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Thinking of You (I drive Myself Crazy)


I was accosted in public about a week ago by a young lady who had a problem with my blogs and the fact that I seem to paint a picture that all women are deranged and that I am just a hopeless soul, who gets tangled up in their “web of crazy”.

I immediately corrected her and let her know that in each instance of crazy that I had the opportunity to stop the progression of events, but my desire to have fun in my life seems to override this default setting.

“Then maybe you should write about YOUR instances of craziness towards women!”

I said I’d think about.

HOW DARE SHE!

How dare she assume I have crazy moments? How dare she ask to me paint a less than stellar picture of myself into cyberspace for everyone to judge?

Then I remembered: “Oh yeah I don’t care what most people think of me”

There was a time when people’s opinions mattered and I always found myself in some kind of quandary. I was always trying to figure out how I am going to please these people or how I was going to make their opinions of me correct. But like a fart, that desire passed and boy was it a stinker coming out! Anyway, that for another therapy session blog!…

So I thought about my moments of non-clarity. My moments when I either took a leap and fell on my ass or when I had leave of my senses and just went with my flow.

Here are two stories for your amusement::

DRIVE BY – A LOVE STORY

Picture this! St Augustine, 1999! I am “dating” this girl for a few months but we have not made it official. Well in my mind its official as I was spending enough time calling, texting and hanging out to consider this “serious”. In hindsight, I may have jumped the gun.

Anyway, there came a point in time when all of sudden she wasn’t returning my calls as frequently as before and she made a habit of cancelling our outings at the last minute. I sought counsel from friends. A “female” friend, she suggested that I sit and have a talk with her and sort stuff out, while a male friend suggested that I play Private Investigator and get to the bottom of the matter. Can you guess which advice I used?

So I had made plans for us to double date with another couple to go see a play at the Central Bank auditorium. And while all week she was “gung ho” with the idea, three hours before the date , she calls and cancels and says that she isn’t feeling well.

Guess what I did?

  • I left her alone for the night so she could rest
  • I got medication for her and dropped it off
  • I went to the play without her
  • I did something irrational

If your answer was A,B or C, then I suggest you stop reading. If your answer was D, then read on.

I borrowed a friend’s car and parked at the top of her street around 6pm. Her car was parked outside so I knew that she had intentions of going back out. I just wanted to know where and with whom.

At 7:12pm, a green Nissan Sentra pulled up and a guy honked his horn and 3-5 minutes later, she emerged and got into the car and they drove off.

I drove behind them straight to Arima where they parked and started to walk to Windsor Cinema holding hands.(Who goes to Cinema in Arima?”

“My first impulse was to run up on you and do a Rambo.

Whip out the jammy and flat-blast both of you…..

So instead, I chilled. That’s right I chilled”

When they were on the same side with the Cinema, I drove up and honked my horn and called out to her. She turned around, saw me and strangely enough he looked stunned but not her..

“Hey, I’m glad I saw you! I won’t be able to make the lime tomorrow. So just let everybody know ok?

“Yeah. Uh huh” she replied in a quivering voice.

“Cool! Laters!”

And I drove off. (to around the corner).

As soon I was sure that they were safely inside, I punctured one of his tyres and went to get back my car.

I spent the night shaking. Not in fear but from the rush of everything that I did.

No one called me about the car tyre and she and I never spoke after that. Well I never responded to her calls.

So this is my confession of cowardice!!

Work in Progress

Work in Progress

STALKING-

Facebook and Instagram has made it extremely easy to stalk people from afar without fear of being detected. The only thing you need to be cognizant of:

If you ever meet them in real life: PRETEND YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THEM.

NOTHING!

So what if you are on their page constantly and now know their siblings and parents’ names or the name of their best friend… KEEP IT TOO YOURSELF.

I have a two people in my life that I secretly refer to as “The Registry”. Reason being: all I have to do is given them a name, school attended or a picture and I can get a brief history of the person. The age of the internet has seriously diminished their usefulness but like a Public library, I think they have found creative ways to still be relevant in these times.

Anyway, back to story.

HI5 was all the rage and there she was…sly smile, discreet photos with family members and friends. There was nothing flamboyant or untoward about her. She just looked beautiful. She looked like someone who could get my Bank PIN.

I sent a friend request and it was ignored. Of course it would be, she did not know me from Adam, but I had a plan. An ill-conceived plan but a plan no less

“The Registry” came up with where she worked and it happened to be in “Town” and not too far from my office. Good Start.

