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Tag Archives: Fitness

WEEK 26 – ESTEBAN AND THE JETS!


  1. I’m always amazed when people compare a dining experience at Bootleggers to that of TGIF or Ruby Tuesday. I always correct them that the latter are dining experiences and the former is an institutionalized form of torture.
  2. Every morning I get up just to see if my yard has been destroyed by those two dogs. Somedays are better than others.
  3. I always get confused when my neighbour goes from blasting gospel music when she is cleaning her car to blasting “dancehall” afterwards. I don’t think she or her husband haven’t heard a new song since 2000.
  4. Had some Curry Goat on Monday and believed I tasted “stay home” in it. It was way too good to be a normal pot of curry.
  5. Someone messaged me that her family was going to “Sellebea” for the long weekend. I fought every fibre of my being not respond to this and therefore I had to go lie down as I had a headache.
  6. I applaud business people at every turn especially those who provide food to the masses like me who are culinary impaired; but $45 per pound of CHINESE FOOD and it’s not inclusive of Crispy Skin Pork!!! MADNESS! #robsomebodyelse #notmymoney #
  7. Either my feed is highly sanitized or my friends need to cleanse their friends’ list. Nobody in my FB feed mad to talk about boycott. How they eating?
  8. My actual list of friends are like my grandmother’s teeth: few and far between. #leffmeh #leavemealone #friendbookfull
  9. I think an Uber driver on Tuesday night tried a fast one on me to earn more money by missing my turn off and feigning ignorance. Yuh can’t play ignorant when the “kiss meh ass” Waze map next to you recalculating. He got 1 star rating with one stink comment afterwards.
  10. The reason I haven’t been renting a car all this time is because (a) they not cheap, (b) every week is a new story with TN Auto #dreamsellers and  (c) I’m cheap.
  11. Spent Wednesday with an auditorium full of primary and secondary children and realized that teaching is truly a higher calling. So many personalities being coordinated by one person and you can’t strangle or lay healing hands on them. #notforme #iwouldmakeahjailalready #trueheroes #highercalling #wedaymoments #weday #wemovement
  12. It’s not that I’m not serious about my weight loss and healthy living; I’m just trying to decide if I want to be a light snack or a healthy main course instead of just being an “All You Can Eat”/ “Buffet” Special. #dietchallenges
  13. I still don’t get people who have to try and sample EVERY item in these “Food by the Pound” estalbishments. Jesus! Yuh here almost everyday, move faster! Picking up one piece of fried plantain or 3 grains of macaroni salad makes sense to you? #needtothintheherd #patienceneeded #hungrymanissues
  14. KARMA??? – Was told on Thursday that a car would be made available to me until my vehicle is ready. The only car available for use….. A WINGROAD! #GODhasasenseofhumor #jesuslaughinghard #imnotamused
 

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Muscles (The Prayer Edition)


Dear God,
Normally I try not to burden you with these minor requests/prayers since I know there are people praying for far more important things, like healing from sickness, end to war, food for their children, a home or safe delivery of their baby, or end to their poverty etc…. but Lord I need your help here.

I thought about asking my friends to help me find a solution but in the end I think that dealing with you directly might help matters. Divine intervention always move things along speedily and sometimes a solution jumps out at you when none existed before. So while my request is not at the top of the prayer line nor even in the top 500,000 requests….here it is:

“De belly not going down. What to do?”

Yes, I know that I can’t expect miracles overnight and it has only been 3 weeks but I see and feel no change in anything. My diet has changed, I have eaten very little bread at all and there is no late night eating despite the gripping hunger that sets in around 10pm. So what is really going on? Ok Ok the potato salad, rice and baked chicken by Cindy on Saturday didn’t help, nor did the food from Creole kitchen (sans macaroni pie) on Sunday but hey I have been good otherwise.

Oh and Lord, I know you are going to ask about the Personal Trainer but you know that I made alot of bad decisions and well he counts as a really bad one. I have tried to be understanding when he tells me he can’t make it Wednesday to Friday because of class at UWI (far be it for me to deny someone an education). I even suggested he leave a work-out plan with me for the time he is not there but he says he prefers if he is there to supervise me on the machines. Eh? We both know that doesn’t happen when he is there as he is also doing his own work-out on other machines when he assigns me. So what am I do?

Actually Lord, I did get your very subtle message/hint about him on Saturday when you got him to text me, out of the blue, to ask for a $400 loan so that it may contribute to his wisdom teeth extraction fund. I, of course assumed it was a slight advance on next month’s training fees but when he announced that he won’t be able to train me for at least two weeks when the teeth come out, I wondered if I was being “Punk’d”.

