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DEAR ESTEBAN COLUMN -Emotional Cheating


DEAR ESTEBAN
So my boyfriend accused me of “Emotional Cheating”. I told him to grow a pair. He told me to make up my mind about what I wanted from him. I’m confused. What are your thoughts?

Not A Cheater

Dear Not A Cheater,
I have so much to say to such a short note so let me start:
• From whom or where did he learn the term “emotional cheating” ?
• Did you use it on him before or has he been watching Grey’s Anatomy or “This Is Us” on television?
• “Grow a pair”- While hilarious, is tantamount to bullying and it is obvious that you beat/abuse your man.
• He is correct in wanting you to make up your mind but (because I know you) I know that is like asking the wind to blow in one direction only

ANSWER: Santa Claus, the Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot, Soucoyants, Papa Boi and Unicorns
QUESTION: What are all things I consider to be real before I believe in emotional cheating?

Emotional Cheating is a cop out and a term developed by people who are way too comfortable in a relationship and therefore don’t regularly communicate to their partners.
It is NOT a thing.
It’s for those who need a soap box to stand on to justify their shock or indignation at their partner being able to communicate to someone else.

You can never be everything to one person and asking them to only talk to you and Jesus is impractical.

On the other hand, if he or she is meeting this person in a clandestine manner, that’s still not emotional cheating. Your ASS getting HORN!

#staywoke #knowthetruth #stopwatchingshondashows#nolifetimemovieseither

 
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Posted by on August 11, 2017 in Emotions, Entertainment, Humor, RANT, Relationships

 

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WEEK 30 – ESTEBAN’S FINALE

WEEK 30 – ESTEBAN’S FINALE

  1. “Darkie, Lemme go in front yuh nah! . All I have is this toilet paper”

“Is that how you ask a stranger for a favor?”

“Me aint have time for this nah.”

“Well stay right behind me since you obviously have no manners”

“Steups! All dat attitude for simple pass?”

“If you don’t understand what you did wrong then I can’t help you”

“Ah can’t stand allyuh bullers yuh know”

“Because I’m asking you to have manners, I’m a buller? Well this buller aint letting you pass!”

(Crowd behind chuckles)

  • Either Trouble has magical powers or I need to get new chains as she keeps getting loose and I can’t figure out how.
  • Saw a lonely puppy in the road and opted not to adopt for two reasons. (a) I don’t want to stress out Trouble and (b) I think she might drive the puppy to suicide ( Lord knows she bullies Heff and he is resilient most times but its takes a toll on him)
  • Within the past three weeks I’ve met 5 people with degrees from DeVry University. I still remember when it was just an IT school.
  • “Food by the Pound” places are not for me. My serving hand is too heavy no matter how hard I try take smaller servings.
  • You know things are bad with you when a homeless person can tell you to reduce your salt intake in order to get rid of your water weight.
  • Even worse when said homeless person recognizes you as someone he admired from Primary School but you have no idea who he is and his name isn’t familiar.
  • I think I had way to much fun anonymously commenting on all those people who were foolhardy enough to join SARAHAH. I however didn’t make everyone’s Instagram Story-feeds. I think some were blanked out or I just wasn’t funny enough. Two hours well spent. Heh heh heh heh heh *rubs palms together…
  • I’m not sure if the “Summer Movie Season” has started. I haven’t felt compelled to go weekly to see a movie as in years passed. Can’t see myself rushing to see Dunkirk.
  • Stared at a former co-worker like she was a freshly baked Coconut Bake with melted cheese. She didn’t appreciate the comparison until I explained to her how delectable such a combination is in the minds of most people.
  • Was invited to a take a short trip with a group of people I barely know but I opted to stay home for mental health reasons. The preservation of mine…
  • It’s always interesting when people who delete me from their Facebook profile try to send me a friend request and say “ deleted in error”. Umm you were sure when Facebook asked you twice before unfriending me, so what happen now? #foreverpetty #steups #missmewiththisBS
  • My Nikon D90 is on its last legs. I can feel the difference in its operation and the hesitation when I’m trying to snap a quick picture
  • Why do people expect me to get them birthday presents when they don’t even give me a “dinner mint” for mine. BTW if you give me a mint for my birthday, know full well you are getting the same one back on your day.