So one day I found myself leaving my desk and taking a walk in her office’s direction. I ended up inside but could not get beyond the Receptionist. No problem. Minor set back. I called her desk from my phone and realised she was on lunch. So I sat on the Promenade and waited til she would pass back.

While sitting there and looking around at everyone passing by, then it suddenly hit me:

WHAT DE ASS YUH DOING?

Nothing… I’m just taking a breather!

GO BACK TO WORK IDIOT! YUH KNOW THIS IS STALKING RIGHT??

No it isn’t. I’m just waiting to catch a glance of someone I like.

WHOM YOU DON’T KNOW!

Yeah but it’s not like if I’m gonna walk up to her now or anything.

NO SERIOUSLY! GO BACK TO WORK!

In a minute. I just wanna see her in person…..

WOULD JESUS APPROVE OF THIS?

And with that realization, I got up and walked back to work. I looked around slowly to see if I would see her but no such luck.

Two years later, I’m at a friend’s wedding and there she is sitting a couple tables away , with no visible signs of having a date. I avoid eye contact for most of the night.

Heading to the bar a little later, we bounce up there. (I was at the bar first eh)

I turn to her:

Hi

(she nods)

(I go silent again)

Umm where do I know your face from?

Umm I sent you a friend request on Hi5 like two years ago but you ignored it.

No I don’t think that’s it! (confused look on her face).

(I laugh nervously and loudly then I stand there in silence wishing for an epileptic seizure to save me from putting my foot in my mouth)

Oh I remember, you are on that show on Gayelle!….

Oh yeah ( dies a little inside) Kinda.

The bald head guy is really sexy! I would love to meet him.

Oh ok.. well you all might bounce up since you go hiking a lot.(and then I change the foot in my mouth)

How do you know that?

Sorry someone is calling me. I’ll be right back.

Hear nah! I left that wedding faster than a vagrant with a valid BBQ ticket or Usain in an Olympic 100 metre dash. I just prayed that she spoke to no one at the wedding about our conversation.

—-

There are many more stories, some worse, but most are mild. In the course of my life, I have gone through some serious learning periods. All in all, I just wanted to show that we all have our crazy moments. Most of us learn from them and grow, some just wallow in it for eternity.

I pride myself on learning from my mistakes.

“I’m a little more careful

Perhaps it shows.

But if I lose the high,

at least I’m spared the lows..”

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered……


“Yuh see YOU!! You go pick and pick and pick until you pick…SH…..IT!!!”

 

Unfortunately, this comment has been directed to me on numerous occasions.  It is mainly uttered by older folks (my deceased grandmother included) and even some of my peers.  Now I wonder….have they cursed me with this prediction?

 

I used to think that this “picky” nature that they kept talking about only extended to me on an emotional/relationship level because Lord only knows that I seem to have a mutant power-like ability for picking the insane, mentally unstable, and/or the just downright awful people to be romantically involved with.  The people that seem normal and fun to be around initially, usually crack by the two week or one month mark and then you start to see the parts that made you wonder why you were attracted to this person in the first place.  The interesting parts of them seem to fade and you realise that the smoke screen can only last for so long. By then it’s too late and so you either opt to ignore the true version or run like wind. I choose the latter.

Then I realised the curse extended to some of the people that I called friends.  I have made some really bad friend choices in the last decade and even when others told me about it, I chose to ignore it. Not all my friendship choices are/were bad. Well, just two or five choices that have now been corrected and those demons exorcised FOREVER!!! It is amazing the insecurities we let people use against us when we value their opinion, only to realise that they weren’t helping us but keeping us weak for their prolonged benefit. 

Now I realise this curse has overtaken almost every aspect of my life and therefore I can only conclude that the problem is ME!!

Hi I’m Stefan. And I’m too PICKY!

(Murmurs are heard all around the room but no acknowledgement or welcoming to this support group)

SILENCE……..

 

My problem I have realised is that when I am placed with too many options, I then either pick the cheapest (alleged cost savings) or the prettiest (everyone will like my pretty choice) option and then suffer for it. (Applause!!!)

CASE ONE – Physical Training

Day 2 of my Fitness Phase kicked off yesterday with me arriving at the gym to find that my Personal Trainer was nowhere to be found. I checked my phone, saw no messages, and then headed to the stationary bike section to begin my workout. Now at the point of not seeing the Trainer, the old Stefan would head for home and forget about exercise for the day. This is not the old Stefan.  I decided to start my cardio routine in the hopes that by the time I am done he would be there. Forty –five minutes of cardio later and I still don’t see him. He never showed up.

I messaged him after I left the gym and asked what happened. He said he was still in school and that project difficulties had kept him there.

