative and so with my camera in hand, I took shots of anything and anybody I could find. One day I do hope to have a gallery exhibit with some of the photos that I took (some that still shock me because I wonder how did I get that particular shot).

Yup in looking back, 2012 started off with promise and then slowly dissolved into an experience that I still can’t quite come to terms with. A lot of soul searching and denials continued to occur within me during this time.

I kept being confused at why the prospect of love never finds me. Only to realise it is not in the form that I am looking for. God has blessed me in so many areas of my life, why must I be selfish and think that just because i am not married , have children or in a serious relationship that my life is not complete?  How selfish is that thinking?

I questioned friendships, relationships and found that for some people, I think Jesus would agree and fully endorse me not speaking to them ever again. There is no hate but as my soul gets older, its tolerance for irrational people, drama, lies and  BS is not as high as it used to be. Every year there are casualties. Some friendships are mourned but with the death of some, comes a sigh of relief, the angels singing on high, a new song. Freedom!!!

As with every year, some people are hurt, some people die and some people got sick and no amount of writing about it can repair/fix the feelings they had or experienced. Especially when one is absent from the process and one just doesn’t know how to get back into it. A Man Apart!

I have become somewhat of a recluse; peeping out into the world on occasion; living through other people’s eyes and not taking chances. I have strangely enough found new friends, reignited friendships lost and still remained “me”.

I say babble on about all of this because I turn 40, (FORTY!!), in 29 days’ time and it is FREAKING SCARY!!! I still can’t come to grips with being that old. When did it happen? I still feel that a part of my life must have been fast forwarded because I can’t recall how this came so soon.

I worry.

I embrace it.

I worry some more.

There are things still yet to be done. In the scheme of life, I’m way behind on some of the goals and milestones that are set out for normal people. Alas, I am not normal. I never considered myself normal.

I am that curbside prophet still waiting for his rocket to come.

I am a singer still waiting for that big break. That one hit. That album. That tour. That success!

I am an actor waiting for that one movie role, theatre role, award, million dollar pay day. That indie movie with critical acclaim. That Vanity Fair/GQ Spread

I am that chubby boy waiting for the appearance of abs, the low body fat measurement. That hot body with spectacular pecs and a chest that means I never have to refer to them as “tut tuts”

I am that dreamer, who sees so much and wants to do it but feels constrained, feels helpless, but still wants to press on!

I am waiting.

Waiting for life to begin!    I have started it a few times but them it seems to lose steam.

Out of everything, I know one thing to be true….

I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…. So I must journey on.

Onward to 2013 and all the blessings and challenges it brings.

I’m ready….Are you?

 “And I say oh, oh
Rain don’t change the sun
Jealous is the night when the morning comes
But it always comes.”

Delta Rae -The Morning comes

 

HAPPY 2013 EVERYONE!

 
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Posted by on December 31, 2012 in Emotions, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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