 

This is my last Weekly Chronicle for 2017. I thought I could keep up with it but my life just isn’t as interesting as I thought it was.

So keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!

 

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WEEK 27–ESTEBAN’S SQUINT!

WEEK 27–ESTEBAN’S SQUINT!

  1. Week 27 and still not a Lotto winner. Off to work I go. Jesus, it seems you are really insistent on me working hard for everything I have? #patienceisvirtue
  2. If you are over 35 and you are telling me you going Wi-Fi silent, it means you have no data plan. At your age? Come now! #imjudgingyouopenly #judgeing #judgedread #postpaid #stopbeingcheap
  3. Cleaned the oven this weekend and realized that those oven cleaner fumes are potent. Think I knocked out for a five minutes on the floor of the kitchen.
  4. When you go drinking on a Saturday night and after your 3rd drink you stop because (a) your tolerance level is low (b) People started to look cute and (c) you started to feel chatty. Should’ve had Malta instead. #lightweight
  5. Dear Massy Stores, I don’t opt to pay your higher prices on food stuff so that I could pack my own groceries and tote it all to the car. Get your act together! #massystores #lazy
  6. So one part Heineken Beer and two parts Coke = Green Sands. Let’s see….Attempt Number 9 – when did I finish the Coke? I think I have an alcohol problem. Thanks eh Gerard Morton!
  7. .Nitpicking causes me to shut down. If I have reviewed something thoroughly and someone asks for cosmetic changes, I don’t do it. I’m over the document and have moved on.
  8. I’m ignoring the disrespectful people who asking how did Trouble do for SEA. She is doing SEA next year people!!
  9. While I try to stay out of politics, all I want to say is: Shouldn’t a Deputy Political Leader of a Party know better or understand the importance of Protocol?
  10. I find it rude and offensive when my main and back up toilets in the office are in use by other people. I’ve spent too much time gathering data on their locations in relation to my bowel movements for BOTH to be occupied at the SAME time. People are so insensitive!
  11. Is it a local conspiracy that if you order Beef on a pizza from ANY pizza place, they are so stingy with it that you have to search for the meat on the pizza like search for some politicians’ integrity? What going on? Why you doing it?
  12. I think I officially gave up on the Facebook Tests after they told me that I was 100% Indian and that my calling is to be a Pastor. Umm not even if I can recite Kanchan and Babla ultimate song “Kuch Gadbad Hai” and “Robobobo Shatai “with the best of them means this stuff is true.
  13. TRUTH: I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I kinda still don’t know but I fell into certain fields that gave me opportunities beyond my reach.
  14. So KFC’s Smoke N Fire Chicken may not be spicy going in but coming out the other end…..Well Let’s just say I asked/pleaded for Divine Intervention.
  15. This is the end of the first week of July and TN AUTO still does not have my car ready. I am thinking of Legal Action at this point. No one is this slow intentionally!
 
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Posted by on July 7, 2017 in Emotions, Food, Humor, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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WEEK 26 – ESTEBAN AND THE JETS!