Am I Lord being Punk’d or will there be a solution to my problem?

What lesson are you teaching me here that I didn’t/haven’t learned already?

Why are you being so harsh on me? I know you taught me to love my body and I do but I still look as if I am in my second trimester and it is no longer funny.

Was it you who sent Natalie Bell Smythe to tap my belly this morning?

Not nice eh but I got the message loud and clear.

So Heavenly Father, I ask for your guidance and for a sign as to what is my next step.

HELP!

Thank you Lord….AMEN

 
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Posted by on October 3, 2011 in Fitness, Food, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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Muscles


Did I ever tell you about my dislike for Gyms?

I’m sure I have.  I find them to be vessels of all that is wrong with society. And alas, they are a necessity.

Over the past 3-5 years I have done my best to avoid using this institution in my quest for a  non “tut tuts” ridden Stefan. Efforts so far have proven to be a tad futile.

I thought I had found a brilliant strategy by taking Tennis Lessons. I was happy. My form improved, my stamina as well and on a good day I can have a killer back hand. Then reality set in. Why is my body not changing its Buddha-esque shape?  My legs are firmer and I feel more energetic, but why haven’t I become lean? The answer was however right in front of me.  I looked at my coach and then I turned around and looked at the other players my age or older (one cannot include children and teenagers who can lose weight just by farting). They all looked the same. They were all fit but their body types never change. The guy with the wicked serve still has a bear-belly and he plays here everyday for at least 3 hours. Why don’t any of them look like Nadal/ Blake/ Federer or even Agassi (even though I always thought him to be chunky)?

Answer: They are not athletes who do strength and endurance training along with tennis. No one on the court is that committed.

In an attempt to up my game I enrolled in a kickboxing class. And some days I would go to this class right after tennis and be subjected to serious torture on my body.  The class would consist of 10 minutes of cardio involving laps around the room  followed by push ups and sit up and all manner of stuff that seemed to some extent be improving my core.  It was working. I was shedding a few pounds here and there and I felt good. Coach was however looking for a fighter to compete in various tournaments held inTrinidad. I know I didn’t fit that mould, plus a couple of times coach put me to spar with other students, I realise that I don’t like people hitting me. It hurts a lot. So I told him that I was only here for training. Alas his other students all lost the matches he put them up for and well, he gave up. He no longer holds classes.

Can you do that? I never will be able to!!

I think that was partially my fault as this year I went from play to play and so I hardly had time to go to training.

Which brings me back to now. What do I do? I am back from my vacation that had me drinking more coffee than I ever did before, eating food in some GREAT restaurants (Fogo De Chao – I love you) and sleeping a lot. My first 2 days inNew Yorkfound me snoring away in an apartment and not exploring the sites. Why? I was tired from work and there really wasn’t anything new in NYC that wouldn’t be there when I decided to actually wipe the “yampee” from my eye and scrub me mouth.

In speaking with friends and acquaintances, many suggested that I get over my aversion to the gym and get back there. One suggested that I come and  Zumba with her. While Zumba looks like fun, I think I have enough issues in my life without employing a weighted hula hoop as part of my new exercise regime. Someday I’ll get over myself but it isn’t right now.  Another suggested Spin Classes (which I have tried already). Spin Classes make my legs bigger and toner. Everything else stays the same size. I was fond of Spin Class and the fact that I was drenched after the work out and would sometimes slip in the pool of sweat that I left under the bike but after awhile that joy wears off when you have all these skinny people in front of you in tight clothing while you sit in the back in everything slack so that you were devoid of shape/form and jelly rolls.  Sigh I have way too many hang-ups.

So I decided on a Personal Trainer. Initial quotes given to me for a personal trainer ranged from TT$100 – $200 a session. I quickly asked for a definition of a session because in my mind paying you that kind of money for 30-45 minutes of your time, I expect to be dropping weight in no time. Instead all my “cheap” ass tells me is that my wallet and bank account will drop size really fast.

I found one for a lesser price and I have just started to interact with him and well he is a tad bit odd. He asked me what I were my goals in terms of working out. I stated clearly that I want to lose weight. I want to build my chest area but overall I just want to reduce my body fat and appear toned. 

Trainer: “Oh so you wanna look like me?”

Me: Err you kinda skinny. If I get that small people will think I have the Hi 5

Trainer: LOL Nah kid I not that small.

Wait he just called me kid?

Me: Umm what is your waist size? 28?

Trainer: Nah I can’t find pants to fit me, so I buy a 30 and get it adjusted

At this point, my gut told me to walk away and forget this thing as he obviously is clueless, but I hired him.  I am trying to be less hasty with people and give them enough room to hang themselves..oops I mean…relax and let’s see how things go. Not everyone gives a good first impression.