“And you couldn’t call me to say that?”

I of course said this to myself and not to him because I don’t want to be accused of being anal retentive or trying to be someone’s boss. However, I paid money for a service and expect some kind of common courtesy!!

 FAULT: Mine!: I picked a cheap trainer and therefore got what I paid for!

SOLUTION: The month isn’t over yet but me thinks someone will not get a renewal for the next month.

——————————

CASE TWO:  – Colors of the Wind

I had used a particular “Straightener” for my car when minor accidents had occurred with it.  The most recent one being when my “God-fearing” Christian neighbour hit my car door and said nothing about it until I asked him if he had seen the incident. The Guy did the work really good and his pricing was reasonable (well cheaper than the other businesses and his turnover time was really excellent.

I decided to have the whole car painted over and all the little dents and scrapes removed. So I employed said gentleman to do it for me. His price was comparable to the normal car places so I obliged especially since he had done work for me in the past. I left the car with him and went on vacation.

Two weeks later I am back in Trinidad from vacation and I give him a call informing him that I would pick up the car the next day. He tells me it would only be ready the following day. I sigh but say nothing (as I don’t want to be accused of being an asshole or complaining while he still has my vehicle).

I appear at his garage the stated day only to find my car all over the place and parts still not painted. He said the curfew prevented him from finishing it earlier. I laughed inside. I asked when he might be done and he told me in two days.

This could only mean that NO work was done on my car for TWO WEEKS!!!. I say ok and walk away. The old Stefan would’ve shouted at the gentleman for the inconvenience and stated that it is obvious why “black” people are second class citizens because we can’t be trusted to do a job without someone constantly behind our back making sure we do it!!  But I am not that Stefan anymore. He is angry and wants vengeance on everyone that he thinks wronged him. He doesn’t have God’s  love in his heart. The New Stefan does!!

Two days later I get my car and while the color is fine, the parts of my car that used to be grey are now painted black. His wife is in front of me saying that the car looks really good with the black trimmings. I am just smiling.

I asked him what is the balance I owe him and he calls one price and I reduce that price by $1000.00 as he did not restore the car to the condition I asked. His wife nodded and I got the discount.

Now I drive an old time police vehicle…sigh

FAULT: Mine! I should never trust that people would do their jobs. You have to micro manage them. 

SOLUTION: Phone Numbers were deleted. He no longer exists as one of my tradesmen..

————————-

I can give you so many more examples of my choices turning out to be bad but I am sure you had read some of them on my blog. I am sure people remember my story on the two plumbers and how one fell asleep on my bathroom floor while estimating the cost of repair of a leak. Sigh.. well it seems that the more I try to make informed decisions in Trinidad, the more they backfire.

So, considering I am so bad at picking people to do anything for me, shall I employ someone to do that job for me? Nah I can’t, because I will end up picking the wrong person for the job and then be stuck with someone trying to control my fate.

When people try to set me up on blind dates, I balk at the idea and talk my way out of it by asking: “If this doesn’t work out, whose side are you going to take?”  When no answer comes, I just reply: “Thought so.”

Maybe I have been going about this all wrong? Maybe I need to stop making decisions and let others do it for me?

Hmmm, not a bad idea.

Nah that won’t work.

As I sit here I can recall the MILLION times I asked people what do they want to do and the answer would always be a shrug of the shoulders. Asking someone where they want to eat is sometimes as bad as asking them to recite Pythagoras’ Theorem.  The answer is always the same. “You Pick!”. I always have to point out that while I may be a tad fussy, I am a fat boy so  there will always be something on the menu for me to eat. Women on the other hand have numerous reasons why they don’t like a restaurant or the waiters in it or even the décor. Who CARES? I just want to eat somewhere!!

This scenario is no different liming with guys but at least they know that they want to eat and drink and KFC and a bar at the roadside will always be a winner.

So I ask again, how do I get rid of the curse of being “picky”?

 When people called me pickyin the past  I usually cited my Credit Risk background and said that I overanalyse situations so that I don’t suffer too much in the short/long run.

“If I lose the High, at least I’m spared the lows” – Will Young (Leave Right Now)

Alas to some extent, I have become numb to people and their “dutty” ways. No longer do I lash out. I just resign myself to walk away and not end up choking someone. Chances are if I continued to let allt hese people affect me, I may be in Woodford Square in my underwear shouting randomly at people.

We definitely don’t want that, do we?

So, what am I to do now?

HELP!!!

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2011 in Emotions, Humor, RANT, Relationships

 

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