  1. I’m always amazed when people compare a dining experience at Bootleggers to that of TGIF or Ruby Tuesday. I always correct them that the latter are dining experiences and the former is an institutionalized form of torture.
  2. Every morning I get up just to see if my yard has been destroyed by those two dogs. Somedays are better than others.
  3. I always get confused when my neighbour goes from blasting gospel music when she is cleaning her car to blasting “dancehall” afterwards. I don’t think she or her husband haven’t heard a new song since 2000.
  4. Had some Curry Goat on Monday and believed I tasted “stay home” in it. It was way too good to be a normal pot of curry.
  5. Someone messaged me that her family was going to “Sellebea” for the long weekend. I fought every fibre of my being not respond to this and therefore I had to go lie down as I had a headache.
  6. I applaud business people at every turn especially those who provide food to the masses like me who are culinary impaired; but $45 per pound of CHINESE FOOD and it’s not inclusive of Crispy Skin Pork!!! MADNESS! #robsomebodyelse #notmymoney #
  7. Either my feed is highly sanitized or my friends need to cleanse their friends’ list. Nobody in my FB feed mad to talk about boycott. How they eating?
  8. My actual list of friends are like my grandmother’s teeth: few and far between. #leffmeh #leavemealone #friendbookfull
  9. I think an Uber driver on Tuesday night tried a fast one on me to earn more money by missing my turn off and feigning ignorance. Yuh can’t play ignorant when the “kiss meh ass” Waze map next to you recalculating. He got 1 star rating with one stink comment afterwards.
  10. The reason I haven’t been renting a car all this time is because (a) they not cheap, (b) every week is a new story with TN Auto #dreamsellers and  (c) I’m cheap.
  11. Spent Wednesday with an auditorium full of primary and secondary children and realized that teaching is truly a higher calling. So many personalities being coordinated by one person and you can’t strangle or lay healing hands on them. #notforme #iwouldmakeahjailalready #trueheroes #highercalling #wedaymoments #weday #wemovement
  12. It’s not that I’m not serious about my weight loss and healthy living; I’m just trying to decide if I want to be a light snack or a healthy main course instead of just being an “All You Can Eat”/ “Buffet” Special. #dietchallenges
  13. I still don’t get people who have to try and sample EVERY item in these “Food by the Pound” estalbishments. Jesus! Yuh here almost everyday, move faster! Picking up one piece of fried plantain or 3 grains of macaroni salad makes sense to you? #needtothintheherd #patienceneeded #hungrymanissues
  14. KARMA??? – Was told on Thursday that a car would be made available to me until my vehicle is ready. The only car available for use….. A WINGROAD! #GODhasasenseofhumor #jesuslaughinghard #imnotamused
 

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WEEK 24 – ESTEBAN IS FROM MARS


  1. I think the 30 minute wait for a roti at Don’s should be declared a criminal offence. You must know your daily traffic and volumes by now to fix this problem! But OOOOH the roti tasted GOOD!
  2. Saw the video from Mad Cobra’s “Flex” in a taxi on Saturday night. The driver had a tablet built into his Nissan Sentra dashboard for passenger viewing. I had forgotten how boring that video was.
  3. Had two people, on separate occasions, point out afterwards that the respective cashiers were flirting with me. While I’m so oblivious to most flirting episodes directed me; in hindsight,  I realised that my food orders  on both occasions didn’t reflect any ounce of favoritism. #theywerejustbeingpolite #imeasylikesundaymorning #iputoutforfood
  4. So Trouble has been bullying Heff since his arrival. On Sunday night, they had a fight (Instigated by Trouble, of course) and lo and behold Heff pinned Trouble to the ground briefly and she was in shock. I gave Heff the biggest hug and rub belly for that move. #proudpapa #saynotobullies
  5. Apparently Maxi Drivers don’t take too kindly when you go into another Maxi when they were apparently waiting for you. It’s only been a few weeks, why this man assuming a special friendship? It’s only $5 we are exchanging daily and mild small talk.
  6. I think I bring out the crazy in people. It may be dormant but somehow interacting with me activates this “tick”.
  7. The shock and awe when you realise the Award Winning Actor from 12 Years A Slave, & Doctor Strange (Mordo) – Chiwetel Ejiofor played the Drag Queen Lola in the Movie Kinky Boots.
  8. I’m not gaining weight, however over this week, two of my work trousers ripped in the back. I’m guessing that fitted trouser look is not for me.
  9. Sat in the front passenger seat of a Left Hand Drive Taxi and a Traffic Police officer in St James shouted at me to get off my phone. I stared at him and said “ Do you see a steering wheel near me?”. He tried to give me a “bounce” to try to diffuse the situation.
  10. Benetton staff no longer insult me about not having my size when I go shopping there. This development confuses my low self-esteem. Any recommendations for clothing store that insults their customers?
  11. I was challenged by someone (based on my Sports’ post) to “quit my bitching and man up”. Strange though, since he is the one in Family Court for Child Maintenance.
  12. Saw a woman moisturizing her leg outside the entrance of Rituals St Clair with the Jergens bottle on the table who told me to mind my business as I passed. “Oh so sorry, didn’t realise this was your bedroom!” She let out one scandalous laugh. I wasn’t moved to join in.
  13. People have been asking me if I’m willing to adopt another dog. As a single parent, I cannot afford another one especially since Trouble needs to see a Psychologist and Heff needs to be enrolled in a Sports Camp or gym (that dog lazy!!!).
  14. Little Caesar’s Pizza in Valsayn isn’t bad at all. Wings are cheaper and bigger than those you get at …………….. The pizza is ready in less than 10 mins and it’s not as oily as ……………… or as rubbery as.………… (fill in the gaps)
  15. My PS3 has given me the yellow light of death after 6 years of faithful use. No flowers by request. Monetary donations will accepted and will be forwarded to its favorite charity. ME!!!
 