Our first session consisted of me doing the following routines:

Bike – 15 minutes

Elliptical – 10 minutes

Then a series of back and shoulder exercises. I was always to do 4 sets of 10 for each exercise. At one point he pointed to a machine I already used and when I corrected him on it he pretended that he was pointing to the one next to it (Small Thing – Mental note made)

Then he took me to the are  where people do “Chin Ups” and I looked at him and said:

Me: I am not ready for this machine.

Trainer: Nah kid, this one easy.

There he goes calling me kid again

Me: I’m not ready for this one.

Did he listen? Nope. He had me climb up and informed me that he were not going to use it freestyle but in combination with a weight so that it propels me back up. Once again, I uttered that I  wasn’t ready for this.

He put the weight thing around half and told me to stand on the lever and do the pull-ups. I managed one and then he realised that the weight wasn’t helping me.

Trainer: Wey kid you real heavy. Leh we try it at ¾ of all the weight.

Same thing happened. He started to giggle.

At this pint I turned to him and said “Let’s forget this one.”

Trainer: Nah this piece of equipment important for strength training

He set it for all the weight and the same thing happened. He giggled and then decided to give up. By this time, a couple other people were waiting on the machine, and nearby there were women using other machines that developed into a giggle.  It was turning out to be embarrassing but being the trooper I know myself to be, I made a joke out of it so that people would think I wasn’t ashamed of what happened.

Me: What ah tell before? You watch my size and think that I could lift myself up?  Do you know how much macaroni pie running through my veins?

There was slight laughter and we moved on to another machine that was easier.

I did some ab work after that and then spent 15 minutes on the treadmill before heading home.

This morning my body is ok. Slight joint stiffness but Absorbine Junior and Ben Gay helped ease that tension last night.

I am due to meet with him today. I pray he gets better.

Everyone knows my resistance to commitment of any kind but for my well being I am hoping this thing works out.

I long for the day when I can walk onto the beach and take off my jersey while strolling and have everyone be in awe of my perfect pecs and flat stomach and v-shaped torso.

Look, I consider the 12 people who actually read my blog to be my therapist, I refuse to pay someone for 45 minutes when I have an entire you all to test my paranoia and random thoughts on without the fear of  judgement. This method is cheaper in the long run..

 
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Posted by on September 20, 2011 in Fitness, RANT

 

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I Wonder……


As I neared the walk-over by Powder Magazine, I happened to see a naked black man walking at the side of the road. Actually he was strolling with his hands behind his back. The fact that he was naked seemed not to bother him one bit. The number of cell phones in cars pointed towards him and the resulting traffic didn’t even move him on bit.

Why were the cell phones pointed at him?

Well ….Me thinks it is because he was NAKED and the fact that it seemed that the gentlemen had no body fat whatsoever and he also had large appendage dangling from his middle. Dare I say it was half way down his thigh.

Then i wondered….

Why is it all the mad people in Trinidad that roam the streets seem to have these amazing bodies that people spend thousands of dollars to try and get by goiong to a gym or by running around the Savannah? Why do they also seem to have huge members?

If this is a prerequisite for going mad…….then it is safe to say that I will be fine.

Now, seriously, think about it. All the people you know who obssess about weight and about being thin and buff and “cut up”, aren’t they a little insane? Don’t they take things a bit too far? How far off are they really from going over the edge?

I know that if some sugar or dare I say full cream chocolate syrup finds its way on something I am supposed to eat that I will not freak out and let it go to waste.

I remember being at a gathering once and there were some delicious cheese puffs just laying down on a platter…calling me…..whispering to me. I had asked the “gym freak” person next to me if they wanted one (hey I am polite) and they responded that they had exceeded their calorie intake for the day. I stared at them in disbelief for about 5 seconds and then picked up three of the puffs and went in another corner to eat it like the good fat boy that I am. They were soooo good.

So anyway, while one needs to be constantly healthy and fit, one must never go to the extreme where you limit yourself or deny yourself pleasures just for the sake of a six pack.

I know that If i die while eating for example: A tower of Chocolate dessert at TGI Fridays, i know that would have died happy than having died and knowing that my last meal was not Crix and water or just a protein shake.

Anyway as I saw the perfectly sculpted vagrant walk back down to the walk-over, I knew that I would never be in that position or allow someone to get me to that state. God knows that while working at Citibank I threatened to wipe my underwear in a couple people’s faces if they ever sent me over the edge. I thank God that I had other outlets to ease/calm the beast witihn so that never came to fruition.

Thank you God for making me chubby!

 
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Posted by on June 21, 2011 in Fitness, Food

 

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