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Posted by on June 16, 2017 in Emotions, Fitness, Food, Humor, Movies, RANT, Uncategorized

 

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WEEK 23- ESTEBAN IN JUNE


  1. I never knew Mangoes belonged to the list of Laxative Foods. Overdosed on Mangoes on Saturday and was wondering why I was going to the toilet so frequently.
  2. Walked into The St Ann’s Catholic Church on Sunday Morning around 9:30am and walked back out promptly and waited until I saw my hue entering said church. I felt slightly unsafe before. #paranoidmuch #fixmejesus #lordhearus #getout
  3. Haven’t been to a Catholic Mass in over a decade. Seems like they changed up some words as I normally am spot on with the responses during Mass.
  4. Was told I was wrong for letting my dogs acquire the taste for mangoes. “The last thing I need is to be competing with my dogs for any mango that drops from the tree in my yard” uttered Cindy Theroulde. #noshame
  5. SUPPRESSED MEMORY FLASHBACK: Opting not to Travel home with Schoolmates because “Fat Kathy” From Arima Senior Sec was loud and always had something disparaging to tell me and when I answered her back she always wanted to fight with me. I guess it’s decades now that I’m angering people to the point of violence
  6. Maybe I fell asleep the two times I saw Wonder Woman, but to me, it was just okay. It wasn’t brilliant or awesome. Well if compared to other DC movies, then it’s a home run but to me it was “Thor” level good. Plus I got upset every time Steve Trevor put his hand to the back of Diana as if to steer her in a direction.
  7. But Robin Wright/Claire Underwood as Antiope was “LIFE”!
  8. There must be at least a 30 minute cooling off period before one begins work when one has used public transportation. One cannot just jump into work after enduring such an ordeal. You have to refocus your chi, after being around so many different forces.
  9. Facebook must know I don’t like people as I never get these Friend Anniversary notices beyond the ones other people post.
  10. Took a walk last night to clear my head (still car-less) and ended up by KFC St. Lucien Road. I dug in my pockets and realized I only had enough for a Kids Pack. I got no toy with my meal. Sigh….
  11. Saw a picture of Crispy Skin Pork on Damian LukPat Photograpghy’s Instagram page and all of a sudden Foreigner’s “I Wanna Know What Love Is” started to play in my head.
  12. QUESTION OF THE WEEK: How come people always willing to let you take a “Cheat Day” from your diet but will crucify you for a “Cheat Day” from your spouse? Wouldn’t both scenarios hurt you in the long run?
  13. If I call an UBER, I don’t expect them to be asking me what is the best route to get to my house or even hint to me that they are not familiar with Port Of Spain. That is a Red Flag for me jump out your car and go get a Maxi.
  14. While I appreciate the Maxi Taxi driver that sometimes waits for me on mornings, I don’t need him insisting that I sit in the front seat so he could have a lively debate. It happened the first few times but its still the morning and I’m not accustomed to speaking to anyone til 9am.
  15. House of Cards has made me a serious cynic when watching American Politics. I don’t believe anything anymore.
 
 

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Oops!….I Did It Again


I think sufficient time has passed since this incident occurred that I feel comfortable enough that I can now speak about it.  It is hard at my age to be shocked or go through some measure of unexpected trauma, but believe me it can happen.  I am not immune to the ills of this world. I suffer like everyone else, but my approach is to deal with it internally.

If I see that an issue continues to plague my psyche, then I will write it out as that is an effective way of healing my soul.  Then you have those incidents that after writing it out, you feel a need to publish so that other victims of this crime can know that they are not alone.

I don’t mean to be cryptic but I just wanted to let you know…….I’ll be okay.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Here’s my story:

I have told friends time and time again that they are NOT to try and “set me up” with anyone; on any kind of date or potential match making exercise.  There are too many people that parade around as excellent match makers when their lives are in a big mess.  Their relationships sometimes are reminiscent of “Ike & Tina” but for all intents and purposes, they know who is good for me. Why?

I have been on this planet long enough to know when someone is right for me or when the whole idea of a date is a bad idea.

On many occasions I have stated that I’ve been blessed with two superpowers:

  • The ability to slow down to a crawl, any line/queue I join and,
  • The ability to sense mad/crazy people out of any crowd.

I am laughed at for my claims of these two powers but I’ve never been wrong.

I remember once attending a concert at Queens Hall, where Carol Addison was the headliner with a huge cast of supporting acts. I was bored for most of it and then I sensed a disturbance in the Hall. The Master of Ceremonies came on and announced that some gifted young female performer was coming on to sing and that the audience was going to be moved.

Then she appeared….Dressed all in black with long gloves and slowly sauntering onto the stage. At that point I turned to my friend Giselle and said, “Oh boy, this one looks like she got a night pass from St. Anns (reference to the mental hospital less than a mile away from Queens Hall). Giselle scolds me for my assessment; then the young lady began to speak

Lady in Black:

A Pleasant Good Evening everyone. My name… (You must think I’m crazy to even call her name here!) and I am here to bless you in song. In all my years as a songwriter, I’ve been inspired by lots of things but nothing has moved me to write beautiful melodies more than the area where I grew up.  

Toco!.

  And so tonight I am going to bless you with a song I wrote about my beloved village of Toco and it’s called……

Toco.

I turned to Giselle at this point but she was purposely not returning my stare.  The music started and she began to sing… Sing? Umm, well… that’s an exaggeration. Strange music followed by strange noises flowing through this individual who seems to think she was channeling a cat in heat or the Seagull from the Little Mermaid. If this was what Toco represented to her in song, then I think it should be declared a national disaster area!

She ended with a slow coooo and outstretched both hands and tilted her head back like Whitney Houston.

whitney outstretched

Then she walked off.

No thank you! No bow! Nothing!

She just left the stage…

It was then I knew my powers were strong.

Anyway, as usual I digress…….. Back to the story.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I was set up on a date.

It was not my first set up but it represented one of the last ones i ever allowed. I did not want to go on this date, but my alleged “friend” suggested that I “Man Up” and stop being such a crotchety old man and embrace destiny.

Normally I would politely decline or give one or two excuses:

  • Umm I think I’m washing my hair that day”
  • “Psalm 1 – Jesus doesn’t want me to be unequally yoked

But as usual my alleged friend insisted that I go out with this mature 25 year old mother of one on a date. Nothing fancy just a movie as she is getting over a bad break up and just needs a gentleman like me to treat her nice.

I have no problem with being nice but she insisted it be a date and that I call this young person and chat as “she had a good feeling about this”. I had a feeling too, but at the time it was just disgust at the fact that people involved in relationships seem to think all single people need to be in relationships as apparently our lived aren’t fulfilled enough.

Anyway, after much protest, I called the young lady and we spoke on the phone twice and messaged each other over the course of a couple days and well she seemed to be cool. I was just being my usual funny self and cracking jokes and making observations so that she felt at ease with me.

Eventually we decided to meet up by going to see a movie. She chose the movie and we met up the following day at Movietowne for this “date”.

Cut to this Tuesday afternoon and I’m heading towards the cinema entrance and I feel a tad odd. I ignore the feeling and meet up with her. She smiles. I smile. I shake her hand  and say

Do I make the grade or do you want to phone a friend and get out of this”:

She laughs heartily :  “Nah I’m good

It was at the point of the laugh that I realized that the disturbance in the force was coming from her. While the laugh wasn’t creepy, it felt a tad overdone and lasted way too long, but I just put it down to me being paranoid as usual.

We settled ourselves into the theater, Screen 10, to be precise with only 10 other patrons for the viewing of this “Disaster” movie. All seemed to going well. We ate the snacks we purchased and made a few comments during the trailers and then we settled down for the beginning of the movie.

Then it began…..

All of a sudden she started to sigh a lot. Not really sigh but breathe heavily. I ignored it at first but I slowly started to feel her heart beating through the arm rest we were sharing.

I turned to her and asked if everything was alright and she replied: “Yes”

Then it happened…she slid her hand on my lap and started to squeeze my thigh.

I did not flinch but I looked at her when she did it and she just smiled. Being the gentleman that I am, I took her hand from my thigh and placed it in my hand and held it there for a bit. She started to play with my hand.

Then her hand got loose and it forgot about my thigh and headed straight to my groin area and she squeezed. Alas she did not squeeze what she thought she squeezed so I cringed in pain and laughed and told her to go easy on me.

She gave the laugh again.

She then grabbed my hand and placed it on her chest as she may have assumed I was a cardiologist. I felt that her heart was racing and I inquired why it was beating so fast.

Girl: I’ve never been out with someone as handsome as you are before.

Me: We will take you to Optometrist Today tomorrow to have those eyes checked cuz I think you going blind

Girl laughs out loud while on the movie screen a family has just been crushed by a falling debris.

I grabbed her hand once more and with that one she seemed to settle down as she placed her head on my shoulder.

This lasted for like ten minutes then she adjusted her head and started staring at me directly. I was met with a kiss on my lips when I turned my head in her direction. Then my face was grabbed by two tiny hands and we began to kiss. She is a really good kisser except for the parts where she started to lick my nose.

I told her let’s behave ourselves before we are kicked out of movie.

Girl: Nah dem does only fuss when bullermen kissing in here.

MeYou’ve seen this happen?

Girl: Yeah man. But it’s natural for couples like us to kiss in movies

Me: Couples like us you say?. Hahahahahaha (nervously)

To cut a long story short, I was fondled, groped up and my ear and earlobes licked profusely until I think I lost hearing at one point.  All this time I’m trying to be a gentleman, given the age difference and the fact that my days for making out in cinema ended when Robinson was Prime Minister. Besides all this, I have a little class. I’m not “stoosh/stush”, I just know how to conduct myself as an adult in a PUBLIC AREA. I did kiss back and hug her up etc but I just wasn’t into all the “feel up” session in the cinema.

In the end, I asked her to tone down on the groping and that we just watch the movie. This apparently upset her greatly as she halted all bodily contact at this point.

We sat in silence and watched to the end of the movie.

I asked if she wanted to go for a drink after. She just shook her head and continued walking towards her car.  I tried to make other small talk but she was not having it. Her face was upset and she was giving me tone when she spoke.

I honestly couldn’t be bothered.

I called the matchmaker IMMEDIATELY after my date drove off and asked her to concentrate on Peace in Middle East and leave my lack of a love life out of her future missions. When I started to get into the details, she got another call from “her” friend and well from all reports…I was an asshole.

Following this incident, I called a long time friend whom I had taken to cinema when I was 14 and whom I think I had assaulted in this manner way back then. When I explained to her that I was calling to apologise for our movie outing to go see Total Recall and my apparent “friskiness” back then, she let out one loud scream followed by a serious fit of laughter.

I explained to her what had just taken place and how I never knew what it felt like to be groped up like that and that I just wanted to apologise profusely. She said there was no need to and that Karma took a while but she was happy for the apology and for the good laugh.  Truth be told, at the age of 14 she didn’t mind my advances and that I didn’t assault her anywhere near to what I just described to her. She said she remembers me just holding her hand a lot and kissing it.

EPILOGUE

Both Matchmaker and the 25 Year old mother no longer speak to me and one has deleted me off of Facebook and blocked me on all of her Social media platforms (the matchmaker).

I still don’t know what I did wrong and actually I am not sorry for anything that I did. There is a time and place for everything and I had begged her not to try and meddle with my life.

I had expressed to her my strong objection to going on a date with 25 year old but she insisted that the girl was very mature and grounded for her age. Plus I was chastised for being an ageist and for not understanding that people are talking about me and my lack of relationships.  When I told her that I didn’t care about those things, she just said that I should learn to give people a chance and let love into my life. (I swear Tyler Perry has destroyed the psyche of most black people with his movies)

Anyway, that’s my tale.

I am a survivor and I hope my story allows others to come forward and deal with the pain of rejection and assault that they have experienced while out with strangers.

Let’s be careful out there people!

 
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Posted by on September 1, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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